Rose didn't know how much more of this she could take. Her every step felt numb, as though her legs were made of lead. She didn't know if she could do this anymore. She felt dead inside as she walked up the stairs to her apartment. The side of her face felt tight with the child's dried blood on it. Her white suit was ruined, covered in bloodstains. Her mouth tasted sour; she'd spent a good while throwing up after all the commotion had died down. All she wanted to do was take a hot shower and scrub her skin off, then crawl in bed and sleep for the next two weeks. Her hair felt heavy and just out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw chunks of, oh gods, what was that stuck in her hair? Brains? She gagged again as she stepped into her apartment. She locked the door behind her and fell back against it, sliding to the floor and covering her face with her hands.
Goku turned, a bright smile on his face, "Hi, Rose! Don't be scared! I kinda let myself in, I figured you must have been close to being off work, so I just stuck around. I missed you on Christmas, you know, and Sabriena said I should bring you something to eat because you were probably working and didn't get a chance to eat. It's those matsutake mushrooms. And, you know, I was kind of hoping you had an update on Goten's case. I know he's well taken care of and all, but you know." He paused as he saw her, his own blood running cold. "Oh my god. Rose! Rose are you alright?" He rushed over to her. She didn't even jump when she saw him. Usually when he did that, she'd shriek and jump two feet off the floor. Today, she just looked dead., "What happened? Are you hurt?!"
She stared at him for a second, her blue eyes flat. "I'm not hurt," she muttered, her throat dry. She stood, still pressing her back against the door. She knew she must have been a sight, but she really didn't care. The only thing replaying in her mind was that child's head practically exploding as the bullet ripped through it, the jerk of the little body in her arms.
She skirted around Goku as she pulled her jacket off and threw it in the trash. "You know, most people wait OUTSIDE if they want to see someone and don't come in until they're INVITED." She was feeling irritated, angry, frustrated. It wasn't Goku's fault, but suddenly him standing there in her apartment annoyed her. She didn't want to see anyone at that moment. "Seriously, Mr. Son, it's just inappropriate and rude."
Goku nearly recoiled from her cold attitude and harsh words, but reached out and caught her shoulder, "Hey, easy there, what's wrong? What happened to you?" He looked at her not knowing what to think, but this wasn't the Rose he'd come to know over the months that she worked his sons case, "Whose blood is it? Who was hurt?" He let go of her, seeing the dangerous look in her eye and he turned around to go to her sink and grabbed a clean dishcloth, wetting it with water. He went back to her, reaching out to her face and paused when she flinched, "May I?"
She drew a long breath through her nose and gave a sharp nod. She closed her eyes and pulled her glasses off as Goku gently wiped at the blood on her face. Normally she'd have been flustered at his touch, but not today. She swallowed, thinking over the day again. "A child. A little girl. Her father shot her as I carried her out to the car. I think he was aiming for me. A police officer was killed and another was hurt." A tear leaked from her eye at the fresh memory. Her employer was going to set her up with a counselor to help her deal with what had happened, but she didn't think that it would help much. Nothing was ever going to erase the memory of this day.
Goku looked furious, "He was aiming for you and hit an innocent little girl? His BABY?!" He hated the sound of both of those things. No one should be aiming a gun at Rose or a poor, innocent child. Horror and fury grew on his face. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand how a parent, least of all Chichi, could do that to someone who couldn't defend themselves. He wordlessly reached up and removed an unidentifiable chunk of flesh from her hair and went around her face cleaning her up.
He gently took her chin in his hands and tilting her head so he could wipe at the blood spatter on her neck, "You are too kind of a soul to have that terrible thing happen to you. Who is he? Did they get him?" He frowned, Rose was more than a case worker. She was his friend and anyone who threatened her was going to deal with him.
"He's dead. The other officer shot him. The little girl is dead, too," she said and her voice cracked as she spoke. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I can't do this anymore, Goku," she whispered to him. Tears swam in her eyes, blurring her vision even further than it already was. "She was IN MY ARMS. I was getting her out of that place. The things they were doing to her, making her do, were horrible. All just to feed their drug habit." She drew a deep breath, looking away from him, her lips trembling. "I had her. She was leaving that place. And then..." She blinked slowly, more tears slipping from her eyes. "I'm starting to hate people. I really, really hate people."
Goku's eyes widened, "Drug habits? What were they making her do? A child that young can't work..." His blood drained out of his face as he realized the truth, "Oh Rose... no..." He shook his head, tears slipping from his eyes, "Rose, I know its gotta be hard for you, but you can't quit on these children. They cound on you. You were getting her out of there, it's probably more care that little girl had in a long time. If you stop, if you give up on them, how many more innocent children will have to suffer before help finds them? No child should die. No child should have to die by their parent's hand. No child should die as they are being rescued, but it's the darkest part of life that seems to happen the most often. Don't give up now Rose. Think of all the children you have helped. Think of all the children you can help. It was that man who pulled the trigger at his own child, not you. There's nothing you could have done." He lead her over to her couch and sat down before he pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his warm, strong arms around her, "Tell me what I can do to make it right."
"Hold me?" she whimpered and leaned into his neck, crying. There was something about the way he held her, his arms wrapped tightly around her, the protective sound of his voice. She felt safe in that moment. Goku just exuded this warm, safe energy to her and in that moment, there wasn't anything else in the world that she wanted more. She clutched at his shirt, sobbing against him. "I don't know how to handle it this time. I... I've never... h-had to deal with... something like this..."
Goku held his arms around her tightly, burying his face into the crook of her neck as he did, "It's not easy. Be it the first time you deal with death or any time for that matter. I've had friends tell me it gets easier, but that just means it gets easier to bury it. It's better to let it all out now and face your problem head on. Letting it sit in you is poison. Rose you can let it all out. I won't judge. I've done things in my life, had horrible things done to me. Please tell me. Just let it all out. I've got you, baby."
"It hurts," she sobbed. Her heart swelled when he called her "baby." Oh, if only she could come home to him every night and hear him speak to her like that. Maybe she could deal with it better. She was tired of being lonely. "The things people do to these children. Goku, you don't understand. You can't imagine." It was all coming back to her, all of it. The horrible things she'd seen in just a few years of working at this job. She chose this career to help people, to protect children who couldn't protect themselves, and now. Now she'd seen two of them die in the past couple weeks. "There was another boy on Christmas. His parents killed him, too. Over a cell phone! A goddamn cell phone!" She clapped her hand to her mouth at the curse that had slipped from her lips, but she didn't care much in that moment. She felt like cursing. She felt like screaming until her throat ripped. She wanted to throw things and just rage until she passed out because she felt entirely helpless. She could feel her muscles tensing and her whole body seemed to shake as he held her.
Goku stroked her back and shook his head, "I don't understand it either. There have been evils on this world, I wish I could tell you about, but they hurt innocent people, creatures. Just because they could. They were too obsessed with the power it brought them. Not all are lost causes, Vegeta, he turned around. And he's one of the few people I would ever trust with my children. He would do the right thing, no matter what the cost. He thinks better than I do and he may seem a little rough on the edges but this? Harming a child. He would be more furious than I am. There's no excuse for it Rose..." He sighed, "There's nothing in this world that makes what that man did to his little girl right. Nothing. It's not your fault. You went in there with the full intent to remove that girl from a harmful environment. And you know what? I've died before, to protect my son. The last thought I had, was the comfort of knowing my son was safe. That little girl you were saving, I'd bet her last mortal thought was of you, the stranger she didn't even know, trying to save her."
The thought of Goku dying scared her. She sniffled and leaned back, studying him. "You... You died? But you're here? How is that possible?" She didn't understand it at all. People didn't just come back from the dead. Of course, people weren't supposed to fly or have magick powers or heal broken bones in an instant either. "Was it Dende? Could we bring them back? The kids, the ones who died, the ones I failed. There's a way to bring them back?"
He chuckled, "Sorry, the dragon balls brought me back. Dende did tell you about those, right? Of course, he wasn't the Guardian of Earth when I was brought back, Kami was. My friends gathered them and wished me back from the dead, but the afterlife is a really nice place, I have to tell you. Great people up there. They treat you right. You have to meet Master Kai when you go, not that I want you too."
She remembered then, the dragonballs Dende had mentioned. The dragon statue that growled at her. "The dragon scares me," she said softly. "It growled at me." She swallowed. "Are the balls hard to find? Could, I mean, I'm off work for awhile now because of all this. Is there a way I could find them? I'd face the dragon if it meant I could give those kids another chance." She'd never given the afterlife much consideration. She wasn't entirely sure up until this point that there was an afterlife. She'd always just thought this life was, well, it. But maybe she could bring that little girl back and save her. Maybe she could save the baby boy who'd died on Christmas. To hell with counseling if she could fix everything that she couldn't prevent before.
Goku winced, "Actually, they are spread all across the world. In America, Antarctica, Europe, everywhere. And they are only activated a year after they've been used. We used them to save one of our own not long ago. They might be activated, but I'm not sure. You have to think, Rose. We've used them a lot to save the people of Earth. If the children have been brought back to life before, it can't happen again."
"Oh," Rose said sadly, her hope fading. She looked down at her lap. She felt an irritation in her again. Why mention it if there wasn't a way to use the dragon to help those kids? "Seems silly to me that a person could only be brought back once. Stupid dragon. Doesn't seem all that great and powerful to me." She bit irritatedly at her lip. She wanted to scream or do something. Shower. She still needed a shower. Her thoughts were coming a mile a minute again, trying to figure out an angle to use the dragon to help these kids. There didn't seem to be one. A deep frown crossed her face and she angrily picked at her fingernails. "To hell with that stupid dragon and the dragonballs."
"Rose," Goku said, he could feel her pain, her want for these kids, "The dragonballs can only do so much. If these kids were wished back, they would be placed back into that abusive life they had before and they would suffer all over again. It's because of people like you that make the difference. You make that child's life better by placing them in a home where they are loved. Free from harm and all that."
"No," she said, shaking her head, pressing her lips together. "No, I don't make a difference. All I do is come in and scrape up the pieces after it's all gone wrong. It doesn't take away what they've gone through. The pain they've felt." She swallowed and fixed him with a stare. "You know, you keep talking about how you've saved the world and Dende keeps talking about being its Guardian. Just what exactly do you all do? Because I'm not seeing it." She was still sitting in his lap, but she crossed her arms and leaned away from him. "I didn't see either of you there trying to stop this. A little girl is dead and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it!"
Goku hugged her tighter, "I've seen the world end," He whispered, "Dende has seen mother nature at its worst before it's happened. Tusnamis that destroy coast lines, earthquakes, volcanos, asteroids. You wouldn't remember them because the dragon's fixed it all. It's just what we do. You make a difference. You make a difference in the way that matters. In the way that other people, normal people can see. Do you understand?"
"No, I don't understand!" she spat and got out of his lap. "What good is any of it? People still die, these kids still suffer at the hands of their own parents, and there's never enough to help them! It's never going to stop. Never. Sure, I save a handful of kids. But how many more need my help and I can't do anything for them?!" She could feel herself snapping as the reality of the day settled in. She started pacing in front of Goku, not even realizing she was doing it. She'd never felt so angry in her life.
Dende had felt a palpable disturbance in the earth and it concerned him. He knew something was wrong with Rose and hurried to her apartment as fast as he could. Now he stood outside the door, hearing every shouted word crystal clear. He carefully pushed the door open, she had forgotten to lock it. He nodded to Goku and looked to the broken creature before him, "If you want the honest, brutal truth, Rose, there are millions of kids out there that need your help, but you are only ever going to meet this small fraction of them in your lifetime." He could see the fury in her eyes, the way her muscles had tensed.
"Oh, Jesus! Don't you people know how to knock?!" she cried, throwing her hands up in the air. She glared at him, "What the hell are you doing here anyway? Let me guess, you were reading my mind again, weren't you? You need to knock it off! I'm sick of having to guard my thoughts all the time because I'm so damned worried about what you will think if you hear all the stuff in my head! That is so RUDE, Dende!"
He was about to joke that it was because she thought so loudly, but definitely not now. Not after this. "I was not reading your thoughts, Miss Rose. I felt something here, a shift in the aire. I am worried, concerned for you, Rose. What I say is true. The world is a big place for just one person to save everyone, but to the one life you do save, it means the world."
"Don't give me some philosophical crap. I work myself near to death and for what? FOR WHAT?! I can't even get the evidence I need to get Goten home! How am I supposed to save these kids from parents who are even worse than she is? I can't DO THIS anymore!"
Dende felt like he had been slapped. No one had ever, in his life, had ever talked to him that way. He grit his teeth, leveling her with a stare, "You find a way and you don't give up. If everything was easy to do, it wouldn't be worth doing. If only we all had the luxury to say we couldn't do it any more. I cannot. If I can't do my job, everything on this world will perish. Sooner or later. The world will become unbalanced. There are days I wonder if what I do has any effect at all. Watching worlds get swept away by water, wind, fire, plague, violence. The only thing I can do, is try to influence the Earth. Pushing a hurricane harmlessly out into sea, encouraging a rainstorm over a forest fire. All actions have consequences and there is a bigger picture to it all. My burden is that I can see that picture and everything I do has good and has bad. I push a hurricane out to sea where the poor sailors are left in its wake. A rainstorm picks up the wind and fire scatters to a nearby town. It isn't fair, but that's the way it has to be. It's the price we have to pay."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "That's real easy for you to say, isn't it?" she spat. "You get to hide away up there on the top of the world while you do your job. You're not the one down here in the middle of it, day in and day out, seeing the horrible things inflicted on these children. Kids starving, beaten, molested, neglected. Over and over again, because their parents are too lazy or are too strung out on drugs to give a shit about them. I don't see you standing here with blood on your shirt and brains stuck in your hair!"
Dende looked at her sadly, "There is more blood on my hands than you could ever know, Rose. It is true, I cannot see an individual child." He closed his eyes, feeling them out, "But as a whole, they cry out, their pain is my pain." He opened his eyes again, they were glassy with tears, "But I cannot do what you do, Rose. I need people like you in this world who are strong, who still care. Who cry for every single individual child they know or don't know. I need you and people like you to help me ease the pain of the world. You are stronger than I am, Rose, that you can manage such a feat."
"Strong?" she gasped. "You think I'm strong?" She nearly choked on the word. "Dende, I'm not strong! I feel like I'm hanging onto my sanity by my fingernails and no matter what I do, I'm never going to be able to make a difference! I feel completely useless!" Rose shook her head, her lip trembling, and she collapsed to sit on the floor and covered her face with her hands. "I'm not strong," she repeated and bawled into her hands.
Dende walked over to her, exchanging a concerned look with Goku before he looked down at Rose.
Goku perked up a moment later, his eyes going to the pictures of the kids on the wall. There were so many. He moved to sit next to Rose, "Dende's right you know. You are strong. So strong. Not strong like me though. Your strength comes from in here." He said, pressing a finger to her heart and then pointed at the wall, "And from them." He looked at each one, the kids vibrant and full of life, "They would say you are strong to have saved them and so many others. The ones that don't make it, they are your strength as well. They reinforce yourself and combined with the rest of them, you can do anything. The bad makes you appreciate the good, value it that much more."
Dende nodded, he thought he could understand what Goku was trying to convey to Miss Rose. He looked to the pictures of the children, "Where would they be without you? Does death not make each life you have yet to save, just that more precious to you?" He looked to her, "It isn't easy when you work a thankless job most of the time, but it is the right thing to do."
Goku gently nudged Rose's shoulder, "It'll never be thankless if you keep me around. If you want, I will tell you every day from now on. Thank you. For everything you are doing. For everything you have balanced on your plate at once and just Thank you. You don't have to do this alone, Rose."
It warmed her heart immensely to hear him say thank you. That meant the world to her. But oh, if only he knew how deep his words cut her, too. She was alone. So very alone. She wrapped her arms around herself as she cried, but forced herself to look up at the pictures on the wall. Every shining face, the happy endings for the few children who got the homes and love that they deserved. She shuddered and choked as she tried to calm herself. She'd never felt this loneliness before, not until Dende and Goku had come into her life. Now when she was away from them, the silence of her apartment seemed to overwhelm her and make her very aware of the emptiness of the place. She slowly closed her eyes, more tears spilling down her cheeks. She felt so selfish in that moment. She couldn't give up on the kids and she couldn't have someone special like that in her life because she didn't have time for a relationship.
Goku rubbed at her back, watching as Dende slipped past them and into the kitchen. The sounds of the coffee maker started up a few moments later. The Saiyan looked down at Rose and pulled her back into his lap, "Hey now, easy there." He said cautiously, "You are an amazing, strong person. Kind and loving. Extremely dedicated. These children mean so much to you, they are almost like family at the end of your investigations." He let his fingers slip into her hair, "Just relax and have a talk with us."
Rose leaned her head on his shoulder, her crying easing as she listened to his gentle voice. His fingers in her hair soothed her as her body seemed to go limp against him. She didn't know if she had the strength to sit up right anymore. She felt like a total ass. "I'm sorry," she sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "It wasn't your fault. What happened today, I mean." She was so mad at herself now for snapping at her friends. She looked up as Dende approached with mugs of coffee in his hands. She took one from him and gave him an apologetic frown. "Dende, I'm so sorry," she whispered, fighting the urge to cry again, but this time it was for a completely different reason. Neither of them deserved to be treated the way she had just treated them. They had done nothing to warrant her anger, her harsh words. "I didn't mean to shout at you. Please forgive me."
Dende gave her a small smile and sat next to her, offering Goku the other mug, "Rose, it is alright. You can snap at us. As long as you do not take it out on the people you are trying to help. That has been building up for a while now, hasn't it? Do you feel any better?"
She pressed her lips tightly together and nodded emphatically. Without giving it a second thought, she reached for him and hugged him tightly for a moment before she pulled back and hugged Goku as well. "I love you guys," she murmured. Her eyes went wide the next second, "I - I mean I love having you guys as my friends." She covered her face with her hands. "This is never going to stop."
Goku smiled down at her, finally relaxing, "We love you too, Rose. You are very special to us." He chuckled, "You want to yell some more, get it out of your system? I think Dende and I can handle it." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, "You don't have to worry about being awkward around us. I'm not much different, you know."
Rose's breath caught in her throat when he kissed her head and she was glad she had her face covered. She waited a moment for her blush to fade before she slowly lowered her hands and shook her head. "No, I think I got it all out of my system," she sighed. She sat back and ran her fingers through her hair, her hand sticking in the still matted strands. She whimpered again and slowly placed her hands back in her lap. "I didn't mean to take it out on you all." She looked nervously at Goku, "I really need a shower. Maybe, if you could hang out for a minute, we could all eat some of that food Sabriena sent over?" She wasn't really hungry, but it seemed like the best way to apologize to them for being hateful.
Goku laughed out loud, warm and comforting, "Chichi's done worse. This is nothing. You take it out on me if you need to. This is nothing new. You go take a shower, Dende and I will go ahead and reheat the leftovers. Maybe even make some pasta to go along with it? Sabriena's been teaching me!" He smiled, winking at her, "You go on and relax. We'll take care of everything.
She hugged them both once more before she headed to the bathroom.
The hot water felt amazing after the day she'd had. She just stood there, letting it run over her face, trying to still her brain. Even when she was able to stop thinking about that child for a moment, Goku's face swam in her mind's eye, his bright smile, his strong embrace, his comforting words. He was so handsome and that body. She remembered the day last summer when they'd gone swimming, the water running down his bare chest, the shiver she drew from him as she touched his back.
"Stoppit," she hissed at herself, slapping both hands to her face, "Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit. He's married." She scrubbed at her hair, using more shampoo than usual until her whole head was a sudsy, foamy mess. How could she ever approach him about how she felt? 'Hey, Goku, I know you're married and all, but why don't you throw it all away to come and comfort clumsy, neurotic me?' she thought to herself. Oh yeah, THAT would work.
And what about Dende? Where did he fall in all of this mess? He'd been there for her, too, when she needed comfort. He came to see her on Christmas, he found her a piano to play, he calmed her when no one else could, he carried her through the Christmas lights. He understood her in a way that no one else did. And gods help her, he was strikingly handsome, too. But they were so different. Dende was an alien. He LOOKED alien. Goku didn't. But he wasn't available.
She rinsed the soap from her hair and leaned her head against the shower wall, screwing up her face. "I love you both," she whined quietly.
Dende helped Goku get out the leftovers, taking over the microwave as he reheated everything and watched on as Goku began making pasta. He chuckled, "You mark me Goku, sooner or later there is going to be another couple of cooks aside from Sabriena. Goten's got a pretty good taste for the craft." He paused as he and Goku heard a loud THUNK from the bathroom and they both dropped what they were doing to run to the bathroom door, "ROSE!"
"Oh... Gods..." Rose gasped, pressing a hand to her back. "I'm okay!" she called, hearing voices on the other side of the door. She was flat on her back in the middle of her bathroom floor. She'd slipped on the tile and twisted as she fell. Her back was killing her. She tried to sit up and sucked air through clenched teeth at the pain that shot through her back. She tried to reach her towel that was hanging on the back of the door, but it was way too out of reach. What was she going to do now? Here she was, completely naked and completely helpless. She bit her bottom lip and whimpered again. She didn't have a choice. She wasn't getting off the floor anytime soon without help. "Guys?" she asked in a high-pitched, nervous voice. "I... I need help." She swallowed and closed her eyes. "I fell and I'm sort'a... stuck."
Dende looked at Goku, sharing a look with him. He pushed the door and shut it firmly behind them, "What do you need?" He paused as he saw her bare form on the ground, "Oh...OH!" He pulled the towel from the wall and covered her in front of the both of them, "Oh Rose, I'm sorry. Here, let me help you." He knelt next to her, his hands glowing, "Your back!"
She covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry! I think I twisted something in my back when I fell!" Her face was burning hot; she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She felt Dende's healing energy seeping into her back, loosening the muscles that had twisted up. "Oh god, Dende," she breathed, the sound almost a moan as she felt her back healing. She peeked through her cracked fingers and scowled up at Goku who was leaning over her. "Stop laughing! It's not funny!" she growled through clenched teeth and slapped at his shin.
Goku couldn't help but smile at her, "I can't help it! I'm just glad you are okay! Man, I mean, we were really worried that something happened to you!" He didn't even see her nakedness, but he saw the blush on her face. Sabriena had been trying to teach him how to think how other people think. Normal people didn't care much for nakedness, but he really didn't see what the big deal was. "Looks like Dende's got this, I'll be back in the kitchen if you need anything! I'm glad you're feeling better!"
Dende laughed as Goku left, shutting the door behind him. He smiled and healed her with one hand, covering her with the towel with the other, "You should be more careful. You are lucky Goku and I were here."
"Oh my god, Dende, I'm so embarrassed," she said, taking the towel and wrapping it more securely around her as she carefully got to her feet. She was still red in the face. "I'm gonna go get dressed now," she said quietly and slipped out of the bathroom and headed for her bedroom. She could hear Goku still chuckling in the kitchen. She dried and dressed quickly in her bedroom, pulling on a T-shirt and stretchy pants. She didn't care what she looked like, as long as she was covered. She returned to the living room and put her glasses back on. "Well that was, ah, interesting," she said nervously to them.
Dende had a purple blush on his cheeks and a second later, his eyes went wide and he elbowed Goku who was about to say something about he was naked most of the time. He smiled over at her, "Don't worry about. Healers like me and fighters like him. We have to see lots of things in the field. It's professional."
"Doesn't make it any less embarrassing," she muttered and went to sit at her little table where they'd set out dinner. She heaved a sigh, "Today is NOT my day."