Today has been a really off day. Nothing really bad in particular happened. Just a bunch of annoying little things went wrong.
When I woke up this morning, I literally fell out of the bed. I guess I was really close to the side. I thought I was in the middle and then I just rolled right off.
So, there was that.
Then I spilt my coffee all over my new outfit that I bought on Wednesday and now I can't wear it when I go visit my father.
Hopefully things end up better for the rest of the day.
I am currently standing outside of Brittany's apartment waiting for her to come back down. We have a long day ahead of us.
A few minutes later Brittany comes bursting out of the front door carrying her bag. I meet her half way and take it from her. She smiles a thanks at me and I turn to throw her things in the trunk with mine.
I climb into the driver's seat of the car and look to my right. "You ready to go?" I ask. It's twelve thirty in the afternoon. I went to pick Brittany up from her last class and then drove her home so she could get her bags.
"Yep," she smiles at me. "Are you?" she asks hesitantly.
I told Brittany about my dad earlier this week. I didn't tell her everything, but she got enough to know that I don't exactly feel comfortable going home.
"Yeah," I sigh. "Well, I think I am. I don't know." I shake my head and grip the steering wheel a little too tightly.
"Hey," she says gently. "Remember what we talked about? If you don't feel ready you can always stay with me." Brittany brings her left hand and places on my knee. "You're trying and that's something."
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're right," I breathe out and turn to look at her, "and thank you, you know, for offering your place to stay at."
Brittany nods her head and squeezes my knee.
I pull out onto the road and we are on our way to Lima.
/
Around five o clock I decide it's time to get something to eat and stop for gas.
I glance to my right and notice that Brittany is still sleeping. She has been out for a couple of hours now. I am surprised that she hasn't had to go pee yet. Before we made it out of the city, I stopped at a gas station to fill up my tank. Brittany went inside to pick out a few snacks and came back with a load of chips and a huge bottle of apple juice. She said it was for both of us, but she practically drank the whole bottle within the first hour on the road.
Every now and then Brittany will turn and mumble something before lightly snoring again. It's incredibly adorable and I can't help but smile at her. She really does look like an angel.
I take the next exit and pull into the gas station. As I am filling up the car I look inside to the passenger seat. Brittany is sleeping with her head facing the window and the sun is shining directly on her face.
I pull out my phone to quickly snap a photo.
Just then her eyes open and she has to squint against the sunlight. She blinks a few times before locking her eyes to mine. I should want to look away out of embarrassment for staring at her while she is sleeping, but I don't. I just stare back and smile down at her. She smiles back and stretches a little before she opens the door.
"Hey," she mumbles. "Ugh, what time is it?" she leans her head back against the seat and closes her eyes.
"It's around 5:30. I was going to wake you up to see if you wanted something to eat, but you looked so peaceful."
"I am actually starving. Those chips just didn't do it for me." She says while rubbing her stomach.
"Okay," I say. "Where do you wanna go? I think there was a burger place right down the street?"
Brittany smiles at that, "sounds good." Then her face turns more serious. "Shit, I gotta pee!" Brittany unbuckles herself from the seat and runs inside.
/
"I can't believe you got a happy meal," I giggle at her as we pull away from the drive thru.
"Why not? Happy meals make everything better. You get a toy, Santana." She says this as if her reasoning should be obvious.
I laugh a little and look over to her. She has the toy already open on her lap. "What is it?" I ask curiously.
"It's a Furby," she replies.
My face falls a little and my chest becomes heavy. Brittany looks back at me with concern written across her face. "What's wrong?" she asks.
"I-," I begin. "it's nothing." Brittany slowly puts the toy back into the bag and returns it to the happy meal box. "My mom used to get me a Furby every year for Christmas." I say suddenly. I don't want her to think that I am mad at her or anything because I'm not. It's just that my mother was the first thing to pop into my head just now. It was unexpected.
I feel so foolish because it just a Furby and those things are creepy as fuck anyway, but for some reason my mom really liked them, and I never had the heart to tell her they scared the crap out of me.
"Santana, I'm sorry." she says and tucks her chin to her chest. "I didn't-"
"You have nothing to be sorry for Britt. You didn't do anything." I shake my head. She looks over to me and our eyes meet. "Of all the things that could remind me of her and it's a fucking Furby. " I stop talking because my voice breaks a little. "I just really miss her," I say in the smallest voice. I'm not even sure if she heard that.
Brittany tightens her grip on my knee again. "I don't really know what to say," she looks down to her lap and shakes her head. "I would tell you everything is going to be okay, but who really wants to hear that?" she lets out a nervous laugh.
"Britt, really it's okay." I try to calm her down. "Can I tell you something?" I move one of my hands to rest it on top of hers.
"Anything," she breathes.
"I never got to tell my mom how much she meant to me before she-" I stop and close my eyes for a moment. "before she died." my voice shakes a little. I never really talk about her that much. It hurts too much, but I want to tell Brittany.
"Oh, Sant-"
"There's more," I quickly cut her off. "I just- I didn't get to tell her all of these things because I didn't have the chance to. My mom died unexpectedly. I always wish I had gotten a chance to- to see her again. And that's why I wanted to bring you here. I kind of lost touch with my mom in the months leading up to her accident." Brittany looks into my eyes and she smiles. "You want to see your mom and spend time with her and I want you to have that. You deserve to have that."
Brittany's smile grows. "Wow, Santana. Nobody's ever-" she shakes her head. "That's really sweet." Her eyes tear up a little. Brittany leans across the console to pull me into a tight embrace. She squeezes my body and breathes out a "thank you." She pulls back and returns to her seat and I immediately miss her being that close to me.
I smile at her before I put the car in drive and pull out of the restaurant. Her hand is still resting on my knee and mine is a little higher up on my thigh. She moves her hand up and my heart almost stops, but then I realize she is reaching for my hand. I am so lame. Maybe Quinn was right. Maybe I do need to get laid. She reaches for my hand and tangles links our pinkies together. I turn my head a little and give her a shy smile.
/
It's about eleven at night now. My back hurts from sitting too long and my eyes are really heavy. Brittany gave me the address to her house at the last stop we made. She plugged the information into my GPS.
We decided that it would be best if I stayed with her tonight. It's been such a long day. I don't think I could deal with everything tonight, plus my dad doesn't exactly know I am in town. I thought I would be a good idea to surprise him and my sister.
Brittany is going to visit her mom at the hospital tomorrow, she had to go back because she was having trouble breathing. She talked to her earlier in the week. There were a few complications after the surgery and they think that is what's causing her trouble.
Brittany's dad knows that we are coming in tonight, but she wanted to surprise her mother so she doesn't know yet. I think it's really sweet.
I pull into her driveway a few minutes later. Brittany is asleep again. I let her use the pillow I brought with me. I always keep a pillow in my car. I don't really like using other peoples, unless its Brittany's.
I wish I could just crawl into the seat with her and sleep out here so I don't have to wake her up, but I would probably have a sore back for weeks if I did that. I really hate that I keep having to wake her up. I know that things haven't been easy for her this week. She told me the other night that she wasn't really getting much sleep because she was so worried about her mom.
But, it's getting really late and I don't want her to sleep in the car all night, so I decide I have to. "Brittany," I say and bring my hand up to brush the hair away from her face.
She slowly opens her eyes and groans a little. "Sorry," I say, "we're here." I cup her cheek in my hand. Brittany nuzzles into my touch. She nods her head and stretches out.
I get out of the car and grab our stuff from the back seat. It's just two bags, so it's not that bad. I walk over to the passenger side of the car where Brittany is leaning against the door. She pushes off and takes a few steps toward me. "Here, let me get those." She grabs the bags from my grip before I have time to protest.
Brittany starts to walk toward her front steps while pulling her keys out of her pocket. "They should all be sleeping, so we shouldn't have to deal with any awkward hellos," she jokes. I smile and she pushes open the front door. I am a little relieved at that information because it has been a really long day and I just want to go to sleep and leave all the uncomfortable stuff for tomorrow when I can deal with it better.
Her house has a very 'homey' feel to it. It's warm. Not like my house. My house is nice and all, there are just a lot of breakable things like glass and stuff. Brittany's house is nice. It smells nice too. I always feel like I can't be anywhere in my house without having to worry about breaking something.
"Come on," she whispers. She grabs my hand and leads me toward the stairs.
On the stair case there are a bunch of family pictures. Pictures of Brittany as a little child. Pictures of their whole family. By the look of it, she has a couple of siblings.
Brittany notices me looking at the photos on the wall. "That's my sister Jennifer," she points to a slightly younger version of herself. "She is away at college in Florida. And this butt head," she says pointing to a boy who looks about the same age as her, "is Sam. He still lives here. I apologize if you have to meet him tomorrow." She gives me a tight lipped smile before walking back up the stairs.
We reach her room and I take a look around. It's definitely more decorated than her room in her apartment. There are posters all over the wall and it's more colorful. Brittany has a pink and purple bed comforter and pictures hanging up everywhere.
"The bathroom is down the hall. First door on the left." I grab my bag before I turn around and walk toward the bathroom.
I brush my teeth and splash a little water on my face.
When I come back into the room Brittany is already laying on her bed. "I used the bathroom downstairs," she informs me. "I'm just really tired."
I climb into the bed and lay down on my back so I am looking straight up. Brittany turns her lamp off. The room goes dark except that it doesn't. I open my eyes a little wider. "There are stars," I say.
"Yeah" Brittany lets out. "I really like looking at the stars. We used to go camping over the summer and I would lay out in the grass at night in my sleeping bag and just stare up at the stars. Some nights I would even go out onto my roof and just gaze up at them."
I turn my head a little to look over at Brittany who is now staring up at the ceiling. She turns her head too and, although it's dark in the room, I know she is looking into my eyes.
I can't help but compare Brittany's eyes to the stars. The way they shine and light up when she's happy. I smile at her. She returns it and I let out a little giggle.
"I used to do the same thing," I reply.
"Really?" she giggles again.
"Yeah, except not at a camp. My abuela has a little farm and I would go over there just so I could watch the stars at night. It was my favorite thing as a child." I smile at the memory. It has been years since I have been there. It's definitely time to go back. "There are so many here in Ohio. It's probably the one thing I miss most about living here." I let out a deep breath and turn my head back toward the ceiling.
"I know what you mean. Not many stars in the city." She answers through a yawn. We both lay quiet for a few moments before Brittany turns her head back to me. "Hey," she whispers. I turn my attention back to her. "Come here." I scoot a little closer to her on the bed. "Give me your hand." I place my hand in hers and she raises it up toward the ceiling.
"I kind of had a fascination with unicorns at one point. So I researched everything about them on the internet. I found a constellation that was a unicorn and I almost died from excitement. It's called monoceros. You can't really see it anywhere, but still." Brittany guides my hand in hers across what I assume are the ones she's talking about.
The feeling of her hand in mine is indescribable and there is something intimate about this moment. Not sexual or anything, but special. Brittany lets go of my hand and mine falls to the bed. I get a little disappointed until she runs her hand from my wrist all the way up to my shoulder, tracing it lightly with her fingertips. I feel my body shutter a little from her touch.
Brittany lets out another yawn. I turn over and Brittany pushes her body up against my back. She reaches down to my hand. I think she is going to link our pinkies again, but she doesn't. Instead she laces our fingers together. I smile a to myself. She brings her head up to my shoulder and rests it there, "thank you again," she breathes. I feel her warm breath tickle my ear. "For everything."
/
The first thing I notice when I come to my senses this morning is a sweet smell. I take in a deep breath then my stomach starts to rumble. I haven't had anything to eat since that burger yesterday and now I am starving.
I groan a little and turn further onto my side. "Are you awake?" I hear a soft voice from behind me. It's only then that I realize there is an arm still draped across my waist.
"No," I groan and roll onto my back.
"Oh well, then I guess you don't want a delicious breakfast with a steaming hot cup of coffee." Just the mention of food causes my stomach to growl again. "Santana, I think there is a lion living in your stomach," she says with the most serious face.
I look at her and smile before I bring my hand up to rub the sleep away from my face. "Alright, I'm awake now," I say before I slowly sit up. Brittany's arm pulls me back down though.
"Wait," she sighs. "Just a couple more minutes. You're so warm," I plop down onto the mattress as I have no choice, not that I care too much anyway because Brittany is the best cuddler, and she buries her face into my shirt.
I let out a short laugh. "You sure do like to cuddle," I joke and poke her sides.
"Oh, if you don't like it I will stop," she says looking a little sad.
"I didn't mean it like that," I say. "I just never cuddled this much with someone I barely know. Actually I have never cuddled this much with anyone before."
"I guess that makes me pretty special huh?" She asks with a smile.
"I guess," I say and stick out my tongue at her.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. You are just super nice and you smell awesome," she says matter of factly.
"Stop apologizing." I say and squeeze her body with my arms around her, "and I like it too, okay?" Brittany looks up to scan my face. She must find something reassuring because she nods and says okay. "Alright, can we eat now? Cause I think I am about to die of hunger."
This gets her to laugh. Brittany bounces up off the mattress and to the bedroom door before I even have time to register what happened. "Come on slow poke," she calls from the doorway.
I feign a scoff and get up to move my sluggish body down the stairs.
/
When I step into the kitchen a few moment after Brittany, because she took off running like there was going to be gold waiting for her or something, I see a tall lean man with blond hair sitting at the table reading a newspaper.
"Morning," he says over the top of the newspaper.
"Good morning sir," I never know how formal to be when meeting someone's parents. Quinn's were always super uptight and didn't like when I called them anything other than mister or missus.
"Oh please, please call me Greg," he says. "I'm not ready to be a sir yet." Her dad seems really nice. He looks just like Brittany too. He is tall and thin, but not lanky.
I nod my head a little and look to Brittany for what to do next.
"Dad," she starts. "This is my friend Santana. The one I told you about over the phone."
"Oh right," he says. "Nice to meet you Santana."
"Nice to meet you too." I leave off addressing him buy his name because I always feel weird calling adults by their first name.
"Well, I have to go pick your sister up from her dance recital." He walks over to Brittany and places a kiss to the top of her head. "I will pick you up later," then he turns to me. "Santana, thank you so much for driving her down here. I know it will mean a lot to her mother." I nod my head and smile at him. "There are pancakes left over if you girls want some."
"Yes!" Brittany calls from across the kitchen.
Brittany grabs a plate for the both of us and fills it with pancakes.
Brittany's dad leaves a few minutes later after another quick goodbye. Brittany and I have been sitting at the table eating our delicious pancake.
"Santana?" Brittany asks.
"Mhm?"
"Why don't you perform anymore," she asks carefully, like she is afraid of my reaction.
I stiffen a little at the question. "Um- I-I don't really like to talk about it," I say back. It's not that I don't want to tell her because I honestly feel like I could tell Brittany anything, it's just so hard to talk about it.
"Okay," she says and doesn't press the matter any further, which I am really grateful for. "So, you're going to see you father today?" she asks taking a sip of her orange juice.
"Yeah," I breathe. "Yeah, I might as well." Brittany nods in understanding. "But, do you think I could maybe stay with you again tonight?" She just stares at me as if waiting for me to continue. "It's okay if it's not alright. You probably want some alone time with your family anyway-"
"I would like it if you stayed here again, Santana," she cuts me off.
"Thank you."
I just really don't want to sleep in my house. I mean, I love my home and all, but my room is covered with the memories of my mom. I always kept tons of photos of the family and she is in every one of them. Not to mention my insanely large collection of furbies that always creep me out. Now it's just like they are mocking me. A constant reminder of what used to be.
/
When I pull into my drive way I take a few moments to just sit and look at the house I grew up in. I almost don't even recognize it. It's the same house, everything even looks the same, but it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel like the happy place that I grew up in. It doesn't feel like there is anything happy left here at all.
Slowly, I get out of my car and walk to the front door. I don't even know if I should just let myself in or knock. I decide to knock because I don't have the house key on me. My sister opens the door.
"Maya, hey" I say. We haven't spoken to each other much lately either. I feel really terrible about it, but she is always busy when I am free and vice versa.
"Santana?" She smiles at me. I bite my lip to keep my emotions in check. In a flash she is out on the porch with me and embracing me in a hug. "How the hell are you?" She almost screams.
I push back from her embrace and look her over, "gosh you look so different," I say to her. "When did you become so adult?" I joke.
"Haha" she laughs. She grabs me by the arm and pulls me inside. "Papa," she yells. "Santana's here!"
"What?" A muffled voice comes from down the hall.
"Santana is here" she repeated a little louder.
"Maya, stop it," his voice is approaching us. "Don't jok-" he stops mid-sentence and his mouth falls open. "Mija" he breathes and I find myself wrapped in another hug. Then he holds me at arm's length with a questioning look.
"Surprise" I say and look to the floor.
He pulls me into another hug, "it's so good to see you."
/
"So, how are you?" I ask while sitting around the coffee table.
"I'm good, like I said before, your sister is keeping me busy."
I nod in understanding, "you guys seem to be doing all right."
"We are." He says quickly. "How are you honey? We really miss you."
"I know, I have been busy with school. Papa," I say softly while averting my gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, honey. I know it's difficult. I just wish you didn't shut us out completely."
I lower my head even further because that's not what I meant to do at all. Now that I know he thinks that's what I did, it hurts even more. I can feel the tears forming behind my eyes. One falls and lands on my folded hands in my lap.
My father quickly comes to sit beside me. "I miss her so much," I cry. My whole body is shaking with sobs, he puts his hand on my back. "I miss her and I never got the chance to tell her goodbye."
"It's okay sweetheart," he coos. My father pulls me into a hug and rocks me back and forth like a child. I feel so small in his arms. "What do you say we surprise Maya and go see one of her games? Huh?"
I was hoping she had something going on. I nod my head. My father always did have a special way of making feel like everything was going to be just fine and it has been so long since I have I have felt like that, especially with him.
/
I texted Brittany a few minutes ago asking her if it was okay that I come back over. I sat and talked with my dad almost all day until it was time to go to my sisters soccer game.
It was great to be around them again. To get to know the new people that they have become. Maya is so much more mature and she looks so different, not like the small child that I used to know.
My dad told me all about what he has been doing this past year, fixing up the shed in the back yard and working mostly.
It was a good start to getting our relationship on track. I promised him that I would come and visit again soon and for the first time in a long time, I actually meant it.
I even asked him if he thought it would be okay if Maya came to visit me in the city. He said he would have to think about it, but I just think he was happy that I was trying to get them back into my life, that he would agree to anything. So I said good bye to the both of them and let it be for now. I gave them each a long hug before I left.
When I texted Brittany she said that she was still at the hospital and to let myself in through the garage. I wasted no time in going up to her room to wait for her. I didn't really want to deal with anything or anyone right now.
Seeing Maya and my father again made me feel so guilty for not talking to them for so long. Maybe it was selfish to want to stay away from them. I have been telling myself for so long that this was for them and not me, now I'm not so sure. I can't help but feel extremely selfish, like I completely disregarded their feelings and the fact that they were hurting too.
I plop down on Brittany's bed and plant my face in her pillows. I take a deep breath in to try and calm myself down. To my surprise it actually works a little. I don't know whether it's the breathing or the smell of the coconut of Brittany's shampoo.
I guess I fall asleep because the next thing I know is something caressing my back. I look up and find Brittany sitting against the backboard with something in her hands.
"Gosh, Santana, finally. You slept all day. It's Sunday night."
"W-what?" I am surprised at how scratchy my voice sounds.
"I'm kidding. I just figured you were still really tired from driving all day yesterday, so I let you sleep. My dad told me to bring this to you," she hands me a cupcake.
I smile up at her and move to sit next to her against the backboard.
"So, how'd it go today?" She asks.
"It went pretty well," I say but tuck my chin to my chest, remembering how awful I feel about everything.
"That's good, right?" Brittany asks with concern.
"Yeah," I say. "I mean- it should be."
"I'm confused," she admits. "You're not happy it went well?"
I sigh because I don't really know. "Earlier, you asked me why I don't perform anymore. You still wanna know?" I ask. Brittany nods. "It's because of my mother." I say as quickly.
"Because you miss her?"
"No, I mean- yes I miss her. There's more to it though."
"Okay," she says and adjusts herself on the bed silently begging me to continue.
"I was supposed to be at a Cheerios competition, except that I wasn't. I told you I used to be in the glee club in high school. I didn't tell my parents that I was because I didn't want to admit that I liked it. I tried to play it off as just something I was doing to 'destroy it from the inside,'" I quote Sue's words, "but I actually loved it. It was the one thing that made me happy. Everything else was just so exhausting. I couldn't let anyone know that though.
So, my mom went out looking for me. She must have thought something happened to me because I never missed a Cheerios competition before and that's when it happened. Some drunk driver hit her car off the road. She ran straight into a tree." I feel the tears start running down my face again. "It was all my fault. Because I was too afraid to let them in on such an important part of my life, something I loved doing. My mom died from my stupid ego."
It all just spills out of me. I have never talked about this before. People found out, of course. They figured it out after a while. Quinn knows because she was with me that night at the hospital. It was the first and last time I spoke about it, until now.
I stopped going to glee club.
That was the last night I ever performed.
I lean into Brittany's shoulder and she brings her arm up around my body to hug me close to her and she just lets me cry for a few minutes. "I wanna show you something," Brittany says. I look up at her confused. That's not what I was expecting her to say at all.
She reaches out for my hand with her own and I take it. Then she grabs her comforter off the bed. We walk out of her bedroom and towards the stairs. Brittany holds my hand in hers the whole way, guiding me through the darkness of her house.
"Where are we going?" I ask curiously.
"You'll see," she says back.
We reach the back door and we step outside. The cool night air hits me immediately, but it feels refreshing. I look across the back yard and I see where she is taking me.
There is a large tree house sitting up in one of the trees. Brittany guides me up the latter trailing behind me with the comforter still in her arms. There is only one window up here and it's on the side that's facing away from the house.
"I used to come up here all the time when I was younger," she tells me. "Those days when I would get really upset about people making fun of me, I would come up here and just stare at the stars. It's so peaceful."
Brittany lays the blanket down on the floor and is already sitting.
I go and stand by the large window just looking up at the night sky. I forgot how relaxing it was to see something bigger than yourself. It makes you feel insignificant, but in a good way. The realization that there is more out there than you could have ever imagined helps you forget about your problems, if only for a moment.
I take a deep breath and go over to sit with Brittany. She immediately wraps me up in her arms. She leans us both back so that we are laying down. "You wanna know what my mother told me after my cat died?" I nod and snuggle closer. "Well, after my cat died I was so upset. Cats are like my favorite things ever. My mom bought me a new one to try to cheer me up, but I just hated it because I didn't feel like I deserved it. I didn't feel like it was fair to Mrs. Fluff to have and love another cat.
Anyway, I was in my room crying one night and she came in to see what was wrong. I told her everything and she just looked at me and said, 'The only thing sadder about her not being here is her not being here and you giving up your love for cats' and then she just left me there," she shrugs her shoulders. "Now me and Tubs are best friends."
"Tubbs?" I giggle. I turn to my side so that I am snuggled up into Brittany's side.
"Mhm, Lord Tubbington." She answers bringing one hand up to rub at the base of my neck. I let out another light laugh and curl into her body.
I let myself look over her features in the star lit night. Her hair is shining with the light of the moon, but it's her eyes that stick out the most. Her perfectly blue eyes that shine with nothing but honesty.
"Santana?" Brittany finally says. "You can't blame yourself for what happen to your mom. You didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes bad things happen. And that's okay, we just have to keep staying strong. Being happy doesn't mean you have forgotten or that you have let them go."
I turn my head so we are looking at each other again. It's weird that I have never really thought of it like that before. Quinn and my father always tell me it wasn't my fault. I feel the tears threatening to fall again.
I just miss her so much. It's hard not to blame myself. If I had been where I was supposed to be, this wouldn't have happened. If I had been up front with them, then I would still have my mom.
"I know it's hard," Brittany speaks again as if she can read what I am thinking. "I blamed myself for Mrs. Fluff's death too. I wasn't supposed to go into the barn, but one day I did. She must have climbed in after me because we found her dead a week later. I know it's stupid comparing the loss of a cat to your mother, but she was my best friend." Brittany looks down to her hands where she is fiddling with the hem of her shirt.
"It's not stupid," I tell her.
Brittany turns in my arms and sits up on her elbows so that she is looking down at me, her eyes searching mine.
"Santana," she says as she brings her hand up to cup my cheek. "You are a beautiful person, and you deserve to be happy." She smiles down at me, but then something changes in her expression. She looks down at me with the softest expression and it makes my heart clench.
Brittany slowly moves forward, never breaking eye contact, until she stops just an inch away from my face. Until my breath is mixing with hers. My lips are parted and my heart rate is increasing. The hand that was on my cheek slips down and wraps around the back of my neck.
Brittany gently pulls me forward that last inch until there is no space between our lips. I inhale sharply through my nose and now my heart is hammering against my chest. Brittany's lips wrap around my bottom lip and she just hold there.
Her lips are so soft. Softer than anything I have ever felt before. Her hand tightens at the back of my neck which causes me to shutter a little.
When she finally pulls away I am out of breath.
Neither one of us say anything. I am pretty sure if I tried to speak, nothing would come out.
She coughs awkwardly and looks down to the ground, but she doesn't back away. "I- I'm sorry," she says quickly and starts to move away.
I don't know what that was or why she did it. I just know that it was the best kiss I have ever shared with someone. I just know that I liked it and I don't want her to move away. Not when her being that close to me felt so right. Not when I want to kiss her again.
I sit up and take her face in my hands and pull her into me, crashing our lips together. She is tense at first, but then she starts to kiss me back. I lean back and pull her with me so that we are laying down on the comforter again. Brittany's hands fall to either side of my head. I deepen the kiss by leaning up into her.
I feel like I am swimming inside of my head, my thoughts are all screaming different things at me. Part of me is telling me that I should stop this, but another part, a much larger part, is telling me that this is right. How could it not be when Brittany makes me feel like the happiest person on the planet?
I grab a fist full of Brittany's shirt and tug on it a little so she lays flush against my body. The kiss is becoming more heated. Brittany's hands tangle into my hair and pull me closer still and though my eyes are closed, they roll back in ecstasy. The feeling she is giving me from a simple kiss is unreal. My body is on fire in the best way possible.
I have to break the kiss because I am having trouble breathing. Brittany is still hovering over me and I let out a breathy laugh.
Brittany giggles a little too before saying, "god I've wanted to do that for so long" she breaths laying her head down on my chest. I smile to myself bringing my arms up and wrap them around her back. Just so I can have her close to me.
Brittany's comforter is huge so I take both sides and I wrap us up together.
My eyes are getting heavy. Probably from all the crying I did earlier. It was an emotionally exhausting day.
I just remembered that I didn't even ask how it went with her mother today. I feel like a total jerk now, but I can hear Brittany's breathing getting deeper. I don't want to wake her up now. She has had a long day too.
So I let myself enjoy this moment. I don't know what any of this means. I really like Brittany, but I don't know if I am ready for anything more than what just happened.
Right now I just want to think about how perfect that kiss was. I can still feel her lips moving against mine. I smile to myself and hold her just a bit tighter.
Brittany lets out a sigh and nuzzles her face into my neck.
I finally close my eyes and fall asleep smiling like an idiot.
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