"i'm so sorry for the ending i'm writing feel free to sob later on

Oh, well I wouldn't want to hold you back." It comes out cynical and rude and that's just how I wanted it to sound, because I want Cas to know I'm not going to like his leaving. But he doesn't say anything, maybe I am holding him back.

He leans back from me and rolls his eyes, "Don't Dean." He picks up his food again and takes a bite, and waits until he finishes chewing to keep talking. I hate the waiting and I think he can sense that. "Don't make this just about you. Did you honestly think you could make me a moral person? Did you think that I would see easy prey everywhere I go? Because I do Dean. I walk around town late at night and I see the drunken stragglers and I see the late night errands and the midnight shift start and I think about how easy it would be to go up to them and just take them. I would take them back here and have some fun."

"Cas-"

"You once told me that I was your sun and you would burn just to be close to me. You knew what I am, and yet you still fell for me. So please don't be queasy about the things I do, not now. Because I don't want to see weakness from you, you're strong, so you have to be strong, because I'm leaving Dean…and I'm never coming back."

I drive around after that, just driving. Cas didn't say anything else as I backed away from him and slammed my car door shut, he just stood there and watched me. He watched me like it was the last time he was ever going to see me. And the way he was talking it might be.

The road I'm driving on changes from pavement to gravel and I have to slow down or risk losing control. Not like I haven't already lost control of my life. That ship went down somewhere between now and November, and Cas was the one who blew holes in the deck. He made me love him, he started this whole thing, he wanted me ever since he killed Heidi. Maybe before that, but whatever has happened since then has been his doing.

If he didn't want to keep me around then why did he start all this? Why did he think it could ever work? Why did I think it would work, why did I think that this would be a good idea? Hey mom, hey dad meet my new boyfriend, the guy who kidnapped me. I think you already know who he is. I'm such a piece of shit.

"Shit." I swerve around a branch in the road and end up fishtailing around a corner before I pull off to the side of the road and kill the engine. "Shit." My life is shit.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I ignore it. I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now. I think I'd much rather prefer a pity party for one. But my phone buzzes again and I pick it up just to look. It's Sam. "Hello?" to me my voice sounds normal.

"It's Jessica." His voice is panicked and I immediately forget my own problems.

"What's wrong Sammy? Where are you?"

"She- she…something's wrong. There's an infection and it's in her blood stream, or something like that and she's no responsive." I have no idea what to say, I can hear the heartbreak in his voice. "Dean."

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Come to the hospital please."

"I'll be there."

I start the engine back up and turn around, leaving a trail of dust behind me. I get to the hospital in record time and the nurses all glare at me as I run in, the sound of my boots hitting the tiled floor are so loud even I pause and slow down. "Sammy?" there's no answer and I almost hit my head, of course he doesn't. this is a big hospital. He could be anywhere. I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial his number, "Sammy I'm here."

"Second floor waiting room."

"I'll be there." And I'm running again. I take the stairs two at a time and by the look on Sam's face as I round a corner I can tell that he's seriously upset by Jessica's bad health. "Hey man, how is she?"

Sam looked up at me and kind of smiled, "The doctors haven't let me see her but her mom came out and said that she's ok now. I don't know. I think something happened and they're not telling me what." I sat down next to him and nudged his shoulder. "I don't know, we've been dating since December and they think that not telling me is what's best." He looked at me with his big puppy dog eyes and I melted, "I love her Dean."

I stood back up and reached in my wallet, twenty dollars. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" Sam stood up beside me and grabbed my arm, "What are you doing?"

I shrugged my arm away from him and smiled, "Don't worry man. I'm going to get a cup of coffee." The cafeteria was close to where Jessica's room was. There were no nurses around so I slipped right in without anyone noticing, "Hey girly, how are you?" she was asleep but she looked alright for the moment. At the end of her bed I picked up her clipboard and read the chart. I looked back up at Jessica and she turned in her sleep. There was something about the way her face was twisted, it made me feel sick. I moved the blonde curls away from her face and she eased a bit in her sleep.

There's a loud noise outside and Dean peeks his head out of Jess's room. There are people all around the waiting room where Sam was sitting. Dean pushes his way through the crowd and he can hear people, probably doctors, yelling and telling everyone to back up. In the midst of it all he hears Sam's voice. "Mom, mom!" that's enough for Dean to start fighting his way to the front. When dean got to the front of the crowd he saw something that made his heart stop. Sam looked up right then and when he saw Dean he just glared. "Where the fuck were you?"

Sam never yelled, or cursed, Dean sat down next to him and held the cold hand covered in blood. Mom was lying there, her eyes closed. "Mom?"

She opened her eyes and he could see the pain in them, "My boys." Her hand tightened around Dean's and smiled.

The doctors tried to push us away but we stayed by her side. Her side that was covered in blood and a wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. "Ma'am, we're going to take you to the ER alright?" they didn't wait for her to answer, instead they picked her up and set her on a gurney. Sam and I didn't get up, instead I just sat there and stared at the pool of blood that she left behind, and my hands were covered in it. So were Sam's.

"What happened here?" Sam wouldn't look at me, he just stared at the dark stains on his hands, "Sam!"

He jerked, "Mom came to pick me up and I was telling her that you were here. I said your name and a man came up. He wanted to know about you and then mom said that she was your mother and she didn't want to be talking about her son like this to some stranger. He smiled and and…" he looked up at me, tears in his eyes. "It has something to do with Castiel. I know it does."

I looked around the room to see if anyone was paying any attention, "I don't know. He told me he was going to leave me. I mean he was going to leave here. For good." Sam still doesn't look like he cares, but there's something in his eyes.

"Castiel could find this man. He could kill him."

"Whoa there hold on." Sam grabs me by the arm and we stand up. "We have to let the cops do their jobs." And I think Cas hasn't killed anyone since he got to town. I don't want to set him off again.

"Speaking of the cops." Sam mumbles beside me as two men come our way.

"You two are Winchesters?" we nod and the bigger one says something into his talkie. "Alright, we have a few questions for you."

"Dean wasn't here when it happened."

"Shouldn't you be blocking the entrances and exits?" the younger of the cops glares at me and I glare back.

"The accident happened ten minutes ago right?" Sam nods and the young cop relaxes, "Then the person that did this could be miles away, now what we really need is for you-" he points at Sam, "To tell us everything you remember."

Sam starts to answer when there's another commotion up front and we all turn to look that way. At the same time Sam and I grab on to each other. Dad is standing by the receptionist. His face is red and he looks angry, and sad, and ready to fight someone. When he sees the two of us he barrels right up next to us. "What the hell happened here."

"That's what we would like to know. Now please sir relax, we just need your son to tell us what he saw."

Sam tells them everything he told me, he still seems shaken and beaten down. When he starts to describe the man who did it I commit every detail he says to memory. I may not want to think about it but I plan telling Cas everything.