I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a while so I made this a bit longer.

I phoned Finn, like he told me to.

Every night, since the funeral 2 weeks ago, I phoned him. He comforted me, as well as comforting Riley and Jake.

He came round quite a lot the first week after the funeral. He brought take-away a lot, or just food he'd picked up from the shop and insisted to cook, entertaining all of us and just being a new found support for us all.

He was like a trampoline. He let us fall on to him but pushed us right back up, making us feel as happy as we can, supporting us and making our lives more enjoyable. After years of rooting, I'd finally found my own metaphor for Finn Hudson, as well as my high school metaphor for him, which still relates, as my Guardian Angel because he is always there for me and can practically read my mind. So I had two metaphors for him: a trampoline and my Guardian Angel.

It was really nice to see Finn more and for him to actually care about all three of us at this time whilst only meeting Joe once, but after the first week he stopped coming to my apartment.

In fact, I haven't seen him for a week.

I sound pathetic, like a 16 year old, high school Rachel Berry, but I was genuinely concerned. I didn't know if I had done anything wrong to annoy or upset Finn but I knew I missed him.

He still text and phoned me so I don't think I did anything wrong, just not as much as he did.

It made me have to stop moping around and relying on Finn to care for me and my children and instead turn independent once again. I went shopping, cleaned the house from head to toe (finally finishing clearing all of Jake's birthday decorations) and retook control of my sad, lonely life.

Now, I was doing the weekly shopping with Riley and Jake. I'd bought new clothes a few days prior so now wore some new, refreshed clothes, instead of the baggy sweaters, vest tops and leggings I'd been living in for just over a month, and started to care about my hair and make-up once again. A whole new wave of confidence flooded over me that had recently been lost.

I also bought the boys some nice new clothes, making them look more grown up and fashionable. This was partly for the idea I had in my brain, thinking that a refreshed wardrobe would help us refresh our lives and carry on, and because there is an increased chance of running in to a Mr Kurt Hummel now I was closer to Finn, who worked as a fashion designer in Vogue.

That's when I heard his deep, enticing voice.

"So shall I put some fries in the basket or are you making your own?" I heard Finn's voice say from the aisle next to me.

Assuming he was on the phone, I walked to where I heard his voice, wanting to see him again but as I turned on to the aisle I saw the worst thing humanly possible.

Finn was hunched slightly looking over the fridges at the supermarket when a tall, thin blond girl walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle. I didn't see her face as she buried it into Finn's neck and said, "forget the fries, lets just hurry the hell up and get home baby."

I felt physically sick as she pulled him around to face her. All I could see was a loving smirk plastered on Finn's face as the blond, who was about Quinn Fabray's height but even slimmer, moved her head up, used her hand to tilt his head down and pressed a kiss on to his lips.

I wanted to run but I couldn't help but stare.

She kept snaking her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him trying to deepen the kiss. She then started to push herself against him, practically grinding on him in the middle off the shop, but, instead of pulling back, Finn parted his lips slightly allowing her tongue to enter his mouth.

"Finn?"

It was my 5 year old's voice that broke the kiss.

I looked away quickly pretending to be looking at the pizzas close by but then casually turned my head as I heard Jake shout "Finn" again and saw him running down the aisle towards him.

Finn stared at my son, flabbergasted as my innocent child wrapped his arms around Finn's thighs. I saw Finn gulp slightly and scooped up my son as quickly as possible. I heard a high-pitched, sickeningly cute giggle and saw it was the blond. Finn snapped his head towards her and then quickly looked away, almost like he was embarrassed.

"Hey bud," he said to Jake moving slightly and rearranging how he was stood to try and hide it.

"Hey Finn," Jake replied smiling.

"Aw, he's soooo cute Finn. How do you know him?" The blond said. It made me feel even more ill the way she dragged out words and the stupid, annoying way she said 'Finn' made me hate her even if she wasn't kissing the lips of my high school sweetheart and ended up being the nicest person on the planet. Being a major in theatre you could tell she was making herself say it like that.

I glared at her. She was beautiful. How much I hated it, I couldn't deny that fact how she clearly had natural beauty. She had long blond hair, curled slightly at the ends and the front bits pinned back. She had deep, brown eyes that I'm sure any boy would melt in to; they were lined with thin, black eyeliner and her long eyelashes were covered in mascara. She had the perfect, dream sized lips that were glossy through whatever she had put on them and her teeth were in perfect shape and bright white as she smiled longingly at Finn. Her cheeks weren't flat or chubby; you could see her defined cheekbones clearly but she still had a slight enlargement of them, ensuring her smile looked perfect and her dimples were easily seen.

It was clear any man would be lucky to be in a relationship with this pretty, perfect girl that stood beside Finn.

"Oh, this is Jake. He's a friend's son," Finn replied.

I decided to make my presence noticed and grabbed the basket I was pushing with Riley sat in it. "Hey Finn, I see you found Jake," I said, as sweetly as I could.

"Rachel," he answered, "hey. And hey to you little man," he said walking other to Riley ruffling his thick brown hair.

"Hewo Fi," Riley replied, already laughing at the dopey grin Finn was sending towards him.

"This is her other son, Riley, and this is the friend, Rachel," Finn explained, turning to the girl.

"Hi," she said smiling, copying Finn and ruffling Riley's hair. Riley went silent and his grin disappeared as he looked at the woman who stood in front of us, looking almost confused.

"Hi," I answered on behalf of my silent children, "and you are?"

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself. I'm Niomi Bate, Finn's girlfriend," she replied, smiling still.

I couldn't hide the disappointed, sad look that had taken over my face. "Oh well, nice to meet you Niomi, but we better get going," I said, trying to be polite. I walked over to Finn and practically snatched Jake out of his arms.

"Rach," I heard him murmur so that Niomi couldn't hear. I waited a second for him to carry on but he didn't. He just looked me in the eye and sighed. I blinked back tears and I was pretty certain he saw but before I walked away dramatically, I looked over my shoulder and tried to put on my fakest smile.

"Bye," I said as I quickly made it to the nearest check out and paid for whatever I had put in my basket before I had seen Niomi and Finn. Tonight was a take out night. I turned back and saw Finn looking at me guiltily, probably knowing I was know where near finished shopping but I just blinked at him, grabbed my bags and made sure my boys were ok before walking away and hailing a cab to go home.

I'd managed to buy some food for the boys on the way back, asking the cab driver to stop at McDonalds, as I really wanted Chinese but knew they didn't like it. They were really pleased with the chicken nuggets and chips happy meal they got so it was a win-win situation for both of us.

When we got back to the apartment they both complained about how tired they were so before I ordered my food I bathed them and put them to bed.

As I tucked them in Jake kept asking who Niomi was. I kept telling him she was Finn's special friend and he replied with he thought we were Finn's special friends. That made me explain that we were but Niomi was Finn's specialist friend.

It made me laugh really because it sounded like they were making fun of her as instead of saying her name as one word they sounded each syllable out making it sound like they were saying; knee-oh-me.

When I finally got back in to some comfy leggings, a vest top and jumper, settled on the sofa and decided what I wanted from the Chinese, the doorbell rang.

I got up and opened the door to see Finn standing there. He was wearing the same outfit that he had on today; black jeans, a light grey t-shirt and an undone denim shirt over it. He stood with a backpack over one shoulder and carrying a quite large, brown paper bag.

I just stared at him for a minute before trying to close the door in his face, but he stopped it.

"Please let me talk, Rachel," he pleaded.

"Well I keep giving you the chance but you just stare at me like I'm some pathetic, fool Finn!" I replied, keeping my voice quite quiet but saying it in my 'stern mothering tone.'

Once again he just stared at me, so I tried to slam the door again and he caught, just like he had a minute before.

"I've brought food," he innocently said.

"Oh great, bribe me with food, you know."

"I'm not bribing you I just wanted to make sure you ate," he quickly said.

"Get your head out your ass Finn, I'm not going to starve myself because of you but cope when the man I thought I'd love for life died!" I purposely brought Joe in to this, I knew I'd always love him but I brought him in to it so Finn knew how it felt being compared to someone else like he basically did to me today.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I know you didn't finish of your shopping so I just wanted to make sure you'd have something." He looked down at me and said, "It's Chinese," in a nearly playfully like tone.

"Thanks," I said sharply taking the bag from his hand.

"I bought mine too," he said, I looked back at him and raised my eyebrow. "You know, it was a meal deal for two so I saved money buying mine. We could maybe eat and talk?"

"Fine, come in, but expect me to do mostly eating and not really talking," I said in an annoyed tone.

He followed me to the kitchen locking the door behind him as I set out the Chinese on to two plates, already knowing what was bought for me and what was bought for Finn.

He made the drinks and then followed me like a lost puppy as a sat on the sofa and began to eat.

It was silence through eating and was very awkward. Finn tried to make the tension go by adding the occasional comment on "how nice it tasted," but it didn't work.

I set the empty plates down on the side and sat back down in my originally place on the sofa, Finn awkwardly sat on the complete opposite side. I looked at him; a sad, guilty look was on his face. He was trying to be kind and mature, but I was only being childish and horrible to him so I decided to give him what it was he wanted; to talk.

"Why didn't you tell me Finn?" his head snapped towards me, shocked that I had spoke, but he didn't reply. "You know, I thought we were friends that I could trust you and you could trust me but now I just feel like I poured my heart out to you only so you could go home and play house with you pretty, little girlfriend when I sat at home finally feeling like someone genuinely cared about me but actually they probably thought that I was a clingy, pathetic, vulnerable carbon-copy of the same 16 year old girl you used to know but now had know idea who she was. That I had to finally move on and grow up. I told you practically everything that happened within 6 years and trusted you with my entire life story so instead of sitting there like a cowardly, using boy, grow some balls, be a man and explain it. Lets start with, why didn't you tell me?"

I didn't mean to sound to angry but the rage just built up inside me and I couldn't help but spit it out in long sentences.

"I don't know," he said bluntly before pausing. I thought that was it and was ready to slap him as hard as I possibly could but he carried on, "I suppose I didn't know what you wanted from me and I didn't want to tell you to make it out like I assumed you wanted a relationship or to totally friend zone each other. Really, I was a coward. I was too scared to tell you incase I would loose you again, maybe this time forever and I didn't want that. But I like Niomi. I don't love her, I know I don't, but I like her a lot. I don't know if that's just as friends or what but she makes me happy and pleases me if you know what I mean," I stared at him disgustedly and he quickly covered his words.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have to say that," he said, "it's just that, since you I haven't really had a serious relationship. After a few months I just realise they're not what I want so I tell them and usually they're ok with it because it's not like we're emotionally tethered but Kurt went mad at me about a year ago, telling me I need to move on and start to actually try with people and give them chances. That was after I broke up with this girl called Jenny who was really in to fashion and worked with Kurt and gave him the dirties for weeks after we broke up. But then I met Niomi at a mets game and yeah she's gorgeous but she's so much more. I thought I just felt an attraction to her looks and friendship with her but I always assumed that if I felt like that then it was because I was just waiting for you to come back and want a relationship. Then after a few months of me giving her a chance, I found you heartbroken needing a friend. So then I thought maybe it's the other way round: being a friend to you and a boyfriend to someone else. I was just scared to admit it to myself really let alone you."

I'd never heard Finn do a speech that long, but it meant something to him, which really warmed my heart.

"I care about you, Rachel. A hell of a lot, and you're right I'm just a coward and you don't deserve me and I know that so I just need to try and find a girl who's as perfect as you but deserves me as well. And well, maybe Niomi's that person, but I do care about you so much so if you're not happy or anything I'll give up the searching and just life happily with you as my friend and the boys and Kurt and Blaine and all my other friends and family and…"

Before I knew it, I'd dived to the opposite side of the sofa and my lips were attached to Finn's. I moved so I was sat next to him. I pushed my tongue in to his slightly parted mouth and he moaned as he retaliated with his own tongue.

I then pulled back shocked at my actions and started pacing around.

"Rachel," he said as he stood up and grabbed my arm.

"I'm a horrible fiancé! I mean, it's just been over a month and I'm kissing another man who happens to be the only friend I have. I'm being a horrible mom too, just moping around," I said as if I hard word vomit.

"I can say from past experience that you're a great fiancé Rachel. And yeah, we kissed, but he'd want you to be happy if he cared about you. And with the friends bit, come to my apartment on Tuesday; bring the boys if you want. We have a sort of 'New Directions Reunion' every Tuesday and you're invited. Everyone goes and this week it's take out and a bit of alcohol at mine. And I know for a fact you're an amazing mom, Rach. Those boys love you so much," He said, instantly calming me.

He grabbed a piece of paper from the side and scribbled something down. "Here's my address," he spoke, handing me the paper. "Be there at about half 6."

"Um, are you sure? I mean I haven't seen any of them for 6 years Finn, they don't even know about the boys or Joe or my job or…"

This time he cut her of with a kiss.

"I hope I'll see you there," he said as he pulled away and grabbed his bag. "It's just a way of letting you have more friends than me because I can be a bit of an arsehole at times. Bye Rach."

"Bye Finn," I replied.

He headed for the door and opened it. "Niomi's not there, if you was wondering, I never introduced her to them," he said before he left.

"Are you going to? If she's a serious girlfriend you should so she can meet you friends and go…"

"No," he answered with a smirk cutting me off before he left my house with a new cocky attitude he had.

I had 2 days including Tuesday to prepare myself to meet some of the people who I used to be closest to. That would never be enough time.

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