Chapter 2: Never Underestimate A Woman!
Yamazaki reflected that a lot of things had changed within a really short time at the royal palace of Edo. While it was quite true that it had hardly been a typical royal household before, with all the residents treating each other like a big, quarrelsome family, it was also true that things which had never happened before in the palace were taking place in front of his eyes now, and moreover, they seemed to be about to become routine.
Their future queen was currently fighting her husband with a purple parasol that could also shoot bullets, while said husband was swiftly dodging her attacks and slashing at her with a naked sword. Far from being a common marital tiff, it was seriously beginning to resemble a fully fledged duel between sworn enemies. The servants were all assembled on the balconies, watching their master and mistress fight, neither having any inhibitions about hurting the other severely. Yamazaki could only sigh and munch anpan as he watched them, wondering what sort of newly married couples behaved like this.
Sougo was, to say the least, surprised. The girl before him was truly as good a fighter as he and maybe even better. She attacked him relentlessly, leaving hardly any openings. He wondered whether she was even a princess when she kicked him in the stomach and bit him as he pinned her down to the ground with his sword. Leaping back gracefully to avoid her deadly umbrella, he ran forward to launch another attack, faintly aware that he was grinning widely for the first time in a few months.
Kagura breathed in heavily, jumping high up in the air to fire another barrage of bullets at her life partner. She could feel the excitement rushing through her veins; it really had been a long time since she had had such a good, fierce fight. Though she'd die before she admitted it, the sadist was really a rather good fighter. Swearing to herself that she'd crush that annoyingly handsome face of his into the mud, as he called out another taunt, she blindly charged at him, her umbrella aimed right at the tip of his nose.
After a few hours, both of them were sitting on the ground, too tired and beat up to fight any more. Kagura's cheongsam was full of holes and slashes, its color closer to coffee brown than white. Sougo's clothes were in a similar, if not worse condition. Their weapons lay beside them, scratched and broken. However, they still had enough energy remaining to insult each other in a most un-royal manner.
"Seriously, China, you look like you've just climbed out of a garbage dump. Isn't it already high time that you admitted you're a street gangster who's faking being a princess?"
"Like you're one to talk, Sadist! Even Sadaharu would not chew someone as ugly as you! And how many times do I have to tell you that I'm a damned princess?!"
"Princesses are supposed to be soft, sweet and gentle masochists. They are highly servile and obedient. That's the total opposite of what you are."
"Just what kind of a twisted brain do you have, huh? You want a slave, not a princess! And I'm never going to be soft, sweet or gentle with you!"
"Then what kind of a wife are you? Isn't a wife supposed to worship her husband?"
"That's pure sexism, uh huh. It's the husband that should be serving the wife, because we females are always miles better than you useless idiots, yes."
The servants and the Shinsengumi members who were watching the scene suppressed a strong desire to chuckle. It was rare that anyone ever talked back to their sadistic prince. Moreover, they had a feeling that with a rude, sassy fighter for a queen, life was going to be a highly enjoyable roller coaster ride.
A few days had passed and Kagura felt quite at home at the Edo castle. It wasn't all that different from Rakuyou, and she had already memorized the names of everyone who attended her. She knew that she had to leave for Rakuyou within a few weeks, but she was reluctant to do so, having begun to grow fond of most of the residents of the palace, except for the ruler himself, of course.
Thus, one morning, she skipped happily into the palace kitchen, shocking all the maids into a panic. The poor women feared that they would be punished for some great wrongdoing soon. Naturally, they couldn't believe their ears when they heard the girl pout and ask for an early morning snack, explaining that she was feeling particularly hungry after a midnight quarrel with the Sadist. Tama, the least shocked one of them all, immediately laid out a wonderful spread in front of Kagura, while telling the others to get more food ready.
After her early morning 'snack', which would have lasted anyone else for two days, Kagura marched into the Shinsengumi headquarters, happily enjoying the prospect of ordering the helpless men around. Thus, when Hijikata entered the headquarters, prepared to blast his lazy subordinates out of their beds, he found all of them wide awake; taking turns to train with Kagura. Or, to be more precise, to get beaten up by her. Sighing exasperatedly, he finally decided that it wasn't too bad, at least they were doing some sort of training. However, he immediately changed his mind when he saw Saitou teaching Kagura to shoot a bazooka, and the girl aimed the weapon right at him. And that was the first time that Hijikata landed up in the infirmary because of someone else other than Okita Sougo.
Sougo's eyes widened in surprise when Matsudaira informed him that Shinsengumi's demon vice commander was currently in the infirmary and would be incapacitated for a few days. As far as he knew, neither had he added any laxatives to Hijikata's food yet, nor had he planted any explosives, so how could that bastard have got injured? He decided that it would probably have been Zura who had done the praiseworthy deed and decided to go visit Hijikata, just to rub some Tabasco into his wounds.
Hijikata glared at his new king, who had just dropped by, looking far too pleased. He was certain that the demon spawn had come over to torment him further and not to offer sympathy.
"My, my, Hijikata san, look at you. Do you not feel any shame to lie in that state, being the Vice commander and all? Maybe I should just tell Totsuan to fire you already and promote Yamazaki; he'd make a better leader than you. By the way, who was it who committed this glori-ahem- terrible deed?"
"You were just about to say 'glorious', weren't you?! And don't you pretend that you are unaware that it was your wife that did it!"
"My wife? China? Well, at least she can do something that makes me happy. Guess she isn't just a useless, loud mouthed brat after all. I hope I can attend your funeral soon, Hijibaka san."
"Who the hell are you calling Hijibaka, dammit!"
Hijikata winced at the sudden pain that shot through his back. Growling at his inability to move even a little, he swore that he was going to be banning all firearms, especially bazookas, in the castle the very second he resumed his duties. That sadist couple would truly be the end of him one day…
He looked up quickly as footsteps sounded at the doorway. He had been expecting one of the Shinsengumi members or Totsuan or one of the nurses, but certainly not Kagura. He groaned mentally, definite that she was about to follow in the footsteps of her husband soon. So, when she offered him a bottle of mayonnaise and a pack of cigarettes, he was surprised beyond words, to say the least.
"What are you gaping at me for like that, Mayora? It's really creepy, uh huh. I never thought that you too were a disgusting lolicon."
"Oi, don't misunderstand me! I'm not a lolicon like that stalker Toujou! And why ever have you come here?"
"I just came to see how effective bazookas are in knocking out the enemy, uh huh. I think I'll use it on the sadist too, next time he annoys me."
"I think you are the real sadist here! But, ehm, thanks for the mayonnaise and tobacco."
"There is nothing to say thanks for, yes? Those poisons threaten human life, it's better that they are kept away from normal living beings, uh huh. And don't call me that sadist's wife. It is unsedimented, uh huh. "
"I think you mean 'unsettling', Princess. But if you aren't his wife, who are you to him?" Hijikata raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"Who cares about grammar, yes? And as to who I am to that sadist king of yours, I'm his worst and most hated rival, uh huh. The same goes for him too." And she walked out, her long red hair dancing to and fro. Puffing at a cigarette, Hijikata silently wondered if even time could make the marriage a happy one. Probably not; love, and all that stuff were just illusions that hurt one the hardest in life.
Walking along the corridors of the palace, Kagura wished that she had an extra pair of eyes just to see all the new, foreign objects that seemed to be everywhere. Coming from a place like Rakuyou, where it was only the bare essentials for war and daily life that mattered, she was quite surprised to see all the small, tasteful decorations that filled the palace. She decided that they made the place prettier, and that she too was going to take stuff like this to the Rakuyou palace. Tsukky and Anego would really like them and most importantly, they could give any place a homely feel, something that had left along with her dear Mami.
Her smile fading as she recalled her mother, Kagura's steps slowed down. Suddenly, she stopped at an open door, sharply catching her breath.
The sadist was standing in front of a portrait of a woman very much similar to him. His head was bowed and were those tears that she saw running down his cheeks? The sadist was …. crying.
Huh? I'm not imagining stuff, am I? No, that can't be, that pinch really hurt! But why is the sadist crying like that? I didn't even think a guy like him could cry…. Whatever is the matter with him? Should I go tease him, or should I just ignore him? Damn it, why do I feel so strangely upset because that idiot's crying?
Sougo suddenly whirled around, his eyes flashing with rage, drawing his sword to cut down whoever had walked in on him when he was most defenseless. He started on seeing that his sword had been blocked by Kagura's umbrella. The girl herself looked stunned at his sudden display of rage and a faint quiver shook her umbrella. Resuming his deadpan expression once more, Sougo asked, his voice colder than the Arctic winds, "Just what do you think you are doing here, China?"
"I was just taking a walk around when I passed the door, Sadist! Do you seriously try to kill anybody who walks in on you? Just how cruel can you get, huh?"
"I'm in no mood for your brainless bickering, China. Now, just get lost."
Kagura involuntarily gulped on seeing her rival so mad. For once, she said no more about his behavior and did as he ordered. Sougo watched her go, his deadpan expression collapsing as he once more faced the portrait of his late sister.
Tama looked up from her cleaning, as she saw Kagura enter the kitchen in a rush, plop down on a chair and pout like an annoyed, bewildered and hungry child. Guessing that what the girl would appreciate best were probably not questions, but a lot of food, Tama laid out a bowl of delicious chicken soup and a jar of sukonbu in front of the girl. Kagura eagerly devoured everything in front of her, feeling much, much better once her stomach was full again. She grinned gratefully at Tama, thanking her many times over and over. The maid listened with a smile, it was quite rare for her to receive such high praise, given so freely. Finally, she asked delicately," Is there anything troubling you, Kagura sama? I may not be able to do much, but sharing one's troubles can lighten them by an unbelievable extent."
"I guess so, Tama. That's what Anego used to say too… But you don't have to tell me that, it's the damned Sadist who needs to be told that!"
"Why, Princess? Is there something wrong with the Prince?"
Kagura narrated the happenings of the past hour to Tama with a lot of detail and vigorous actions to emphasize her indignation, shock, etc. The maid listened, her eyes briefly darkening with sorrow, for she knew what the girl in front of her was talking about. Ever since Queen Mitsuba had passed away, the prince had never truly been quite the same as before, often venting his rage and frustration on Hijikata, who had loved his sister and had won her love. She frowned as she realized that Kagura knew nothing of this and no one in the palace had even thought of telling her anything about it before.
"Kagura sama, I can explain this. Though it's really irresponsible of them not to have told you of it before… Okita sama had an older sister, named Mitsuba. She was the lady you glimpsed in the portrait. Their parents had died while they were young and she was like a mother, perhaps even more than that for Okita sama. Well, Mitsuba sama had always been physically weak and many doctors wouldn't give her too many years to live. But she held on… Then she met and fell in love with Hijikata sama, but there was no way that a marriage could happen, due to the great difference in their standings. I believe Okita sama has always resented Hijikata for somehow taking his beloved sister away from him and never returning her love. Mitsuba sama died very recently, just a few months ago and her last wish was that Okita sama get married and be a good, responsible ruler… He probably did not mean to be so fierce with you, so don't take it too deeply to heart, Kagura sama."
"Who said I'm taking that idiot sadist's actions to heart? I don't care what he does in the least; I only want to beat him up! So that was why he agreed to the marriage, uh huh. Thanks for telling me and also for the food, Tama. Can I make one more request of you?"
"Hime sama, you can hardly make requests of me when it's your right to order me. I will accede to whatever you say."
"Friends don't order each other, Tama! From now on, I want to be called simply 'Kagura', yes? No need for formalities with me, uh huh. Besides, it's not like I'm really the queen or princess or anyone as important as that. I'm just a passing guest, who'll be leaving when her time is up. But I'll make sure to knock sense into the head of that damned idiot before I leave, uh huh."
Tama looked a little sad as she asked, "You're leaving, Kagura sama?"
"I can't stay here forever, yes? And besides, it's not like anyone will miss me too much. And if I don't go, god knows what all the idiots in my kingdom are going to do. They might even start a civil war, uh huh. And my family might be worried about me…"
Tama had never in her life contradicted a princess and she didn't make an exception that night as well. But she thought quietly that if she had, she would have told the childish princess that half of what she said was totally wrong.
The next morning, Sougo left his room at dawn, carrying a packet of super spicy rice crackers and a bottle of Tabasco sauce. He went down to the royal cemetery, where his sister slept and placed the offerings on her grave. It had been three months since she died and her death hurt like it was only a day old. He didn't cry, but he could still feel his eyes blurring with liquid.
As he walked out, he noticed a huge bazooka pointing straight at his face. And of course, it was his wife wielding it, a devilish grin on her face.
"Oi, China, what the hell are you doing? Do you hate being married so much that you wish to become a widow? Though no one will even want to marry a pig like you, so you'll just have to stay a widow forever. "
"Who the hell are you calling a pig?! And of course I hate being married to a Sadistic jerk like you! Now why don't you go straight to hell and stop insulting me?!" However, she hardly got a chance to fire the bazooka as Sougo dashed forward, slashing the barrel into two. Kagura pulled out her umbrella and it soon degenerated into a violent street fight, with the opponents using all the dirty tricks they knew, including biting, kicking, scratching and a lot more.
And thus, when they were about to reenter the palace, the guards stopped them, for the simple reason that they looked for like truant school children after a catfight than the good looking, polished and dazzling royals they actually were. After decreeing a punishment of sadistic torture for the errant guards, Sougo vaguely noticed that the pain in his chest that had been present since the previous night had almost vanished. His broken ribs still hurt like hell, though.
A/N; So there ends the second chapter! I wrote this in parts while studying for a math exam, so I apologize if the flow isn't too smooth. A universe of thanks to all those who read, followed and reviewed this story! Especial thanks to Akely for her beautiful review; I hope I have justified your trust, Akely!
Please send me suggestions, requests, anything you wish to. I'd really be grateful to you if you review as well, I love to know what you think about it. Constructive criticism and suggestions for improvement are also greatly appreciated!