Chapter 10: A Little Time Off

The next several weeks saw the two of them completing smaller missions here and there. Though some members of the organization would have found them quite boring, Aylin saw it as a welcome break and a relief to step out of the base for a while. Not to mention a good opportunity to mail out an overdue package. She thought it was probably good for Rocinante as well; she'd not missed that he'd been acting somewhat strange recently. He seemed to have some trouble focusing and would often end up staring at her as if he didn't quite grasp what she had told him, his thoughts obviously elsewhere. He had even managed to become even clumsier, something she hadn't thought possible but he'd achieved it nonetheless. He would become easily flustered whenever she'd request simple tasks of him or anytime she would touch him, no matter how gently, resulting in all sorts of accidents.

She was a little concerned about him, in fact. She thought that perhaps their last mission had really done a number on his psyche and he needed more time to recover. There was certainly such a thing as delayed post-traumatic stress, after all.

One day Aylin had skipped lunch in order to catch up on the never-ending tower of paperwork threatening to swallow up her desk. Rocinante had dropped by to walk with her to their usual coffee house, but she'd sent him along his way. He had seemed dejected, but respected her wishes nonetheless and headed out by himself, though not before tripping over a chair as he exited her office.

She had not expected to see him again until after work, where he would normally wait outside while having a smoke, but an hour later her ears picked up the heavy footsteps walking down the hallway and then the telltale sound of a forehead smacking a doorframe.

Aylin didn't even look up until the door cracked open and Rocinante ducked down enough to poke his head inside.

"I brought you coffee! Just the way you like it."

She raised one eyebrow, imagining there must be an angry red mark beneath the mop of blonde hair covering his forehead. "You really need to be more careful."

Rocinante gave her a sheepish grin. "Heh, sorry." He walked forward and placed the steaming cup onto her desk. "I'll be sure to apologize to the doorframe later."

Aylin rolled her eyes, though she was quite grateful that he'd thought to bring her the beverage. "Thanks. I'll pay you back."

"I hope so, that 650 beli really broke the bank!"

She snorted. "All your life savings, what a shame."

"And you wonder why I live in such a shitty apartment." He smirked back at her and then cleared his throat after a moment. "Uhh...by the way, on my way back I saw an advertisement for a fireworks festival in town tonight." He flashed her a grin. "Sounds like fun, right?"

Aylin gave him a look as though he'd grown a second head. "What? It sounds like a waste of time. I've barely even put a dent in all this damn paperwork."

Rocinante made a low noise in his throat. "We can't just work all the time... Don't you think we deserve to take a little time off for ourselves every now and then? Besides, it'll only be for a few hours. It's not like the world will stop turning if we're not here for a little while." He crossed his hands behind his back and gave her an expectant look.

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, her eyes darting down to the papers stacked high on her desk. It wasn't as though she wanted to spend the rest of the night finding budget discrepancies…

"Well..." She grimaced. "I suppose you're right. I am making pretty good time with this, despite how it may look."

Rocinante looked ridiculously happy as a grin lit up his face. "Yes!" He coughed. "I mean, good choice... Come on, let's face it, nobody's ever been on their death bed wishing they'd worked more. Hey, I wonder if we should dress up? I can wear that yellow shirt you love so much." He chuckled and flashed her a peace sign as she threw a pencil at him.

"I can't believe you still have that thing!" Aylin dragged a hand through her hair. "No, let's not. I don't own anything traditional. When does this thing start, anyway?"

"Right after sunset," he replied. "And they'll have lots of food...like funnel cakes! And takoyaki and ramen and—" He was cut off by the sound of his stomach growling loudly. "I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. I want to try everything!"

Aylin chuckled. "I should have known it was going to be all about the food. I've never been to the festival here, but some of the guys were raving about the funnel cakes last year."

"It'll be fun! Maybe there'll even be dancing, or I could win you a pet goldfish! You can keep one in here, right? I can barely take care of myself, much less a fish..." He patted her on the shoulder, eager to get going. "Come on, come on!"

"Alright, alright...let me lock up first."

She shooed him out of her office ahead of her, making sure to help him avoid smacking his head on the doorframe again, then turned to lock her office door. She could sense his giddiness as they headed down the hall toward the staircase. After having been through what they had recently, she thought that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. It could be just what he needed.

He spoke up again as they were descending the stairs. "I...may have bought something traditional a while back. Just because I had some extra savings kicking around! But I, erm...I think I would have some trouble putting it on. Maybe you would be kind enough to help me...?" He gave her a rather sly grin at that.

Aylin had a knowing look on her face as she replied, "Normally I'd call bullshit, but knowing you, that could very well become disastrous."

"I don't know how I manage to put my pants on in the morning without setting my apartment on fire!" He laughed ridiculously loudly while they made their way out of the Syndicate's heavily secured entrance, passing Maynard as they left. Rocinante waved at him and only received a grumpy snarl in return. "Well, damn, nobody's forcing him to work overtime."

"I honestly have never seen him leave this place," Aylin remarked.

The two headed up the dark passage into the basement of the shoe factory, and from there ascended one more set of stairs to take the back exit outside.

Rocinante didn't live too far from the building, as it was more convenient to simply walk a few minutes to work each day, so the trip was a fairly short one. He twirled his house key on his finger as he led Aylin into his apartment.

"Come on in. It's a wreck because I'm a bachelor...who is ten feet tall with an eight-foot ceiling..."

Aylin took note of all the dents in the ceiling that were suspiciously shaped like Rocinante's head, and scorch marks on the walls in some places, particularly above the stove. She guessed he didn't attempt to cook too often. The room smelled slightly of an ashtray, which didn't surprise her given the amount of cigarettes he went through every day.

"Yeah...no kidding." In all the time she'd known him, she realized that she'd never seen where he lived. This place was pretty much what she would have expected, if not a bit small. Even for a normal person, it would be considered cramped. "It's...very cozy," she eventually remarked.

He chuckled. "Oh, let me offer you a cup of tea...just kidding! I don't want to spoil your appetite for all the food and drinks we'll be getting at the festival." He bumped his head yet again as he made his way to his closet, opening the door and rummaging around inside. "Hmm, it's in here somewhere...got it!" A moment later he pulled out a large blue yukata; the fabric was patterned with elaborate koi fish and completed by a blue-violet obi.

Aylin had to admit that the colors certainly suited him, and she nodded her approval. "Very nice."

"Great, right? I thought I'd never find one here that would fit me! Hmmm...wait, you know, I think there's something else inside this closet..." His expression became playful just then as he reached back into the closet and pretended to be surprised. "What? What's this? Why...it's ANOTHER KIMONO! How did this get here?!"

She watched as he pulled out another garment, this time much smaller and deeper blue in color, decorated in a design of flowers and leaves. The obi was golden yellow, emblazoned with tiny red birds. Her mouth had fallen ajar even as he presented it to her, not sure how to respond to the gesture.

"Here...a present. I managed to keep it safe this whole time!" He chuckled as he carefully placed it into her arms, searching her face eagerly for her reaction.

All Aylin could do for several moments was blink in stunned silence, although she quickly snapped out of it and glanced from the kimono to Rocinante. "I..." She shook her head and remembered her manners, managing to smile back at him. She had just discovered the real reason he'd brought her back here. "This is...very nice of you. Thank you, Rocinante."

His grin became wider, if possible. "I can't wait to see it on you! I knew I had to get it for you the moment I saw it. The color matches your eyes," he added. His cheeks flushed slightly, realizing he'd practically admitted to having committed the color of her infinitely blue irises to memory, and he hurriedly continued, "Anyway, I know those can be hard to put on. I'll try to help you without setting anything on fire. Umm...you should probably go pee first."

Aylin laughed at that; it reminded her of something she used to have to tell her daughter. "I suppose you're right," she replied with a smirk, and disappeared into the bathroom with her kimono to begin getting ready.

As promised, Rocinante helped her with the finishing touches when she returned. He was actually very skilled with his hands, despite the fact that they were quite large and he was often so clumsy.

"If I grope you, it's by mistake," he joked as he tied her obi into a neat bow on her back. A moment later he stepped back to admire his work. "Wow...turn around and let me get a good look at you, Lin."

She smoothed out the fabric on the front of her kimono and then turned around to face him, visibly impressed. "Not bad...almost as if you've done this before," she said somewhat slyly.

Rocinante rubbed the back of his head, willing the flush in his cheeks to fade as he found himself stumbling over his words. "May-maybe I did...but...but you know, not for a girl I was dating or anything..." He coughed, pretending he'd simply had something stuck in his throat. His face softened a little as he explained, "My mother, actually...she taught me."

Aylin couldn't help but smile at that mention. "Then she taught you well," she replied, searching his face. He'd never really talked about his family, and in fact up until that moment she hadn't been certain that he even had one. But the somber look in his eyes just then told her that it wasn't the best time to press him for questions, so she let the topic shift, instead turning her attention onto the yukata he wore. "You don't look half bad, yourself."

"Thank you," he said as he offered her a smile. "Now, allow me to escort the most beautiful—" Suddenly he stopped short, nearly choking on his words while he turned red as a tomato. He used to spout accolades and compliments quite regularly, but since he had realized his feelings for her, he hadn't wanted those remarks to seem as if he were simply joking around like he always had. Things had changed. He couldn't say those things anymore without knowing that there was meaning behind them. So instead, he held out his arm for her, stooping so that she could actually reach it. "Well...I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"

Aylin wasn't sure how such an interaction could physically work, being that Rocinante was at least a good four feet taller than her. She gave him a pointed look that probably said, 'You have got to be joking.' In the end she settled for gently grasping his wrist, being that it was the highest part of his arm she could comfortably manage to hang on to.

"Far be it from me to stand in the way of you and food," she remarked as they headed out the door and down the stairs.

Rocinante felt his heart begin to hammer away in his chest upon the feeling of her small hand encircling his wrist and he gulped, hoping it hadn't been an audible sound.

Once they were outside, he bent closer to her level, placing a cigarette between his lips. "Light this for me, will you? And then we're going to get takoyaki and funnel cakes. You wouldn't judge a ten-foot man if he ate about twenty of them, would you?"

She snorted in amusement as she took his lighter and carefully guided the flame toward the cigarette. Aylin still hadn't the faintest idea what made him so flammable, but she had become accustomed to taking every precaution with him.

"Hah. Only if you get food all over your face," she replied. "Then maybe a little bit of judging."

She winked at him and Rocinante felt his heart leap into his throat. It was all he could do not to accidentally stumble into the flame from the lighter. He took a long drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke upward as he straightened to his full height.

"Good, my timing is perfect. The sun's starting to set! Come on!"

The pair headed right into the middle of the festivities, where row upon row of stalls were lined up neatly; vendors selling their wares, festival food and souvenirs. There were several game booths as well.

Rocinante dragged Aylin to nearly every booth, where he gorged himself on various foods such as squid on a stick, takoyaki, teriyaki chicken, funnel cakes, dango and candied apples. Aylin gave in to his pestering and tried a funnel cake, then later on some ramen at another booth. They both slurped the noodles loudly, and Rocinante nearly ruined his new kimono when he spilled some of the broiling hot liquid. He ate four bowls before he was satisfied.

Later, they ambled through the rest of the sellers' booths and games, walking off some of the food and eventually finding one game in particular in which they attempted to catch goldfish. The paper nets became wet and broke so quickly that it was impossible for Rocinante to use one properly with his large hands. He'd nearly fallen into the makeshift pond as well, but Aylin managed to grab the back of his kimono just in time.

A couple hours had passed before they claimed a spot on the grassy field where the fireworks were to be held. Rocinante spread out a small blanket so they could sit and watch the show.

He glanced down to give Aylin a cheeky grin. "Perhaps you'd like to sit on my shoulders? You have to admit, the view would be great."

"It would," she agreed. "Probably almost as great as the inevitable fall back down to the ground." She laughed at that. Despite her reluctance to leave work that evening, she had actually been enjoying herself. She seated herself on one side of the blanket, smacking the spot beside her. "Come on, let's sit down while we wait. You're less accident-prone when you're already on the ground."

Rocinante sat down cross-legged beside her. "We probably have another ten minutes before it starts," he surmised as he planted his hands on either side of himself, leaning back slightly. One of his hands accidentally brushed Aylin's while she was doing the same thing. "Oh...sorry!"

His face flushed again, although in the back of his mind he had no real idea why he was apologizing. He wouldn't have thought twice about such a thing before. He repositioned his hand, unable to stop himself from wondering what it would be like to hold hers instead. Then he had a thought that perhaps he should just come out and tell her that he had feelings for her...that this was never meant to be a normal hang-out. But that came with the risk of ruining their relationship, and the thought made his heart turn cold. He didn't want to lose one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

Meanwhile, Aylin was completely oblivious to Rocinante's inner turmoil. She let a long moment of comfortable silence encompass them before letting out a soft sigh. "You know, I have to say, this was definitely a good idea you had. My office was feeling stuffier than usual lately. Plus, this reminds me of...nicer times."

"Really? How so?"

"My daughter used to love going to these," she replied as she tilted her head to look up at him. "Our town had a smaller festival than this one, pathetic in comparison actually, but every year she would insist that we go to the damn thing."

He smiled down at her. "That sounds so nice. You and your daughter must have been close. I wish I could meet her," he blurted out without thinking and then immediately backtracked, not giving her the chance to answer. "OH, I always have good ideas, are you crazy? Heh!" His latest cigarette had diminished all the way down to the butt and he tossed it over his shoulder, only to light up a fresh one a moment later.

Aylin rolled her eyes as she watched him blow a cloud of smoke far up into the air. "Yes, ALWAYS. Nevermind that half of them inevitably result in your own bodily harm somehow."

She paused in thought when her eyes traveled up to his face and her brow creased as though she were studying him carefully. He froze in his spot, unable to tear his gaze away while he wondered why she could possibly be looking at him so intently. Finally she shifted so that she was on her knees, a bit closer to his level. She leaned toward him and reached up, gently grabbing hold of his chin with one hand and wiping off a rogue smear of sauce from the corner of his mouth with her other hand.

"There. That was bothering me," she explained as she sat back down. Rocinante was so flustered by the sudden close proximity that his cigarette nearly fell out of his mouth. Fortunately for him, it was too dark for Aylin to see the multitude of red shades coloring his face. She did notice his expression, which prompted her to chuckle apologetically. "Sorry, it's a mom thing, I guess."

He eloquently stuttered, "Er...I, uh! Thanks! I guess I must've looked crazy or something... Oh, oh...I think it's about to start, I heard that man up front announcing something!"

Aylin sat back down beside him, her attention shifting to the announcer at the front of the crowd. She noted that several crowds of people were now making their way over. "Good thing we claimed a spot already. Maybe I will end up having to sit on your shoulders," she answered with a snort as a particularly tall family sat down ahead of them.

Rocinante coughed slightly just then, pretending it was because of his cigarette. "I wouldn't mind...or you could also sit here," he said as he gestured to his lap with flushed cheeks. He couldn't seem to make up his mind whether or not he was going to flirt with her. If he didn't, then she would probably suspect something.

The comment was met with an eye roll; her default response to his joking remarks. She opened her mouth to reply but just then the first crackle of fireworks echoed throughout the night sky. Aylin turned her attention to the bright lights decorating the darkness in reds, yellows, blues and greens. The spectacle was loud enough to drown out most of the noise from the crowd around them. She leaned back on her hands, her eyes never leaving the display.

Her shoulder lightly brushed against his arm and Rocinante became hyper-aware of the fact that she'd touched him, even if it had only been by accident. Although the sky was a bright and beautiful sight, he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of the woman beside him. She was the only thing he wanted to look at. His own expression softened upon the carefree look on her face and before he knew it, he was smiling like an idiot.

Meanwhile, Aylin was oblivious to his attentions as she continued to watch the colorful explosions set the sky alight. She felt a wave of nostalgia as she watched, and some part of her couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be able to share something like it with her child again. Nonetheless, she couldn't deny that she felt more relaxed at that moment than she had all week.

"It really is something else," she commented, raising her voice so that he could hear.

But Rocinante couldn't concur, as he hadn't even looked at the fireworks once. The only glimpse of them he'd seen were from the lights that reflected off of her face and in her eyes. He felt that his heart might burst just watching the peaceful expression she wore. He wanted to hold her, to reach out and just touch her, to brush a strand of hair back behind her ear and feel the soft skin of her cheek against his hand...

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize he'd just let out a long, melancholy sigh until Aylin glanced up at him and raised one eyebrow in question.

"Everything okay up there?"

His eyes widened in surprise, alarmed that she had heard him. "OH, UH...yeah, yeah of course! I just need a smoke, probably...that's all...you know how I get when I don't have delicious nicotine in my system at all times! Heh!" He laughed awkwardly, and with shaking hands he pulled out his pack of crumpled cigarettes, fumbling for a light as if to prove his point.

"Mmm," Aylin hummed agreeably as Rocinante barely managed to avoid setting himself aflame. "I've heard even Maynard won't mess with you when you're having withdrawals." She chuckled and turned her eyes back toward the spectacle, which appeared to be nearing the finale judging by the rate at which the explosives were being fired off.

He laughed at her statement. "Really? That cranky old codger? Hah. You know, actually I still can't tell how old he is." He dropped his gaze momentarily, his tone becoming sober as he attempted to test the waters a bit. "A lot of people say that about me, too. You always call me a kid, but...you know, I'm...I'm not..." Just then, Rocinante finally turned his head to look up at the display lighting the night sky and his eyes lit up as brightly as the fireworks. "Wow! This is awesome!"

She grinned at his reaction, and would have teased him about it after having just declared that he wasn't a kid, but the thundering spectacle would have completely swallowed up the sound of her voice anyway so she simply waited until the final explosions subsided.

As the air became thick with a blanket of smoke, the announcer officially declared the show to have ended. People began to file out of the field, talking loudly among one another.

Aylin casually stood and stretched her limbs before glancing down at her partner. "So...was it everything you'd hoped and dreamed it would be?"

Rocinante gave her an honest look. "Oh, it was more, Lin... To be honest, I only watched the fireworks a little. Your face was a much prettier sight." He felt the heat quickly rise in his cheeks as he broke eye contact, shifting nervously on the ground, not ready to get up quite yet.

She only gave him a stern look, playfully smacking his shoulder. "I'm serious. You were so hell-bent on coming out here, it'd be a shame if it wasn't what you thought."

He caught her hand as it slid off his shoulder. "I'm serious, too."

Rocinante's heart was practically in his throat and he gulped it back down. The din of all the spectators began to move further into the distance, leaving the two of them alone in near silence. He never broke eye contact with her, trying to decide if he had the nerve to actually say what was really on his mind.

"Lin..."

Aylin tilted her head slightly, looking at him with a quizzical expression on her face. He still gripped her hand and he appeared to be conflicted. "What? What is it?"

He gave her a slight smile, his eyes reflecting both amusement and mild frustration at the same time. "You really have no idea, do you? Heh..." He gave her hand a squeeze, searching her face as the smoke from his cigarette curled up into the air, mixing with that of all the fireworks.

She gently retracted her hand in order to cross her arms, not entirely sure what to think. He'd always been flirty for their entire working relationship and he sometimes liked to mess with her. She sighed. "Stop messing around. What do you want to do next? I think we missed a few food stands back there, actually..."

He shook his head. "I'm full. No more food. There's something I want to tell you."

"Alright. Let's hear it."

"You're making this really hard, you know." Rocinante exhaled a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his head. Suddenly he froze and his eyes widened comically. "OH NO, MY CIGARETTE WAS IN THAT HAND!"

"What the—?!"

Aylin looked on in alarm, watching on as he immediately threw himself onto his back and rolled several feet away in an effort to quell the small flame that had lit up his hair, finally coming to a stop face-down on the ground.

"Wow, I am so smooth..." He sighed and patted his hair, a bit singed in one spot on the back but otherwise undamaged.

She felt herself relax once she could see that he was unharmed. "Remember, you are not part of the show." She smiled a little as she went over to offer him a hand. "Come on, let me see your hair."

Rocinante groaned in response, rolling over onto his back. He reached for her outstretched hand, gripping it firmly and before she had a chance to react, he had pulled her on top of his chest.

Aylin's eyes went wide in surprise as she suddenly found herself staring right into his eyes, face to face, while he took that moment to do what he had only been daydreaming about earlier and brushed back a wisp of red hair, touching her cheek gently as he did so.

"Lin, I..." He swallowed, finding it hard not to lose himself in her eyes. "I really like you a lot."

She could only blink back at him, feeling his large hand cupping her face, warm and callused and trembling ever so slightly. "Wh-what?"

Her mind went reeling; if this was some sort of joke, then he was taking it ridiculously far. But the genuine look in his eyes and the heat spreading over his cheeks told her that it was definitely not a game this time. She idly wondered if it ever had been. Aylin's hands slid over his chest, finding her balance so that she could push herself back up, vaguely aware of every single taut muscle her fingers brushed across.

He was right; he wasn't a kid. Of course she knew that.

"I'm guessing that wasn't a 'friends forever' declaration," she finally said, averting her gaze as she sat back on her heels.

Rocinante searched her face, trying to read her expression as he felt his heart attempt to pound its way right out of his chest. He certainly hadn't expected to hear her return the sentiment, of course. She obviously hadn't had even an inkling of what he felt for her until a moment ago.

"You're right...it wasn't. We are friends, first and foremost. It's just...somewhere along the way, I started wanting more. Having you by my side is the best thing I've...ever had." He gave her a gentle smile, wishing she hadn't pulled away. He longed to hold her if only for a little while. "I don't expect anything from you, no...but I couldn't keep it inside. And I thought...well, maybe if you had some time to think about it, you might...might..." He turned an otherworldly shade of red and couldn't manage to get any more words out.

Aylin's eyebrows furrowed as her voice adopted a gentler tone. "Roci..." He looked so earnest in that moment that she just wasn't sure how to respond, partially stunned into silence by the unexpected. 'Time to think about it,' he'd said. She wasn't even sure that was something she ought to be thinking about at all. Friendship within the Syndicate was risky enough, say nothing of romantic relationships.

She swallowed and began again, "Listen, you are...a great guy. And a close friend. We work really well together, I think, but...that's all it can be." She hated having to say it. The look in his eyes was difficult to bear. More words spilled from her lips, as if anything else she could say could erase the hurt reflecting back at her. "It's really nothing personal. This is just how it has to be."

Rocinante looked downcast, cursing himself for having opened his mouth in the first place. He wasn't entirely sure what to make of it all. He'd assured her that he didn't expect anything from her, but at the same time he had been optimistic. Now he was faced with the prospect of things remaining as they were, being unable to take the next step with her that his heart so desperately longed for. He felt his chest contract, a hollow ache forming at the very core as he turned his back to her, shoulders hunching over.

"I see," was all he could say.

Aylin felt guilt flood through her as she watched him turn away, realizing at that moment that this was the reason he'd wanted them to come to the festival so badly. It had never been about simply hanging out as friends, or about food. She mentally chided herself, thinking she really ought to have known better. He was her best friend, the one person who had made life in the black market bearable. The last thing she'd wanted to do was hurt him.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled as she dragged a hand through her hair rather awkwardly.

He let out a heavy sigh. "No, I...should've known it was a mistake to tell you. Now I've ruined everything," he said with a small groan, holding his head between his hands. "You should just go home, Lin. I need to clear my head."

She bit down on her lip, feeling the tension as it washed over the both of them, unsure of what to do. Finally she nodded, deciding it was only right to give him some space. "Okay. Just...be careful, will you?"

And so it was not without some hesitation that she eventually turned and headed home, a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach.