Sorry again this is so late. I've just started uni so updates might be a bit more infrequent from now on, but I'm working on it! Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

SIDE B

Track 3: Keep Feeling Fascination - Human League

Being suspended was the last thing I needed, that week. My mind was too much of confusion, questioning, torment. And, above all, if I were to be truly honest with myself, I missed her. I missed having the feeling of her being in the same building as me, even the same ward as seemed to be happening more and more frequently recently. Working with her, despite all my distancing, was the most alive I've felt in my work for a long time.

I resisted going back to the tape for most of the week, in a failed attempt to again get my emotions in check on the matter, but it was seeming useless. I was head over heels, still, and drawn to her too strongly to fight it off.

So, the night before returning to work, after Jason had gone to bed I sat once more in my living room with the cassette player and a glass of Shiraz, a light smile on the corner of my lips as I allowed myself to enjoy the memory.

The next two songs on the tape were a wind up. She knew how absolutely insufferable I found them - mostly due to the fact I could never seem to get them out of my head afterwards. So as the first track began, and the memory came flooding back, already I could feel myself humming along to the song that would be doing my head in for the foreseeable future afterwards...

::

After that, we continued to rent the hotel room each week, though instead opting for the double option on the excuse that it was cheaper, and both told our parents that we were staying at one another's houses as an excuse for not being home in the morning.

The weeks and the summer that followed I often regard as the best of my life. I was so happy, so contented, both of us entirely wrapped up in one another and dizzy with love. We made a pact, that first night, that from then on we should be completely honest with one another. It was only healthy, given our situation. Although we were both elated at our union, it was still hard on both of us, having to be so secretive about it, and the constant risk of being exposed, outcast and potentially disowned took it's toll on both of us. Some nights, we would arrive at the bus stop and in one look know what the other was feeling, what they needed, whether that was to get so drunk we didn't know which way was up or to go straight to the hotel room, entirely sober as we held each other, venting in hushed voices and allowing the tears to fall. I have never felt so close to anyone - not even my husband or daughter - as I did to her that summer. We were so exposed, so open with one another that it was almost as though we had moulded into one. All feelings, every thought was shared and revealed. It was perfect.

That wasn't to say she didn't drive me up the wall every now and then.

Click. Click-Click. Click. Click. Click-Click. Click. Click.

I glanced across the room, towards where Bernie was sat, thoughtfully playing a tune with her pen whilst listening to the teacher explain something at the front.

Click. Click. Click. Click-Click. Click-Click.

Click-Click. Click-Click. Click. Click. Click.

As if by telepathy, she looked up at met my eyes, a small smirk creeping onto her lips. I looked down at her pen pointedly, willing her to stop the furious clicking that was starting to drive me insane. The song in question - '(Keep Feeling) Fascination' - had always drove me insane as it was one of those which had the potential to be enjoyable were it not for the fact that it stuck my head like steel to a magnet, subsequently becoming the most irritating thing on the planet at that particular time. But she seemed to misunderstand my gaze, raking her eyes down my body before slowly wandering back up again, making me feel entirely undressed before her and causing a slight blush to redden my cheeks. She grinned at me triumphantly, her pupils dilated and her eyes glistening, making my mouth water and a small groan escape my lips as I imagined what she could be thinking, her glance once more falling down my body…

And then she looked away, and resumed clicking her pen.

I rested my head in my hands on the desk, partly in response to how flustered she had made me with just a look and partly due to the insistent clicks that shot through me like bullets. My heart rate had quickened, whether through arousal or irritation I'll never know, and I clenched my teeth, willing for time to move on faster so that I could get away from that infuriating click, click, click.

I looked over at her again, only for her to quickly look away. Was she doing this on purpose? I kept on staring at her, willing her with my eyes to turn around and look at me again, but she kept her eyes planted firmly on the teacher, her delicate fingers still pressing the top of her pen. Those fingers…

Another groan rumbled in my throat, shifting uncomfortably in my seat as I struggled to stop myself remembering just where those fingers had been, the way they skimmed over my skin, my lips, my nipples, my...

I took a shaky breath, trying to force myself to concentrate. Still the clicking went on. But now it had surpassed simply irritation and was turning me on, just the image of her slim, soft fingers in my head leading me to roll my hips involuntarily, desperate for her so much that my breasts ached, and my pulse throbbed harder in just the place I wanted her to touch the most...

"For God's sake will you just stop clicking that fucking pen!" I yelled, my fists clenching and my chest heaving. She looked bewildered, staring at me intently like a kicked puppy, and I felt instant guilt. I didn't regret it, though.

The entire class turned to look at me. I felt a blush rising in my cheeks and looked down quickly.

"Maybe you would prefer to work somewhere else, Serena," Miss Trent said slowly, raising her eyebrows in annoyance that I had disturbed her class.

"No, thank you," I replied, taking a deep breath. "I'm quite alright now." I cast an accusatory glance towards Bernie, who had an unmistakable look of confusion on her face.

I ground my teeth and got back to work, counting down the seconds until I could finally escape.

::

After the lesson finally ended, I was quick to grab my things and dart out of the classroom, desperate to hide my embarrassment at yelling at her in front of my peers. I tried to go for a walk around the grounds to calm myself down but my heart was beating almost out of my chest, my stomach flipping and my knees weak as, despite my humiliation and anger and the song now buzzing round my head like a blue-arsed fly, I was still gagging for her. The throbbing between my legs was so insistent, so desperate, that it was almost painful. The vision of her fingers slowly pumping up and down on the end of that pen had defeated me, completely annihilated my self-control, until all I could do was rush towards the science block toilets, in a desperate attempt to relieve myself.

I burst powerfully through the door, my bag already slipping off my shoulder as I headed for a vacant cubicle. Desperately, I tried to keep my breathing level as I strode towards the one at the end - smaller than the others, but no less suitable for my needs - and I began to feel some measure of relief at knowing that soon I would have what I wanted.

But then, just as I was reaching the door, I felt a hand snaking around my hip, another one gently muffling any sounds I made as she whispered, "Let me make it up to you."

If I had thought I was aroused before, then God only knows just what it was that I was feeling in that moment. My knees threatened to buckle beneath me and my sex throbbed painfully, desperately aching for her touch. I managed to choke out a response. "You sure had better."

She chuckled lightly, no doubt conscious of the other students in the cubicles beyond us, and the small vibrations sent by her chest being pressed flush against my back made my bite my cheeks to stifle a deep, lingering groan. She pushed me lightly towards the empty cubicle, still pressed against me and her hands dangerously close to my waistband, her lips lightly brushing against the exposed skin of my neck as we went. I felt sweaty, hot, suffocating as I began gasping and panting with want, trying desperately to steady my breathing and failing miserably.

Once safely inside, the door locked, she pressed me flush against the wall, the cool concrete offering temporary relief to the heat which burned my cheeks, before breathing in my ear, "Tell me."

I swallowed hard. "Uh," I gasped, my vision almost blurry with need. "Just… Just touch me… Please… I need you inside…"

Her lips fastened themselves to the base of my neck, and I felt her smiling against me as I arched into her.

"Like this," she growled, lowering her hand so that it lightly brushed the fabric of the front of my slacks, leading me to gasp as her hand started to press lower, between my legs.

"More," I whimpered, as quietly as I could manage, and she lifted one hand back up over my mouth, placing soft, wet kisses along the sensitive skin of the back of my neck as she did so.

Her hands skimmed torturously down the inside of my thigh, before moving back up slowly unbuttoning my trousers. I moaned in satisfaction.

"Shh," she replied quickly, taking her hand away. "Or I won't…"

I nodded urgently. "Please," I whispered.

I felt her breathe in deep the scent of my short, cropped hair as she allowed her hands to wander inside my slacks, cupping me over my knickers and prodding insistently at my heat.

She let out a deep, shaky sigh of satisfaction which resonated right through me, provoking me to grind myself desperately against her hand, begging for relief.

"How much do you want me?" She whispered in my ear, her breath hot and her lips tickling as my own breathing became increasingly shallow and frantic.

"So much," I whimpered, too turned on to coherently articulate anything more and rolling my hips so that they both ground against her hand and against her body, pressed close behind me.

"Tell me," she growled, tracing circles across my underwear, making me wetter and wetter by the moment.

"In class today…" I gasped, my eyelids fluttering and my knees shaking. "I would have fucked you right then and there… Your fingers… I was so desperate for them…"

I felt her chuckle against me, dotting light kisses along the back of my neck. "Did you touch yourself?" She murmured against me. I groaned aloud.

"I was going to," I whispered. "Before I was so rudely interrupted…"

"Oh well then," she replied simply, in mock nonchalance, her hands retreating from my trousers. "I'll just go then-"

"No!" I gasped, just a touch too loud. We froze for a moment, listening, before going on. "It wouldn't be enough," I continued. "I need… you."

I felt her delicate fingers poking beneath the waistband of my underwear at this, and bit back a shriek as I felt her delve through my soft curls and straight into my swollen, wet heat.

"Oh… God!" I gasped, my hips bucking into her hand. "Fuck!"

"Shh," she insisted, delving ever deeper into my core. I bit my lip hard, to the point of tasting blood, such was my desperation for her to touch my now agonising arousal. Her cool fingers traced my clit, her thigh placed expertly beneath mine to prevent me from collapsing to the floor, and I bit down harder against my cheeks, grinding myself against her hand, desperate for her relief.

She curved her neck around me to place a gentle kiss on the pulse point which she knew I loved so much, making me shudder. "Perfect," she whispered, before slowly, delicately inserting a first finger into me, causing my knees to buckle.

She held me up, her practiced fingers curling towards herself to almost instantly reaching my G-spot, and I couldn't help but groan.

"Shhh!" She hissed again, her hand clamping firmly over my mouth as she inserted a second finger into me, a third, pumping in and out of me with such finesse and expertise that it made my vision flash and my eyelids flutter. She continued harder, faster, and whether or not she inserted a fourth finger I'll never know, I was so consumed by euphoria.

"I…" I gasped against her hand, my hips bucking desperately and her thumb brushing my clit as her fingers worked. She chuckled again, knowing by now exactly how to tease me, how to please me and she placed slow, deft kisses along the length of my neck, before reaching the base and biting hard.

"Ah!" I shrieked, muffled by her hand, as my orgasm tore through me. She rode through it with me, continuing her actions until I went limp in her arms, then holding me as I rested, placing gentle kisses along my neck and shoulders.

"Better?" She murmured eventually, a wicked glint in her eye as she raised an eyebrow at me.

I nodded slowly, a faint, tired smirk on my lips. "For now."

She opened her mouth in mock outrage. "Greedy!" She scolded, placing another kiss on the side of my neck with a grin, before reaching around my waist to tuck my blouse back into my trousers. I span round to face her, my movements still languid from fatigue.

"I love you," I said gently, with a light smile.

She beamed back at me. "I love you too," she mumbled as she pressed her lips to mine one final time, before turning to peek through a crack in the door. "Wait five minutes then come out, just in case."

"Okay," I agreed, patting my hair back into place and double checking that all my buttons were done up.

She exited the cubicle, closing the door to behind her and striding confidently out of the room. But as she went, she began to hum again that maddening tune.

I would definitely get her back for that.

::

Back at work the next day, still the song repeated in my head.

Keep feeling fascination

Passion burning

Love so strong

I tried my best to be normal around her, but my head was spinning with plots and ideas of how to tell her how I felt. That old love, the love that had never really gone away, burned in my stomach like a star, igniting in me a determination to recover what I had lost. What we had lost.

Assuming she felt the same.

I was at the nurses station reading through some notes when I heard her behind me.

"I thought you hated that song," she said quietly, stood close beside me, her voice low and intimate. I hadn't realised that I had been humming the tune out loud. Shit.

"It is rather catchy," I replied steadily, but one look into her eyes revealed all. That playful stare of hers, the look that always told me that she knew what I was up to, sent my pulse racing and my head screaming. She knows I remember. She knows I have been reminiscing. What did I have to lose?

"Would you like to go for a drink later?" I asked suddenly, my lips moving on autopilot before my brain could rationalise my actions. No going back now.

She paused, still meeting my eyes, searching. "Yes," she replied finally, an assured smirk on her lips. "You're on."

A heavy breath of relief. "Albies?"

"Of course," she grinned, standing a little straighter. "I'll meet you in your office at the end of the shift?"

I nodded, unable to produce words further. She stood awkwardly in front of me for a couple of moments, as if she were about to say something else, but then with a small 'see you later' she was gone.

It was all going so well.

"Glad to see you taking Ms Wolfe's presences with such good grace."

"Oh, well... We're one big happy family here on AAU Henrik, you know that."

"Nevertheless, some departmental heads wouldn't be so generous about allowing another surgeon to oversee their ward."

My stomach dropped with the sickening sense of betrayal his words had evoked. How could she? After everything?

"Were you ever going to tell me you're here to babysit?"

I saw the panic in her eyes at my words, panic that I instantly took as a guilty conscience, rather than her panic that I had gotten the wrong idea.

"If I had said no they'd have asked someone else, and I wanted to make sure that the person working with you had your back."

After all these months of knowing her again and the new friendship and alliance that we shared and I treasured, still I couldn't bring myself to trust her. Maybe it was because of her relationship with Alex. Maybe it was because she left me, all those years ago, seemingly without a second thought. My brain seemed to too easily jump to the conclusion that she was lying, that she didn't care. But now this. Again, my instincts proved wrong. She was on my side, fighting my corner, as she always did. And I was a fool to forget that.

Then I discovered her gift, amongst all the litter strewn across my desk, and my heart lurched as though some invisible force were trying to tear it from my chest. It was so kind, so thoughtful. After all these years, still, I felt, she knew me almost as well as I knew myself. Somehow, despite our arguments and my distrust, we still managed to be undeniably on the same page, instinctively level with one another.

I knew what I wanted, and what I had to do.

"So you're both going to run AAU?"

Raf's disbelieving tone somewhat mirrored my own feelings on the matter. Could we really pull through? The determination was there though; I saw it reflected in her eyes and couldn't help but hope. The day's events had led me to the conclusion that I had been too hasty in wanting to spill my feeling to her tonight. My mind was in too much turbulence. I was too unsure of what I wanted. But the easing of my workload wasn't the only perk of having her co-lead with me. I could work out my feelings and desires, rebuild our relationship and our trust more carefully and see if we could really stand each other in such close conditions. I wanted to resurrect that 'partners-in-crime' dynamic we once had. Us against the world. A team. A force to be reckoned with.

And the biggest change in my attitude, from that day, was that I gave up fighting. I wanted her, and there was no use in denying it. My feelings had grown too strong, my head preoccupied with her so much that it felt ready to burst and to repress this would only make it worse. Though I wouldn't yet reveal my feelings, I needed to explore them for myself. I needed to forgive and forget, and to figure out exactly what it was I wanted.

Next morning I woke with a new lease of life, an unrivalled optimism that put a spring in my step and a flutter in my heart. And the lyrics still buzzed around my head.

Keep feeling fascination

Looking, learning

Moving on