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"Rey, have you ever been in love?"
The sudden question makes Rey choke on the water she's drinking. She starts coughing and wheezing, trying to regain control over her breathing. Rose smacks her on the back a couple of times but it doesn't really help.
"Why do you ask?" she croaks eventually.
Rose fidgets and turns to stare at her feet. "I was just wondering."
Rey smiles at her. This was about Finn.
Rey likes Rose. They haven't spent a lot of time together since they met after the battle on Crait, but they talked in those rare moments when they could finally catch a break. Rose was shy at first, but her curiosity got the best of her eventually and she started bombarding Rey with questions.
What's it like being the last Jedi? How does it feel to be strong with the Force? Do you feel the Dark sometimes? How are you with a lightsaber?
And when Rose couldn't think of another question to ask about the Jedi, they would tell each other stories from their childhood. How they grew up, what they dreamed about, what their home planets were like. Rey felt compassion and understanding toward Rose. They both had a difficult childhood; Rey's parents abandoned her and left her alone on that godforsaken planet, and Rose lost everything when the First Order blew up her home in order to test their weapons. The bombarding killed her parents so she and her sister had to find a way to survive on their own.
Rey knows this was before Kylo Ren's time, but she can't help but feel resentment toward him. Couldn't he see all the horrible things the First Order has always been doing? Couldn't he fathom how many families they've torn apart?
Rey carefully weighs her words. Love is not a language she's fluent in. "To be honest with you, Rose, I don't think I even know what love feels like. My parents left me when I was very young so I have no recollection of them and since then I've always been on my own. The first time I've felt close to someone was when I met Finn. But the thought of loving someone other than a friend is quite unfamiliar to me." She pauses. "What about you? Have you ever loved someone?"
Rose frowns and a wistful look crosses her face. "Ah... No, not really. My sister and I got involved with the Resistance pretty early so I never really had the time to think about romance. But I always wondered how love feels like. I asked my sister once and she told me love is compassion, an ardent need to keep that person out of harm's way and protect them, always."
Rey smiles. "I do like the sound of that. I hope you'll find that one day."
Rose smiles like she'd just been given the highest of compliments. "And you too, Rey."
Rose eventually gets called away and leaves Rey standing outside by herself. Rey revels in the quiet moment and takes in her surroundings. This newest planet on which the Resistance has settled is beautiful. It reminds her a lot of Ahch-To, and she suddenly feels sadness tug at her heart. She hasn't really allowed herself to think about Luke ever since he passed away; it hurt more than she could bear. But now, surrounded by this beautiful nature full of life and bathed in moonlight, Rey feels like she's strong enough to think about him.
"You'd like it here, Master Skywalker," she says quietly. "Life is abundant, and the sky is full of stars, every night. The Force... it's strong in this place. Leia chose it before... before she died, she said we'd find everything we need here."
This planet, Elior, is home to the newest allies of the Resistance. After Crait, nobody wanted to have anything to do with the Resistance. The First Order has decimated every single planet that they only suspected the Resistance was on, so Rey didn't blame the people of Elior for being scared and not reaching out. But once the word of a new Jedi, the last Jedi, started to spread, it was like their fears had vanished.
Everyone puts so much hope in her, and it scares Rey out of her mind.
"Supreme Leader, FN-1512 has arrived," a voice calls from the door.
Klyo Ren stands up from his desk. "Let him in."
Moments later, a stormtrooper walks inside, followed by two other commanding officers.
"You're dismissed," he says curtly. The two men bow and disappear, leaving Kylo alone with the stormtrooper.
Kylo picks up the file from his desk and begins reading from it. "FN-1512. You were brought here at age six from a wealthy family and were separated from three sisters and a younger brother. Your life was almost perfect, yet you never wanted to go back," Kylo looks at him, thoughtful. "No prior signs of non-conformity either. Captain Phasma says you're one of her best soldiers. Your troop was chosen to be sent to Narù to scout out the Resistance base, and you were the one who set fire to the military base. Is that right?"
The stormtrooper proudly rolls his shoulders back. "Yes, Supreme Leader."
Kylo smirks. "You can take that helmet off now, you don't need it."
That seems to confuse the soldier. "Uh, sir?"
"Do it," Kylo growls.
FN-1512 obeys and takes off his helmet, revealing a pasty, freckled face perched on top of a long, skinny neck. A mop of shaggy red hair covers his head, some of it getting into his eyes, and Kylo has to suppress the look of disdain that's threatening to show on his face.
This is the man who killed Leia Organa? Him?
Kylo feels anger swelling up inside of him but continues on. "Do you know what interests me the most? There is nowhere in your file that says your mission was to blow anything up, let alone a Resistance military base. You were only to scout out their fuel and weapons reserves, and I don't remember granting you permission to do something as idiotic as this," he barely manages to finish his sentence with a steady voice. This idiot is just looking at him like he'd sprouted a second head.
"I-idiotic, sir?"
"How else would you describe it?!" Kylo shouts. "After your little stunt, the entire Resistance disappeared without a trace, and now we have no idea where they are! All because an insignificant little maggot like you decided to act on his own!"
The stormtrooper flinches in fear and bows his head. His knees are trembling and his voice shakes as he speaks. "I-I received orders to s-set fire to that base, sir. When I said the leader of the Resistance, Leia Organa, was inside, they told me to-"
His sentence is cut short when Kylo raises a hand and grabs him by the throat. He uses every ounce of willpower he has not to strangle the life out him. He's never felt such rage in his entire life, and he doesn't really know how he's still controlling himself.
"Who gave you the order?" he asks, his words coming out like poison arrows.
"General... Hux," the stormtrooper croaks.
Kylo's grip falters slightly as he tries to make sense of the stormtrooper's words. But he doesn't release his hold on the soldier's throat; instead, he watches as that spark of life dies in FN-1512's eyes and only releases him when his body goes limp. He watches his lifeless body for a moment, wondering how he would explain this if anyone were to ask. To say Kylo didn't plan to kill the stormtrooper from the start would be a lie. As much as he tries to deny it even to himself, deep down he knows he didn't kill FN-1512 because he chased the Resistance away.
That burning need to avenge his mother's death has finally been quenched. Now if he could only get the pain to disappear as well.
Dear Maker, who knew books could be so boring?
Rey sighs in frustration and throws her head back, accidentally banging it against the wall. She curses and rubs the sore spot on her nape as she eyes the books in disdain. If she knew they were this boring, she would have gladly left them on Ahch-To.
It's pages and pages of rules and prohibitions, guidelines and mantras. She expected to find some information on using the Force or building a lightsaber, but it seems this book doesn't have what she's looking for. She just read a ten-page essay on why Jedi shouldn't marry, and her head is starting to hurt a little. No matter how hard she tried, it was so difficult for her to understand all of this.
"Where did you get that?"
Rey jumps, startled, and turns around to see Kylo. He seems interested as he looks at the book lying on her lap, and she quickly shuts it to keep him from looking.
He raises an eyebrow. "Did you already forget that Luke trained me as well? I was reading those books before you even knew what a Jedi was."
She scoffs. "Yet here we are," she mumbles.
In that moment, Rey swears she can see a small smirk tug on the corner of his lips.
"Indeed." He pauses. "So where did you get the books?"
"I took them when I left the island," she answers honestly. At least in front of Kylo Ren, she doesn't feel like she needs to prove she's morally superior. He starts walking around and she wonders if he can see her room. She can't see his surroundings at the moment, only him.
"The Jedi aren't supposed to steal, you know."
"Did you come here just to provoke me?" she asks. They're keeping the conversation light and uneventful, and that eases Rey's mind. She knows she wouldn't be able to take a heated argument right now, or, even worse, a heartfelt conversation like those they shared before they turned away from each other.
"I didn't have a lot of choice in the matter."
They stand in silence for a long time, and Rey is reminded of the last time they saw each other. She remembers his grief and anger and instinctively looks at his hands. He's wearing gloves like always, but that doesn't stop her from blurting out a question without thinking.
"How are your hands?"
Their eyes meet and Rey sees so much raw emotion in them, it takes her by surprise. A second later his face is yet again expressionless and impossible to read. If he's affected by her question in any way, he doesn't show it.
"The medical droids took care of that," he says in a steady voice. "They also threw away those rags."
Rey flinches at his words. She waits for the punchline, but he stares back at her blankly. Her throat tightens and an ache appears in her chest as she fights the urge to cry. It seems that no matter how many chances she gives him, no matter how many times she reaches out, he will always reject her. Silently, she berates herself for being so stupid and thinking he could ever change. This, this is all Kylo Ren could ever amount to be - a cold, heartless human being.
"That's great. It's too bad they didn't choke you with them first," she grips once she's sure she has her feelings under control. "How did you become so cold, Kylo?"
"I've always been like this," he says as if he were stating an obvious fact. "You said it yourself, I'm a monster."
Rey opens her mouth to say something, but Kylo doesn't hear her. He's left standing in his room again, her eyes haunting him. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He feels frustrated and foolish; he can't stop seeing the hurt on her face even though he was being cruel to her on purpose.
After today, she'd hate him for sure.
He tells himself it's for the better. He can't take it when she looks at himlike she cares, the way she just did when she asked him about his hands. It's the same look she had when they'd touched hands, the same look from the elevator. She seeks him out and even if she would never admit it, he knows he's taken root inside her heart. Maybe not as a romantic interest, but most definitely as a person she cares for.
And it kills him, because every time she looks at him like that, every time she shows him kindness, another crack appears in his resolve. The need to stand by her side is so strong it nearly overpowers him every time, and every time he's drawn more and more to her light. Like a moth to a flame, he gravitates towards her, her gentle hands, and her kind, lonely eyes.
He knows the only way to stop this from happening is to drive her away. Everything will be much easier once she sees there's no saving him.
He's gone too far into the dark.
Too far.
Thank you for reading :)