She wanted Benjen to take them down to the crypt to pay their respects to the dead. That was the first thing Catelyn asked Benjen after the formalities of greetings had been completed upon their arrival. Lord Stannis looked almost reluctant at first, but he exchanged wary glances with Catelyn as if it was something they had discussed at length on the way to Winterfell. The knight who had been shadowing Lord Stannis fell into an easy conversation with Ser Rodrik, and the two men spoke as if they had known each other for most of their lives.
Benjen led the way, holding a lantern to light their way through the darkness down in the crypt. Catelyn was holding Robb in her arms, the babe fussing slightly, but not crying. Catelyn had insisted on bringing Robb with them. "He should pay his respect to his father. And his grandfather, aunt and uncle."
The damp smell was probably bothering Robb, and the darkness too, Benjen thought. He seemed a healthy, well-nourished lad, with the look of a Tully more than a Stark. But it was hard to tell with a babe, perhaps Robb would grow to look more like his father later on. When they were about to go down the narrow, winding stone steps, Stannis held out his arms to Catelyn, saying curtly, "My lady, give me the babe." Catelyn did so carefully, watching his son in Stannis' arms with a guarded expression, as if she was worried Robb would start howling. He did not. Instead, he stopped fussing, staring intently at Stannis with wide open eyes. Stannis seemed startled, and quickly looked away from the babe.
Catelyn gazed raptly at the carved likeness of the kings of winter, with direwolves curled round their feet, guarding the bones and mortal remains in their tombs. Stannis, on the other hand, barely gave the stone carvings a glance, his gaze focused on Benjen. "They are down at the end," Benjen said softly, in reply to a question that had not yet been asked.
Brandon and Eddard Stark's stone likeness stood on either side of their father, with Lyanna next to Eddard. Benjen had arranged it thus – for Lyanna had secretly loved Ned the best among her brothers. And Ned and Lyanna had both lost their lives at Tower of Joy.
Where would I stand, when it is my time to join them in death?
Benjen pushed the thought aside. If he joined the Night's Watch, his bones would not lie in this crypt with his family, and no stonemason would carve a likeness of him to stand beside his father, brothers and sister. Catelyn went first to Rickard Stark's tomb, laying down her hand on the sepulcher. "This is your grandfather, Robb," she said to her son who was still in Stannis' arms. Stannis moved forward and handed the boy to Catelyn without a word. "And this … this is your father," Catelyn said, pointing to Ned's likeness, her voice almost breaking.
The carving did not do Ned justice, Benjen thought with sorrow. The stonemason did not know Ned as well as he had known Rickard Stark and Brandon. Ned had spent most of his childhood and his youth at the Eyrie with Robert Baratheon. The mason had carved Lyanna to capture her beauty and her loveliness, but managed to capture none of her wildness, very little of her spirit.
Stannis retreated to the far side of the wall, staring straight ahead, ignoring Catelyn and the words she was telling her son. When they emerged from the darkness of the crypt, Catelyn whispered to Benjen, "I hope you do not think Lord Stannis was being disrespectful. He wanted to give me and Robb some time alone with Ned."
Benjen was surprised. "I didn't think anything of it, my lady."
"You must call me Cat," she said, smiling. "Your brothers did."
Benjen hesitated, glancing at Stannis' back. "But perhaps Lord Stannis would not like that."
Catelyn's smile faded slightly, as if it was a complication she had not foreseen. "We are a family," she said firmly after a while. "You are like a brother to me, Benjen."
Now or never, Benjen thought.
"There is something I wish to discuss with you and Lord Stannis. Something important," he told Catelyn. He would have to let them know about Jon right away. He had to be the one who told them, before they heard any wild tales or rumors from anyone else. Or worse, found Jon or his wet nurse in the castle before they were told of his identity.
Maester Luwin had asked Benjen gently but pointedly, "How did Howland Reed come to find your bastard?" He had more questions as well - Did Howland Reed know the mother? How certain is he that this is your son? That the woman was the woman you bedded? And who is the woman?
Benjen refused to answer any of the questions. How could he, when he had none of the answers? "I cannot dishonor her," was the only thing he said.
"She is dead, you say. Died giving birth to this boy. How can her honor be involved now?" Rodrik Cassell their master-at-arms had asked, reasonably enough.
"It is," Benjen said stubbornly.
"Was she a highborn lady?" Maester Luwin asked.
Benjen kept his silence. "I can say no more," he said, with a grim finality in his voice that he hoped was enough to stop the questioning.
It wasn't. "We just want to be sure that you are not being swindled or lied to," Ser Rodrik said. "That this boy is truly your son."
Benjen affected to be angry. "We all know Howland Reed. He has more than proven his loyalty as a Stark bannerman. How can you doubt his words about a matter this important?" Benjen had told Reed to leave Winterfell quickly and go back to Greywater Watch, so he could not be interrogated by Maester Luwin , Rodrik Cassell, or even Lord Stannis when he finally arrived. Benjen was determined to keep Ned's secret. It would grieve him if anyone were to think less of Ned. Especially Catelyn.
But the way Maester Luwin was looking at him, Benjen felt like he had somehow let the maester down. Rickard Stark had commiserated with Maester Luwin, and Maester Walys before him, about Brandon's proclivities and adventures with women. "A certain amount of liberty is to be expected from a man," Lord Stark had said. "But Brandon is planting his seeds in places he knew better than to do so."
Howland Reed had mentioned the possibility of letting it be known that Jon was one of Brandon's many rumored bastards. Benjen had balked at that. Jon did not look old enough to be fathered by Brandon before he died, for one, and Benjen would not agree to his dead brother's name to be dragged through the mud for something he did not do. Not in this case.
"It was only the one time, maester," Benjen told Luwin. "With Jon's mother. With anyone. Father and Brandon had died, Lyanna was still nowhere to be found, and Ned had left with most of the men. I was … afraid. I needed … I don't know what I needed."
"You don't have to explain anything to me, my son," the maester replied. "You were grieving. You were alone. You needed comfort."
Catelyn said almost the same thing to him, when Benjen confided to her about being Jon's father. She was kind, understanding, and not at all censorious. He wondered if she would have reacted the same way if she had known the truth of Jon's parentage. An unmarried brother-in-law with a bastard was not the same thing at all as her own husband with a bastard, especially if that bastard was to share a roof with her own son. There was not betrayal to her marriage vow in Benjen fathering a bastard.
Stannis was much less kind and understanding. "Now that you have planted the seed, it is your duty to care for the child, of course. But it would have been better if you had refrained from making a bastard in the first place," he told Benjen, his mouth frowning with distaste. "But at least you know where your bastard is, unlike my brother," he muttered under his breath.
When Catelyn left them to put Robb to sleep, Benjen told Stannis about his plan to join the Nights' Watch. Stannis was adamantly opposed to the plan. "They would I say I am trying to get rid of you by sending you to the Wall."
"But this is my decision," Benjen objected.
"And who would believe it?" Stannis scoffed. "We could both stand on the highest tower of Winterfell and scream it to the kingdom, and no one would believe our words. They would say that you were coerced, that I forced your hand. The northmen are already inclined to be suspicious of me."
"I will convince them. I will make them believe that my decision is not coerced in any way. They –"
Stannis interrupted. "It is very short-sighted of you. You are the last true-born Stark besides Robb. And no, your bastard son does not count," Stannis said dismissively before Benjen could say anything. "If something were to happen to Robb before he comes of age, or before he has an heir of his own, you must be around to inherit. So you must father another son, a true-born heir this time, which you cannot do if you are in the Night's Watch. That is your duty. And we must all do our duty. Great or small, we must all do our duty," Stannis insisted.
Benjen tried to explain to Stannis that his presence in Winterfell would only make things more complicated. "There are those who whisper that -"
"That the king should have appointed the last remaining Stark brother, and Robb Stark's uncle, as Lord Protector and Warden of the North. Instead of a stranger from the south who knows nothing about the north, and has no blood ties with Robb Stark. I know. Perhaps they are not wrong. My brother hears no counsel but his own, and his decisions often leave much to be desired," Stannis said, grinding his teeth loudly. Benjen wondered if Stannis was thinking of the king's decision to deny Stannis the Baratheon's ancestral seat in favor of his younger brother.
"But my brother is king, and the king has given his command. I must do my duty and obey, as must you," Stannis continued. "It is not faith in my ability and lack of your faith in yours, or the other northern lords, that drove him to that decision, if you're wondering," Stannis said bitterly. "As an outsider, I can be dislodged quite easily when it is time for Robb to take up the rein and rule as Lord of Winterfell. That is my brother's primary consideration, to safeguard's Robb Stark's inheritance. But he might have discounted the sentiments of the northmen."
Catelyn tried to convince Benjen not to depart for the Wall as well. Her reason was different than Stannis' reason had been - not duty, but family. Robb would need a Stark to teach him how to be a Stark. And could Benjen bear to be parted from his son? Would not Jon grow up feeling that his father had abandoned him, somehow?
Benjen was wavering. He had been so certain that joining the Night's Watch was the right path to take, for everyone's sake, not just his own. He tried to seek Maester Luwin's counsel. The maester pondered and considered the matter for a time, before concluding, "It is much better for you to be in Winterfell. It would show everyone that you are loyal to Lord Stannis, that you do not resent his appointment. If you are far away at the Wall, then irresponsible rumors and speculation could be spread. Rebellions could be staged in your name without you even knowing it. But if you are here, you can dispel those rumors."
Benjen frowned. He confided to Maester Luwin his principal concern - that Lord Stannis might grow to resent his presence at Winterfell, if people kept saying that Benjen Stark was the one who should have been appointed Lord Protector and Warden of the North.
"Do you think you should have been?" Maester Luwin asked.
Benjen was struck speechless. He had never given much consideration to his own thinking and feeling on the matter, only on how others would react. "Lord Stannis is older than I am, and he has proven himself during the Siege of Storm's End. And he is the king's brother. And in any case, Brandon was supposed to be Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. He was the one trained for it, not me."
"And now we must all do everything we can to ensure that Robb grows up to be a good and worthy Lord of Winterfell," Maester Luwin said.
Catelyn had no opportunity to speak to her husband alone since their arrival. After Stannis was done with Benjen, he spent hours cloistered with Maester Luwin and Ser Rodrik. Catelyn herself was busy with the steward and the servants, carefully feeling her way into the household. She had run her father's household and had been the de facto lady of Riverrun since her mother's death, so the running of a household was not a strange or terrifying prospect for Catelyn.
But she reminded herself constantly that Winterfell was different, that she was no longer the beloved daughter of Hoster Tully as she had been at Riverrun, but the widow of Eddard Stark who came to Winterfell with her new husband. They were both strangers, she and Stannis, strangers and perhaps usurpers in the eyes of the people in Winterfell. She would have to watch her words and her actions carefully. But most of all, she was worried for, and about, her husband. Stannis was not one to soften his words, or dissemble in any way for the sake of courtesy or diplomacy.
It did not make matters easier that Catelyn felt she still have to be very guarded regarding her words and actions with Stannis. They were both still feeling their way cautiously and warily into their marriage. She was being pushed and pulled from all directions, and there seemed to be no letting up in the pressures she had to endure.
I have to be strong. For Robb's sake. And for her own sake as well.
That night, their first night in Winterfell, she steeled herself to have the first of the many difficult conversations she would have to conduct with her husband. She told Stannis that Robb should be brought up in the faith of his father, worshiping the old gods, since he would be ruling over the northmen one day. "Do you have any objection, Stannis?"
Stannis looked puzzled. "No, why should I? It matters not to me what god your son worships."
Catelyn flinched at the way he said "your son."
Ned had ordered for a sept to be built in Winterfell after their wedding. Catelyn had been in it, had prayed to the Mother to protect her son, her dead husband, and her new husband. She told Stannis about the sept, so he knew where to go should he wished to pray.
He turned his face away from her. "So you mean to keep your faith in the Seven, despite what you have decided about Robb? Not on my account, I hope."
Catelyn blushed. "When I married Ned, we agreed that I could continue with my own faith, as long as our children are brought up in the faith of their father. That's why Ned ordered for the sept to be built, for my benefit."
"How very generous of him," Stannis said, but his tone troubled Catelyn. It sounded less than complimentary.
"You can worship whichever god you prefer, my lady. The Seven have not been worthy of my worship for a long time, and I'd wager the old gods are no better," Stannis said, and then refused to divulge further.
"What about our children?" Catelyn braced herself to ask.
The look of surprise on Stannis' face was unmistakable. It was as if he had never considered that they would ever have children of their own, he and Catelyn. "They should be brought up in the faith of their father, isn't that what I am supposed to say?" Stannis finally said after a long pause. "But I have none, so they should follow their mother's faith."
"But I wonder if that would drive a wedge between Robb and his brothers and sisters," Catelyn said, "if they are raised believing in different gods."
'Robb is different," Stannis said firmly. "He will be Lord of Winterfell when he comes of age. He will make his home in the north, among his father's people. His brothers and sisters, if they exist at all, will not be inheriting anything, and who knows where they will end up making their home. It will not do anyone any good to pretend that there is no difference."
When the candles had been blown and darkness ruled the room, Stannis muttered, "Perhaps it is better for our children never to be born at all. They will have nothing to inherit from their father, not even Storm's End that should have belonged to my heir by right. Robb is much more fortunate to have Ned Stark as his father."
Catelyn refused to let despair overtook her. She moved closer to her husband and whispered, "They will have our love, and Robb's love." She waited for her husband to scoff, but he did not, which was a little encouraging, at least.