Chapter 25

"I said let me go!" Hitomi hissed as Viktor dragged her across the streets barely paying attention to the traffic, his grip only becoming tighter when she struggled.

She was way too angry right now to actually use her strength effectively and wrestle herself free.

"Viktor I'm warning you if you don't let go I'm-" he stopped in his tracks and let go of her hand, turning around.

"Or what? You gonna use me as a punching bag too?" he asked and didn't wait for her to respond. "What the fuck was that!?"

"What was that? Me saving your ass is what!"

"Did I ask you to do that!?" he scowled at her and Hitomi ground her teeth together, stepping closer to him.

"Get out of my face. If you didn't forget your training then I wouldn't have been forced to intervene, so it's not my fault!" he pushed her back and Hitomi narrowed her eyes. The nerve of him!

She was about to say something very unkind, that she might have regretted when his word cut her off. "Do you actually realize what you did in there!? You fucked up that dude's shoulder!"

Only then did the realization hit her, like being doused with ice-cold water. Shit, what have I done?

Immediately the anger inside evaporated and she had to lean on something as her body was going limp, grabbing at the air blindly until she got hold of a bench and sat down on it.

"Oh god..." she whispered.

"Finally got it into your head, eh?" Viktor still scowled at her, tapping the side of his head with pointer and middle-finger and sat down onto the bench beside her.

Hitomi didn't say anything, simply looking around, recognizing the area they were in as the park she was training in the other day.

She had to swallow a lump that was forming in her throat as she went over her actions in the bar. A dislocated shoulder, at least one broken nose and bruised if not broken ribs. And most of her opponents weren't in their right mind due to alcohol and didn't have any fighting experience other than one guy.

If her father was here he would be so disappointed in her, that is if he wasn't already from yesterday. Hitomi looked at her hands, which were clenched into fists and visibly shaking, and she had to force herself to calm down, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

After finally having calmed down she let out a shuddering sigh, utterly disgusted with herself.

She looked over to Viktor, who had finally dropped the angry look, but he wasn't looking at her but straight ahead. "Hey, I really loved those when I was a child."

Hitomi followed his gaze only to land on the swings the children she had seen were playing on. Viktor stood up and went over to them, touching the chains, running his fingers across them, before sitting down on one and beckoning her over.

Not really knowing what to say she went over and sat down on the swing beside him, the chain clattering a little as she did so.

They sat there for a few moments, no words being uttered, and listened to wind.

"So tell me, what happened in there? That was so unlike you." he said and looked at her, his eyes full of concern.

"I...I don't really know myself it's...difficult. Since Leifang left I've been in shambles, I can't sleep right, I try to keep my thoughts occupied with studies to not think about the whole thing, but in the end I come around full circle and still think about her." she explained, looking into the night. "And the whole thing just...stresses me out."

"Yeah I can only imagine, what with the kiss and all. But it was just that, a kiss. You shouldn't let it get to you. I'm not saying that I like that she just took off, kind of a dick move if you ask me, but I'm sure she'll come around." he assured her, giving her a smile and lighted up a cigarette for himself.

"You don't understand. Yesterday I lashed out at one of the students. I couldn't control myself because I felt this anger inside me and afterwards my father and me had a fight." she let out a sigh and when Viktor didn't say anything she continued, trying to explain the mess that were her feelings right now.

"At first I thought I was angry because Leifang didn't let me explain myself. And it became more and more until, well you were there yourself." Hitomi grabbed the chains on each side of her, giving them a hard squeeze with her hands. "Truth is I'm still angry, but not at my father or those guys or even Leifang, okay maybe a little. But no, the one I'm really angry about is..."

She narrowed her eyes. "Myself. Why didn't I realize this earlier? It was all there."

"What?" he asked puzzled.

Time to come clean. "I'm attracted to Leifang."

"Huh!?" Viktor's eyes widened in surprise. "Like REALLY attracted to her?"

"Yes, I realized it when I came back from Hong Kong, but I think it started way before that." She watched as he nibbled the end of the cigarette, processing that information.

"So the kiss...?"

"The alcohol, mostly." she let go of the chain, folding her hands in her lap. "But not entirely."

"When Leifang left afterward I just stayed there. I couldn't bring myself to follow her and when I did it was already too late and she was gone. It's that I was too much of a coward to face her that got me, no still gets me angry." she ran her hands through her hair before burying her face in them for a few moments, trying to gather the words to continue. And if she didn't she was afraid she would never say it. "The worst part though is that after she left I wrote E-mail after E-mail that I'm sorry and that it shouldn't have happened, that it was an accident. But it was no accident. Deep inside here," she patted her chest. "I wanted that kiss to happened, I wanted it so bad with every fiber of my being. I was not only lying to my best friend, but also to myself this entire time. This could all have been avoided if I just had accepted my feelings for what they are and not tried to ignore or rationalize them away."

Viktor didn't say anything the whole time, just patiently listening to her, knowing that she needed to say all this. Then he finally spoke up.

"You should tell your father about all this." he said and Hitomi laughed humorlessly.

"Great idea, I'll just go to him tomorrow and say: 'Hey dad, sorry that I beat up one of the rookies, oh yeah by the way I'm attracted to my best friend, who's a girl by the way'." she shook her head. "I...My original plan had been to come out after Leifang had left, but after the kiss I just couldn't bring myself to breach the subject to him."

"Well why not?" Hitomi eyed him warily. "Just apologize to him. And afterward tell him what you just told me. I'm sure he'll understand. You're his daughter and he loves you very much. He's a good man." he said and added quietly. "Unlike my old man. But that's not important."

"I know you're right but I'm just afraid. This is a little more than saying that I have a boyfriend or something." she sighed. "I will go to him tomorrow and then I will come clean one hundred percent."

"Good." he nodded. "So Leifang, huh?"

"Yes." she let out another sigh but this one sounded almost...longingly. That didn't slip his attention.

"So you wanna be with her?"

"I want us to mend our friendship, but," she hesitated thinking about it carefully, her eyes looking at something far away. "Yes."

She said it again. "Yes, if possible I'd like to try it with her. But it doesn't matter, she doesn't reciprocates my feelings, she made that rather clear don't you think?"

"All I know is what I saw, and I saw two girls that were rather into each other in that moment." he said and Hitomi couldn't help but feel a little hopeful; could he be right?

In that moment she made a vow: The day she would see Leifang again she would tell the Chinese her feelings no matter what, she owed them both as much, and would accept whatever Leifang decided to do.

No running away anymore she thought and for the first time felt completely confident and at ease with her emotions.

"Hey," Viktor said and grinned. "The next time, can I take pictures?"

She slapped him on the shoulder, followed by an "Ouch!" that made her laugh for real this time. Afterward they simply sat on the swings looking at the night sky.

"Hey, Viktor?"

"Mhm?"

The Karateka gave him a bright smile. "Thanks. For listening."

Viktor responded with a smile of his own and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Any time Hitomi. What are friends for?" he said, not using her nickname for once.

They grinned at one another and bumped their fists together.

And for the first night since her friend had left Hitomi managed to get a full good night's rest.

Hitomi stood in front of the front garden, rooted to the spot, carefully thinking about what she would say once she crossed it and rang the doorbell. Yesterday night she had already pictured in her mind what she would tell her father and how, but in the end it was easier said than done, as she was getting more doubtful by the minute on her way to the place she has called home for eighteen years.

It was a nice little house, nothing too fancy but not shabby either; the dojo had provided them with a decent lifestyle. She remembered all the times she played in this very garden.

Her eyes landed on a spot where she had once fallen and scraped her knee. Back then she had started crying immediately, causing her mother to come rushing out of the house to check on her, telling her that it was only a harmless scratch and would be better in no time, then went to get a band-aid and it put it over spot where she had hurt herself even though it wasn't bleeding.

Chuckling she shook her head at the memory. To cry because of something so silly while today she had fought some of the best martial artists in the world and got beaten up pretty badly without even thinking about crying...

The memory brought a small smile to her lips and, taking a deep breath, she opened the little garden door and walked towards the house. Without hesitation she rang the doorbell and waited for her father to open up. It didn't take long.

After opening the door her father folded his arms before his chest, like he always did, and looked at her calmly not betraying any emotion. They looked at each other for what seemed like hours before Hitomi dropped her gaze and spoke up.

"I...I came to apologize." she said. "What I said and did was wrong."

He didn't say anything at first, just looking at her, assessing her words.

"It shouldn't be me you should apologize to." he finally said.

"Yes, and I will apologize to him too." she said bowing her head.

He exhaled deeply and dropped his arms, stepping to the side, and invited her in.

"Sit down in the living room, I'll be right back." he told her and she did just that. Her gaze found the family picture on the mantelpiece, which had been taken when she won a Karate championship long time ago. Dammit she was even wearing braces in it!

Another picture caught her attention. It featured her father, much younger even compared to the family picture, and a group of other young men wearing dress uniforms and saluting towards the camera. It was taken during the time he served in the Bundeswehr.

Her father returned with two glasses, the one filled with orange juice he placed on the table near her, and sat down in his favorite armchair.

"So I'm assuming you're going to tell me what got into you?" he asked her.

And she did. She told him everything, about her sexuality and how she became attracted to Leifang and how it made her a nervous wreck, what had happened on that fateful night between them, that the Chinese had left, that she tried to apologize and then drowned herself in studies just to possibly force it out of her system only to have it bottle up inside her until she lashed out and let it out on a student and hurted other people. As she told him she felt her eyes moistening up.

"But what I'm most afraid of is that I might have ruined my friendship with Leifang." she admitted to him.

"Hmm." he nodded then said. "I don't think I need to tell you that I expected better of you. You are my daughter and at the same time one of my best students. And as a black belt you are considered a weapon,"

"I know..."

"But," he said. "You're clearly beating yourself up about this enough as it is. So why didn't you just tell me that you had problems?"

"I wanted to, believe me!" she said, looking down at her glass. "But I was afraid that you might-"

"Judge you?" he asked and let out a sigh, leaning forward. "I have to admit this is a bit shocking, about you and your friend and...you know. But I won't judge you because of that. I'm your father and I love you. So whatever makes you happy makes me happy and I'm sure your friend will understand if you give her time."

Hitomi looked at her father, her eyes brimming with tears. "Papa..."

When he gave her the smile that he always reserved only for her the dam broke, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest.

And as he returned her hug, patting her on the back, she felt that everything was alright again.

Once upon a time I once said: "I always wanted a scene involving heartfelt talking and swings like in those romance anime."
Here it is, with extra brofist for good meassure.

Not much to say only that I hope you enjoyed the story thus far and that we'll see us next week.