Despite the snow, children still ran through the streets, chasing balls with maybe a dog running at their heels. It almost made Lovino smile to hear the joyous laughter of children, but the smile couldn't find the energy to surface. Misgivings plagued him the entire ride to town and it still made him want to ride back to Arthur's estate at full gallop, but he was here to talk with Francis. He got the feeling Francis had recognized him, and if Antonio happened to be there and they happened to speak, it would be purely coincidence. Or, at least, that's what Lovino told himself to keep the guilt from making him sick.

Knocking softly on the door, he waited for it to open. Behind the door, he listened to the patter of footsteps until they came to a stop and the door opened.

"Lovino?" Antonio blinked in surprise before his face burst into a bright smile. "Hi!"

"Hello," he said, trying to stay detached and cold. "May I come inside?"

"Of course." Antonio opened the door wide and ushered him inside, helping him out of his coat. "Oh, it is cold! How are you? Have you been getting my gifts?"

"I am fine, and yes, I've been getting your gifts." Lovino tried not to flush as he remembered the love notes and presents left of the doorstep. Things he would never allow Arthur to find. He'd been carefully hiding the gifts away in the stable from both Arthur and Feliciano.

"Do you like them?"

"They are nice, but...you have to stop, dammit."

The smile dropped from Antonio's face. "Did Arthur send you here to tell me that?"

"No. I—"

"What happened to your cheek?"

"Huh?" Lovino touched his cheek, having forgotten about the bruise there completely. "Oh, nothing important."

Antonio was next to him and caressing his cheek before he knew what to do. "Did Arthur do this?"

"No!" He slapped Antonio's hand away violently and took a step back towards the door. "Don't touch me."

"Lo siento." Antonio quickly gave him his space and smiled. "I got ahead of myself."

He eyed the man warily and slipped a hand into his pocket, fingering his blade comfortingly. He wasn't thinking about using it, Antonio at least had a small amount of his trust, but it comforted his nerves. "Stop sending me gifts."

"Why? How will you know I love you if I can't shower you with affection?"

"Do you even know who I am?"

"Of course. I loved you when I was young, and I still love you now." The Spaniard took a step towards him. "I didn't forget you after all these years. You can't imagine what it was like for me to have you climb through my window and not recognize me. I thank God everyday for allowing me to find you again." Antonio's voice grew softer as he spoke, and his gaze filled with agonized longing.

"I thought I would die when I was told of your death. I thought I would never see you again and it broke my heart." Antonio continued to move closer to him, but Lovino couldn't seem to move. The way Antonio spoke and moved reminded him why he'd once cared so much for the other man. "Please, say something, my love."

"You...still haven't changed after all these years. It's kind of scary," he said, almost timidly, and Antonio smiled.

"And neither have you, my little tomato. Your tongue is still sharp and you're still as shy as ever."

"I am not shy." Lovino flushed, feeling like his younger self when Antonio was around to throw off his poise with a dopey smile and a few kind words. "Shut up, I'm not here to be charmed by you."

The Spaniard's smile widened in to a smirk. "So, you can be charmed?"

"No, stop it. I am with Arthur."

The smile disappeared from Antonio's face and a frown took its place. "Why?"

Painfully aware he was going into dangerous territory, he changed the subject. "Does Francis know who I am?"

"Yes," Antonio said slowly. "He asked me if it was you after the last time you were here."

"I need to talk with him." He pushed down the apprehensive fear that sat in his chest. If Francis wanted, he could ruin it for Lovino. One word from the Frenchman to the wrong person, and he knew Aldrich would hunt him down, like the dog he is, and finished the job he started six years ago.

"Oh, he's in my room—"

Lovino walked past Antonio to the door off to the side of the living room, opened the door and closed it behind him quickly. He didn't want Antonio witnessing anything he said to Francis. None of it would be nice if the Frenchman didn't cooperate with him.

"Ah, is that you, Tonio?" Francis sat on the bed, lacing up his boots. "Who was at the door?"

"I'm not Antonio."

Francis looked up in genuine surprise. "Lovino?"

He didn't say anything, pulling up a chair and sitting in front of Francis. Lovino let his face go blank as he stared at the blond. In the back of his mind, a memory played in dim remembrance of his grandfather drilling him to keep his emotions controlled and hidden at all times. You can feel whatever you like inside, but only show what you want people to see. Be in control.

"I'm guessing this isn't a friendly visit." Francis mirrored him and kept his face emotionless.

"It's friendly enough. I'm here to talk of memories like old friends would." Despite his words, they both knew he was in no way there on friendly terms. "So, you remember me now?"

"Yes. I was surprised to find out the Vargas brothers still live. Does Arthur know who you are?"

"No, and I plan to keep it that way."

"You want me to keep silent." Francis sat back and regarded him warily. The Frenchman glanced at the door, as if to judge the amount of time it would take to escape past Lovino.

Good, the bastard still knows what my family is capable of, he thought and smiled. "Yes."

"You know, despite our difference, I do consider Arthur a close friend of mine. I won't lie to him for you."

After a long silence, Lovino said, "You're lucky."

Francis didn't say anything, and he continued, "You're lucky you look so much like your mother, one wouldn't guess who your real father was. Although wasn't there a rumor that floated around until your mother crushed it." Lovino rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Funny thing about rumors, they never truly die."

Blood drained from Francis's face and he stared at Lovino in horror. After a few tries, Francis regained his composure, but not before he'd given Lovino the confirmation he needed. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Put that secret in the wrong ears, and you'll be ruined. No proper gentleman likes doing business with the bastard son of an adulteress."

"You...You can't do that! This is blackmail!" Francis stood. "You're a nothing! A street rat from the gutter! No one would believe you!"

"Are you sure no one would? If there really was no chance of someone believing me, would you be this scared? Now sit down," Lovino commanded. He had Francis's king in checkmate and they both knew it. Lovino always loved winning chess.

"I could just kill you now, and then I wouldn't have to worry about it," Francis said darkly.

He let out a laugh. "You don't have the courage. You're a fool if you think you can take me, I was raised to kill."

"Fine, I won't say a word to Arthur about you." Francis sat down in defeat and glared at him.

"That's not good enough." Lovino watched Francis jaw clenched, but other than that, his composure held. "You can't say anything to anyone, not just Arthur. I want your word."

"You have my word. I won't tell anyone of your existence."

"Thank you." Lovino smiled. "Please, understand, you have information that could kill me and Feliciano, and I have information that could destroy you. This is simply about survival."

"I had forgotten how manipulative you can be," Francis spat with the cruelty of a defeated enemy.

"Thank you for your time, cousin." He had once said the the familiar name in affection, but now it sounded cold and patronizing. "Please, stop in and say goodbye before you go back to France." Lovino stood and offered his hand to Francis with a cold smile.

"I will." Francis stood and shook his hand, but didn't smile.

Taking his leave, he exited the bedroom. Antonio stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his brows drawn in concern. "I heard yelling, is everything alright?"

"Yes, Francis and I had a little misunderstanding, but it's smoothed out now." Lovino went to the door and put on his coat from where Antonio had hung it.

"Are you leaving so soon?" Antonio hurried to his side.

"Yes, I wasn't suppose to come here in the first place. Arthur will be angry if I do not return quickly. Goodbye, Antonio."

A hand grabbed his arm and stopped him from opening the door. "You can always come here if you're in trouble. I love you."

"I know, bastard..."

"May...May I kiss you?"

He couldn't look at Antonio. Although Lovino didn't want it to, his heart went out to Antonio and his one-sided love. He remembered the days when Antonio was once his friend, almost more than friends, although it had been many years since he'd thought of the man at all. Seeing Antonio all grown up made him ache for the days when life was sweeter, and the most dangerous thing he did was meet Antonio in the garden under the cover of night. There had been something blooming between them. If only they'd been given more time to allow it to blossom, things would be different. "No."

"Please, for old times sake."

"What old times? We were young and stupid, and nothing from then matters." He sighed and Antonio took that as a yes; he still knew Lovino well enough to know when a no meant yes. Antonio cupped his chin gently and brought their lips together. The kiss was sweet and full of longing, but he wouldn't respond to it, not even when Antonio pressed against his lips more insistently.

Taking a step back, he separated from Antonio. "Goodbye."

Antonio said nothing as Lovino opened the door and walked out. He hurried to where his horse waited, eager to lose the guilt building in his chest. It was absurd for him to feel remorse for not loving Antonio, but he did and he hated it. If things had been different, Lovino knew he would have fallen in love with that kind smile and care-free laughter; but things weren't different. They would never be different. They would stay was they are and some doors that could have opened for him remained closed. But there were other doors, opened by tragedy and glowing with possibility.

...

When Lovino made it back to Arthur's estate, he rushed to stable the horse and get inside. It had taken longer than he would have liked to get back, and the sun was starting its decent below the horizon.

Using the servants' entrance, Lovino slipped inside the house, so far unnoticed, and snuck back into Arthur's room. He hung up the coat and put away the boots quickly. Sneaking back out of Arthur's room, he headed down the hall, only to run straight into Arthur.

"Lovino? Where have you been?" Arthur caught him by his elbows and held him there.

"I've been around. Is Feliciano still asleep?"

"Yes." Arthur frowned, and leaned closer, touching his cheek. "Have you been outside?"

His cheeks still felt the tingle of riding through the wind and Arthur's hand was warm against them. "Er...Yes."

"Why? I thought you didn't work when it snowed."

"I wanted to check on the horses."

"Oh, it must be rather cold outside if you're this chilled."

"It fucking snowed, bastard." Lovino laughed, trying to keep the nervous edge out of his voice. Why was it so hard to lie to Arthur? "And it is windy."

"Are the horses alright?"

"Yes, they're wrapped up nice and cozy in their stalls," he said, relieved to slip back into the truth.

"Were they like that the entire time?"

Lovino looked up in surprise and saw Arthur watching him passively. Arthur knew Lovino had gone out and he was giving Lovino the chance to explain himself and tell the truth. Seeing no more reason to lie, although it was tempting, he said simply, "I went to see Francis."

"Don't play a game, you went to see Antonio—"

"Actually," Lovino spat, cutting Arthur off, and glared. "I went to see Francis. We had business."

"And Antonio being there was just an inconvenience?" Arthur glared right back, his grip of Lovino's elbow tightening. "You said you wouldn't go see Antonio."

"I didn't! I went to see Francis!"

"Don't twist things to fit your needs."

"It's true!"

"And, and you didn't talk to Antonio at all?"

"Well..."

Arthur released him and scowled. "I thought so."

"Why are you so mad about me going out?" Lovino let his hands clench into fists. If he wasn't careful, he might end up striking Arthur.

"I'm not mad that you went out. I'm mad that you went behind my back, and then lied to my face!"

"I couldn't have you there! I needed to talk Francis alone!"

"What could someone like you have to talk about with Francis?" sneered Arthur, his eyes hard and mean.

He felt tears of anger and hurt well up, but he fought them back bitterly. It was a cruel reminder of how low he remained below Arthur, and how unlikely that was to change. "We had business. I needed to make sure he wouldn't tell anyone who I am...or was."

"And? Why are you so damn determined to keep your identity a secret?"

"Don't you realize it yet? If the wrong person knows Feliciano and I are alive, we'll be murdered within a week! I am not paranoid! I am not crazy! The danger is there, it's real, but I will not die because a fool decided to open his mouth!" Arthur started to speak, distressed concern subduing his anger, but Lovino wouldn't let him. "And you can never know who I am, because I can't bare to think you might be killed because of me!"

Arthur reached up and brushed away a tear that had escaped down his cheek. Taking a deep breath, Lovino regained control of himself. "Since it really matters so much to you, I did speak with Antonio to tell him to stop trying to court me. Now, it you'll excuse me, I have a fucking dinner to cook."

"Wait," Arthur finally said and took his hand gently, changing his attitude completely. "Let's not leave it like that."

"I don't want to fight with you," Lovino said exhaustively, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. "You're going to have to trust me."

"I understand, you did what you thought you had to do, but, Lovino, you can trust me to help you. You don't have to do things alone." Arthur drew him close and kissed him softly. Lovino felt his resolve to keep Arthur from taking on his troubles wavered, and Arthur's gentleness distracted him from re-enforcing it once again.

Pulling away and crushing the little voice that told him to confine in Arthur, Lovino steeled his heart against Arthur's love. "You can't help me."

"You haven't let me try—"

"No." Lovino didn't dare look Arthur in the eye. It was bad enough being able to feel Arthur's desire to help him, seeing it would be even worse. "You can't help me. This is my business."

Arthur pressed his lips in a thin line, unhappy with his resilience. They stared at each other, battling silently, until Arthur finally dropped his gaze. "Fine."

Accepting Arthur's defeat, he kissed him on the cheek and walked to the kitchen. Lovino planned to make a big meal to fill the place of the lunch he missed. While he was cooking, Feliciano came in and hovered at his side.

"Can I help?"

"Yeah, watch that pot," Lovino ordered and began to cut vegetables.

"Can I do that?"

"What?" He saw Feliciano point to the knife in his hand. Lovino frowned, and let Feliciano take the knife from him and cut the vegetables.

"I watch you do this all the time, I just wanted to try it," Feliciano explained with a sheepish smile.

He watched his little brother and decided to let him cook. Pulling up a chair, Lovino sat and supervised, sometimes giving instructions while Feliciano worked hard to follow his orders. When Arthur decided to come into the kitchen, Feliciano smiled. "Look, Arthur! Lovino let me cook."

"Really?" Arthur smiled back briefly and looked to Lovino.

He sat regally with a wine glass in his hand, barely taking his eyes off Feliciano. "Take a seat, dinner's almost done."

"Where did you get the wine? Should you be drinking?" Arthur asked, remembering the incident with alcohol a few nights ago.

"I'm not a lightweight, just out of practice. The wine only bothered me, because I haven't drank in forever," he said, carefully evading the first question. Arthur didn't really need to know the wine had been a gift from Antonio in an attempt to sway his affections. "Would you like some?"

"No, I'm not much of a drinker anymore."

"Food is done," Feliciano said cheerfully.

Lovino stood and helped his brother serve the food. The dinner was delicious. Feliciano was proud to have made it mostly by himself and Lovino was simply happy to see his brother so lively. Arthur, on the other hand, was silent through most of the meal and only spoke to praise Feliciano on his hard work.

I'm back! I hope everyone is excited, because I've finished writing everything. I have yet to type it up and figure some of the formatting out, but it's done. There is about seven to eight more chapters until the end, and hopefully they will be posted in weekly installments. Enjoy.

-Windy