Warnings:

Contains spoilers for the Witcher 3 Wild Hunt

The Raven - Edgar Allan Poe

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore;

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

Geralt fell to his knees as the chains encircling his wrists, chests and legs vanished, the only trace of their existence in the burn marks and cuts on his skin which wracked his body with pain, to which he was oblivious. Uncaring. He quickly scrambled to his feet like a rabbit frantically fleeing from a snare, taking three short, quick strides over to the figure lying on the floor, ignoring the signs of his body pleading with him to stop as his wounds bled and his muscles screamed. He sank to his knees beside her.

"Yen…" He whispered as he gently scooped up Yennefer's body from her stone-cold death-bed, cradling her in his arms like a baby, her head lolling back, eyes staring up at the ceiling, unblinking. "Yen, please…" Begged Geralt, his voice cracked. He ripped off one of his leather gloves with his teeth, tenderly placing a hand against Yennefer's face, the feel of her unnaturally cold skin sending shivers up his arm.

He wanted to believe this was a cruel trick. That O'Dimm or one of the mages was meddling with his mind, forcing him to live this nightmare, but an illusion nevertheless. He needed to believe it, because he needed this to stop. This was one end he couldn't accept.

Ciri hastily dropped to her knees opposite them, emerald eyes as wide as saucers, breathing fast and panicked, her hands flailed about nervously over the body. She desperately tried to seek reassurance, but Geralt couldn't bring himself to look at her, to see his mistake written across her face. Instead, with his hands buried in her head of raven locks, he slowly brought up her face, which was turned up to the heavens, to search for the sign which no amount of magic could replicate or change.

One of the things Geralt adored about Yennefer the most were her eyes, not only the vibrant colour which was as warm and inviting at it was sharp and menacing, but because they acted as a window. Crystal eyes sparkling and shining in the light with joy. Burning eyes flashing dangerously with anger. Rain-washed eyes as cold as the darkness which cloaked their sadness. Violet eyes which were full of life, a window into her soul. Now her eyes were empty, as barren as a wasteland. There was nothing to peer at anymore. His worst fears were confirmed. Ciri let out a sob.

"No." Mouthed Geralt, unable to form the words. "No…" He rested her head against his chest, one hand hugging her tightly the other brushing her hair as he buried his face in the top of her head, absorbing her scent of lilac and gooseberries. He rocked the Enchantress back and forth in his arms, as though trying to soothe her fears and pains, but there was no comforting a corpse.

"Mother." Moaned Ciri quietly, her hand shakily and slowly reaching for Yennefer's and as she grasped it in her own she bought a hand up over her mouth. "No, Mother please don't leave me, I need you. No…" Tears began to streak down her face as she gripped the cold hand tightly searching her guardian's face as though waiting for Yennefer to smile at her reassuringly, sarcastically yet kindly mocking her for fretting, telling her that everything would be alright, but there was no support from a corpse. She ran her thumb over the back of Yennefer's hand, feeling the rune burnt into her skin. "Nooooooooo!"

Ciri tossed her head back, her scream shrill and haunting. A pulse of blue light erupted from the young woman, the glass around the room exploded outwards with an almighty smash, several of the mages backed away from her in fear. Geralt felt the cry rip into him, wrenching his mind from his own suffocating sorrows.

"Ciri." Said Geralt softly, gripping her shoulder and shaking her. She snapped her head back to him, black makeup staining her face as tears dripped off her chin and as their eyes met, he saw how lost she was, he saw his own reflection. For once, he didn't have the words to comfort her. The Witcher pulled Ciri to him, wrapping an arm around her as she hung to his neck, still gripping Yennefer's hand, cocooning the body safely between them. They didn't want to let go.

The room was in a state of abeyance, respectfully still and silent, heads bowed, hands together, wary of the personal scene, many of the mages looking away guiltily, their doubts and snide remarks about the fallen stinging their mouths. They'd faced death before, they'd felt excruciating pain, but they knew that nothing could compare to what awaited Yennefer.

Triss was kneeling on the ground nearby, face buried in her hands as Eskel held an arm around her shoulder, eyes full of sorrow as he stared at his brother. Lambert was leaning on a wall averting his eyes and fiddling nervously with his medallion, holding Keira's hand as the Sorceress held a hand to her mouth. Dandelion had taken off his hat, its feather rustling in the wind from the smashed-out windows behind them as he hugged Priscilla who had tears running down her face. Rita looked completely shocked, absent-mildly rubbing the back of her neck while Fringilla felt her skin tighten around her as she looked at the Witcher and the fallen figure regretfully. Philippa was leaning against the edge of a table for support, staring at Yennefer while soup dripped from her dress and plaits, pooling on the floor around her.

Geralt lost track of time, he didn't know if they'd been sitting there for seconds, minutes or hours, it didn't seem to matter anymore. Every moment was filled with pain. Gradually he let go of Ciri who pulled her head up from his shoulder which was now wet with tears, her eyes red and puffy, her breathing uncontrolled as she struggled to breathe through her sadness, her body spasmed with sobs, but as she met his eyes she understood, nodding.

Geralt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, squeezing Ciri's hand. He looked at Yennefer's expressionless face, it took all his strength to keep his hand steady as he reached out towards her, gently closing her eyes, forever hiding their lost beauty.

"I love you, Yen." He said faintly, gently rubbing his thumb across her cheek and placing a tender kiss on her forehead. He always used to do that when she fell asleep in his arms.

As he pulled away Ciri kissed Yennefer on the cheek and brushed a few strands of black hair from her face, sniffling. Instinctively she went to dry her face with her sleeve but stopped herself, mother hated that. She looked at Geralt again and nodded, letting go of the Sorceress' hand, laying it to rest on her stomach and she slowly got to her feet, feeling a warm hand on her arm guiding her up. Ciri looked at the handkerchief being offered to her taking it from the owner's small hand before she looked up at Triss' tear-streaked face. They both let out an indistinguishable murmur before they embraced.

With painstaking care, so as not wake her or so much as unsettle a single strand of her hair, Geralt rose to his feet, calling on the last of his strength to carry her to her rest, away from these gawking, undeserving eyes. He wanted to take her home, to their quiet unassuming vineyard to recover. He wanted to carry her into their house, locking the door behind them, sealing the world out. He wanted to gently lay her down on their bed and place a soft kiss on her lips as he lay down beside her, to watch over her as she slept, to join her. She needed peace.

"Geralt," said Philippa delicately, standing beside him, her skin slightly orange from the soup which had mostly disappeared from her person, "please, follow me."

"No." He said stubbornly, his body shivering at the thought of laying the fragile woman in his arms down to sleep in a morgue. "I don't want to tak…Yen, Yen doesn't like the cold or the dark. It, it gives her nightmares." The Witcher expected some sarcastic riposte or farcical remark from the Sorceress, but even this piece or normality was denied to him. Philippa's captious nature had eluded her, she was showing empathy.

"I understand. I promise she will rest well and comfortably, please, follow me Geralt." She answered immediately, in a calm voice and manner, without the slightest trace of mockery or judgment. As she was about to turn away she hesitated for a moment and whispered something sadly and so quietly that only Geralt's special hearing could pick it up. "Yenna deserves the best, she always has."

The audience quickly parted for them, bowing their heads, lowering their eyes as the congregation passed. There wasn't a single whisper or stare as Geralt followed the headmistress from the room, Ciri close on his heels, eyes fixed on the back of Yennefer's head as she and Triss clung to each other for support, tears flowing freely with no shame. Anything to help give them release.

They were lead to a small circular room filled with warm yellow light from the crystals glowing on the walls, a thick red rug covered most of the floor and in the centre, was a luxurious four poster bed, with soft feather sheets and pillows fit for royalty. Other than a few chairs and two small tables on either side of the bed upon which an empty vase sat, the room was empty, but by no means did it feel barren, as the stone walls and ceiling formed a beautiful mural of the North's constellations, Geralt took one look at it before nodding at Philippa and entering. Yen would like it in here, he thought, they used to spend hours learning the stars in Toussaint, falling asleep under their wonder. She could rest well here.

The door was shut behind them, leaving Yennefer alone at last. Ciri and Triss stood to one side as the Witcher lowered the body carefully onto the bed, the sheets slagging ever so slightly under her dead weight. Delicately Triss rearranged the black and white dress and put Yennefer's hands together with her own unsteady fingers, the left over the right, to cover up the burn.

"Gors Velen…" said Geralt softly as he looked at the serene figure lying on the bed, watching the ring sparkle, a painful lodestone for his eyes. "We were going to tell the news at Gors Velen because… it was the first time we said it. I love you." He slowly began to back away from the bed with tiny footsteps, face contorted with misery, mouth hanging slightly open, brows raised, yellow eyes opened wide. "And that love killed her. She died because she loved me because she promised to always love the man I was, despite everything." He raised a hand to his medallion, clutching it tightly, drawing blood which trickled down the hungry wolf's head. He felt as though it was strangling him. "I killed her!"

Hatred flashed across his face like a burst of lightning, his features terrifyingly atavistic as he pulled the medallion from his neck and threw it with all his strength across the room as far away from the bed as possible and it hit the wall with a spark, before clattering to the floor. The movement seemed to drain him.

"I killed her." Geralt whispered dismally, the hands pulling at his white hair fell limply to his side as he staggered backwards, his back hitting the stone wall. "What have I done…" He buried his face in his hands as the last remnants of energy left him, and the weight of grief slammed into him as he slid down the wall, descending into torment. "Yen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

Triss gasped as the medallion clattered against the stone, but Ciri only watched indifferently as the Witcher slumped to the floor as she leant against one of the bed's posts before turning her back on him, sitting on the edge of the bed, arm wrapped around the post and as she rested her head against it fiddling with the silver swallow hung around her neck. She couldn't help him now, she couldn't comfort him, persuade him that this wasn't his fault. Because she blamed him. Ciri knew it was wrong, but she wanted something to be angry at, it made the sorrow taste less bitter when there was someone to fault.

The Sorceress looked at them sadly, the Pollyanna within her was gone, she didn't know how to heal a wound like this, especially when her own heart bled. She sniffed, Yennefer would have known what to do, how to bury her own grievances to guide them from their sorrow, but she'd gone far away and Triss couldn't even help her now by aiding those she had left behind. Wearily she sat on the floor beside the young woman, resting her back against the bed, tears stinging her eyes.

They sat there for the rest of the night, absorbed in their own depression without the strength to reach out to the others while Yennefer slept under the stars.

Ciri disappeared in a flash of blue the next morning, careful not to wake the auburn-haired woman sleeping beside her, dried tears still staining her pretty face. Before she left she glanced at Geralt who was still sitting beside the bed completely drained of colour, head resting on the wall, eyes staring across the room but without truly seeing it, he clearly hadn't slept at all. Ciri caught his eye as she rose to her feet and he briefly turned to her and nodded slowly, turning his head back as she vanished.

About an hour later Triss awoke sighing as she stretched her stiff muscles and rubbed her temples, head lowered.

"Where's Ciri?" She asked quietly, trying to wipe away the dried tears with the back of her hand as she cautiously approached the Witcher.

"Needed air." He replied without looking at her, still staring at something fascinating that only he could see. Triss sighed, She was scared. She'd never seen him like this, so preoccupied with his own pain that he couldn't spare a thought for someone else, couldn't try to make their pain easier. She never seen him so, defeated. Lost.

"Geralt, let's get something to eat." Offered the Sorceress kindly but he shook his head. "Geralt, you look exhausted, please." She pleaded, holding her hand out to him.

"No thank you, Triss." He answered in a low voice, turning his gaze to her, his yellow eyes dulled and empty. "I'm fine, you go." He looked away and Triss felt her hand tremble.

"Geralt, please…"

"No." He snapped coldly, making her step back in surprise, gasping soundlessly.

Quickly she turned on her heels and briskly walked out of the room, with her eyes lowered to the floor she almost ran into Dandelion as she pushed through the door.

"Triss…" Said the bard quietly, gripping the Sorceress by the shoulder as he saw tears welling in her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but shook her head and brought a hand to her mouth, gently brushing him off and disappearing down a corridor, out of sight. Dandelion looked at Eskel and Zoltan uncertainly before taking a deep breath and stepping into the room.

Many people came to pay their condolences and to offer their support, but nobody could convince Geralt to leave Yennefer's side. He continued to sit by the body, completely lifeless, barely able to mutter so much as a 'thank you'. He didn't touch the food people bought him, he didn't move and he only watched on as some of the Lodge tried to conceal the new scar on Yennefer's hand, but with no success. At times, he didn't even seem aware of the people sitting in the room with him. He didn't seem at all like the White Wolf they knew.

As the evening came Ciri finally returned, striding right over to one of the vases beside the bed and placing a bunch of lilacs in it, he knew at once that they were from the garden in Corvo Bianco. They always were. In the other vase, beside Geralt, she placed a bunch of different flowers, all white, black and purple and he couldn't name any of them. Ciri must have travelled far.

When the ashen-haired woman had finished rearranging the plants she sat down next to him and he turned to her as she flung her arms around him as they embraced, her misgivings and rage washed away by her travels. Mother would want them to be there for each other.

"Get some air Geralt," She said softly as they pulled apart, "please." She gently squeezed his hand, flushing some colour back into his pale skin. He nodded, wearily rising to his feet, muscles stiff and sore. He leant over the bed and kissed the top of Yennefer's head before leaving the room for the first time in almost a day, leaving Ciri alone with her thoughts as she spoke to the resting figure about her worries.

"I can't stand it any longer!" The voice boomed through the silence surrounding Corvo Bianco. Yennefer chuckled under her breath.

"As unexpected as ever." She said, placing the book down on the table beside the comfortable bench, careful not to knock over the cool glass of wine residing on it. "What's wrong?"

She turned her vibrant violet eyes on the young woman briskly walking down the steps past several workers who seemed completely unperturbed by the fact that she had appeared from thin air. They were used to it by now.

"I'm not getting anywhere, I can't do it!" Replied Ciri angrily, resting her hands against the small stone wall overlooking the lovely little garden, her back to the Enchantress. "There's always something wrong, Phillipa and the Emperor are never satisfied. I give up." Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the stone tightly, brow furrowed in frustration. For a moment Yennefer was silent, measuring up the younger woman in a single glance.

"Come here, child." She said patiently, patting the space beside her.

Ciri sighed, swallowing the fire burning her throat, slowly turning around and walking over. As she sat down Yennefer pulled her into a hug and Ciri let go of her fury bubbling inside her, burying her face in the soft black locks and the loving scent of lilac and gooseberries, one of the most comforting places in the world.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, nobody can make you do anything Ciri." Said Yennefer softly after a while, smiling warmly at her as they pulled apart. "If this is not what you want, then leave the court, I'm sure Emhyr would understand and if not, well, I'm sure I can 'reason' with him." She laughed quietly as the young woman smiled at her, shaking her head, well aware of what this reasoning would consist of.

"But," said Yennefer, gently cupping her chin and raising her gaze, "you do have to believe in yourself, Ciri, because I know my daughter is capable of anything." Her voice was kind but serious, eyebrows raised in a slightly mocking stare which was not belittling but rather, sympathetic. "The Emperor asks a lot of you because he has high expectations, expectations which I know you are perfectly capable of reaching, and you should never let Philippa get to you. She's testing you, she's trying to disparage you because then it will be easier for her to have her way, to ensure the Lodge's wishes, but I have no doubt that you will soon put her in her place because you are strong and you're stubborn."

"Like mother like daughter, as Geralt likes to say." Chuckled Ciri, feeling a hundred times lighter as Yennefer's words lifted her spirits, melting away the worry which burdened her.

"Hmmmmm, yes, but apparently only ever when you do something wrong or when he doesn't get his way." She said amusedly, tucking a stray piece of ashen-hair behind Ciri's ear. "But our wise Witcher it right. When I was young I wanted to give up, to throw everything in, to give up on life, because like you I didn't think I had the strength to carry on, or the capacity to complete what was required of me." Her features softened as she fiddled with the obsidian star hung around her neck, staring over the garden for a moment, lost in thought and nostalgia, Ciri listened attentively, understanding the gravity of her words from her mannerisms. "But Tissaia de Vries believed in me and never gave up on me, even when I'd given up on myself. Without her, I wouldn't be here, she taught me that anything is possible, you simply have to have faith in yourself, just as others do." She turned to the ashen-haired woman, the sad smile on her face radiating warmth and sincerity as she delicately ran a hand over Ciri's cheek. "Just as I believe that you can strive to be more than Emhyr and Philippa could ever imagine."

"Thank you, Mother." She said cheerfully, hugging the Sorceress again.

"Anything for you Ciri." She replied as they rose to their feet and walked out into the garden as was custom.

Yennefer picked several flowers, a lilac among them, whispering a spell under her breath to help preserve the precious plants before handing them to the young woman, kissing her on the forehead as she sent her child back out into the world, now enlightened by her Mother's faith.

Ciri peered through bleary eyes at the tiny green garnet clutched in the claws of the mesmerizing swallow, the necklace shaking in her trembling hands as she perched on the end of Yennefer's resting place.

"I promise I won't give up, never." She whispered to the figure, her voice brimming with quiet confidence, determination. "I promise I won't let you down Mother, I love you."

If Tears Could Build a Stairway – Unknown: Chapter 15, Goodbyes

No farewell words were spoken,

No time to say "Goodbye".

You were gone before I knew it,

and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,

and secret tears still flow.

What it meant to love you -

No one can ever know.

Notes:

Hi guys, hope you liked the update and that the wait wasn't too painful. I almost started crying writing this there were actual tears in my eyes, this was a very difficult chapter to get through but I promise things will get better, trust me!

There is a fluffy one-shot hopefully in the works, to help relieve some of the pain, but it might be a while. I got my results (A levels: A in English Literature, A in Geography and B in Biology) a couple of days ago and got into my top uni (I'm so excited) but that does also mean I now have a lot to do…(also lots of parties 0-0) but in the meantime check out my Tumblr to read the fanfiction on Yen and Geralt I wrote while drunk xD

As always feel free to PM me your thoughts or leave a comment, I love hearing from you. My thanks to vic-of-thor and daisyofgalaxy11 (Tumblr) for all the kind words and support and to korbel05 (Fanfiction) for all the feedback and suggestions.

Until next time guys, have a great week – Eileniessa