Sorry there was only talk of Finn in the last chapter, but he's in this one:D

It was still so strange with him not being around.

It had been a week. A week since I lost my fiancé, the father of my children.

I had to act strong, like I was fine but really, I wasn't. I know we had been having problems, Joe and I, but still he was the person I had been closest to for 6 years. My rock of support since I'd moved to New York. Gone. All because one stupid man driving when he was as drunk as anything.

He was driving home from his meeting and was at the cross road about 10 minutes away from our apartment when a car sped out and took out his car, driving away before he was caught but it was a busy Friday night in New York City so of course it was crowded. Someone took his registration plate and hopefully the police will find him, the guy who killed my fiancé.

An ambulance turned up less then minutes later thanks to a nice man who phone them and followed the ambulance to the hospital to make sure he was ok. It was too late.

By the time they got to the hospital he was gone.

The minute I got the phone call, I ran in to Jake and Riley's room, scooping up a sleeping Riley and tapping Jake's shoulder to wake him. He was always a deep sleeper, unlike Riley, which for once I wasn't fortunate for. We had to hurry up and Jake wouldn't wake up. He was still quite small for a 5 year old boy but I couldn't carry both him and Riley at the same time.

I had to shake him like mad for him to eventually wake up but when he did, I told him that his Daddy was poorly so we had to go and see him. He scrambled to put on his coat and shoes that I had gave to him as I put Riley's thick coat on him. My baby boy started to stir in my arms so I tried to shush him and put him back to sleep. I couldn't cope with my sleepy, mummy like 5 year old, injured fiancé and crying, awake 2 year old. I then slipped on my shoes and coat and all three of us made a move out of the house.

Jake was wearing his pirate pyjamas and his blue coat and blue vans with some pick red and white striped bed socks on underneath. I had also told him to put a light blue, fluffy blanket from his bed around his shoulders so he could keep warm and use it to cuddle in the hospital. Riley had a green, monster print onesie on with big blue bed socks and his smaller version of the blue coat Jake had. I had also wrapped him up in a blue blanket whilst running down the flights of stairs.

Luckily, I managed to hail a taxi pretty quick and slid in with the boys. We made it to the hospital 13 minutes after we got the call from the ambulance. We were too late.

When we got there, I jumped out the taxi, still holding a sleeping Riley, and grabbed Jake's hand, running as fast as his little legs would let him. I got out and breathlessly asked for Joseph Lighton's room. I was more breathless with worry than tiredness. They asked for my relationship to him so I said fiancé and mother of his children. They then pointed to a corridor and told me to speak to his doctor, giving me a sad, guilty look.

I practically ran down the corridor, still with my children and saw Joe's doctor. He gave me the same sad, guilty look as the receptionist and told me to sit down. I made Jake sit down on the seat to my left and placed Riley who was now beginning to wake again on the seat to my right.

"I really don't want to have to say this but I do," he said looking at me with big eyes. "Your fiancé, Joseph Michael Lighton, sadly passed away 7 minutes ago." I gulped, tears already making an appearance in my eyes. "We found him in a car on Jubilee cross street. A witness said a swerving car hit the side of his, the man in the other car appeared to be drunk. They got the registration plate and an ambulance was phoned. By the time we got there, his pulse was very slow. After the journey to the hospital, he passed away due to internal bleeding. I'm so very sorry for yours and your sons loss," the doctor said, nodding at me. "You can see him if you want, whenever you're ready, and can use our phone to phone whoever you may need too."

I nodded yes in response and looked at my two, now awake, sons realising they didn't understand a word the doctor just said.

"Where's daddy, mummy? Is he still hurt?" Jake asked from next to me.

I just shook my head and bit my lip to stop the tears from overflowing.

"Where is he then, mummy?" he asked again. His sweet innocent voice making me just want to scream and cry.

I picked up Riley and held him on my lap, looking between my two children. "Daddy hurt himself a lot tonight," I said. I thought the hardest conversation of my life either was having to tell Joe I'm pregnant and it could be his or my ex-fiancé's or telling my fathers the same thing. That all their efforts for me to be a star was gone but now this over took those two things by far. Telling my two perfect, innocent sons that they would never see their daddy again. "He hurt himself so much that the angels tried to make him better but they couldn't. So to stop daddy hurting, they took him to live with them. In the sky with the clouds and the stars. So we might not see daddy for a long time, but he's not hurting anymore. Him and the angels are very happy and he'll always be looking down on you two and loving you so so much."

"Mummy, I want to see daddy again," Jake said. I could hear the tears forming as he spoke and I wrapped my arm around him tightly squeezing him.

"He'd just want you two to smile because he's ok and if you get upset for missing him, he'll think you are being silly because he's happy up there and loves you both."

"But I want daddy," Jake said, tears flowing down he small, perfect face. I kissed his head.

Riley learnt forward, trying to cuddle his older brother saying "dada" over and over again. They didn't deserve to cry, to be upset. I kept kissing them telling them it will be ok, that they'll be ok, they have me, but if I can't even believe myself how can I expect them to do the same thing.

It has been a week now, and I'm still a wreck. I feel horrible. Every time I see Jake or Riley I'm just reminded about Joe. To make things worse, I don't think I'm mourning the loss of my fiancé; I'm mourning my sons' father. My two children now have to grow up without their dad. He's supposed to be their role model and now they don't have one. I grew up without a mother and it hurt me in more ways than one, but I never had memories of her to refer to, whilst Jake and Riley do.

However much Joe annoyed me, he was a good man and good dad. He didn't deserve to go.

Several old college friends have come to see the boys and me. I know they're trying to help and comfort me, but they were all just friends of Joe, so really they don't care about us, they just want to mourn him. Joe's parents have been round to visit too. They're arranging the funeral because really, I emotionally couldn't single handily raise to crying, upset children and give the Joe the perfect send off he deserves. They're here for the boys too, not me. They never liked me. They also told me how I burdened Joe's life with children and ruined it but they never admitted it to Joe so I'd usually ignore them when they came to visit.

The funeral's in 3 days. They've invited all his childhood friends, family, college friends, work mates and I even convinced them to allow my parents to come to support me. I did want my old, high school real friends to be there for me, but I haven't seen them for 6 years and none of them knew about Joe, Jake or Riley so I can't invite them. I have 3 days to emotionally prepare myself to say goodbye one last time. To act like a strong mother in front of everyone. To make sure I don't crumble.

It's 7 o'clock and the boys are sleeping. They keep waking up during the night crying for Joe, especially Riley. I think Jake understands that he's in a better place, but Riley's too young to understand.

Joe's parents told me they'll be stopping over to pick the boys up at 11 o'clock the following day so I can have a me day and to help take the boys mind off the funeral in the next couple of days. So when someone knocked on the door, it confused the hell out of me.

I through my hair in to a pony tail and pulled on a baggy jumper over my leggings and vest top. I walked to the door slowly, but still wanting to know who was behind it. I knew I looked a mess; to be fair I think a 24 year old women with two fatherless children doesn't have to look perfect. I looked at the floor, hiding my red face and opened the door hiding behind it slightly.

"Erm, hi," I heard someone say. I didn't need to think before I knew who it was. That same voice was the voice that used to whisper how much he loved me 6 years ago, the voice that asked me to marry him, the voice that set me free.

"Finn?" I said as I looked up, questioning my own ears yet here he stood in front of me. He looked older; he'd matured a lot. His hair was slightly shorter at the sides, slightly longer on the top. It was also styled better, instead of just pushed up messily. He baby face had matured slightly too. His late teenage puppy fat had turned in to pure muscle. His old clean-shaven face had a slight bit of scruff on. It suited him. He looked grown up. He was so different, yet the same 16 year old boy stood in front of me.

He was wearing a black jacket that wasn't zipped up fully so she could see the top of his white t-shirt. It had black writing on but she couldn't read it. He wore black jeans that were really tight and piled slightly at the bottom, resting on his black nike shoes with a white tick on them.

"Hey," he said quietly. He looked me in the eye; that sad look I was given too much drew across his face. "I'm so sorry about your loss, Rach. Joe, erm, signed me at that meeting the night he, you know. He gave me business cards and told me he was your fiancé and knew we knew each other and I just couldn't let what happened happen without seeing you and telling you how sorry I am. You don't deserve this Rach, you deserve to be happy."

And for the first time since Joe's death, she let herself talk about it and cry because, for once, someone had came to see her and make sure she was ok. She threw herself in to his arms and cried in to his shirt, as if all the 6 years they haven't saw each was forgotten. Inbetween cries, she choked out how bad she felt that she wasn't mourning for her love but was mourning for he sons' loss. Then she realised she told him, about her sons; about the way she was feeling. He was near enough a stranger now. They hadn't spoke for 6 years! They hadn't spoke for longer than they did speak. Double the time actually, yet it felt right. Crying in to him.

He stopped her and pulled her back to look in to her teary eyes. He said one simple word, "sons?" It made her feel like she'd been punched in the gut, the shocked way he said the word, the hurt, confused look on his face. She couldn't explain, not without crying, so she grabbed the arm of the coat he was wearing and pulled him in to her home, closing the door behind him. She saw him try to take in the look of her house, but before he had time to she pulled him in to the boys room and showed him her to prize possessions.

They were both sleeping. Jake sprawled out on top of his quilts, his hair looking even more curly then usual, and Riley cuddled up to his blankets and teddies, looking like a little angel. She took in a breath and spoke, "these are my children Finn." She pointed towards Riley, "Riley Liam Lighton, he's 2 and a half," I then took another breath and pointed toward Jake, hoping he didn't catch on, "and this is Jake Christopher Lighton, he's just turned 5."

I turned to look at Finn. He had his signature half grin pasted across his face, then he must have caught on because he turned to look at me with wide eyes. "You were pregnant with Jake just under 6 years ago," I nodded, "that's about the time we broke up Rachel. Is he, erm, is he?"

She knew what he was going to ask so she saved him the awkwardness, "yours?" he nodded, "I don't know. He could be, but I also you know, with Joe just after I met him, so it's either yours or Joe's. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you but I thought you were in the army Finn. I thought I'd never see you again." I began crying again as Finn wrapped his arms around and whispered "it's ok," into my ear.

I took him in to the living room, not wanting to wake the boys and have them crying, and we sat on the sofa for hours. The tv played softly in the background but we didn't bother watching, we spoke about the years we had about and caught up with each other. Finn was in training in the army for a couple of weeks until he shot himself in the leg with his gun. Luckily it didn't cause too much damage so it's fine now but he left and worked up the muscle in the leg by playing football. He never thought football would be a career choice after what happened with the scholarship in senior year so he applied to do a teaching course at universities in Lima. Once he finished uni, he moved to New York with Kurt and Blaine and shared an apartment with them for a few months but when he got a permanent job as a music/pe/maths teacher at a local elementary school, he bought his own. The principle at the school told him to try football again and become a part time teacher due to teacher cuts and now that's what he does, thanks to Joe's company.

It was soon 11 o'clock at night and I began falling asleep. I was so worn out it was unbelievable. Finn seemed to understand and offered to go but I wanted to keep talking to him. He told me that it was late and I needed my sleep and promised to see me again. I told him to come round at 12 o'clock the following day as I'll be by myself so he nodded and gave me one last hug before he left the apartment and disappeared from my view.

I locked the doors and went straight to bed and for the first time since we lost Joe, I feel to sleep and didn't wake up all night.

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