"We have pie in the kitchen Dean." Mom stood in my doorway, her apron in and floor on her nose.

I finish putting my records in order and smile over my shoulder at her, "I'm fine, maybe later."

"It's no trouble, I could cut it up and bring it to you." She stepped into the room and glanced around, "I had almost forgotten what kind of floor was in here."

"Seriously mom, it's fine. I'm fine. Everyone needs to stop treating me like I'm going to break down at any moment."

I felt her hand on my back, "You forgot who raised you little man. I know when you're lying to me and I will make you talk about it. But for now I'll bring you a few slices of pie if you keep cleaning your room."

She leaves and I hear her tell Sam to bring me a plate and I close the door. When he comes in he closes it back behind him and sits on my bed, two forks in his hand. "If you don't come over here I'm going to eat your piece."

I sink into the mattress and pull the plate away from him, "Mom made this plate for me, get your own."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you."

"You've already said that Sammy."

"I know, it's just…it was hard here. Mom tried to be normal around me, but I could tell she was upset. Some nights I could hear her crying. Even dad didn't watch any of those car shows you always watched together, he said it wasn't right that he would watch them if you couldn't."

That was surprising.

"I missed you to freak. Some days…I would wake up and I wouldn't remember that I was there and I would think why hasn't Sammy come and woke me up yet? And then I remembered that I was gone from you, even though I promised you I would go Christmas caroling and I promised you I would take you shopping for Christmas presents too."

"Mom already did that."

I turn to him and eye him, "Oh really? Did you get me something nice?"

"I can't tell you that would ruin it."

Shit.

I get up and grab the plate before Sam can lay his paws on it and walk to the living room, Sammy follows me. "Mom?"

She smiles as I come out oh my room, "Yeah honey?"

"I never did get anyone a Christmas present."

She frowns and puts down her own plate of pie, "We understand-"

"Who cares? I can still get everyone something. I just need to drive to town. Besides, you know Jo will be pissed."

"Watch your mouth around your mother Dean." Dad turns down the TV so he can hear us.

"Want me to go with you?" mom asks, I can tell that she doesn't want me go out of her sight.

I shake my head and dig out the keys from my pocket, "I'll take Sammy."

She agrees and I go to my room, grab my jacket and my wallet and we're out the doors before either of them can change their mind.

Most places are closed at four p.m. on Christmas Eve, but not Missouri's. She owns a shop full of weirdo crap that looks pretty cool; which is basically how our house is decorated, "Well if it isn't Dean Winchester." says a voice from the back room as I close the door behind me. Missouri comes out from the room and looks me up and down, "Don't call me creepy boy."

"I can't get a word in edge wise around you can I?"

Sam steps off around me and heads to the back of the store where she keeps the books, "Of course not, Missouri is a physic." He calls over his shoulder and laughs.

"Christmas presents?" she asks, even though I'm pretty sure she already knows the answer.

"Of course, did mom or dad come in here recently and look at anything?"

She shakes her head and looks sad, and then she moves around the counter and comes to stand in front of me. "They barely left that house after you left. They were afraid you'd come back and nobody would be home." She smacks my arm, "Don't feel so guilty Dean, you're home now. That's all that counts."

"Will you help me pick something out anyways?"

"Of course."

I ended up getting mom an angel figurine, and dad an army book. But when I went to buy Sam the four books he had looked at while we were in the store I had Missouri distract him and I checked it out myself. "Come by anytime boys."

We headed to the impala and before we even got there I could see someone leaning against the passenger door, "You thought you could just waltz into town and not even say hello to me Dean Winchester."

"Only because I had grown use to the finer things in life Jo."

She ignores me and smiles at Sam, "It's nice to see you Sam."

"Hey Jo." A year ago Jo and I dated, but it was awkward and we were better at being friends. So sometimes I look at her and get this feeling in my stomach, but even then I can't help but think of her as a little sister.

Now her full attention is on me again, "When'd you get back?" Everyone's making it sound like I just up and left, instead I was kind of forcefully taken from my home, "This morning."

"Is your phone broken?"

"As a matter of fact it doesn't seem to be working ever since the psychopath that kidnapped me threw it out the window." Apparently he had done that after he knocked me out that first time. I hadn't really thought about my phone in a while.

Jo's face changes and for a second I think she's going to hit me, and believe me it hurts a lot, but instead she just hugs me and it's the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. Ever.

"Please stop."

She lets me go and I hear Sam chuckle and get into the car.

"I'm serious Dean, a lot of people were worried, and when your parents got that voicemail…my mom was the one that finally got the news reporters off of your property."

"What'd she do? Come up to the house with her shotgun?"

Jo doesn't say anything.

"There's something awesome about your mom, you know that right?"

She laughs, "She wants you to stop by sometime."

"And where would I see her, Bobby's or her house?"

She punches my arm, "That's my mother." I glare at her and rub the sore spot just above the cut. "Bobby's." She touches the bruises on my cheek and neck, "Dean?"

"Oh God not another touchy-feely moment. I've had enough of those for a life time."

She bristles, "I'm serious."

"Sorry." And I really mean it, she sounds troubled.

For a minute she doesn't say anything, "When I heard what happened to you, I thought it was a lie, that someone was being cruel. But then it was true and I got so mad. I was mad because last year, last year when you got that acceptance latter back from Kansas University you stayed. You stayed because I asked you not to go."

"What's this leading up to Jo?" I told her I didn't want to go for many reasons. I don't see how she can think any of this might be her fault.

"You should have gone."

"We're not going to talk about this again."

"Dean-"

"No Jo, I stayed for everyone, including myself. You didn't do this to me."

"But Dean-"

"I'm fine!" she jumps and instantly I feel sorry, "I'm just tired, I haven't slept in a while. Listen it's cold, I have to go. Tell your mom I said hello and Merry Christmas." I lean over and hug her, "It's good to see you Jo."

"You too."

I let go of her and smile, "Still on for New Year's Eve?"

"Booze and easy people all around and my mom's working that night."

"Perfect."

"See you Dean." She knocks on the passenger window and waves at Sam. Then she's gone into the fading light on Christmas Eve and I feel lighter than I have in a while.

"Bye Jo."

Sam won't stop talking on the drive back. He insists on telling me everything that happened in these last two months, which includes even the mundane things. "There's a new girl in my class."

"Is she hot?" I look over at him and he's blushing and I can tell that she's a lot more than hot.

"Kind of."

"Come on Gilmore Girl, tell me about her."

"I hate that show Dean, her name's Jessica Moore."

"Promising." I laugh and he shoots me a glare.

"She has blonde curly hair and really nice blue eyes."

I stop smiling and grip the steering wheel tighter, but Sam continues to describe his girl. I will never get over his eyes.

I tune back in at the end and I hear something about her being into the Smurfs and I grin, "It's lucky she's into short people."

Mom and dad are watching some stupid ghost show when we get back and I sneak everyone's present into my room and I force myself into the living room to socialize with my family.

"Why aren't we watching something Christmas related."

"Because your mother wanted to watch this."

"What is it?" I ask as I sit down on the floor in front of the couch. No one answers me. I look around and they're all staring at me like I've grown a second head, "What?"

"Honey you never use to watch TV with all of us." She means I never try and be in the same room with my dad for longer than five minutes; I shrug and turn back towards the TV.

"So what is it?"

"Ghostfacers." Mom answers.

"Why?" Sam asks and I agree with him, why watch something that's obviously faked? Mom shrugs her shoulders and turns back to watching the show. At the commercial Sam's hooked and almost falling out of the recliner, I look over at mom and dad on the love seat and see that he's trying to hide his interest. "Sam will you light the fireplace?"

He groans and gets up. When the fire roars to life I can't help but stare at it.

"Are you hungry?" Cas had asked me. He moved his arm around my shoulders and leaned in even closer.

"Not for food." I let my imagination have its way with my memories.

"Are you cold?"

"You could warm me up." Sure in my mind I was cheesy, but he was cheesy in real life and his hands had been all over me and we had kissed for what seemed like forever, then he had asked if I was ready and-

"Dean!" my dad's voice jolted me out of my thoughts and I looked over to him. "Your mother asked you a question."

She was sitting on the couch now, I hadn't even heard her get up, "Yeah mom?" I dropped my head back so I could see her.

She reaches down and plays with my hair, "I was asking if you liked the pie."

"Like I've said before, it could cause world peace it's so good." I roll up onto the couch and lay my head down in her lap, my legs hang off the end but it's comfortable. I haven't slept in a very long time and with mom messing with my hair I'm asleep before the shows over.

The first Christmas I remember mom was pregnant with Sam and I remembered asking if he was going to be my present. And the Christmas after that I remember saying I wanted to return him.