The next morning when I leave for work I can see dad standing at the door watching me leave. It feels weird being watched all the time.

Bobby was right, he did have a lot of work lined up for me and he's even letting me work on the cars. It's nasty, hard work and I love it. Around noon he pulls me out from underneath a SUV that needs U-joints, "Come on, I'm hungry." I make us some food from his kitchen and we eat in mostly silence, other than the sound of forks on the plates its quiet. The rest of the day passes by the same way. And by the time I'm leaving it's already dark out.

There's a police car in our driveway and another that's not familiar. When I open the door all eyes turn to me and I see Hendrickson at the table. Both my parents look strung out and it's obviously because I got off later than I said I would. "Hey mom." I toss my jacket onto the couch, "Detective."

"Hello Dean. It looks like you've worked hard today. I'll try to make this as quick as possible." He motions for me to sit down and another man comes in with a recorder. "This is my partner," he sits down in front of me and starts firing off several questions. "November 9th was your first encounter with Castiel Novak?"

"Well on Saturdays I normally hang out with convicted felons, but he'd never been in the mix."

"Dean!" my mom sounds angry but truth be told I don't like this guy.

He waves at his partner and the man told my parents that they thought it best if we were alone. "How many people did he kill when you were with him?"

I'd seen four, but for all I know it could have been a lot more. It's getting easier to see the man that the media portrays and the man that Castiel actually is. "Four, I only saw him kill four."

"And were you with him for every second?" I shake my head and look at my boots, "Did you ever help him?"

My head snaps up and I stare at the man sitting in front of me, "With what? Killing someone?" I almost throw up, "God no."

Hendrickson holds up his hands and apologizes, "We just have to check." He asks a few more questions, mainly about if I know any place that Castiel might be headed. He asks if I knew who any of the victims were and I shake my head no and think about Heidi. He gets up and I follow him and his partner to the door, "One last thing Dean."

I sigh, there's always one last thing, "Yeah detective?"

"Keep your head up. We'll find him."

"Godspeed." I'm in my room even before their car engine starts and I lay down my bed, my face buried in my pillow. Why wouldn't I just be normal like everyone else and not be the person who everyone stares at with pity in their eyes?

I call Jo around one in the morning; she answers immediately, "What's wrong looser?"

"Nothing, you want to sneak out?"

"Oh Dean, are you suggesting we break our parents trust and get drunk in some pasture and figure out the meaning of life?" she laughs and I do to.

"What else would I be talking about?" I took a shower earlier and I no longer feel like I'm covered in slime and other things I don't want to know about, I'm also incredibly bored.

"Well I'm with a friend so is it cool if she joins us?" Jo sounds kind of nervous, I don't know why, she knows I like all of her friends. "You don't know her."

Oh, "Is she hot?" I say it without thinking because that's my standard response to anyone every time they mention a girl I don't know.

Jo laughs again, "Don't worry about it, you're not her type."

We meet about half an hour later, Jo and her friend brought the booze and I brought blankets and food. They're already kind of tipsy by the time they get there. "I'm Charlie." a cute red head introduces herself, but cute in the way like an annoying sister, not promising way.

I spread out the blanket and pass around the food I dug out from the fridge, a bowl of mashed potatoes, rolls, and cold cuts from the Christmas turkey. "So when did you move here Charlie?"

I twist off a beer cap and lean back on my arms, its cold but under all the blankets and layers I wear it's not so bad. "Uh right before Halloween, I needed a new start and I thought, 'I'll go to where all the exciting things are happening!' instead I landed in Lawrence."

"Hey," Jo shoves the other girl, "It's not a bad town, and we have interesting things happen."

"Like what?" I ask, because honestly I've lived here my whole life and nothing has ever been that interesting.

Jo shrugs and drinks her beer, "The people are nice, ok?"

Charlie and I laugh and Jo smiles, "Are you coming to the New Year's Eve bash Charlie?" I bump her shoulder, she seems nice enough.

"Maybe, I don't know, everybody's going to have a date and I don't think I'll find one in this town."

"Why not?" Jo kicks my foot but I turn towards Charlie, she is pretty, I'm just not interested. I think that I won't be interested in anyone for a long time.

"I like girls Dean." She's right, she won't find a date in this town, Charlie's the first gay girl I've met. Poor kid. To me love is love, but not to everyone. Jo doesn't seem uncomfortable, and maybe I've been worried to long about her hating me that I haven't considered that maybe she doesn't care one way or another.

Jo gets up to find a spot to pee, leaving Charlie and me alone. I get the feeling that normally she's a lot more talkative. "You look like you're about to burst."

"Jo said you stayed in Kansas because she asked you, is that true?"

I shrug my shoulders and lean my head back to look at the night sky, "I don't know, leaving everything you know and everyone you love to just stay in some strange city is hard."

"Trust me," Charlie lays down on the blanket and holds her feet straight up. Her converses have doodles all over the sides, "I know about that. Although leaving behind the loved ones couldn't really apply." I open my mouth and she cuts me off, "Another time."

"Alright. Well I didn't stay for her, I stayed for me. I was afraid of being alone, I still am."

"Is that why we're here tonight?" she drops her feet and turns her head to look at me.

"I don't like being alone, especially at night." I'm afraid of my own dreams. Because I dream of Cas and I wake up feeling empty. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone, not even Jo?"

Charlie sits up and her face is serious, "Putting a lot of pressure on someone you just met." She tries to laugh but she looks nervous.

"I'm bi." God it feels good to just say it to someone. Charlie starts to say something but we hear Jo stumbling back through the grass.

Jo sits down beside both of us, forming a triangle, "Alright, it's getting kind of late Dean, don't you have to work in the morning?"

I look at my watch and it's a little past 2:30 and Bobby does like me getting to the shop at eight, it would take me thirty minutes to walk back to my house and get in bed, "I guess, just don't tell Bobby I was out here tonight."

"Yeah and let my mother know I snuck out and went to a darkened field with my ex boyfriend? Yeah I'm not crazy Winchester."

My room is cold from having the window open and I don't think I could sleep anyways. I pull on a pair of sweats and lie down on the couch. There's nothing on so I settle for RugRats and turn the volume almost all the way down. "Babies could never actually do any of this."

I look over and Cas is sitting on the edge, "Cas?"

"Why does the bald one have a toy screw driver in his diaper?"

"They based Tommy after the doctor. It's for kids Cas, kids don't question it."

"What Doctor?"

"Doctor Who."

"Yes Doctor Who?"

"Don't start that. It's a show Cas."

"I never got to watch a lot of TV."

"I've noticed, hey come lay down with me. I'm cold."

Cas shakes his head and gets up, "I can't Dean."

I try to get up, to reach out to him in any way possible, but I can't. "Why not?"

"Because you left me." And he's gone, just like that. Like he was never even there.

Someone's shaking my shoulder, there's light piercing my eyelids and it hurts, "What are you sleeping in here for Dean?"

Mom is standing next to the couch with a confused look on her face, the TV is still on but whatever is playing it's not RugRats and again I feel empty.