Chapter Six
"Potty." The younger man exclaimed the word, tickling his adorable toddler as he dropped into his arms. Jackson was only dressed in his diaper and a t-shirt, while his father was trying to explain and teach the concept of the potty to him. He had been forced to stay at home for a few weeks to relax after his accident at work, and home invasion, but he was beginning to get more than a little bored of the solitary confinement, even with the company of his baby boy. "Are you gonna sit on the potty for me?"
Jackson picked up the potty with one hand, jumping up and down with it, before he dropped it on the floor. "Papa." He bounced into his arms, knocking his head against his father's bruised ribs.
"Ahh," Greg flinched, lifting Jackson to his feet, so he could have a moment to breathe. "How about we try taking your diaper off? Yeah. You wonna try sitting on the potty for me?"
The toddler shook his head from side to side, replacing his pacifier to his mouth. He picked up his stuffed tiger from the floor, studying it contently, while Greg watched him.
"Here you go." Sara stepped into the front room, handing him the second cup of coffee from her hands. "So, how's it going?" She gave him a smile, taking a seat on the sofa behind him.
"Slow." Greg set his coffee on the table, so he could crawl across the floor to fetch the potty his son had rolled across the room. "My Mom was around a lot when I was training, Colt. So I guess he seemed easier. He was still in training when Nick came back, but he got it. This little one just doesn't want to do it for me. Jacks, c'mere." He ushered him back to him, taking his tiger off his hands, so he had his full attention. "Sorry, Sara." He apologised to her, before he loosened the fastenings to Jackson's diaper.
"It's fine, don't mind me." She leant back against the sofa cushions, spotting Colt jumping off the stairs. "Have you finished your homework then?" Sara reached her hand out for the papers he had in his hands, wondering why a child as young as him even had homework to do over the weekend.
"I did the first ones, but I don't want to do anymore. When's Daddy coming?" Colt stepped around his younger brother, grabbing the remote for the television, so he could watch some cartoons.
"Daddy's not coming today. He's taking you out for a couple of hours tomorrow though." Greg reminded him, sitting his toddler on the potty again, before he got distracted by anymore toys. He knew that he hadn't been in a while as he had been keeping an eye on his diapers, but he was determined not to sit on the potty, not even for a couple of seconds. "Can you turn the TV off, please?" He turned to look at his eldest son.
"I want to watch cartoons. He won't even watch it." Colt gave out a scream as Greg grabbed him, giggling and squirming in the man's arms as he wrestled the television remote from his hands. "Papa, I'm bored." He complained, after losing his grip on it. "I want to go outside."
"I don't know if you looked out the window lately, Colt, but it's pouring down with rain." His father clicked the television off, getting the full attention of his toddler back. "Why don't you play a game with your, Aunt Sara? It's only a couple more minutes until dinners ready."
Colt retrieved a book from the book shelf, climbing onto the sofa beside the woman. She was the only one that currently knew that their parents were separated, so she was the only one that was even allowed in the house at the moment, besides his Nana.
"Yes!" Greg suddenly cheered from across the room, pressing multiple kisses to his toddler's forehead as he sat on the potty for his first number two. "He did it! Sara, you might want to leave for the room for this. He has the digestion system of a forty year old Texan."
"There's my cue anyway." She jumped to her feet, hearing the timer beeping from the oven. She hurried into the kitchen to dish it out, hearing Greg proudly cheering again, with a little more excitement this time. "Where's Daddy taking you tomorrow then?" She saw that Colt had followed her in, still looking a little upset.
"The Zoo. Daddy said the monkeys have had babies." Colt collected some cutlery from the drawer, stretching his arm up to the island counter to set them down. "I like the owls the bestest. Did you know they can turn their head all the way?" He turned his head as far to the left as he could, before he spun round in a circle.
"No, I didn't know that actually," Sara gave him a gentle push out of the way, so he didn't get burned by the hot tray she was about to pick up. "But it does sound like something that your father would have said. He loves birds." She chuckled to herself at the memory of Nick saying,
'How come when Grissom starts talkin' about bugs, everyone thinks he's a genius, but when I talk about birds, you just think I watch too much television.'
"My little boy is a genius." Greg declared, carrying his re-dressed toddler into the room. He pressed a kiss to the side of his toddler's little head, giving him another victory twirl in the air. He erupted another delightful little giggle from the toddler, suddenly making him wish that Nick had been here to celebrate his first potty use with him.
It wouldn't seem like that big of a deal to anyone else, but Nick had already missed many firsts of their first child. He didn't want him to miss the firsts of their second child too. They were the most precious little moments of their child's life and he was missing them again.
"Shouldn't you go and get dressed?" Sara set the plates at the island in the middle of the kitchen, giving Colt a hand onto his stool, so he could eat his dinner. "You've gotta be there by six, right?"
"It's not a date. I don't have to be early. Still got an hour yet, anyway." Greg pressed another kiss to his baby boy's head, before he set him in his highchair to eat with his brother.
"Where are you going, Papa?" Colt gave him a curious look, realising now why his Aunt Sara was here. He thought that she was just here for a visit, but if their Papa was leaving, that meant she was here to babysit them and put them to bed. "You said that you didn't have to go to work for a while."
"I'm not going to work. I have a meeting. If I'm not back before bed time, Sara's gonna take you over to Evelyn's and you're gonna have a sleep over with the twins." Greg took a seat beside his eldest, cutting up the fish sticks he had on his plate into bite sizable little chunks. "Daddy will still be here tomorrow to take you both out though. You know he wouldn't miss one of your days out for the world."
"He missed me being born." His seven year old bluntly reminded him.
"And Daddy has been kicking himself ever since." Greg gently brushed his thumb across his son's chin, giving him a smile as he looked into his familiar eyes. The older his son got, the more he started to look more and more like Nick. He was almost a miniature version of the man now. "He wanted to be there, believe me. Daddy loves you and your brother more than anything in the world. He'd be there every minute of every day for you if he could."
Sara gave him a smile, still envious of his life, even though he thought it was spiralling out of control. She still desperately wanted the family life that he had, but she wasn't getting any closer to achieving her dream.
"Do you... have any sevens?" The eight year old swung her legs back and forth over the edge of her chair, looking at her uncle sat in front of her. He sorted through the cards in his hands, before he dropped two of them on the table. She scooped them up, placing them into her own pile, with a victorious little smile plastered across her lips. "Mommy, do you have any threes? Mommy, it's your go." She shouted out to her mother.
"Okay," Her mother made her way back to the table, retrieving her cards off the edge. "Eh... no, go fish." She watched her daughter taking another card, noticing the look on her younger brother's face. "Somethin' botherin' you today, Nicky?" Gwen asked him.
Nick shook his head, reaching for his glass of water that he had barely touched. "It's your turn, Mommy."
"I have to go and finish up makin' dinner, so I'm out." She dropped her cards back to the table. "Jade, why don't you take uncle Nicky up to your new room? He hasn't seen the stencils that we did yet."
Jade slid off her chair, grabbing Nick's hand as she ran round the table. Her uncle climbed to his feet, following the little girl up the stairs to her new bedroom. She had been sharing with the baby's across the hall since she was born, but now she was in with her two older sisters. "This is my bed." She released his hand, jumping onto the bed that had the bright pink Hello Kitty bed spread. "Mommy did the horsey stencils. And I painted the walls."
"It's nice."
"I got a new doll for my birthday too." She jumped up from her bed, making her way across the room.
Nick knelt down beside her bed, looking at all their toys neatly scored away in stackable toy boxes. Jade searched through the top two, before she retrieved her doll. She hurried back to Nick, placing the doll in his arms as if it was a baby. The simple action almost set him off in tears as he hadn't held a baby this size since he lost two of his own.
"Nick." His sister appeared in the doorway. "Hey, are you stayin' for dinner? There's plenty to go around if you are."
"No," He quickly wiped his eyes, handing his niece back her doll. "Thank you. I'm meetin' someone. Maybe some other time though." He gave his niece a quick hug, before he climbed to his feet. "Is Sam still babysittin' the boys this weekend?"
"Samantha? No, Greg cancelled. He's off from work. I thought you knew about that. He hasn't been in for about a week or so now." Gwen made her way downstairs, handing her brother his car keys. "Somethin' to do with his accident at work, I guess. So, who are you meetin'?" She pried, opening the front door for him.
"Bye, sis." He gave her a smile, not wanting to tell her just yet. He pecked a kiss to her cheek, waving goodbye as he made his way down the driveway towards his car. He drove straight home, changing his shirt, before his guest arrived. He gave his apartment another quick clean, starting to feel a little nervous and excited at the same time.
It had been nearly two weeks since the last time he even saw his husband, and saved him from his home invaders. They left things on good terms, so he figured that a week or so was enough time for him to cool down, before he invited him over so they could have a serious talk about what they were going to do.
But things with Greg had always been unpredictable, so he wasn't sure what to expect, giving him butterflies of nervousness and excitement at the same time.
When he finally heard a light knock at his door, Nick jumped to his feet, spilling beer down his shirt as he hurried for the door. He pulled it open slowly, letting out a small sigh of relief as Greg finally turned up.
"Hi." He took a step back, ushering the man inside, ignoring the fact that he was just over thirty minutes late for their scheduled appointment to talk. The gorgeous smile on his lips completely forgave him of any sins he could have committed. "C'mon in. Can I get you a drink?"
"No... thank you." Greg shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He stepped out of the way of the door so he could close it, feeling as though this was a bad idea already. He felt as though the tension between them wasn't only painful, but it was awkward and uncomfortable too. He still wasn't sure where they stood, making him more than a little hesitant about tonight. "You're still not unpacked?" He noticed the boxes still stacked against the wall.
"No... I'm never really here. Haven't exactly had any free time to unpack it all." He anxiously scratched his fingers through his hair, waiting for Greg to make the first move. "How's your head?" He motioned towards it.
"Okay." The younger man took another step into the apartment, seeing no signs of any date like material, so this clearly wasn't a date. "I've been taking my pills." He proudly stated, getting a smile from his husband. "Finally got my phone and work ID back too. Wallet's gone though. I had to cancel all my credit cards too." He turned to look at Nick, anxiously biting his lower lip as he studied the man's actions. "Why'd you want me here?" He bluntly got to the point.
"I wanted to talk. We don't do that a lot lately." Nick led him through to the front room, so they could sit down. "I miss bein' able to talk to you. In the heat of the moment, we say things that we don't mean, and can't take them back, because we don't see each other all the time anymore." He dropped to the sofa, looking up at Greg in front of him. "I can't remember exactly what I said to you at the hospital, but I've been hatin' myself for it ever since."
"You said I was too selfish to ever be part of a family." Greg reminded him, taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him. "I think you were channelling my mother though."
"She didn't say it like that... not word for word anyway." He leant back against the cushions behind him, giving out a soft sigh as he looked into Greg's eyes. "How did we get here?"
"Scenic route of the seven year itch." His partner joked, pushing himself to his feet off the table. "Nick, I don't want to do this."
"Do what?"
"This... awkward small talk. Why did you really want me to come here? If you just wanted to apologise for ditching me at the hospital, I'm already over it. It's just something that you do."
"I didn't ditch you." Nick protested, sitting up straight on his sofa. "Why is everythin' always a fight with you, Greg? I'm tryin' to build bridges here and you just keep attackin' me."
"I'm not."
"You are. You do it all the time. Every time I try and get close to you again, you start doin' this. Like you're tryin' to push me away before I hurt you again. But that's not what I'm tryin' to do."
"You did ditch me." Greg dropped to the sofa beside him, folding his arms across his chest.
"I didn't." He shook his head, looking into the younger man's eyes for the first time. "I stayed with you all night. My sister put the boys in her guest bedroom for the night, so I could stay at the hospital with you. I was there until the mornin', when they kicked me out so you could have another scan."
Greg leant back against the sofa cushions, wondering why he left before he woke up. "Do I seriously scare you that much? You can't even wait for me to wake up anymore to talk to me?"
"Can you blame me when all you wonna do is snap my head off? And I didn't think you really wanted to see me after what I said to you."
"It's... what I do." Greg tilted his head back against the back of the sofa, looking up at the ceiling. "I've been scared to lose you since the day you came back. I've been scared of losing you since the first day I had you. Guys like you don't go for guys like me and you certainly don't stick around."
"I'm not like other guys." He slid closer, looking into the deep swirls of caramel in his partner's eyes. "You know I'm not like other guys. You know me better than I know myself. Greg, I've never stopped lovin' you. And I don't blame you for kickin' me out. In your position, I probably would have done the same. But you've gotta let me back in, baby. You need me and I can be there for you now. You just have to let me."
"Where were you seven months ago, Nick?"
"I know, I know. I'm not proud of it. I'll just have to add it to my long list of regrets." He sighed softly, looking down at his hands in his lap. "You opened my eyes the other day. I may not last that much longer, and I don't want to leave you like this. The boys need you strong. If I leave you like this, I'll never forgive myself."
"Watch the ribs." Greg immediately blocked the man's arms from hugging him. "You can't just say that and expect to come back."
"I know."
"You hurt me."
Nick nodded slightly, "I know."
"For a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, you're the most closed off person around me. And it really hurts, Nick."
"I know." He spoke softly, entwining his fingers with Greg's in front of him. He held his hand tightly for a moment, before he felt the younger man give his own hand a gentle squeeze. "I just want you to know that I can be here for you now. I'm takin' counselling sessions."
"Seriously?" Greg looked more than a little surprised. "You who doesn't believe in the power of a shrink?"
"Those crap mandatory ones I had to take after my little coffin incident were rubbish. They didn't care about me or how I was feelin', they just wanted to make sure that I wasn't gonna crack up on the job." The Texan defended himself. "But I've been seein' this shrink that has no connection to the lab and he's already helped me to realise a few things. For starters that I'm not completely nuts for feelin' the way that I feel. And I shouldn't have let you kick me out so easily. Two losses is bad enough, but losin' the strength and support that we get from each other is..."
"Stop, stop, stop," The younger man cut him off. "You've been talking to a shrink about all of this, but you can't talk to me?" He suddenly felt even more hurt. "How long has this been going on?"
"It's not... It's not like I'm cheatin' on you. I am talkin' to you. But I needed someone... a professional someone. And I am talkin' to you right now, and you're attackin' me again." He pointed out to him. "Sometimes you need a little outside help to deal with stuff like this. I didn't know how to be there for you. I've never lost a baby before."
"Not like I have either." Greg pulled his hand away from Nick, folding his arms across his chest instead. "What else do you talk about? Is it all about me?"
"No, not all. You know shrinks, a lot of 'how do you feel about that' and 'what was your relationship like with your folks'. I haven't told him that my own mother won't even talk to me or what she thinks about my life. I've just told him how I hurt you and abandoned, Colt. He thinks I blame myself for too much and act as though I'm carryin' the weight of the world on my shoulders."
"I could have told you that."
Nick gave him a smile, moving a little closer to the younger man so they were now side by side on the sofa. "I miss you, Greg. I miss wakin' up beside you. I miss you reachin' across me to turn off the alarm in the mornin'. I miss seein' you and the boys together. I miss talkin' to you all the time. I was an idiot to leave you once, but doin' it twice..." He lifted the younger man's hand from his side, holding it against his chest. "I know there's no way you can forgive me for avoidin' you then leavin' you... but we need each other, G."
"Maybe I don't want you back though." He spoke softly, turning his head slightly to look into Nick's eyes. "When you're around, I depend on you to be there for me, even though I know what you're like. What if you ditch me when something happens to one of the boys or my folks? You'll leave me completely broken again. I can't take that risk."
"I thought you wanted me back."
"I do." He paused for thought. "I thought I did."
"What's changed?" Nick asked, without letting his emotions get the better of him.
"I don't want to become completely dependent on you again, especially if you're gonna rip it all away at a moment's notice." He pulled his hand away from Nick, sighing heavily as he looked up at the ceiling. "It took ages to build the trust after you came back before. I thought we would never get back to where we were, but we did. Things..." He inhaled a deep breath, keeping his tears in. "Things were going so good. I thought we could actually be happy, then you ripped it all away from me again, breaking my heart again. Then you suddenly swoop in and rescue me, and make me completely helpless to you again."
Nick pursed his lips together, not realising how much he had hurt him until now. "Greg, I really didn't mean... I just, I couldn't deal. I never thought that not talkin' could do so much damage. I was just..."
"I lost a baby too! It's not just about you." Greg angrily snapped at him. "Why is it always about your feelings and what's going on with you? You said at the hospital that it was all about me, but it's not. It's all you. I couldn't tell anyone that we were dating in the beginning, because you didn't want anyone to know, as if you were ashamed of me or something. You left me after Warrick died, because you couldn't deal. You thought that it was best to stay away from me when you found out that you had cancer. And now you feel so bad about losing two babies, that you stop talking to me and get all the sympathy from everyone again. Everything has always been about you!"
"Greg..."
"And the fact that you can't trust me just really puts the icing on it all, Nick." He folded his arms across his chest, bumping his painful ribs again. "You're a moron."
"Are you done?" Nick watched the younger man trying to refold his arms across his chest into a comfortable position, before he spoke, "I know that I did wrong. I hate that I've hurt you so much..."
"I don't want to hear any more excuses, Nick. I'm sick of them."
"What do you want from me then, Greg? Do you want me on my hands and knees grovellin', because I will if that's what you want. I only want to do what's best for you and the boys."
"What hurts the most, Nick, is that you've been talking to a shrink about all the crap that goes on in your head, and it just makes me even more mad at you. You've never been able to talk to me like that. You don't trust me enough, but you trust some shrink that you barely even know. Do you know how much that hurts?" The younger man pushed himself off the sofa, going for the beer he had declined earlier.
"Greg! Greg, there's some things that you can only tell a stranger. Just because I'm talkin' to a shrink, it doesn't mean that I'm cheatin' on you by talkin' to him instead of you." Nick followed him to the fridge, arguing his case. "I didn't exactly grow up in a house where we were allowed to express our emotions like that. I bottle, because I grew up bottlin' everythin' in. It doesn't mean that I don't trust you. It doesn't even mean that I don't love you. I'm supposed to protect you, showin' weakness like emotions won't do that. Even when I try to talk to you, you shut me down. I can't win with you."
"God, you even sound like a shrink." His partner took a gulp of his beer, looking into Nick's eyes beside him. "How long have you been seeing the shrink then?"
"January, so about four months now. It was part of my New Year's resolution."
"Mine was to finally get a dog. Woulda come in handy two weeks ago." He smirked, walking away from Nick to finally explore the apartment. He kicked his sneakers off in the front room, stepping up to the window that looked straight out to the city below them. "You don't have any blinds over your windows." He pointed out to him, taking a seat on the bed to see how soft it was. "And your mattress is hard."
"I didn't think I'd be here that long. And I'm the only one that sleeps in it."
"Right, it was me that decided to get the soft mattress. Where's your alarm clock?" He motioned towards Nick's bedside table. "You were always an early riser anyway, right?"
"Stop, Greg."
"Still having the nightmares? Do you talk to your shrink about your nightmares? I bet he makes you keep a dream journal or something, right?" Greg put his beer to his lips, giving Nick the third degree glare.
"Fine, you wonna continue rippin' chunks out of me, go right ahead. At least you're talkin' to me now." Nick grabbed himself a fresh beer, watching the younger man curiously looking round. His CSI professional brain was scanning every inch of the apartment, taking note of the water spots on the ceiling, the scratched glass pane and the peeling paint specs beside the frame of the bathroom door. "You gonna criticise my house now?"
Greg shook his head. "It's alright, what's the rent like?"
"My lease is up at the end of the month."
"So you called me to try and get your comfy bed back?" Greg giggled to himself, tilting his head back as he poured the rest of his beer down his throat. "This place is alright, I guess. Where are you gonna go once your lease is up? Back to your sister's or some low rent motel that smells of cheap prostitutes."
"Home... I guess." Nick leant back against the wall behind him. "Texas. If there's nothin' left me here..."
"Oh I see." The younger man suddenly understood it all. "So, this is what, your last ditch effort? Your gonna look into my eyes and see if anything is still there, before you run off and leave me again? Or were you gonna give me some kind of ultimatum? Either I take you back, or we never see you again."
"You know, I really don't know why I bother, Greg. You ask me to open up and I try to, but you just bite my head off. Do you even care about us anymore, Greg? Or are just too bitter and twisted to even give us a second thought?"
"I don't have to listen to this." He climbed to his feet, going for the door.
"Yes you do." Nick grabbed hold of his arm, stopping him from leaving. "I really am tryin' here, Greg. If I'm doin' it all wrong, then tell me how to do it properly. I love you. But sometimes I think it would be easier to just..."
"Leave?" Greg finished his sentence for him. "Go then, if... if there's... if there's really nothing keeping you here," His lower lip started to quiver, stopping him from getting his words out. "Then just go."
"That all depends on you, G." His husband pointed out to him, taking a step closer towards him. "I don't want to get in the way of your happiness. I've seen how you are around me lately. I want to make you happy, but if I can't and if we really can't get past this, then I'll go. I don't want to go, but if it's what's best for you and the boys..."
"Can I have another?" Greg interrupted his heart warming speech, holding up his empty beer bottle.
"Yeah." Nick made his way back to the fridge, grabbing another two beers. He turned back towards the bed after he cracked one of them open, noticing Greg had lay his head back against the mattress, breathing in his scent from the covers. "Need somethin'?" He took a seat beside him, watching the younger man's eyes slowly fluttering open. He still had no idea what that did to him.
Instead of saying anything, Greg patted the bed beside him, indicating for Nick to lie beside him. He decided that he didn't want to fight him anymore. Not only was it tiring, but it made his heart ache every times they butted heads.
Nick placed his beer at his side so he wouldn't spill it, before he lay down beside his partner. He looked into Greg's eyes, noticing they had gone a little red, as though he was desperately trying to hold in some tears.
"This mattress is really hard." Greg giggled softly. "And that's not a line."
Nick smiled in response. "Well, it wasn't chosen by your mother. She picked out the best for you. It came with the apartment. My sister gave me the sheets."
"They're nice." Greg smirked, seeing the flower design etched into the material. He turned his head to the side, looking into the eyes of the man he adored. "I really don't want it to be over, Nick. But our marriage is never going to work if you don't trust me. If you can't trust me with your feelings, we might as well call it quits now, otherwise it's just going to be an endless cycle of you hurting me because you can't let me in."
"You're not the completely innocent party here, G. You hurt me too. It hurts when you shut me out too. It hurts when you don't even want to hear what I have to say."
"Well now you know how I feel. Paybacks a bitch."
Nick smiled at him, gently running his fingers through Greg's hair. He wanted to stay mad at him for the way he was acting, but it only made him love him even more. "Don't you ever just wish that we had a normal borin' relationship?"
"No way, we'd be bored stiff. Where's the fiery passion in a normal boring relationship?" Greg asked him.
"At least in a normal relationship you don't get burned." He smirked, delicately brushing a fingertip beneath the fading bruise to his lover's cheek. "We need to talk to each other, Greg. Not just shout and argue about things on our mind. We can get our point across in another way, but we need to talk to each other. I want it to work and I want to be able to tell you everythin'. I thought that by seein' somebody, I could figure out my trust issues and be a better husband to you and a better father to our kids. But I've just made things worse again."
"You can't just trust me by yourself?"
"It doesn't really work like that." Nick shook his head. "It's not that I don't trust you, because I do. It's just... a little harder for me to open up the way you want me to. I was taught to hide my feelin's and put on a brave face, even for my job they teach you to bottle it all to get through what you have to do. You can't see what we see on a daily basis, without bottlin' your feelin's. And it's not so easy to switch off. I want to be able to tell you everythin' and be there for you in the way I'm supposed to. I really do."
"I love you, Nick. But you make everything so complicated." He pushed himself to a sitting position, grabbing the beer from Nick's side. He took a sip of the ice cold beer, licking his lips as he looked at Nick beside him. "Who am I supposed to talk to if you're talking to somebody else the whole time then?"
"Greg, I'm just seein' him to help me out a little with my issues. You can still talk to me. I can tell you some stuff, it's just hard to tell you everythin' that goes on in my head. I want to be able to, but... you're tricky."
"I'm tricky?"
"Yeah, I don't always know how you're goin' to take certain things. I don't always know how to read you. I've never met anyone like you before. You're nothin' like me and I don't find it very easy to judge your character or your mood. You've got this amazin' wild personality that I love, but you're... you're really tricky. For lack of a better word."
"At least you didn't call me weird or a freak." Greg collapsed back against the covers, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to make sense of it all. On the one hand, he wanted Nick back more than anything, but on the other, he didn't want him to hurt him anymore. "Can I ask you a question? And you have to answer it completely truthfully and honestly. If I even see a moment of hesitation, I'm gone."
"Ask away." The Texan rested against his elbow beside the younger man's head, watching him softly biting his lower lip as he tried to get up the nerve to ask him. "C'mon Greg, while we're young."
Greg smiled slightly in response, inhaling a deep breath, before he opened his mouth. "When you were dating... what's-her-name, why did you sleep with me? I've always wondered. Am I just the rebound, or did you really want me, the way I wanted you?"
"That's your question? You wonna drag up stuff from years back?"
"Nick." He groaned. "If you're not going to take this seriously."
"Alright," Nick stopped him from getting up, trying to think back. "For the record, I wasn't really datin'... what's-her-name. We were only on our... third or fourth date when I kissed you. I hadn't seen her in over a week since I got out the hospital after my little vacation in a coffin six feet under. You were there for me when I needed somebody."
"So that's it? I was there."
"No, that's not just it." He looked into Greg's eyes, gently brushing his thumb across his partner's chin. "I've always had feelin's for you, Greg. Ever since I can remember. I'm not just sayin' this because I want you back. I didn't always know that what I felt for you was love. I just knew that I felt stronger feelin's for you than I did, Sara, Catherine or Warrick. It sounds a little cliché, but when I kissed you, I was tryin' to make sense of what I felt. I had a lot of thinkin' time when I was down under. Mostly about you."
"I think I'd of preferred you to lie." He gave the man a slight smile, entwining his fingers with Nick's at his side.
"Why?"
"I don't want to know that you think about me when you're at deaths door. That's a bad association."
"It's romantic. You were my last thought." The older man moved a little closer, lifting his leg over Greg's, so he could manoeuvre himself on top of him. "You're always my first and last thought of the day." He leant over him, gently merging their lips together for the first time in a long time.
The younger man responded after a few seconds, flinching as Nick's hand slid across his side. "Ow, watch the ribs."
"Sorry." He gritted his teeth together, playfully grinding their hips together as he leant in for another kiss.
"Wait, wait..." Greg pushed him away slightly, licking his lips as they separated. "You don't get off on being a completely flawed human being, just because you think it's romantic that you think about me when you're on the brink of death."
"You think I'm a completely flawed human bein'?"
"Maybe not a completely flawed one, but you come pretty close to the top three in the emotions department. You'll spill them all out at a crime scene when you're not supposed to and wind up getting yourself in trouble when you take it too far with the whole battering the suspect thing, but you're almost completely closed off around your own husband."
"I can be completely 'clothes off' if you like." He playfully wiggled his eyebrows at him.
"Are you drunk?" Giggling softly, Greg put his arms around his husband, pulling him closer to look into his eyes. "I haven't seen you in a playful mood in years."
"Losin' you opened my eyes a little. And then seein' you get hurt opened them a little more. I came back to you after I thought I was gonna die, but I never really let go of that fact. I've been livin' with you like I'm gonna die, rather than like I'm gonna live." The man gently circled his fingertips over his partner's heart, feeling it softly beating through his chest. "I haven't been everythin' you needed. I can be everythin' you need now. Or I can try, anyway. You want me to buy you that dog?"
"Bribery now?" Greg gave him a slight smile, moving the beer from his side, before it got knocked over. "You know, if I had you around, I wouldn't need a dog. I didn't mean that how it sounded." He leant up on his elbows to take another sip of his beer, whispering, "What I mean is I want you back at home more than I want a dog."
"I can do that." He sealed another kiss to the younger man's lips, feeling his partner shaking beneath him. He didn't know if it was because he was nervous or cold, but it immediately made him stop. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No." Greg readjusted himself, running his fingers through his partner's hair. "I just... I thought tonight you were going to ask me for a divorce or something. I guess that's why I came over ready for a fight. You sounded really serious on the phone. I came over here thinking the worst. I'm just kinda scared that I'm dreaming all this because you did really do it."
"You're not dreamin'." Nick assured him, gently sliding his fingers beneath the younger man's t-shirt. "I'm real. You're real. This whole thing is real." He pried the beer bottle from his partner's hand, crawling across the bed to set them on the bedside table. "Do you need to get back?" He gently nipped at the younger man's lips, smiling as he barely managed to shake his head from the intimate touch. "Who's babysittin' the boys?"
"They're sleeping over at Evelyn's. I'm watching the twins tomorrow."
"Close your eyes." The older man rasped.
"Why?"
"Do you really need a detailed explanation of what I want to do to you? Or are you just gonna close your eyes so I can..."
"Stop, stop, stop." Greg pushed himself to a sitting position, launching the older man onto the bed beside him, so he had some room to breathe. "Nick, I don't think that we should do this. It feels... weird."
"Why weird? We're married, Greg. That never changed. We just separated... temporarily."
"I know that, but it still feels... weird." He didn't know how else to describe it. He dropped back to the bed with a sigh, hoping it was just the fact that they were on an uncomfortable bed that was making the situation feel uncomfortable. "We were just shouting at each other, now you're trying to get into my pants. Maybe seven months without sex has made me crazy. There must be something really wrong with me."
"There's nothin' wrong with you." Nick leant over him, sealing a kiss to his lips. "You are perfect, just the way you are." He gave him a smile, before he merged their lips together again. His husband immediately responded, breathing softly in between kisses. "You know, when I say perfect..." He tried to retract his statement.
"Shut up." Greg playfully jabbed him in the side, getting a wide smile in return. "I've missed seeing you smile." He reached his arms out for him, hugging him tightly against his chest. "I've missed everything that you do. And you're right, we do need to talk more, or you do anyway and I need to learn how to listen." He admitted, getting a surprised look from his partner. "Yeah, I have noticed that I suck at that."
"You used to be a good listener." Nick leant on his elbow beside his head. "I think I did that to you. You never used to be so protective of your feelin's either. I thought you came through those three years that you were alone a little more mature, but you're a lot more guarded too. I did that to you. I left you when you needed me the most. And I've done it again, which has probably only made you worse."
"So we're both completely screwed up?"
"For the rest of our lives." The Texan widely grinned, sealing another kiss to Greg's lips. "I love you, Greg." Reaching for the younger man's hand at his side, he pressed a kiss the ring on his finger, relieved to see that he was still wearing it.
"I love you way more." The younger man rasped, sweeping the shirt off his husband's shoulders. He quickly unbuckled his jeans, leaving their clothes behind as they crawled back to the pillows, completely ignoring his own advice about making all of their problems go away with sex. "Nick," He spoke softly between kisses. "Don't ever leave me again, okay? I can't take it anymore."
"I won't. I promise you this time."
"You know that this isn't going to be some quick fix thing." He warned Nick, holding his warm body tightly against his own. "I wish that it could be, but we have to work these things out, otherwise we're never going to get past it."
"I know. True love only happens once. You've gotta grab it by both hands and never let it slip away." He gripped the younger man tightly in both hands, looking deeper into his eyes. "I've already let you slip away twice. I'll never make that mistake again. I know I've said that before, but I really mean it this time."
"I believe you." Greg sealed their lips together, closing his eyes as they rekindled their love. He really didn't expect tonight to go like this, but he wasn't going to fight it now. This was more than he could have ever hoped for.
Thank you for your reviews. Have a great weekend.
~ Holly