Have a Happy New Years everyone

20th July, 2005
Sherlock's POV
He watches as Mycroft leaves early in the morning to keep the appointment with John. Apparently, during his brothers 'vacation' the only appointments that will be accepted are those with John. If someone else tries interrupting, his brother is not going to be happy about it and will not handle them with the normal sort of care that is used. Something about Mycroft isn't the British government, please someone use their head for more than a hair rack.

The last few days have been really unusual.

Saturday, while feeling over whelmed he had chosen to go get high. He never actually made it to that goal because his keeper had showed up. He now wonders why he thought he was going to be able to avoid the two spies. Both are very good at what they do, even if Jasper tends to downplay his abilities because he doesn't like others realizing that Pike has them. Then Jim had surprised him by not bringing him home, but taking him to John. He feels safe there, almost like he belongs, it's a feeling he longs for more than anything else. The quiet acceptance, not just because John doesn't speak aloud, but because the blonde doctor actually accepts him as is. They spent the rest of the evening there, even though John was a bit miffed that Jim drugged him, a situation which confused him.

Sunday the four of them had got into one of two vehicles and returned to his brother's flat. Of all the scenarios he expected, the one he walked in to the flat to discover was not actually on the list. He didn't know his brother was able to cook so well, or with such a variety. The five of them had sat down to a drawn out meal, during which time they had played a game and even managed to talk to each other. It was unusual to say the least. He even laughed.

Actually, he has spent more time laughing in the last four days, than he has in the last four years. Each time it surprises him, though he is getting better at hiding that fact, he thinks. The fact that it's all real laughter just makes it even more surprising. He's spent years learning how to laugh on command, even when he doesn't want to, but because it's expected. Not that he actually did it. So to just laugh because something is amusing is a very different sort of feeling.

Even more surprising is the fact his brother laughed too. He can't remember hearing Mycroft's laughter. He must have at some point heard his brother laugh. It's just been shoved away. Except that's not how his mind works. How he wishes it was.

The five of them had a serious discussion. One that he felt like an active participant in. One where he felt his words were given value. It's the first time he can remember that happening with his brother. That conversation and the fact his brother was listening was continued on even after the two agents withdrew because they had a situation to take care of and the thereof them were supposed to have a private talk anyways.

Jim's words to Mycroft had startled him. He never would have guessed that the psychopath could see the advantage of caring. Yet apparently the Wildcard does. Because of Pike. Jasper. His first cousin, who happens to be an agent and hacker. Manipulate it or understand it seems to be the psychopathic agent's mode of operation. Better yet, do both. At the same time, he doesn't think that Jim fully understands because the psychopath doesn't actually feel it. It's so very confusing.

His talk with John and Mycroft had been harder. It's so much harder, because he felt years worth of judgment and denial and dismissive attitude. Only . . . only it was mostly in his head. He can admit that. His brother was, is, trying. Maybe he can try to.

Monday is spent pretty much with only Mycroft. It is awkward and hard, but gets easier as the day goes on. They spend a lot of the day in the library area, each reading peacefully. At first he keeps expecting his brother to act like this is a waste of time, worthless, something. Only it never happens. After lunch, he's surprised when a Scrabble board comes out. They spend until dinner taking turns coming up with hard to use words, trying to outdo each other. Since both of them are polyglots, not all the words are in English. It's surprisingly fun. After dinner they end up back to reading, but occasionally they ask questions.

Tuesday involves sitting down to have a discussion about what he would like to do with his future. For the first time in his life, a member of his family is asking him, not assuming or telling him. It's downright shocking. He's tempted to check and see if his brother has a fever, but there are none of the physical markers for one. However, it does leave him in a quandary because he doesn't actually know what he wants to do. He just knows that he has spent years doing what his family doesn't want him to do.

That conversation had lasted until lunch, at which point Jim had shown back up, hair just a bit shorter and with a black eye. He tries to read the agent, but as always it doesn't work. That black eye makes him really curious however. What was Jim doing that he ended up with a black eye? He's was fairly certain that physical contact was one of those things that the Wildcard didn't do.

The time after lunch is spent with him alternating between trying to figure out the bruise and actually thinking about his future. He's spent so long not wanting one, he doesn't actually know what he wants to do. That bruise is really distracting.

He knows what he doesn't want to do. He doesn't want to be a politician, work for any of the family businesses, or be at someone else's beck and call. He wouldn't mind learning how to use his skills for a career. The question is what?

Dinner is a quiet affair. He's too preoccupied with trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life to actually ask questions or pay attention to the other two. After dinner he had retired to his room to play the violin and think.

Which leads to now, Wednesday. His brother just left to go see John. He knows part of their conversation is about him, he's not sure how he feels about that. He knows that his friend won't tell his brother anything personal, at the same time he wants to know why they are discussing him. Only he knows that is a stupid question. They're discussing his recovery. According to John he's doing remarkably well. He's not sure he believes it. The more interesting question is what do they discuss that isn't about him? Only he knows John will no more tell him about Mycroft's appointments, than he'd tell his brother about his. It's all very frustrating.

Shaking his head, he goes back to thinking about the original question. What does he want to do with his life?

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Authors Note: On the 28th of November I will be posting a complete 130 chapter fic over on AO3 called Different Paths that is a James Bond triad verse soulmate fic. The triad is James Bond/Alec Trevelyan/Q (Jon). If there is any interest, I'll also post it here for folks to read over the next few months.