CHAPTER 8: Just Between Us

At the urging of Aylin and Rocinante, the sobering crewmen of the ship had sprung into action and prepared to set sail in record time. Minutes later, the ship's sails caught a nice breeze which served to propel them at a quicker pace out to sea and away from Crescent City.

The goal was to put as much distance between them and the Don's warship as possible.

Aylin remained out on the deck long after the crew collectively decided that the Don's ship was not actively pursuing them and deemed it safe to return inside. Her fingers gripped the railing tightly, lips pursed as she stared off into the night, cool air nipping at her cheeks and tossing her hair about. She was so deep in thought that she failed to notice the heavy footsteps approaching from behind.

A large hand landed gently on her shoulder, causing her body to tense up.

"Hey…"

It was Rocinante. Of course it was, even though the man could barely move he'd still come to her. She relaxed only slightly and spared him a brief sidelong glance, though remained silent.

"Lin," Rocinante tried again, "are you…are you alright?"

For a long moment, she didn't answer, continuing to stare out into the vast darkness. When she finally turned to face him, the first thing she noticed was that he'd been bandaged nearly head to toe, resembling some sort of mummy. His broken arm was tucked against his chest in a sling and smaller bandages covered a few gashes on his cheek and forehead. The second thing she noticed was the way his large brown eyes stared down at her with such concern and honest compassion.

Once again, she found herself thinking that he certainly was an oddity within the likes of the Blackburn Syndicate.

A small sigh escaped her lips and she forced the words out. "I'm fine."

His brow crinkled in worry. "They said you refused medical treatment… You're just as hurt as I am, Lin. Please…"

Aylin shook her head, her eyes betraying no emotion. "I'll live." She swallowed thickly, her throat still burning from the array of assaults from the Don. Her grip on the railing tightened and a slight frown tugged at her lips as she set her sights back on the darkness in the distance.

"Lin…" Rocinante squeezed her shoulder with his good hand, moving forward to lean against the railing so that their heads were at a more even level. A minute or two of silence passed between them, during which nothing but the wind hitting the sails and the water slapping against the bottom of the boat could be heard. He leaned closer, gently bumping her shoulder and nearly losing his balance in the process. "Hey…please just talk to me. What's wrong?"

There was another long pause as Aylin let the question hang in the air. Just when Rocinante thought that he probably wasn't going to get an answer, she let out a long breath.

"That woman...Anelli..." Aylin stared down at her hands, still bloodied from the ordeal. Most of it was her own, but nevertheless served as a stark reminder of the events that had transpired. "I didn't plan it...didn't even think, really...I..." She swallowed again, inhaling a deep breath of fresh air. "There was no time. I keep telling myself..." Her lips gave a subtle twitch and one of her hands moved to her mouth, as if dragging her fingers down her face would serve to stop the impulse. "I know...this kind of thing, it happens...it's not the first time I've had to..." She bit down on her lip and for the barest second, Rocinante could hear a distinct crack in her voice as she continued, "But she was...she had kids..."

Rocinante was stunned momentarily as he realized that she had actually really been thinking about this; she hated the fact that she'd killed someone and she was clearly regretting it, dealing with the consequences of her actions. They didn't affect her directly…but she actually cared about the fact that the woman had a family back home, despite the fact that she'd been an enemy.

The blond man felt his eyes mist over at the thought. In a way, it made him happy to see more of Aylin's human side, and the fact that she cared so much served to confirm for him that she was actually a good person. Escort, Negotiator, Bookkeeper…those were merely job titles. Rocinante had no doubt that Don Fettuccine Alfredo didn't feel one shred of remorse about the pain and damage he'd inflicted upon the two of them.

But Aylin…

He shifted his weight, sliding his good arm around her shoulders and squeezing lightly. "Look, I'm not going to tell you that it's okay or that everything is going to be okay. I know it's not that simple. But if you hadn't done what you did…well, you'd be bringing me home in a bag right now. Or hell, you might've been in that bag with me…"

Another brief silence passed between them and he felt her relax almost imperceptibly against him, though she still didn't say a word.

"Hey… I…" He swallowed thickly. "I know what it's like to lose your parents. Not just one, but…but both. It's something that stays with you forever…something that paints a tone into your life. Something that even when you're not thinking about it, you're thinking about it. It's permanent. But people are resilient. Survivors. Pain and grief can either break someone or make them stronger. It's up to them to decide. Life's not fair and we definitely don't get to pick what happens to us. The only thing we can control is how we react to it."

She gave a slight nod, somewhat surprised by the wisdom behind his words. She'd had no idea he'd experienced such things. She pulled away slowly, her head hanging down so that a curtain of hair hid her face.

"I know...but that's just it..." Her jaw clenched and it was clear that she was doing her best to keep herself together, recalling the conversation they had overheard while still tied up in the hold. "She was bad news, no question, but her daughters are innocent. They didn't deserve what happened." She shook her head, a curse slipping from under her breath. "What would my kid think...? I'm no better than the danger I'm trying to keep her from..." Her shoulders tensed and she took a step back when he attempted to move closer, her voice becoming smaller. "I'm fine. I just need a minute."

"Lin…" Big wet tears began rolling down his face, knowing that she was trying to hide how much this had hurt her and trying to keep it all bottled up inside. "Hey…come here…come here…" He stepped closer to her, bending down so that he was on his knees as he opened up his one good arm to her. "Use…use my shoulder if you need to."

Aylin shook her head, her body going rigid as she turned her back to him. She intended to hobble elsewhere, to take exactly sixty seconds to collect herself and then resume acting like the leader she was supposed to be during this mission.

She got about one step when a strong hand gripped her wrist and gently tugged her backward, the momentum causing her to swing around enough for him to see the tears welling up in her eyes.

One of her hands clapped over her mouth, soundlessly.

"It's okay…you don't have to hold it in…" He pulled her closer, and for once she didn't resist. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Lin… You're only human and you're doing the best you can." His voice was soft and he hoped she knew how sincere he was.

Aylin relented almost immediately, leaning forward until her head rested against his shoulder. He was her closest friend, after all. Probably her only friend. She could at least allow herself to take a bit of comfort from him. Her shoulders trembled, and a sniffle was the only noise she made aside from a few shuddering breaths. Rocinante held her for what seemed like a long time, though there was no way of knowing exactly how many minutes had passed. He patted and rubbed her back soothingly, not moving until she pulled back of her own accord, quickly brushing at her eyes.

He smiled at her, then reached up to wipe his own eyes. "Come on…we need to get those ribs set…don't protest or I'll tuck you under my good arm and nobody wants that because what if I fall down or catch on fire while I'm carrying you?"

Aylin managed a half-hearted scoff, but offered a small smile a moment later. "Alright, alright..." She exhaled slowly, figuring that red, puffy eyes would probably go unnoticed considering the rest of her appearance. She was about to set off toward the infirmary, but faltered in her footsteps, glancing up to give him a meaningful look. "And, um...thanks."

oOo

Aylin was itching to have several choice words with the inner circle the moment the ship returned to Penndel, although after a bit of consideration, she supposed it could wait until she'd had a good night's rest. After all, limping into the conference room and hoarsely wheezing out curse words would hardly be intimidating.

Upon the stubborn insistence of Stokes, she and Rocinante remained in the medical bay overnight for observation. She had tried to explain that she was fine, but that only prompted him to list every injury she'd sustained in detail and the risks that went along with them, so in the end she gave up and claimed a cot in the corner of the room.

Aylin at least had to hand it to the doctor; he did an excellent job of feigning apathy, but at the heart of it all he was passionate and dedicated to his practice.

Rocinante carefully lowered himself onto the cot beside Aylin's, although not without bumping his head against the wall while attempting to lay down. It was far too small for a man of his size, and even laying down, his feet rested on the floor rather comically.

The red-head suppressed a smirk as she watched him try to get comfortable, struggling with a blanket that only covered about half of his body. In truth, she was glad that he was with her. While she wasn't proud about practically falling apart in his arms a few days earlier, she couldn't deny that he'd helped her more than she could possibly express. She recalled what he had told her about himself; how he had lost both of his parents and how well he understood the emptiness that never left a person after experiencing such a tragedy.

When she thought about it, his words had seemed almost haunting, which told her that there was far more to the story than he'd let on. Aylin had always seen Rocinante as a kind, cheerful young man, and though he certainly had his moments when his temper got the better of him, she'd never actually considered that he might have gone through something so traumatic.

She averted her eyes when he finally caught her watching him, pretending to be looking around the room instead.

A smile made its way across Rocinante's face. "I saw that, Lin! Caught you," he said weakly, and then coughed, his chest hit with a spasm of pain. "Ow…uh…man, broken ribs really suck…"

She snorted in response, still looking around the room as if she were fascinated by all the medical articles of interest that Stokes had hung up on the walls. "You're telling me."

He reached his good arm over and poked her gently. "Are you going to be alright? That was a really long list Dr. Stokes was reading off on your injuries, and I know how much you hate to take medicine. Am I going to have to remind you?" He teased.

Aylin looked back at him and rolled her eyes. "You're hilarious."

Rocinante let out a long breath as he locked eyes with the red-haired woman. He didn't know he was going to find a friend in his undercover missions. He'd always been a friendly person, sure, but he'd never been this close to someone. It was so nice how familiar they could be with each other. They could joke or even talk about serious things, about everything or about nothing. It was a luxury he'd never had before.

That, of course, would make it all the more painful once he wasn't able to do this anymore. He hadn't forgotten about his mission, and about what he would inevitably have to do, but somehow he just couldn't help becoming attached to her. She was truly one of the best people he'd ever known. Like a hard candy with a soft center that was really sweet—you just had to take the time to get there.

He felt his face heating up as he remembered holding her while she cried, her small frame cradled in his arms, and the sobs she was desperately trying to make inaudible. He'd seen her at her best and at her worst, and he knew she could say the same about him. A warmth spread through him, and he realized that this time he was the one staring.

Aylin eased herself onto her side, curling her legs up as she faced him, one arm propping herself up. She looked rather deep in thought, as if considering something. The room fell silent for several minutes, the only sound in the room coming from the ticking clock on the wall and the occasional noise from Stokes's office.

Eventually she spoke, her voice a bit softer than before. "I didn't know that about you. What you said before, about losing your parents...I'm sorry," she added with a note of genuine sympathy.

Rocinante was a bit taken aback. He hadn't expected her to bring up that subject, although he honestly felt touched that she'd thought about it enough to mention it again.

"Thank you," he replied softly. "My mother was the sweetest person I ever knew. She tried her hardest for all of us up until the day she died. She died of an illness…we'd been living in poverty for awhile when I was around 6 years old…and her health suffered greatly."

There was a long pause. Aylin sensed that he wasn't finished, so she gave a gentle nod and waited patiently for him to continue.

"I was there the day she died," he said. "I saw the life slip out of her. Not everyone gets to be there when their loved one takes their last breath. She really loved us all so much. She deserved better." He clenched his fist tightly, his jaw tensing up as the face of his brother as a child flashed through his mind. The madness that had ensued after their mother's death was more than children their age could bear. But of course Doflamingo hadn't become a stronger, better person from it. Nor had he become compassionate in the least bit. Instead, he became even more set in his malevolent ways.

Aylin nodded in understanding as she silently listened. She, too, knew the pain of such a loss. Her own mother had passed suddenly when she was young. Not as young as Rocinante had been, but she still remembered it as vividly as the day it had happened.

She gave him a small smile. "Sounds like you take after her."

Rocinante's face softened as he looked back over to meet her eyes. "I can only hope that I do. Glad you think so, Lin. Both her and my father were kind people, people who had sympathy for everyone. But in the end we couldn't be accepted by the people we had sympathy for…"

"I see..." Aylin felt curiosity urging her to press him for details, but the despondent note in his voice told her that he wasn't terribly keen on discussing it further, so she decided to let it go for now. When he wanted to talk about it, she figured he would let her know.

Rocinante gulped, all of a sudden wanting to veer the subject away from his own family. "I'm so glad you're okay…if a not a little worse for wear." He reached over between their cots for her hand and gave it as firm a squeeze as he dared, noticing how his hand completely enveloped hers due to its size.

Her eyes flickered up to meet his at the gesture, but she made no move to pull away.

"You'll be wanting to write home to your family right? Your daughter and your husband. That's why you're always going to the post office, isn't it? I never really thought about it until after you told me that you have a daughter. I know you feel guilty for not being able to spend time with them, but you're a good woman and you're doing the best you can for them. Maybe…maybe you could ask for some time off to go visit?"

The thought of Aylin being away from him for any amount of time felt painful and his chest constricted tightly, but there was no way he could be selfish about something like this. She had a family waiting for her; he hadn't even known her that long, a little over six months, but even so, one had to have priorities. He realized he was still grasping her hand and then let his slide away as he searched her eyes.

Aylin exhaled a laugh. "Well, you've got it partially right. I've been sending out packages to my daughter when I can, yes. Husband...?" She let out a scoff before she could stop herself. "Let's just say I've closed the book on that one." Her nose crinkled a bit at the thought. "We don't talk."

Rocinante was shocked by the ripple of surprise that went through him at her words. It was almost as if his heart had attempted to jump out of his chest. It began hammering against his ribs at an alarming rate as he took a few moments to process this information. He was confused by the fact that the sensation he was feeling most at this moment was relief. What…? Why would he feel so relieved to hear her say that?

A flush crossed over his cheeks before he realized he really needed to say something back before he looked like a giant ass.

"OH! UH…UM…that's…I'm…I'm sorry Lin, it…it must be hard." He really wanted to ask more questions, to pepper her with them in fact, and find out every bit of information that he could on this former husband of hers. Were they separated? Or actually divorced?

And why was this such a big deal all of a sudden, anyway?

Aylin looked amused by how flustered he suddenly seemed. She waved a hand dismissively. "Don't be sorry about it, I'm not. The guy's useless...couldn't rely on him for anything. I left my Peanut with his sister, at least she's got some sense..."

Rocinante met her eyes again and tapped his good hand against his chin. "But you married him…you…you must've loved him at some point." He gasped slightly after these words were out of his mouth; that was really none of his business, but it had come spilling out all the same. Rocinante himself had never been in love—aside from a crush here or there in between assignments—but he imagined that breaking it off with a person whom one loved or had once loved was surely a painful ordeal, especially if there was a child involved.

She gave him a knowing look, propping her chin up with a fist. "Oh, I sure liked to tell people I did. I was also pregnant, so maybe there was a little denial in the mix. I was young and stupid once, you know. Stubborn, too, as I'm sure you've noticed." She chuckled at that and then shook her head as she recalled her past relationship. "We weren't together very long before we got married...I should've seen the signs, but I was apparently blinded by his killer abs and nice smile. My father was furious...but I fought so hard for us to be together...even after I realized my mistake, I still couldn't admit to it." She sighed and let herself fall gently onto her back so that she stared up at the ceiling. "What I regret more than anything is that my daughter had to be involved in all of that...but I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world."

Rocinante nodded even though he knew that Aylin couldn't see him. He felt honored that she would share something so personal with him. "I see," he finally said, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling as well. "Thank you," he whispered after a short silence. "For sharing all that with me. It sounds like you have a hell of a kid, and my earlier statement still stands about you doing the best you can… Lin, really though, you couldn't take time off to see her? I…I'd miss you terribly, but you know what they say, right? Family…family first…"

Aylin's voice sounded sleepy when she replied after a moment. "I can't do that...it's too dangerous. If I were followed and the wrong people found out about her, it would all be over. I'm in this life too deep now." She closed her eyes, trying to mask the sadness from her tone. "If I truly want to keep her safe, then I have to stay away from her. It's…it's the best chance she has for a good life." She swallowed, pausing a moment before continuing, "You're actually the first person I've told this to. So...I know it goes without saying, but I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this between the two of us."

Rocinante felt his heart leap again. He was the only person she'd told?! He felt tears spring to his eyes anew, though he did his best to force them back. "Of course, Lin," he whispered. "I'd never tell your secret…"

He turned to look at her but she'd already fallen asleep, her breathing becoming slow and even. Rocinante smiled at her peaceful face, and wished happy dreams for her—ones that included her and her daughter together, laughing and playing. He found himself imagining this little scenario, but all of a sudden the fantasy took an unexpected turn when he appeared there with them; he and Aylin both holding the hands of a little red-headed girl as they walked through some busy town, and for a second there they actually looked like a family…

His face lit up like a firecracker and he covered it with his good hand. His heart began to pound. What the hell? These trains of thought were going to make him crazy!

Rocinante peeked between his fingers at the sleeping woman, which did nothing to soothe the current state of his heart and mind. He reached over once more, his hand hesitantly hovering over her cheek, not willing to admit that he already knew what the blossoming feeling in his chest was.

Drawing back his hand, he whispered, "Goodnight, Lin…"

oOo

Something had changed.

However imperceptible it may have been, something had definitely changed between them. Rocinante noticed it the next morning when he woke up in that cramped hospital bed and Aylin wasn't in the one beside him. Red flags began to go up in his head and he bolted upright, simultaneously hitting his head on the ceiling and jostling his wounds.

"Owwwww," he moaned, bending over and clutching at his head.

"Hey." A familiar female voice spoke just then, sending a jolt through his chest. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Rocinante's eyes widened as he stumbled over to where Aylin was standing at the door, falling onto his knees and grasping at her wrists. Her hands weren't free because she was holding two coffee cups, one quite a bit larger than the other. "Lin…Lin, I thought—"

"What?" She was prepared to scold him, but then saw how worried he was and her eyes softened ever so slightly. "Listen, I know how much you like the coffee at the café we always go to, so I went and got some for us. And don't give me that look—I know I should be resting, but a little walk never hurt anyone."

"I…" He fumbled for words, rising to his feet again. "I would've gone with you," he replied sheepishly as he took the offered cup.

Lin shook her head. "It's fine. I knew I wouldn't be gone long. Joann sends her well-wishes to you, by the way," she added as she seated herself on a chair nearby.

"Awwww…that's sweet." Rocinante went in for a sip, then reconsidered and began blowing rather forcefully on the top of the cup—which sent a few small streams of liquid splashing out and dribbling down the sides—before taking a hesitant sip. Thankfully it had cooled down enough during Aylin's trip back so that he could drink it without burning his tongue.

They both drank in comfortable silence for awhile until Aylin couldn't stand Rocinante's eyes on her any longer. Ever since she'd returned to the room, he had been staring so hard that she felt as if he were boring holes into her head.

Still unsure what had gotten into him that morning, she cleared her throat and asked, "Rocinante, what is it?"

The tall man quickly averted his eyes as if he had been caught doing something wrong. "N-nothing, nothing! I was just worried when I woke up and you were gone, after…after everything, you know…" He stared down into the brown liquid of the cup he was nursing.

Aylin clucked her tongue. "What, did you think I had suddenly died in the night? Thanks for the vote of confidence," she remarked in a teasing manner as Rocinante chuckled awkwardly. After a short stretch of silence, she let her eyes travel up to the ceiling. "Damn…I'm really not looking forward to writing a report on this mission. I fully intend to have a nice chat with Scarlet about all of this, but Blackburn may be another matter entirely..." The red-head frowned, placing her cup down on the table between their cots.

"Just tell them it was my fault. There's no need for you to get dragged down. I'm the new guy, relatively speaking, and I easily could've screwed something up."

"Oh, sure." Aylin quirked an eyebrow at him. "Wait…you're serious? You know they'll leave you down there in hell with Maynard if I do that, right?"

Rocinante gave a half shrug with his shoulder, not meeting her eyes. "You need this job. It's for...for her, right? You can't afford to take that kind of hit…I mean what if they dock your pay? No one knew it was a trap…and I am tough, but I'm also clumsy so I think they'd buy it. Just…just do it, Lin. It'll be fine."

The woman let out a heavy sigh, reaching for her cup of coffee. He had a point, and the fact that he'd be so self-sacrificing on her behalf was more than a little touching. He was putting someone else's child above himself...a child he'd never even met. A noble gesture if she'd ever seen one. Aylin stared down at the half-full cup of coffee in her hands, lightly drumming her fingers along the warm styrofoam.

"That's...that's very kind of you to offer..." She glanced back up at him, a sincere look in her eyes. "But I'm not going to throw you under the bus like that. You...you have reasons to succeed here, too...don't you...?" Aylin recalled that conversation they'd had whilst tied up in the Don's cargo. Her voice dropped low as she continued, "You said you were on a mission. You said...that there's someone you're after. Obviously I don't know the details, but I'm pretty sure that you taking the fall for this mess wouldn't help you accomplish any of that."

Rocinante looked down. She wasn't wrong. "I just don't want them to blame it all on you, Lin." He rubbed the back of his head, still not looking at her.

She nodded, reaching out to touch his elbow momentarily. "They won't. It was a set-up. Not unusual in our line of work," she assured him, despite the knot twisting in the pit of her stomach. Sometimes the truth mattered less than the results in the eyes of the Inner Circle, and in fact, he was right to be worried. But she forced a smile and met his eyes as she said, "Whatever happens, we'll face it as a team. It'll be alright."

Notes: If anyone would like to see what Aylin looks like, there's a link posted on our profile under MMITA's story info! Hopefully it works, but let us know if there's a problem and we'll try to fix it. Anyway, as always, thanks everybody for the support and kind reviews! It always makes us super happy to know that someone enjoys our writing!