Eleven

The next morning, Eponine woke up feeling like she was hit by a truck. Memories from the night came flooding back to her mind, and she wanted to crawl under a rock. She was embarrassed, but mostly she was worried. Had she ruined things with Grantaire? She got up, wrapped her robe around her, and went downstairs to put on a kettle of tea. Out of her kitchen window, she could she that Grantaire's car was gone. She assumed he was already at work. She didn't know what to do. She needed to talk to him, but what would she say? Suddenly, she remembered an offer she'd gotten weeks back and decided it might be the time to take it up. After downing her tea and getting ready, doing her best to hide her dark circles, she began her walk to the college's law school.

Half an hour later, she was there, standing outside Enjolras's classroom. She'd gotten the room number from a secretary. He still had a class, so she waited for him to release his students. She didn't have to wait long before the door was flung open and a large group of ambitious looking, young students flooded out. As the last one left, she looked into the classroom to see him rifling through papers and trying to stuff them in his briefcase. She knocked on the open door.

"My office hours are Tuesday and Thursday 2-5," he snapped.

Eponine almost walked away, thinking it was a bad time, but she stepped forward anyway.

"Hi, Enjolras," she said, her hands clasped in front of her.

Enjolras jerked his head up, "Oh Eponine forgive me. I thought you were a student."

"Rough day?" she smiled.

"You could say that. I don't like students with no drive, and half of the class didn't turn in their assignments this week. Please come in."

Eponine could detect the irritation in his voice and imagined a very frustrated Enjolras blessing out his law students. She stepped inside the room further, her hands still clasped together nervously. Enjolras noticed it then. He looked at her curiously.

"Eponine, is everything alright?"

She looked down at her hands, "You said I could come talk to you if I needed to, and I wanted to know if that offer still stands?"

She heard him move across the room, then his classroom door click shut. She looked up at him and saw worry in his eyes.

"Sit, please. Of course it still stands. What's bothering you?"

They both took their seats at two of the desks.

Here it goes, Eponine thought. She took a deep breath.

"I told Grantaire about my husband and about the abuse. I couldn't go into details though. I wasn't ready to talk about it," she began.

"I knew you did, and I'm glad," he nodded.

She was shocked, "How did you know?"

"I don't want you to be mad, but Grantaire told me and Combeferre. He was really concerned about you, and wanted to know if there was anyway he could help you," Enjolras explained.

Eponine's heart warmed at the thought of him being concerned about her. That was really sweet.

"Oh. I'm not mad. Well, last night, he took me to see the school's performance of Cats and we went to a really nice dinner. Then he brought me back up to the theatre and had me try on all kinds of costumes. I ended up in a Cinderella costume and he ended up in the Prince's costume. Then we danced together for a while. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life. When he brought me home, I told him I was in love with him, and he told me he loved me too. We ended up kissing. Everything was going so well. I never wanted the moment to end. Then all of a sudden, all I could see in my head was Marius and him abusing me. I panicked. I shoved Grant away and screamed for him to stop, a complete basket case. When I came back to reality and realized what I'd done, it only made it worse, and I completely lost it. Next think I knew, he was gone. I'm afraid I've completely messed it up with Grant, and I just don't think I can lose him right now. I don't know what to do," Eponine finished with a sigh.

Enjolras sat silently for a moment, soaking up everything she'd told him.

Finally he spoke, "Have you talked to him?"

Eponine shook her head, "He was gone when I got up, and the first thing I did was come here to you."

"Eponine, I in no way think you have messed things up with Grantaire. He just wants to help you, and he hates to see you in pain. I do think it's time to tell him everything though. I know it will be painful, but it will help. Let Grantaire help you get through it. You don't have to face this alone, Eponine. You have Grantaire who is more than willing to be by your side, and you have all of us as well, especially me," Enjolras said softly.

Tears formed in Eponine's caramel eyes, "Thank you, Enjolras. Thank you."

That was all she could say. She collected herself before standing to leave. She walked out of the classroom promising to talk to Grantaire and feeling surrounded with support. She had no idea these people she barely knew cared so much about her. Was this what having friends was like? She thought it actually was more like what a family was supposed to be like, and she loved it.

Eponine resolved to wait until tomorrow to talk to Grantaire, since it was Saturday, and that would give her more time to collect her thoughts. Eponine set her alarm, and when she woke up early the next morning, she saw Grantaire sitting in the swing on his front porch. This was her chance. Not bothering to change, she pulled her robe around her and went outside. She walked up the steps to his porch and sat beside him on the swing without him even looking at her. A nervous feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. They sat in silence for a long while, listening to the birds sing.

Finally Eponine said quietly, "I'm sorry."

Suddenly, Grantaire whipped his head to face her.

"Don't say that. You have nothing to be sorry for, Ep," he exclaimed.

Eponine didn't say anything in reply. They were silent for a while before Grantaire spoke again.

"I just want to be there for you, help you."

"I know. I want you to, but it's so hard for me to let anyone completely in. I heard what you said when you left. You asked what he'd done to me. He did a lot, Grant. And not just him. My father, my first boyfriend. They've all done a lot. I think it's time you know what they did. I don't suppose anyone can help me if they don't know what I've been through. But I have to know for sure that you really want to know because once I start I won't be able to stop, and it is far from a pretty story."

Grantaire wrapped an arm around her, "Of course I'm sure. But only tell me if you want to."

"I do," she replied softly.

Then she began. She started with the abuse she'd received from her father. It started when she was just a toddler, first physical, then eventually emotional as well. It lasted her whole childhood, and she couldn't wait to grow up an get away from him. Her mother was just as bad. When he killed her sister, she was sure she was next, but he spared her for some sick, twisted reason, she told herself. Then along came the spider Montparnasse. He was charming at first, but had trouble with alcohol. She thought she loved him. Then he came to see her after having one too many drinks and decided that he was going to sleep with her. She was scared because she'd never been with anyone before, and she tried to refuse. When she wouldn't give him what he wanted, Montparnasse decided to take actions into his own hands. That was the night Eponine was raped for the first time. Not sure she could dwell on Montparnasse anymore, she skipped to Marius. She felt like she talked for hours about his abuse, physical, emotional, and sexual. She talked about his beatings and the way he treated her like a delinquent, idiot child. He was very much like Montparnasse in the fact that he took from her what he wanted, regardless if she wanted to give it, except he was much harsher. Eponine couldn't count the number of times she'd been raped. When she finally finished telling him everything, her cheeks were soaked with her tears, along with part of her pajama top. Grantaire reached up and dried her face with his shirt sleeve.

"Ep," was all he could say.

He encircled her in his strong arms, and once again Eponine felt at home. She felt safe. She sobbed into his chest, and he only held her tighter, whispering comforting words into her ear. He stroked her hair when she sat up, and Eponine saw tears in his own eyes.

"I want you to know that I love you, I am always here for you in any way you need, and we will get through this together. I promise."

"Thank you, Grant. I love you too. I can't lose you," she sniffed.

"And you won't."

She stood, "I'll be right back, but I want to show you something."

"Okay," he agreed, all though there was confusion on his face. She darted off to her house, and when she returned, she was completely dressed. She took Grantaire's hand and led him inside his house, into a room that didn't have windows to the street.

"What did you want to show me?" he asked.

Nervously, she turned her back to him and pulled her top up and over her head. Then she discarded her jeans, leaving her clad in only her bra and underwear. She heard Grantaire suck in a breath as he observed all the scars covering her body. She shivered as she felt his fingers trace over one on her shoulder blade.

"He did all this?" he questioned breathlessly.

She nodded, "There are more on my front. And I can never get rid of them. They will always be a constant reminder of the pain and fear I've lived."

Grantaire wrapped his arms around her from behind, "You know what I see them as? I see them as reminders of how strong you are, everything you've been through that you survived. And you're still fighting. Always keep fighting, Ep."

She reached up and placed a hand on his unshaven cheek, "I love you," she rasped.

Grantaire placed a kiss to the top of her bare shoulder.