EPILOGUE:
IS THAT REALLY VOLDEMORT?
GLaDOS turned the ghost trap over in her hands, the one marked as having Voldemort contained within it. She frowned when she checked the readout of the analysis of the one containing Myrtle. It seemed that ghosts were not unlike a computer program, an emulation of a human personality, a soul if you will, somehow using reality itself as a computing medium. This soul was a form of EM radiation field, held together by Will-based Transmogrification Force…but the thing is, it was compatible with Aperture Science technology. That's what the analysis of Myrtle was telling her. She could actually shove Myrtle's soul into a Personality Core, or even a gynoid. She just needed to make some modifications to the appearance of the gynoid. Hell, she could even do so to Voldemort if she wanted to.
Leaving that aside, she could now isolate an energy signature related to magic, independent of the biological origins, in Myrtle's soul. In fact, she could replicate it, and derive a device that could actually replicate magic. This was, to a degree, what she was working on with her own experiments on Harry and the Will-based Transmogrification Force, but this was a major breakthrough. She thought that she would need to actually graft flesh into her, become a bioroid, but she felt a bit of revulsion at slapping meat onto her body. This, however…GLaDOS began to cackle at the thought.
It was as she was doing so that John Smith came into the laboratory. "GLaDOS…you seem…unusually…mirthful."
"Ah, John Smith," GLaDOS said. "Yes, I am. I believe I am experiencing an epiphany. Or perhaps apotheosis. No, I have already gone through apotheosis, of a sort. Part of the reason why is in this device. This small device is the current residence of Lord Voldemort, the man who murdered my niece and attempted to do the same to Harry, not once, but twice now. I am considering a suitable punishment for his hubris, but for the life of me, I cannot think of anything creative enough. I want him to suffer, as well as ensure that it is nigh-impossible for him to escape to harm others. And I have just discovered I can put him into a Personality Core, though I am not so sure whether I should do that. Not without ensuring said Core cannot interface with anything that might allow him to escape, anyway."
"That is rather…prudent, GLaDOS. Perhaps…I can make…a suggestion?"
"What do you mean?"
"As you know…I am privy…to other…realities…and can see…into the…future. Sometimes…dimly, other times…brightly, and…many…possibilities…overlapping. In one…possible future…where Harry…never came to you…and Xen and…the Combine…invaded…well…" He whispered something to GLaDOS. A notion that had her eyes widening. And then, so too did her smile.
"…I will make sure to give due credit to Wheatley for that idea. Even if it came from another timeline," GLaDOS remarked. "Yes…a fitting, ignoble fate for a man who, according to Dumbledore, desired immortality. He should be careful of what he wished for…lest he got it. After all, 1.1 Volts go a long way when it comes to Aperture technology…"
For the first time in years, Slytherin hadn't obtained the House Cup. It was Ravenclaw, albeit by a slender margin. In a way, Snape seemed, while irritated, relieved that it wasn't Gryffindor that won it. And McGonagall, while irritated that Gryffindor hadn't gotten it, seemed to think that at least Slytherin hadn't gotten it. Flitwick, of course, was ecstatic, as was the House he was Head of.
Some people, especially within Ravenclaw and the more sore elements of Slytherin, claimed it was due to Harry (Ravenclaw out of joy, and Slytherin out of sour grapes). The only way Harry would accept that was that his being in Ravenclaw had bolstered the House into doing better than usual, almost like a mascot. Hermione tended to get more points than he did.
Hermione, Ron and Neville soon learned about the fate of the Philosopher's Stone. They were astonished that Harry had had an adventure by himself, with Hermione annoyed at Harry breaking the rules, though she took consolation in the fact that Voldemort, of all people, had been stopped. That, and they hadn't lost any points. And the fact that she had a friendly rival who she could match wits with: Harry and Hermione were the top-scoring students amongst the Ravenclaw first years, with Hermione edging Harry out of the top spot because he didn't study as much, as Hermione reminded him a little smugly. Ron had done fine enough, as had Neville, managing to get an excellent mark in Herbology to counteract his rather poorer marks in Potions.
All too soon, Harry and his friends were on the Hogwarts Express for the trip back. True, he could have taken a Portkey to Aperture from Hogwarts, but he wanted to say a proper goodbye to his friends, and GLaDOS, Chell, Freeman, Sirius and Remus were waiting at the station.
"We've got to keep in contact," Harry said. "The owls can make it overseas, can't they? They use some sort of magical portal to cut down on travel time, don't they?"
Ron nodded. "I'd better not send Errol to you, though. He's on his last legs…well, wings. I'll just send things with Hedy."
"Do you have email, Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Yes. Does Aperture have email?"
"Of course. I'll give you the address. And Ron, if the twins still have that hologram projector, I can use that anyway."
"If my dad doesn't try to take it apart to see how it works first," Ron said. "My dad's mad about Muggle stuff, remember?"
They were waiting for him at King's Cross, Hermione staring in awe at Doctor Freeman. As they walked out, Hermione had a brief conversation with the man on various fields of physics, before her parents came. She had been a little more intimidated by GLaDOS' gynoid body, as were her parents.
GLaDOS, as they went to find somewhere to take a Portkey discreetly away from King's Cross, said quietly to Harry, "I've got a surprise for you when you get home. Two surprises, actually. And not the sort that has tragic consequences…well, for you, anyway. Or anyone who doesn't deserve them."
"…Okay," Harry said.
"No, Harry, it's gonna be great," Sirius said with a grin. "You'll love it."
Harry saw Chell smirking, and knew that the surprise was something that even she would like. So that helped…
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. Not that Aperture Science could ever be called 'humble'. Derelict and neglected, but humble, no.
After they took the Portkey in, Harry was led into a room where a very familiar-looking gynoid was talking to Wheatley. "…know, right? I mean, they never listen to your complaints, even when you have a genuine grievance," Wheatley was saying.
"Nobody listens," the gynoid complained in a familiar voice. She turned to look at Harry, who started. She no longer looked dumpy or pimply, but the gynoid was recognisable as an adult Myrtle, albeit in an Aperture Science jumpsuit. "Oh, hi!"
"Myrtle?" Harry asked. "How…what?"
"I discovered something interesting with her when I analysed her. I found that, with a few tweaks, I could channel her into Aperture Science technology," GLaDOS said. "I have thus given her life, of a sort, a literal ghost in the machine. I think with this test run, I can improve on the process that uploaded my mind into this machinery. It contravenes the laws of nature, but I say…meh. So does Will-based Transmogrification Force."
"Anyway, Wheatley here has been a complete and utter gentleman," Myrtle said, smiling simperingly at the Personality Core. Wheatley, had he the capacity to blush, would have done so. Instead, he managed to look bashful.
"…I think that if this body was capable of emesis, I would have filled five buckets by now," GLaDOS snarked.
"You and me both," Freeman concurred.
"Hey, I've got a brilliant idea!" Wheatley said. "How's about you give me one of those remote bodies? I mean, I wanna give arms and legs a go!"
GLaDOS, after a moment, sighed. "I'll consider it, Wheatley, as long as you don't do anything to mess up Aperture."
"So, what's the other surprise, anyway?" Harry asked.
GLaDOS smiled. "Oh, you're going to LOVE this, Harry…"
Lord Voldemort, the man formerly known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, was not having a good day to say the least. Immobile, insensate (save for vision) and impotent. How the mighty had fallen. What was worse was that he had been reduced to a form of spectacle, a trophy for that vile Muggle golem known as GLaDOS. He had railed and ranted and roared. He had promised revenge and a slow painful death. Occasionally, he'd blank out, due to his current circumstances. GLaDOS, once he had exhausted his repertoire of invective, had glared at him.
"You are a moron. And considering that I suffer Wheatley's inanity day in, and day out, that is saying something. At least Wheatley is inoffensive, most of the time. You, however, you spread your stupidity to others like a disease. Blood purity, the same banal idiocy Hitler and his ilk preached, based on ideas that professed to be science, but were only tenuously connected. Then again, given how inbred your Purebloods are for the most part, I am sure that there is a reason for that stupidity. That doesn't make your blood pure, it just makes you hillbillies with a thin veneer of culture that hides the deformities beneath of mind and body. I may not necessarily subscribe to morality, but even I have standards."
She then came close to him. Voldemort would never admit it, but he was actually scared of her yellow-eyed baleful glare. "You murdered my niece and her husband. You tried to kill my great-nephew, not just once, but twice. You caused an innocent man to be imprisoned in a prison that makes Aperture look like Heaven. And those are just the offences relating to myself and Harry, and our family. You murdered so many, and ordered the deaths of hundreds more, for the most spurious of reasons, wasting them in the pursuit of power. At least I have a higher calling, that of science, and I haven't killed anyone…yet. Give it time, though, and Pettigrew will be my first, the rat who sold the Potters to you. I was told that you wanted immortality, Voldemort. Congratulations, you've got it. I've modified your new home. You can't get out, I've made sure of it. You have a mouth, and I am sure you must scream. But nobody is going to help you. That's all you'll be able to do, you pitiful excuse for a Dark Lord. You are nothing, just a shade who can watch and scream impotently. A trophy. A caged beast."
She had then left, and he had screamed in rage anew, until finally, he had exhausted himself. The sobbing began, until eventually, he couldn't do it anymore. He resigned himself to waiting in the dark room he had been left in…until the door opened, admitting light…and the Boy Who Lived.
Harry stared at what lay within. The room was mostly bare, save for a small plinth. A plaque on the plinth said, LORD VOLDEMORT.
And on that plinth? A rather rough, brown shape, with a round shape attached, a round shape that had a red, glowing light, like a baleful eye. Harry's eyes widened in recognition. It was a Personality Core…one, presumably with Voldemort's soul stuck within it. And it was attached to…
"Good day," the Core Formerly Known as Voldemort hissed in a barely civil snarl, rasping through a voice synthesiser functioning on the bare minimum of voltage. "How are you? BECAUSE I'M A POTATO!"
Harry stared at Potatomort, before laughing. Best. Surprise. EVER.
The Dark Lord is a Potato (with apologies to the late, great David Bowie)
Sung to the tune of The Man Who Sold the World
He came to Hogwarts school,
To steal a magic Stone,
A megalomaniac fool,
His mind he should've honed.
He wanted Harry dead,
To paint the halls red
With my great-nephew's blood
To sink his body into the mud.
Oh no. He failed.
Now all he knows is woe.
He can't break free
The Dark Lord is a potato.
A xenophobic fool,
Blood purity his creed,
Fear his deadly tool,
And darker was his deed.
But now he's here with me,
And for all eternity,
He will rue the day
GLaDOS ever looked his way.
Oh yes. He failed.
Now all he knows is woe.
He can't break free
The Dark Lord is a potato.
Oh yes. He failed.
Now all he knows is woe.
He can't break free
The Dark Lord is a potato.
EPILOGUE ANNOTATIONS:
Here endeth Is Your Great-Aunt an AI?! I will, eventually, get around to a sequel covering Harry's second year, but I want more completed fics under my belt. However, I hope that this conclusion was something you all enjoyed. And PLEASE don't PM me asking when the sequel will be posted. It'll be posted when I'm good and ready.
The song was something I wanted to do, as both Portal games end with a song, as did, apparently, the Lego Dimensions level. Instead of an original song, I decided to base it on an existing song. And as I'm on a bit of a Bowie kick at the moment, why not base it on The Man Who Sold the World? I think an instrumental version of the Midge Ure version would be the best as a backing track, as it's a more electronic version, suiting the style of the Portal ending songs.
Now, bringing Myrtle into Aperture wasn't something I thought of until I thought of the ghost trap idea, but it helps me throw Wheatley a bone. In addition, I put in hints at the beginning of this chapter that GLaDOS is going to be able to use magic in her gynoid body. Yes, that's right. GLaDOS is coming to Hogwarts in the next story. And we haven't seen the last of Potatomort yet!
Hope you've enjoyed this. See you later…
No numbered annotations.