Chpt. XXXV: Broken Heroes

Dick walked up to the doors leading to Bruce Wayne's office...the entrance to the Batcave, as Bruce had called it.

He placed his hand over the doorknob, but hesitated opening it. Should he even bother going in? Should he even try to understand Bruce? The man had lied to Dick. From the second they met, he had lied to Dick. Nothing he had said was true. None of his motives were true. He had a dark & secretive side, & who knew what else Bruce was capable of. Him & Alfred posed as threats to Dick. There's no way he could stay with them any longer.

But he couldn't go anywhere. Not without taking down Nolan Drake. He needed help now that Rachel & everyone had left him. He needed Bruce. He needed the Batman.

Dick sighed. He opened the door slowly, immediately regretting it. "You at least deserve some answers," Dick told himself. Regardless of his reasoning, he was still terrified to continue his way through the office. His palms grew sweaty, & he felt his heart beat irregularly. His head began to throb & his arms grew numb. The panicky feeling was coming more & more, growing worse each time. Dick genuinely began to fear for his life. Was he sick? Was he going to be okay? Was he going to die?

Dick shook his head softly. He needed to stop thinking stupid thoughts, & he needed to stop distracting himself, because Bruce was ready for him.

Dick slowly made his way towards Bruce, who was seated at a nearby armchair across from a fireplace. He held a glass of something in his right hand while his left hand hung loosely over the armrest of the chair. Another armchair was placed next to Bruce's seat. In between the two seats was a small glass nightstand that held a bottle bourbon & an empty glass cup. Bruce looked up at Dick. "Take a seat. Have a drink," Bruce said softly.

Dick bit his lip. He sighed softly & went to the chair to sit. He glanced at Bruce, who was still wearing the black Batsuit armor. Dick scoffed. "You couldn't be bothered to take that suit off?" Dick asked.

Bruce shook his head & took a sip of his bourbon. "This is who I am, Dick," he said in a low voice.

Dick rolled his eyes. "Right. You're the Batman."

The two sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Dick reached to his side to grab the empty glass & poured some bourbon into it. Dick set the bottle back down & took a sip from his glass. He let out a deep breath. "So...when I showed up to Rodrick's apartment...that was you."

Bruce nodded softly. "Yes, Dick."

Dick nodded. "Right. Duh." He continued to think to himself. "So...does that mean that you followed me to the apartment that night?"

Bruce shook his head. "No. I was really looking into intel from the GCPD that night. I just had no idea that you'd be down there."

Dick nodded. "And, um...Cadmus…"

"I was there," Bruce admitted. "When the firefight broke out between Cobblepot's men & the Cadmus soldiers, I was there containing it as you broke those prisoners out."

Dick nodded softly, suddenly filling in blank pieces. Bruce continued. "I didn't expect you to get caught up at Cobblepot's warehouse, though."

Dick shrugged. "Yeah, but what're gonna do?" Dick asked rhetorically. "When the Russians ask for you, you show up."

Bruce turned to Dick. "This isn't a joke, Dick."

Dick shot a stare back at Bruce. "Yeah, no, this was never a joke to me, Bruce. It never was. It has always been very real for me. Everything down in the Gotham City Underground, everything that Nolan Drake has done to the innocent lives that he's taken, all of it, I was there for. I wanted to stop all of it. I STILL want to stop it. No, I WILL stop it. But you haven't seem to be able to do a goddamn thing about it, Bruce. Not as the playboy billionaire, & definitely not as the fucking Bat. I've come closer to stopping Nolan than you have ever gotten, & I just want you to really let that sink in & feel fucking ashamed. You're a piece of shit, Wayne. Not just for lying like you did, but for lying about how much of a coward you really are as well."

Suddenly, Bruce let out a booming roar & hauled his glass into the fireplace, causing the shattered glass & alcohol to ignite the flames even more. Dick flinched at the aggressive reaction. He had never seen Bruce like this.

Bruce's chest was heaving. Bruce shut his eyes tight to be able to control his temper & breathing patterns. Dick watched as Bruce struggled to calm himself down. Dick turned & looked straight into the fiery abyss, afraid to make eye contact with the Bat. For the first time ever...Dick was afraid of Bruce Wayne.

Bruce let out a shuddered sigh before speaking. "You're right. I am a coward. I always have been. Ever since that day…"

Dick stared at Bruce. He was afraid to speak, but he wanted to what day he was referring to.

Bruce ran a frustrated hand through his jet black hair. "That damn movie...Zorro. I loved it. It was amazing. But of course, Father wanted to go through a shortcut to get to our car. Mother had told him, 'Thomas, don't park too far,' but Father knew better, right?" Bruce shook his head. "And then that mugger showed up...it was the first time I had ever seen a real gun before. It was so...big. It scared the hell out of me. Father gave the man the wallet, just like he asked, but then he had to be a big man & try something. The muggar didn't hesitate to shoot. My mother screamed, but he panicked & grabbed her pearls, then shot her too. I don't know why...but he looked right at me, & didn't shoot me. He didn't do anything to me. But at the same time...he destroyed my whole world."

Dick nodded softly. He understood where Bruce was coming from. Losing your parents at that young age...it really shatters a child's spirit. The loving & close family is gone, & when you're the only one left, you feel more alone than ever before. The whole world seems darker & scarier all of a sudden.

"Jim Gordon was at the scene, actually, when the police arrived. He sat me down & consoled me. I was broken. He told me 'No matter how dark & scary the world seems, there will always be light.' I believed him...until the funeral."

Bruce's hand suddenly began to twitch as he softly traced his finger across the armrest. "I didn't want to go on," Bruce continued. "I wanted to die. I tried. A lot. Alfred kept stopping me, & eventually got me a psychiatrist, but...one day I went to far. I let myself fall down a well, somewhere on our property. I was so sure the fall would kill me. I didn't expect to fall on an entire bed of sleeping bats."

Dick raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck?"

Bruce scoffed. "It was such an amazing phenomenon...all of those bats waking up & just soaring out of that cave. They just kept coming & kept flying out of the shadows, like the swarm was never ending. Like...no matter what, there would always be more bats to follow the others. They stayed hidden, but in the shadows, there was so many. They saved my life, Dick. "

Dick nodded softly. "So...is that when you decided to…?"

Bruce shook his head. "No. That day, Alfred sat me down & had a talk with me. He told me I shouldn't be afraid of life. He said I shouldn't be trying to kill myself, because that was a coward's way out. He said that my father would've wanted me to do something meaningful with my life, something past inheriting Wayne Enterprises. He wanted me to really make a difference in the city. And then it hit me. The mugging, the murder, it was all a slap of reality in the face. I had lived under the roof of a shield from the real world that laid outside of these gates. I was oblivious to the reality of Gotham & its corruption."

Dick nodded. "You were right to finally see the darkness in the world."

"How could I not?" Bruce said. "It was everywhere. I began having Alfred train me in his combat knowledge that he picked up in his military experience. I constantly worked to become a stronger man, because I knew that eventually, I'd have to tackle the city in a more direct approach, as opposed to donating money to everyone."

Dick let the words sink in. This was all coming together slowly. The conundrum that was Bruce Wayne was revealing itself, & the revelation was astonishing. The haunting dark past pushed Bruce over the edge to become the Dark Knight that the city needed.

"What about the bats?" Dick asked.

Bruce turned to Dick. "What about them?"

Dick shrugged. "As cool as that story about the well is...how did you decide to become a Bat vigilante?"

Bruce bit his lip & sighed. "When I fell into that well, I was afraid. Very afraid. I thought I was actually going to die. The bats...they did save me, but yet, I still associate them with...that fear I felt. I wanted to invoke the same fear onto the thugs & rapists & murderers of Gotham. I wanted them to feel how I felt when I saw that gun that night."

"Wow," Dick gasped. "Dark…"

Bruce nodded. "This is a dark world, Dick. You should know that better than anyone else."

Dick nodded slowly in agreement. "You're right," he said softly. "In a dark world where the good & the innocent are the ones to suffer & die, someone needs to pay."

Bruce turned to Dick slowly. He eyed Dick, as if trying to comprehend something about him that wasn't already known. "You're broken, Dick. Like me."

Dick looked up at Bruce, feeling a sudden sense of numbness in his body. Was he really like Bruce Wayne? Was he really a broken guy? Everything around him went up in flames. He lost the people he cared about the most, whether it was by his own wrongdoing or by the hands of death.

"You...you kill...don't you?" Dick asked.

Bruce sighed deeply, as if it was painful to answer that question. But Dick knew his response.

Dick cleared his throat. "I know you do. I'm not judging you. I'm in no place to judge, because I completely understand. Sometimes, in order to do what's right, we need to kill the right person. Not the good, not the innocent, but...the one who deserves it. The one who needs to pay." Dick turned to Bruce. "Did you ever find the man who murdered your parents?"

"No," Bruce breathed softly.

Dick shook his head. "But you're the Batman, now. You're powerful. You could kill him. Use the Bat, Bruce. The mask is a subliminal way to unleash the rawness of who you really are. You can do it if you really wanted to. It would feel good. Relieving, almost. Like a big weight being lifted off of your shoulder. The sense of empowerment & accomplishment, the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins. It'd be good."

Bruce stared at Dick. He scoffed, shaking his head. "Revenge isn't justice, Dick. It doesn't bring back your parents."

Dick stared at Bruce. He felt his face become warm for a second. Bruce...wasn't a killer? Or he wasn't admitting to it, at least. Dick didn't understand. It didn't...bring fulfillment?

"I know what you did, Dick," Bruce started. "That night, on the docks. I was there that night, watching Tony Zucco. I was going to apprehend him, but then I saw you that night. I saw you sneak through those men & I saw you confront the man who killed your parents. I saw you murder him in cold blood. I know, Dick."

Dick felt his heart sink lower in his chest. Bruce continued. "But it didn't make anything better, did it? You still felt alone. You felt like there was a part of you that no one would really accept about you. You felt a small piece of you disappear. Part of your soul & spirit decayed, & you lose a bit of your humanity."

Dick felt his eyes fill up with water. Bruce was right. Dick hadn't been happy in a very long time. Truly happy. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he would never be the same person after that murder.

But then Dick's kind trailed off to Barbara. He thought of her & how much he loved her. He thought of Kori, & Rachel, & Connor, & Logan, & Victor. He thought of Harper. He thought of Zatanna. He thought of Cheyenne. People were in his life.

But he was still really alone, after all.

Dick nodded. "You're...not wrong," Dick started. "But...that's not what matters to me. I did what I did in hopes to bring justice to my parents, & to rid the streets of the scum who killed them."

"Now, see, Dick, that's where the vengeance starts to become sinful. That's where the line is crossed, & we go from bringing justice to bringing injustice. That's where we start to become the ones we're trying to stop. That's when we become people like Nolan Drake."

Dick stared back at Bruce, feeling his temper being tested. "I am not Nolan Drake," Dick spat.

Bruce scoffed softly to himself. "Prove it," he murmured.

Dick raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Bruce turned to Dick. "You've taken a man's life. Whether it was to avenge your parents, or for revenge, you crossed a line that night. You've grown up since then. You've become a man who is fully capable of knowing right from wrong. You should now see the line that divides us from them. With that, you must be willing to be able to take charge & no what you need to do for our city."

Dick let the words sink in. Bruce wanted Dick to become more aware of his decisions...to be less ruthless & consider the wrong in killing.

"Then why do you kill?" Dick asked Bruce.

Bruce took a deep breath & let out a sigh. "I've already crossed that line far too much. I try to stop...I try to weigh the consequences of my actions. I remind myself that I cannot become the men who I hunt down every night, but…"

Dick spoke. "Sometimes the lines get blurred. Sometimes the only thing between you & them is the mask & cape."

Bruce turned to Dick. "Yeah…"

Dick shook his head. "I just...I can't wrap my head around how you just...get up every night & do this."

"It's a duty," Bruce said. "It's something that must be done in this city. Someone has to do what others won't in order to save it."

Dick nodded. "I...I think I've been playing 'Hero' lately."

Bruce hid his slight smirk. "You have, Dick."

Dick scratched his head. "I...I might have gone too far lately. I got too many people caught up in this. I got too many people almost killed. Loads of people WERE killed."

Bruce nodded. He stood up from his armchair & began to walk towards the fireplace. He stopped & stared into the fire itself. The bright flames lit the outer edges of Bruce's body, creating a silhouette against the fire. Dick stared at the shadow. He was tall. His shoulders were broad & his muscles twitched with every rise & fall of the man's breathing.

Dick nodded. "Help me, Bruce."

Bruce turned back to Dick. "I've been trying to, Dick."

"No, no, I mean, REALLY help me. Help me with Drake, & help me do what I need to do to save this city. Help me become a hero, Bruce."