Brittany and I began our drive to my dad's house early this morning. I didn't get much sleep last night because it was so cold, even with Brittany snuggled up behind me the whole night. Her feet were freezing and they kept brushing against my legs, but Brittany refused to put on socks because, apparently, I deserved it after what I did that night.
Right now we are stopped at a gas station and Brittany is sitting in the nice, warm car while I am out here freezing trying to get this pump to work. Finally, it clicks into place. I let out a sigh of relief as I stick my hands inside my coat to warm them up. It started snowing last night, just after they announced the winner of the ugliest Christmas sweater competition, which Brittany rightfully won.
"I love when you do that."
I jump at the sound of Brittany's voice, not even realizing that she got out of the car.
"Jesus Britt," I cover my heart with my hand as she slides her arms around my neck. "What was I doing?" I ask curiously.
"The Santurtle." She kisses my cheek.
"The what?" I laugh.
"The Santurtle," she repeats coming to stand in front of me.
"Care to explain?"
"You put your arms in your coat and tuck your chin in. You look like a turtle."
"Did you come out into the freezing cold to tell me that?"
"Yep," she smiles, leaning against the car. "Who were you on the phone with?" She asks.
"Quinn," I say, turning my body to face her. "She called me and asked when we were heading back."
"Is she having a good break?"
"I guess," I shrug. "She doesn't really get along with her mom."
"Oh," she breathes and starts rubbing her hands together to keep them warm.
"What is this?" I ask, moving closer to Brittany. "Is Brittany Pierce cold?" I tug on her arm and pull her closer to me, taking her hands in mine and tucking them between our bodies. Her whole body is shivering now.
"I blame you," she mumbles into to chilled air, little puffs of air making their presence known. "I'm still recovering from last night," she gives me a look.
I accidentally threw a snowball at Brittany's face last night. It hit her right in the eye, which is still red.
"Hey, I seriously didn't mean to do that. You stepped into my line of fire. I was aiming for Sam."
"I know," she smiles at me. "You throw pretty hard though."
"Come on," I wrap my arms around her still shivering body. "Let's get you in the car."
Brittany smiles a grateful smile at me before making her way to the other side of the car.
"Do you have your IPod with you?" Brittany asks me when we hit the highway again.
"It in the front pocket of my purse," I nod my head toward the back seat.
Brittany twists in her spot, having to unbuckle her seatbelt to reach it. Her ass is sticking up and it's right in my face.
"Are you trying to cause an accident," I laugh when Brittany's ass keeps bumping into my shoulder, causing me to swerve a little in my lane.
"Got it," she calls, coming back to sit properly in her seat. "Let's see what Santana listens to," she starts scrolling through all my music. "You have every single NOW cd," she mentions. "My new goal in life is to listen to every single song. Starting," she pauses for a moment. "Now."
The music starts playing and both of us furrow our brows. I own every cd, but that doesn't mean I know every song and I definitely don't know this one. Plus, it has been more than ten years since these things started coming out. Despite not knowing the song, Brittany doesn't change it. She just sits there bobbing her head to the music and dancing in her chair.
When the next song plays, she squeals and grabs my arm. We both start singing along when it starts.
"And I don't care who you are. Where you're from. Don't care what you did. As long as you love me," we sing together, laughing all the while.
Listening to this music gives me a nice trip down memory lane and how I used to have a crush on the youngest Hanson member. Also, watching Brittany try to sing the lyrics to every song, even the ones she doesn't know, is quite entertaining.
/
When I pull into the driveway, there is a weird sense of comfort that takes over my body. I have been talking a lot with my father and I'm beginning to feel the old connection I used to have with him. I just feel like everything is falling back into place.
I stop the car and turn the engine off. Brittany grabs hold of my hand as it drops between the two front seats, my keys dangling from our joined fingers. Brittany lets out a yawn as she bring my hand up to her lips to place a few kisses to the back of my knuckles.
I lean across the consul to give her a proper kiss, savoring this moment simply because I feel the need to. She hums into my mouth as we kiss lazily for a few moments. When I finally pull back, I rest my forehead against hers, looking into her eyes to find all the reassurance I need to prepare myself for the next few days. Not just in dealing with coming out to my father, but dealing with all the other people in my family as well.
Brittany exits the car first and I watch silently as she grabs both of our bags from the back seat. I am mesmerized by everything she does lately. This morning I found myself staring at her while we were getting all our things together to leave and I didn't snap out of it until she was standing in front of me, waving her hand in front of my face.
Brittany makes her way over to the driver's side, where she opens the door, leaning against its frame. I twist in the seat, swinging my legs toward her and I am about to step out when her hand comes up to stop me. I continue to watch her as she steps closer, fitting herself in-between my legs, until she is wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I let myself fall into her embrace, feeling every part of her body warm my own, even if our big coats are in the way.
She offers a hand out to me when she pulls back, which I gladly take and we begin walking toward the house. I open the front door as quietly as possible. We left the cabin pretty early, so I'm sure my dad and sister are still asleep.
The house is deafeningly quiet, the only sound coming from the grandfather clock at the end of the hall. I motion to Brittany to be quiet and she gives me a slight nod. I feel like I am breaking into my own house right now because I have an overwhelming feeling that I need to be quiet. I point up the stairs to signal that's where we are headed and Brittany wordlessly follows my lead. The steeps creak as we make our way up to my bedroom. I show Brittany where my room is and push open the door for her to enter.
She takes a few tentative steps into the room, looking around at her surroundings before she finally sets her bag on the ground.
"This is a lot different than your other room," she whispers.
"Yeah," I shrug. "I haven't exactly been around to redecorate."
Brittany looks behind me and must see something that catches her eyes because she is brushing past me in the next instant.
"Is this her?" She asks, brushing her fingertips over the picture frame on my dresser.
I turn to inspect what she is looking at. It's a picture of me and my mom from when I was little.
"Yeah," I breathe, coming to stand behind Brittany.
"She looks just like you," she twist her head a tiny bit to peer at me before turning back to the picture. I rest my forehead on the back of Brittany's shoulder, trying to stop the sudden sting in my eyes. I don't even know how long it has been since I last looked at a picture of my mom.
I feel the tears build up behind my eyes before my vision is blurred and I have to blink it away. I wrap my hands around Brittany, pulling myself into her and silently let the tears fall. I don't know if she notices that I'm crying or not, but something tells me she does. Maybe it's the way that she grabs hold of my hands that are resting on her stomach or the way that she starts gently swaying side to side.
Eventually she lets go of my hands and turns around to face me. I duck my head to my chest because I hate it when people see me cry. Brittany reaches out, resting the palm of her hand against my cheek to wipe away a few tears with her thumb.
"I'm sorry," I choke out when a new wave of tears form in my eyes. I wipe them away with the heels of my hand as Brittany pulls me into her.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she rubs up and down my arms. She guides me back toward my bed where she pulls the covers back and crawls in. I follow her where I am wrapped back up in her warm embrace.
After a few minutes, I feel myself calm down.
"I love you Britt."
/
We lay in bed for what feels like an hour, though I'm not really sure how long it has actually been. Long enough for my arm to go numb and long enough to hear some rustling around about the house. I kinda hope it's my father and that Maya is still in bed. I want to wake her up and surprise her to let her know I'm here.
"Britt," I gently shake her arm that's draped across my stomach. She doesn't answer, just stirs a little behind me. As carefully and quietly as I possibly can, I turn around in the circle of her arms, trying not to move too much to wake her up. I make it all the way around without waking her.
Brittany's mouth is hanging open as she lays sleeping, her hair only a little messy this time. I lean forward and place a kiss to the tip of her nose because I just can't help myself.
Whenever she stays the night with me, or vice versa, she always wakes up before I do, so I never really get moments like this.
Brittany mumbles something incoherent before pulling me into her body and smashing my face against her chest. I almost have to pry myself away from her grip, but eventually I push back enough to look at her face again. She is wearing a smirk which means she's awake and also that she did that on purpose because she knows I hate it. How could I be mad we she looks like that though? Her eyes are barely open and she just looks so innocent. I lean in to give her a kiss.
"I'll be right back, okay?" I tell her, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face. She just gives me a lazy nod before closing her eyes again and falling back asleep.
I slowly get off the bed, my body still stiff from laying there for so long without moving.
When I make it into the hallway, I tip toe down to Maya's room. Just as I am about to turn the door knob, a voice stops me.
"No. Way!" I don't even fully turn around before I am being crushed in a hug. "When did you get here? Does dad know you're here?"
"Whoa," I try to steady myself after almost being knocked over. "I got here earlier, everyone was asleep, so I thought I would wait."
"Oh my god! I'm so excited," Maya grabs my wrist and pulls me into her room and doesn't stop until we are sitting on her bed. "You finally get to meet my boyfriend," she smiles at me.
"What?" I ask.
"I have a boyfriend," she squeals. "And he's coming tomorrow. He also has an older brother," she wiggles her eyebrows at me. "I could totally give him your number."
"Uh- no," I laugh. "I'm good. I actually came with someone..." I say carefully.
"Oh?" she asks, intrigued.
"Um- yeah. Look Maya, there's something I need to tell y-"
"You made it!" My dad cuts me off from the door. I only have time to register the slight questioning look in Maya's eyes before I am, once again, tackled. "So good to see you."
"You too dad."
"So, where's this friend you brought? Is she here?" He looks around the room like she would be hiding out somewhere.
"Yeah. She's still asleep."
"Well, go wake her up then and I'll cook everyone a Christmas Eve breakfast."
"Sure," I smile at my dad before getting up.
When I get back into my room, Brittany is still passed out. I go to the side of the bed Brittany is on and kneel down in front of her. I place a kiss to her forehead before I shake her shoulder to wake her up. She slowly blinks open her eyes, a soft smile playing at her lips as she stretches out her body.
"Mmm," she mumbles. "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired right now."
"Maybe some breakfast will help?" I ask her, my fingers smoothing out her hair.
"Maybe," she starts sitting up, bringing her hand to her head. "Oh man," she rubs at her skull. "Headache."
I take her free hand in mine, toying with her fingers.
"I'll get you some medicine," I tell her. "Why don't you head on down and I'll bring you some."
"Okay," she continues to rub her head.
Brittany exist the room, leaving me kneeling on the ground in front of my bed still. I turn to sit down, my back resting against the mattress. I put my head in my hands, running my fingers though my hair before I finally get up and make my way to the bathroom to get Brittany some medicine.
/
Brittany is stretched out across the couch when I get downstairs. She has her eyes closed, but I can tell she isn't sleeping. She must hear me enter the room though because her eyes open and she sits up.
I hand her two pills while I take a seat next to her. She takes the pills from me and the glass of water I brought and washes them down.
"I'm not feeling too good," she mumbles.
"Do you want to go back to bed?" I rub my hand up and down her thigh.
"After pancakes," she leans her head against the back of the couch. "Smells so good." I laugh at her adorableness and pull her so her head is resting on my shoulder. "Your dad is really nice," she tells me after about a minute.
"You met him?"
"Yeah, he came in here to say hi." Brittany's body shivers against mine. "I saw your sister too. She gave me a weird look."
"I'll tell you about that later," I sigh, not wanting to bring it up before I have even had my first cup of coffee.
"I'm so cold," Brittany shivers again. "How come you're not cold? It's freezing in here."
"Because I have this on," I smile at her as she looks down at my sweatshirt that used to belong to her.
Brittany grabs a fistful of the sweatshirt and pulls me closer to her.
"It looks so sexy on you," she nudges her nose against mine.
"Alright ladies," my dad's voice sounds from the kitchen, causing me to push away from Brittany. "Time to eat." I give Brittany an apologetic look before we both get up and head into the kitchen.
/
"Pierce, huh?" my dad asks for the third time since we sat down. "Where have I heard that name before?" he stares off into the distance, like he is trying to remember an old friend.
"I dunno," Brittany shrugs.
"I'll remember it sooner or later," he comments, waving his hand in the air to dismiss the conversation for now. "So, how do you two know each other? Quinn is the only friend I ever hear Santana talk about."
"Well, I am Rachel's roommate," Brittany tells him.
"Rachel," he repeats. "That's the loud one right?" he turns to me.
"Yeah dad. That's the loud one," I laugh.
Maya comes into the kitchen just as my father finishes his stack of pancakes and gets up saying he has to catch up on the morning news. There is an awkward silence as Maya rummages around, getting herself a plate and sitting down at the table, without so much as throwing a glance toward me.
I look over to Brittany and see that she is shifting uncomfortably in her chair.
"So, Maya," I decide to break the silence. "What's your boyfriend's name?"
I see her whole demeanor change at the mention of his name. Her face isn't so hard anymore and her eyes become brighter.
"Chris," she says casually, clearly trying to play off her excitement.
"How long have you two been dating?" I take a bite of pancake.
"About six months," she tells me.
My eyes widen at the news.
Six months?
"Wow," I breathe. "So, when's the wedding?" I joke.
Maya snaps her eyes up to me. "Shut up," she says, her cheeks turning pink.
"I was just kidding." I laugh. "Why didn't you tell me?"
She just looks at me for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed together.
"I could ask you the same thing," she finally says back. "I mean, how long have you two been seeing each other?"
"What?" Brittany asks, when I don't say anything. "We're not-"
"A few months," I cut her off with a shrug.
There is a long silence that stretches between the three of us, with Brittany and I sitting frozen in our seats while Maya's gaze flashes back and forth between us.
"Cool," Maya finally speaks, causing me to let out a breath of relief. Brittany seems to do the same as her hand that was holding her fork regains its color.
"Cool?" I ask carefully.
"You know my best friend, Kirsten?" I nod my head. "Well, she plays for your team."
"Is she on the Cheerios?" Brittany leans close to ask me.
"No, Britt. Our team, well half of yours." I correct myself.
"Oh," she breathes.
"Anyway, she totally had a crush on me for a while there. It was awkward for a few months between us, but she has a girlfriend now, so," she finishes with a shrug.
I laugh because this is just so Maya. My mother was really carefree and easy going. You can definitely tell who she takes after. I am more like my dad personality wise. We are both reserved, although he seems to be a lot more open about things now. I guess that's what happens after years of therapy.
/
"San," Brittany groans. "I feel awful," she rolls around on the bed, holding her head.
"You're not going to throw up again are you?" I ask, scratching the small of her back.
"I didn't throw up," she tells me. "I just thought I was going to."
"Come here," I open up my arms for Brittany. She slowly crawls toward me, groaning each time one of her limbs move. When she finally gets up to me, she lets out a sigh of relief, curling her body around mine.
"I'm probably just going to fall asleep again," she tells me. "You should go be with your family."
"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep," I rub up and down her arms. "Besides, they are probably just watching TV."
"Okay," she breathes. Then after a moment she speaks again. "Did you ever have a crush on Quinn?" Brittany asks me.
My eyes widen and I choke a little on my next breath.
"What?"
"Well, she is your best friend, right?"
"And?" I draw out waiting for the explanation.
"And isn't that like a lesbian rite of passage?"
"No."
"No?"
"No," I repeat.
"But you have seen Quinn right? You're telling me you never thought about it?"
"Have you?"
"Yes," she tell me.
I scoff and push her away from me, causing her to wince in pain.
"I was kidding," she presses the heel of her hand to her forehead as she rolls down.
"Come back up here," I sigh. "You need to go to sleep," I comb through her hair. "Before you start talking crazier."
Brittany laughs a little before she stops and groans in pain again.
I lay with Brittany long after she falls asleep, until I finally have to get up because I need to use the bathroom. Instead of heading back into my room, I decided to go sit with my dad and sister in the living room. Just like I thought, they are watching TV, well, my dad is watching TV. My sister is playing on her phone.
"How's she doing?" My dad asks, turning his attention away from the TV.
"She's asleep," I tell him, going to sit on the other end of the couch. "What are we watching?"
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas," he answers, watching intently as it comes back from commercial.
This is actually one of the few Christmas movies I have seen, and enjoy. It might be because I can relate so well with the Grinch. Apparently, this is something they do every Christmas now. They just in front of the TV all day and watch whatever Christmas movie is playing.
After this one ends, a new one comes on. I think its Rudolph or something. I lose interest within the first few minutes, becoming like my sister and finding my phone more entertaining.
Brittany comes downstairs somewhere during this one though, parking herself on the floor in front of me. I look over to my dad and see that he has fallen asleep in his chair and Maya isn't even in the room anymore.
"I love this movie," Brittany whispers.
/
"Can we watch a movie?" Brittany asks me.
"You want to watch another movie?" I roll my head to look at Brittany.
"With ice cream?"
"Hmm," I lay my body against her side, running my finger up and down her arm. "What kind of ice cream?"
Brittany thinks for a moment before answering. "I'll take whatever you got."
"Okay, I'll be right back," I lean in to give her a kiss, but her hand comes up to stop me. "What?"
"I'm sick," she says simply.
"So? I've been kissing you all day."
"I just remembered that you probably shouldn't," she worries her lip between her teeth. "I don't want you to get sick too."
"I think it's a little late to worry about that," I try and kiss her again but she does the same thing. "Oh come on," I pout. "It's Christmas Eve."
"No," she sucks her lips into her mouth, shaking her head from side to side.
"Fine," I grumble and make my way toward the door.
"I love you," Brittany calls.
"Yeah, yeah," I mumble.
Upon returning to my room, I see that Brittany has already set up camp on the floor to watch our movie. I smile on the inside, not wanting to actually smile because Brittany didn't give me a kiss.
"Here," I hand the bowl of ice cream to her without looking at her and sit down on the floor, fluffing out the pillows behind me.
"You want some?" Brittany asks me. I give her a short no as a response, folding my arms across my chest. "Here comes the plane," Brittany waves the spoon in front of my face and the next thing I know there is ice cream on the tip of my nose. "Oh," she sighs. "Oh no. San, what happened?" I try as hard as possible to keep my face hard and my lips from twitching up. "You have ice cream all over you. Don't worry though, I got it," she leans in and licks it off with the tip of her tongue.
Before she moves away, I capture her lips in mine, tasting the sweet flavor of strawberry.
"You tell me I can't kiss you, and then you lick me?" I mumble into her lips.
"I was just joking about the kiss," she pulls back. "I'm feeling better now, I think I just needed sleep." Brittany slides her hand under the hem of my shirt, smoothing it across my skin. I close my eyes at the sensation.
"So you weren't really sick?"
"Well, not sick sick. When I get headaches, which isn't very often, they hurt so bad I can't do anything, so I usually just sleep through it,"
"Did you already pick out a movie?"
"Maybe," she drawls out.
"Is it Marley and me again?"
She just shrugs her shoulders in response.
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" I laugh. "Remember last time?"
This is going to be the fourth time we watch this movie together and each time it ends the same way.
"Yeah I do, someone," she glances at me. "Was crying like a baby."
"Yeah, you."
"I'll admit to crying about it. It doesn't bother me, but you," she pokes me in my chest. "Miss, 'I'm from Lima Heights. A story about a dog isn't going to make me cry,' need to admit it."
"Why do I need to admit it?"
"I just want to hear you say it. You loved that dog," she coos, pinching my cheeks.
"No."
"Please," she begs, puffing out her lower lip.
"You can't make me."
"Oh?" she asks, one of her eyebrows quirking up.
"Britt," I warn. "Don't."
"Don't what?" She asks innocently, swinging her legs over my lap to straddle me.
"Everyone is sleeping," I tell her.
"Then you'll have to make sure you don't scream," she leans down to nip at my bottom lip. My body arches up into her touch without me even realizing it. "Mmm," she hums, biting her lower lip. "Someone's eager."
We have been with her family for a week and a half. That means we haven't been alone and that means we haven't had sex. So, yeah, I'm eager, but she can't know that because if she does, that means she wins.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as she runs her hands across my stomach, biting the inside of my cheek hoping that pain will mask the feeling I am getting from her touching me. It doesn't of course, and I find my breathing getting a little faster as her hands decide to venture under my shirt.
"Brittany," I squirm underneath her, trying to get her to stop by making my voice sound threatening, but it comes out sounding more like a moan, causing her to dig her finger tips harder into my skin. She begins kissing my neck. She knows that's a weakness of mine. It just feels so damn good.
I arch my neck back, giving her more room to work as Brittany's hands move further up my shirt, toying with the fabric of my bra. She ghosts over the smooth flesh of my breasts, flattening out her palms and running them across my chest.
My hands leave my sides, venturing up to meet Brittany's hips, but she quickly swats them away.
She leans back to give me a look, telling me I'm not allowed to touch her in a voice so low it causes goosebumps to rise across my whole body. Brittany lowers herself back onto my body, grinding her ass down into me. I don't even try to stop the moan that escapes my lips this time. I just let it happen.
Brittany smirks at me when she hears it before leaning in closer to my ear.
"You know," she husks. "This could feel a whole lot better," she grinds down on me again. "If you just give up," Brittany trails her fingers up the side of my leg, lightly skating across my center, causing my body to shiver beneath her. "And you could touch me," she wiggles her eyebrows. "While I touch you," she presses down firmer. My eyes roll to the back of my head. My mouth is dry from breathing heavily.
"Okay," I pant out, not even caring that I lasted all of three minutes before giving up. But Brittany is sitting in my lap, grinding down into me and the only thing stopping her from touching me is me admitting to crying during a movie. I am willing to throw my pride out for this one.
My hands shoot up to her sides, needing something to ground me right now.
"Uh-uh," she shakes her head, pushing my arms behind me and pinning them above my head. "You need to say the words."
"Ugh," I groan. "Fine. I cried like a fucking baby," I say as I push myself into Brittany and flip us over so I am onto of her. I start kissing down her neck as soon as I get the chance as she kicks her legs out. Her foot, or something, must hit my dresser because the next thing I know there is a loud crash.
Brittany tries to look past me to see what it is, but I grab hold of her face to keep kissing her. She eventually gives up on trying to look and focuses back on the task at hand.
There is a knock on the door, I push off Brittany so fast I am pretty sure I actually flew across the room. The door opens and I just pray to whoever is listening that my shirt is all the way down.
"I heard a loud-" my dad's voice stops short as he looks around the room and I just now notice what fell everywhere. It was all my furbies that were stacked on my dresser. "What happened in here," he laughs.
"Um-" I clear my throat. I am sure the look on my face right now is one of terror and shame.
"I ran into it Mr. Lopez," Brittany says, shifting her eyes over to me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Just wanted to make sure everything was alright," he waves to us. "Night ladies."
"Night," Brittany and I say at the same time.
When my dad shuts the door, I cover my face with my hands and fall forward into a pillow.
"Oh my god," I groan. This is the second time in less than three weeks we have almost been caught in the act. I'm just glad that I can apparently fly. There is a good five feet distance between Brittany and I right now.
It's actually quite impressive.
"I'm sorry," Brittany says softly.
"You should be," I raise my head to look at her. "Now I'm all hot and bothered, but I'm also not hot and bothered because almost having your dad walk in on you and your super-hot girlfriend having sex is a major turn off."
"Super hot?" Brittany tilts her head to the side as she crawls toward me.
"How do you always look so innocent?" I pull her down with me, so she is laying by my side. "I'm pretty sure I have guilty written all over my forehead."
"It's in my genes," she shrugs, "and you did look pretty guilty."
"Whatever," I push myself up and start straightening everything out. I aggressively fling the pillows back toward the end of the bed, the whole time Brittany is giggling at me. I send a scowl in her direction. "What?" I huff out.
"You're so cute," she rolls onto her back.
"I'm not cute," I scrunch my face up in anger. She just continues to laugh. "Hey," I throw a pillow at her. "I am trying to be mad here and you are killing my vibe."
"I'm sorry," she let out a few more bubbles of laughter. "You're right," Brittany clears her throat and sits up with me. She starts to pick up all the furbies on the ground and places them back on the shelves. Each time she does she lets out a grunt.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm being angry with you," she says simply. "Misery loves company."
"Misery wants you to get over here so we can watch this movie," I pat the space next to me. Brittany crawls over on all fours and lays her head down in my lap. "Does your head still hurt?" I ask, combing through her hair.
"No, but that feels really good."
/
Brittany has her arms wrapped around my waist. I can feel her breath hitting the back of my neck as I lay there awake wanting to move, but also wanting to stay wrapped up in her arms. My bag is sitting just a few feet from the spot we fell asleep on the floor, but it's just far enough to where I can't reach it without moving Brittany and possibly waking her up. I have learned though that Brittany, for the most part, is a pretty heavy sleeper and she almost never wakes up when I get up during the night to use the bathroom.
I just want to surprise her with her gift when she opens her eyes. I carefully peel away Brittany's arm that is resting on top of me and inch forward. I can see the gift sitting in the front pocket of my bag where it is sticking out. Brittany stirs behind me causing me to freeze in hopes that she will settle back down and stay asleep. After a few moments of no further movement, I let out a sigh of relief and finally grab the box.
I turn over, now free from both of Brittany's arms because she moved her other one, and set the box on the ground above my pillow. I softly kiss Brittany's lips hoping that is enough to wake her up. It's not though, so I do it again, pressing my mouth to hers a little harder. She starts to stir, bringing one of her arms to wrap around her neck to pull me in deeper to the kiss. I smirk to myself as I feel her awaken, her mouth finally moving with mine until I almost forget the reason I woke her up in the first place.
I reach up and grab the box, bringing it down between our bodies when I finally pull away from kissing Brittany. She looks from the box to me repeatedly, like she can't quite put the two things together.
"Merry Christmas," I whisper softly, a smile beams across her face as she remembers what day it is.
I motion for her to take the box with my eyes. She does and I have to roll onto my back so I can't see her reaction to it. I have always been a horrible gift giver and I have never given or received a gift from someone I was in love with. The whole time I was shopping for her gift, I kept getting frustrated because I had absolutely no idea what to get her.
A million different ideas played through my mind, but nothing seemed right. I almost bought her a camera, but she already has one that is a million times better than the one I had picked out.
I can hear Brittany tearing open the wrapping paper next to me and I find the need to turn to look at her overwhelming, so that's what I do. Who cares if I am embarrassed by my lame attempt at a Christmas gift? I just want to look at my girlfriend.
"San," she breathes as I watch her eyes tear up.
"Do you not like it?" I mutter. "I know it's kind of cheesy, but I just thought-"
I am cut off by a pair of warm lips against my own.
"I love it," she says against my lips.
"Really?" I ask carefully.
"Really."
"Quinn must have snapped that picture while we weren't paying attention."
"Well, I'm glad she did. Look at us. We look perfect." Quinn took a picture of Brittany and I sleeping on the chair in our living room. "Did you write this?" she asks, her fingers running along the inscribed words.
"Mhmm," I answer bashfully.
"It's beautiful," she smiles, leaning forward to capture my lips in hers again. "Okay," Brittany rolls over, trying to find her bag and when she does she pulls out three individually wrapped gifts. "I couldn't decide on one thing to get you, so I got you three," I sit up, wrapping the blanket around my body and take the three gifts Brittany is offering me. "Do this one last," she points to the smallest box.
"Okay," I say as I open the first one, finding a coffee mug inside. "My girlfriend bought me this mug," I read the side, sending a smirk to Brittany as she nervously fidgets in her spot.
"Because you love coffee," she tells me through a shrug. "And now you can drink it every morning and think of me." I just smile at her sitting there with her hair all over the place. I must smile too long because she laughs and tells me to open the next one.
"Vanilla scented massage oil," I say excitedly. "Wait, is this for me to use on you or…?" I trail off.
"Does it matter?" she winks.
"Good point."
"Now this one," she clasps her hands together. "This is like, the real gift," she rolls her eyes at herself. "Quinn helped me with this one," she says, suddenly looking a lot more nervous than excited.
It causes me to become somewhat nervous as well as I peer at her hands wringing together. When I get the wrapping paper I am met with a beautiful little box. I look back up to Brittany and she nods her head, telling me to open the box. I lift the lid and my breath catches in my throat. Brittany got me a heart-shaped necklace and its silver, not gold (I'm not really a fan of gold jewelry).
"It's a locket," she says quietly.
I open up the locket, expecting to find a picture of Brittany and me, but instead I find something that makes my heart stop. It's the picture on my desk of me and my mom.
"Britt," I choke on her name, feeling my eyes well up with tears. "Its-" I start, but stop finding myself speechless. "Thank you," I breathe out. I pull her into a hug, wrapping both of my arms around her neck and hold on tight. "I love you so much," I murmur into her neck.
"I love you too," she squeezes my body, her fingers digging into my shoulder blades. I stay like that for long moments, my eyes starting to burn from the lack of sleep. "We could totally go back to sleep," Brittany nudges my nose with hers. "It's only four."
"Yeah," I say through a yawn. "That's a great idea."
We lay back down, Brittany bringing the cover to wrap around our bodies. I tangle my legs with hers as she plays with a strand of my hair, twisting it around her finger. She drops the strand of hair and instead begins massaging the back of my scalp with her fingers, lightly scratching and causing my eyes to close.
"Mmm," I hum as I try to re-open my eyes to look at her, but they won't open. Instead I lean further into her, taking a deep breath and drift off into sleep.
/
"Okay," Brittany taps my arm. "Who is that?"
"Vin, my cousin."
"I need to stay away from him. He totally hit on me when I came out of the bathroom." I narrow my eyes in the direction of Vin, feeling a sudden urge to get up and smack him. I even feel my arms tense up. He is always causing some kind of trouble. Brittany must feel it because she grabs my hand, rubbing across the backs of my knuckles. "Relax babe. He's got nothing on you," she sends me a wink.
I relax a little, my fists un-balling, but I'm still a little rigid. Everyone is starting to show up and it's making me a nervous wreck. Most of these people I haven't seen in years, for example my abuela and abuelo who just walked in the door.
I want to get up to say hello, but something inside of me keeps me rooted to my spot on the couch. I don't even think that my abuela expects me to be here anyway seeing as I have missed Christmas the past few years.
"Seriously, relax," she whispers. I can feel Brittany's eyes on the side of my face, but I keep my head aimed toward the crowd of strange, yet familiar, faces that are filling up the house.
"I am relaxed," I tell her, though my feet bouncing up and down would say otherwise.
"You don't look relaxed," she mutters.
"I am," I snap, causing a few eyes to wonder our way. Brittany shrinks back into her seat, dropping my hand between us and pulling hers into her lap. "Shit," I breathe out. "I'm sorry Britt. I'm just-," I lean forward, dropping my head into my hands.
"It's okay," she whispers to me, but I can tell by the tone of her voice that I hurt her feelings. She gets up off the couch and walks into the kitchen, leaving me on the couch alone.
I have been thinking about how to tell my dad that Brittany and I are together, but everything seems cheesy and weird and a part of me thinks that when I tell him, he will automatically know what we were up to last night. I take a deep breath and lean back against the couch.
Maya takes Brittany's spot a few moments later, dragging her boyfriend behind her. He takes a seat on the other side of Maya. I saw him when he came in, but my sister has yet to properly introduce us. I feel like it's coming though.
"Santana," she starts. "This is my boyfriend, Chris," she motions to him with her hand.
"Nice to meet you," he extends a hand for me to shake. I just look at it for a moment before shaking my head at him. He pulls it back to himself, looking a little embarrassed.
I take a better look at the guy. He's got a pretty good build on him.
"Let me guess," I turn to face him. "Captain of the football team?"
He shakes his head. "No, captain of the chess club."
"Really?" I ask incredulously, my eyes growing wider. "Is that how you two met?" Maya nods her head at me. "Wait, so you play chess?"
"I'm good at it," she shrugs.
"Santana," my dad calls from the kitchen. "Can I get your help in here?" I get up off the couch, leaving the two love birds by themselves. When I walk in the kitchen, I see my dad standing there with a confused look on his face as he stares down at the turkey. "Does this look right to you?" he points to the turkey, the oven mitts still on his hands.
I lean over to take a look. "It looks good to me," I shrug.
"Okay good," he removes the gloves and picks up the carving knife that was laying on the counter. "Will you try a piece then and tell me if it tastes good? I would do it, but I have eaten so much food already, I don't think my tastes buds will be able to tell if something is wrong."
"Sure," I laugh as he cuts into the turkey, slicing a little piece off the side and handing it to me. "Oh my god," I sigh. "That," I point to the turkey. "Is amazing. Where did you learn to cook?" I joke with him.
A big smile beams across his face. "I've been watching the cooking channel," he smiles proudly. "I don't think your sister appreciates it though because she has to test out all my experiments."
"Hey, if they are as good as this, I volunteer."
"Have you met her boyfriend yet?" he asks, popping a piece of turkey into his mouth. I nod my head to tell him I have. "What about you?" he looks at me curiously.
"What about me, what?" I ask, picking up another piece and putting it in my mouth.
"You seeing anyone?"
I almost choke on the turkey as I hear the words leave his mouth.
"Uh-" I cough, trying to find a way out of this. It would seem that now would be a good time to bring up the fact that Brittany and I are dating, but everyone is here and I kind of wanted it to be a little more personal than this. I don't want to be like, 'Hey dad, I'm gay' and then go leave the room to go talk to my Aunt Anita. "I-" I start again, but nothing seems to want to come out right now.
It is literally right there. My heart is beating harder and harder, my hands becoming clammy and my throat dry. I could just say it if I wanted to and I do want to.
"Mija?" my dad pulls me out of my thoughts. It is in that moment that I realize just how terrified I am for him to know this part of me. He could never want to speak to me again. He could never accept me and Brittany's relationship as real.
And that scares the hell out of me.
I start breathing heavy as I try to come up with something anything because I'm pretty sure not speaking right now isn't helping anything. It certainly isn't helping me.
"Is something wrong," my eyes snap to his. He is wearing a troubled expression and the look he is giving me right now just feels so heavy.
"I'm fine," I answer quickly. "I'm gonna go wash up before dinner."
"Okay," he shrugs his shoulder.
As I am walking up the steps to get to the bathroom, Brittany is walking down.
"Hey," I call out to her. She gives me a short nod and continues to walk past me. I grab her arm to stop her. "I need to talk to you," I motion up the stairs.
We walk up the stairs wordlessly. When we get into my bedroom, I awkwardly shift back and forth on my feet, not really knowing what to say, just that I have to say something.
"Santana?" Brittany finally speaks after long moments.
I chance a look into her eyes, feeling mine sting with frustration. "I've never felt so scared and vulnerable before in my life." I start. "It makes me so angry that I can't control how people will react to this." My words get caught up in my throat. "And I feel so stupid for even caring." I start pacing around the room, my breathing heavy as I try to calm myself down, but I'm just so overwhelmed right now. "What if I can't-" I stop, not wanting to finish what I was going to say.
"What if you can't what?" Brittany asks in a small voice.
"Do this," I motion between the two of us.
Hurt flashes across Brittany's face and I want to take the words back as soon as I say them because I would do anything for her. I really would. Instead I just let the silence linger between us. Brittany's chin quivers slightly as she takes a tentative step toward me.
"Santana," her voice wavers a bit. "If you don't want to tell you dad yet, I understand."
"Stop it!" I yell. "Stop doing that!"
"What am I doing?"
"You keep saying you don't care, but why wouldn't you!" My chest heaves up and down.
"Because I love you." She says simply, stepping closer. My shoulders drop in defeat as I let her grab my hands. "I would hide away in a cave with you, if that's what you wanted. God Santana," she breathes as she presses her forehead against mine.
"Everything has changed so fast," I say. "You turned my whole world upside down. In a good way," I add when I realize that might have sounded negative. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I don't do well in stressful situations," I let out a nervous laugh.
"Could have fooled me," Brittany rubs up and down my arms before pulling me into her.
She holds me close to her until I wonder why I was so worked up to begin with. Brittany has always been good at erasing the negative thoughts from my mind, however temporary that might be, it still helps.
/
When everyone sits down the chatter begins.
My abuela is sitting on one side of me while Brittany is on the other side.
"It's been so long," she leans in and whispers to me.
"I know," I mumble, not really knowing what else to say.
"It's so good to see you," she pats my leg underneath the table. "What have you been up to?" She asks.
"Just school," I tell her.
"Not letting any boys distract you, are you?"
"No," I chuckle.
"Good, they're no good anyway," she makes a discussed face and I smile to myself because, well…
"Hey now," my abuelo cuts in.
"Except for you honey," they lean in and give each other a peck on the lips to which my little cousin, I think her name is Sarah, makes a gagging noise.
I take this opportunity to look at Brittany, she is grinning down at her plate.
"What about you Brittany?" My cousin Vin joins the conversation. I snap my eyes over to him, narrowing my gaze. "You single?" He wiggles his eyebrows.
"No," Brittany's foot brushes against mine underneath the table.
"Damn. Must be a special guy," he shakes his head.
Something drops in the pit of my stomach when those words leave his mouth. Why does it have to be a guy? Why must they assume?
I clench my jaw to keep myself under control.
"Actually," Brittany starts, and I can tell by the tone of her voice that she was bothered by his statement as well.
"Vin, shut up," Maya cuts in.
"Hey," he puts his hands up in defense. "I'm just trying to get to know this beautiful lady," he looks at Brittany.
"Well, stop," I yell, slamming my fists down on the table. Suddenly all eyes on me, but I don't even care because he is hitting on my girlfriend right in front of me.
"Santana?" My dad questions and everything I want to say to him is sitting right on the tip of my tongue. Maybe if everyone wasn't staring at me I could do it, but as I look down the table and into my father's eyes I see confusion and hurt. He has to know now. I can just tell by the look in his eyes. I look to my abuela and see that she is covering her heart with her hand.
I look back over to my father, whose eyes are now glossed over. I sit there, my face frozen in shock as my hands start to shake underneath the table. My dad quickly adverts his gaze when a single tear slides down his cheek.
"I'm uh-" he clears his throat. "Gonna go get some more potatoes," he stands up from his chair, letting out a grunt to cover up a sniffle.
It's quiet at the table for a few moments, before Maya, thankfully, gets the conversation going again. Talking about how excited she is for the spring soccer season. That's really all I hear though, before it just becomes a sea of buzzing as I stare down at my plate of food, shuffling some of it around with the end of my fork.
My dad still hasn't come back into the room. I don't know whether to be relieved or scared at that fact. I guess it's a little bit of both right now because I don't want to have to face it just yet, but him not coming back might mean he doesn't want to see me.
Brittany sits equally as still beside me as the silence consumes the both of us. I still feel pretty awful about what I said to her earlier and even though she said everything was fine and even laughed about it, I know it hurt her to think I would just give up like that. It didn't help that when she reached for my hand a few minutes ago, I flinched away.
Eventually everyone gets up to go eat dessert. Brittany gently rubs small circles at the base of my back. I let her for a few moments, leaning into her side before I decide that I should probably go find my dad and talk to him.
"I'm going to go find my dad," I tell Brittany, but I don't move yet because my legs seem to not want to work. Eventually I force them to, thinking the sooner I go find him, the better.
"Do you want me to come with you?" she asks softly.
"No," I sigh. "No, I think I need to do this alone." I give her a tight-lipped smile as she nods her head in understanding.
As soon as my feet touch the first step, I feel the tears behind my eyes. I make my way into my bedroom, wanting to have a moment alone before I go find him. When I open my door, I am surprised to find my dad sitting on the bed. I freeze in the doorway, not knowing what I should do next.
"Come sit down," he pats the spot next to him on my mattress. "Mija," he breathes.
"I was gonna tell you," I cut him off. "I just didn't know how."
"I feel like I don't even know you anymore," his voice is thick and uneven, my chest grows heavy with uncertainty. "You're not the same little girl I used to know."
"I'm sorry-" I choke out.
"You're such a beautiful young woman." I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion. "You kids sure do grow up fast," he swallows thickly as he wipes a tear away from his eye.
"Do you love her?" He turns his head slightly to look at me. I suck my lips into my mouth and give him a nod. My dad hangs his head, giving me a tiny nod. "I guess I should be happy for you then," he smiles softly before pulling me into a hug. "If your mother was alive, she would be saying I told you so," he softly laughs. I feel the locket Brittany gave me press against my heart as my dad holds me close. I sob silently into his shoulder, feeling like a child. "I love you and we've been through a lot over all the years. I want you to be able to talk to me about anything."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "I love you too."
"Uh-," he pulls back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. "At least you won't be coming home pregnant anytime soon," he jokes, causing a bubble of laughter to escape me the awkward tension seeping out of the room.
"Is abuela mad at me?" I ask in a small voice.
"What? Why would she be mad," he pulls me into his side.
"I don't know," she looked pretty shocked.
"I think it was because you yelled so loud you almost gave the woman a heart attack." I let out a nervous laugh, not quite believing him. "Santana," he says slowly. "You do know that your uncle Ernesto is gay right?"
"What?"
"Yeah," he laughs. "Who'd you think that guy was that he always has around?"
"His friend?"
He laughs some more and pulls me up with him.
"I didn't mean to react like that downstairs," he says. "I guess I was just so overwhelmed." He pulls me into another hug. "You will always be my little girl," he rubs up and down my back and that's exactly what I feel like right now, a little girl. Fathers just have that kind of power.
There is a soft knock on the door before it is pushed open slightly.
"Santana? Oh-," Brittany pokes her head into the door. "I'm sorry," she says quickly, backing back out of the room.
"It's okay Brittany," my dad speaks. "Come in." He opens his arms and welcomes Brittany to join the hug. She does, eyeing me slightly just before my dad smushes us all together. "I'll see you two down stairs," he says as he walks toward the door.
As soon as he steps out the door I let out a loud sigh, running my hands through my hair.
I extend my hand out for Brittany to take. She smiles down at it, taking it in her own and we walk back to the party.
/
Vin is the first one to approach me when I get back downstairs.
"I'm sorry cuz," he extends his hand out for me to shake. I reluctantly take it, rolling my eyes at him because he is such an ass. "Props on bagging a fine lady though," he tells me.
"Ugh," I scoff, see what I mean?
"That was a complement," he shouts as I walk away.
"Did everything go okay?" She asks carefully as we settle into a spot in the corner of the living room. I give her a nod. "Well that's good because after you left, your grandma came up to me and gave me a really long speech about the birds and the bees," Brittany's eyes widen as if she is remembering the moment. "Does she know I can't get you pregnant?" She asks seriously.
I look over toward my abuela, who gives me a nod and a smile, but then narrows her eyes at Brittany.
"I don't know," I laugh. "But you can definitely try," I say suggestively.
"Oh I will, but not until we get back home," she shivers. "Don't want a repeat of last night."
"Oh god no," I agree.
"Sanny?" A little voice sounds from below me. I look down to see a tiny human.
"What's this?" I ask.
"Will you help me?" She looks up at me with her big brown eyes.
"Of course," I bend down so we are at the same level, Brittany does he same, coming to kneel beside me. I help her peel back the sides of the wrapping paper and watch as her face lights up with excitement.
"Daddy look," she runs of toward my uncle and his 'friend', but then a few moments later she is back asking if Brittany and I will help her set up her castle.
We sit there for the rest of the night, playing with Sarah and helping her rescue the prince from the tower because she wanted to be the hero, until everyone is leaving.
"Okay," my abuela opens her arms for a hug. I reluctantly step into it already being smacked in the face with her strong perfume. "Now, you remember what I told you," she hold me at shoulders length. "If you two ever want a place away from everyone, to woo Brittany-"
"Okay," my dad cuts in to shuffle my abuela out the door. "Who gave her all that wine?"
"I only had four glasses," she stumbles down the porch as my abuelo guides her down.
"Goodnight everyone," he waves to us. "Nice to meet you, Brittany."
Brittany smiles politely toward him. My dad shuts the front door, slowly turning around to Brittany and I who are standing in the foyer.
"What a night," he sighs. "I'll see you two in the morning," he begins to walk up the steps.
Brittany and I walk into the living room only to find Maya and her boyfriend sitting on the couch sucking face. I make a gagging noise and they both split apart. I throw myself on the couch, right in the middle of them.
"Santana," Maya yells at me, "go entertain your girlfriend or something."
"Oh, I will," I look toward Brittany and then back to Chris whose face is bright red.
"Ew," Maya comments as she pushes me off the couch.
I roll across the floor and over to Brittany where she pulls me up and we make our way to my bedroom.
/
I am sitting on the floor, my legs crossed as I sip on my glass of wine from the bottle I stole from downstairs. Brittany is across the room fiddling with my iPod, trying to find a song to listen to.
"Mmm," she finally settles on one, bouncing excitedly where she stands. "This one's for you," she points to me.
I put on my iPod because Brittany said she wanted to listen to music, so now we are dancing around in my bedroom, well, she is. Quietly though, because my dad went to bed. Brittany summons me forward with her finger, extending out her hand for me to take.
Brittany has already had two glasses of wine and is working on her third. She stumbles as she pulls me up to meet her. When I get close enough to her body, she lets my hands falls to my sides and starts running hers around my back.
"Brittany!" I gasp when she starts spinning around in circles.
"It's okay," she coos. "I'm not going to drop you," but just as she says this, she goes to dip me and does just that. She drops me.
I land on the pile of pillows and blankets we put on the ground and Brittany is immediately kneeling on the ground before me, checking to see if I'm okay.
"Oh my god," she laughs. "San, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," I rub my butt.
She pushes her body on top of mine, grabbing hold of my hands and pinning them above my head. She leans down, her mouth almost touching my own.
"Merry Christmas," she smiles down at me.
"You already said that to me today," I tell her.
"Yeah, but it was such a good day, I wanted to tell you again," she presses her body further into mine.
"Well, aside from our little fight," I roll my head to the side, looking at the ground and feeling ashamed again.
"Baby it's okay," she nudges my cheek with her nose.
"No it's not," my voice gives out. Brittany releases one of my hands, brushing her fingertips along the underside of my jaw, until she is tilting my head back towards hers. She kisses my softly, her lips pressing so lightly against my own that I feel like I am imagining it. When Brittany pulls away, I blink open my eyes. My hands snake around to the small of her back where they rest. "I don't even know why I said that."
"You were scared," she shrugs.
"Yeah, but still."
"Hey, we all have our moments," she boops my nose. "And I would never let you get away that easily."
"That would have been an awkward car ride huh?" I finally joke.
"Mhmm, very," she hums. "And we would have Rachel sitting in the back asking why we aren't talking and I would have to look at your beautiful face and not be able to lean across and just kiss you."
"Can't have that," I add through a smile. We both giggle for a few moments, until it slowly fades away and we are just staring into each other's eyes with the music softly playing in the background. "I love you so much," I breathe.
"I love you too."
Wow, I'm sorry this took so long... almost a month. Hopefully that won't happen again. I won't be working so much when classes start up, so I'll have more time to write.
Thanks for reading, you guys are awesome :)