A/N: I AM SO SORRY!!!! If there is anyone out there who is still interested in this story, I am super sorry I didn't get this chapter to you sooner. My life has been absolutely crazy and this chapter was really hard to right, in fact, I'm still not pleased with it, but I figured if I didn't post it now even without it being perfect I might never get it posted…

Just so you know, I have every intention of finishing this story. Even though I've haven't updated in forever, I have been thinking about the story the entire time, and all of you my poor neglected readers. The story will be completed, though I have to say, I'm not sure when my next update will be: real life can be pretty scary at times…

Since I haven't updated in forever, here's the last lines of the last chapter:

Suddenly Carson sat up straight. What if he could find the syringe that had been used to deliver the poison, so he could test that? The killer would have tried to dispose it of course, but often the best way to do that was to put it in plain view; like where the infirmary disposed of hundreds of syringes!

"Kelly," Carson called out with excitement at his newest idea. "I need yer help. I think I've thought of a way ta find out what John was poisoned with."

Chapter 7

"Carson, you said you had news?"

"Aye, I do, Elizabeth. I was able ta determine what John was poisoned with. Whoever wants ta get rid of John disposed of the syringe with the rest of the ones we use and by testing the residue of each one and cross checking what sort of medicines have been used recently, I was able, with the help of my team and after a bloody lot of hassle, ta find out what was used."

Carson paused for a moment gathering his thoughts before continuing. "It was actually quite clever of the killer. The toxin reacted with the other drugs in his system causin' the problems. Alone, it wouldn't have been that dangerous, but as it interacted with the opiates and antibiotics in John's system it became a proper bloody poison. We're lucky Rodney figured out that this was most likely another attempt on John's life as I would have continued givin' him all the other medications never realizin' they were part of the problem."

"Is John going to be okay?"

"Aye, I've begun to treat him and he's responding well to it and his fever is finally down. I believe he's out of danger, but there is something I'm concerned about and it's part of the reason I wanted ta talk with ye."

Elizabeth nodded to indicate she was listening as Carson gathered his thoughts before plunging in.

"As ye know, the human body heals best when the person is not stressed or worried and is in a calming environment. I'm afraid, however, that right now John is extremely agitated."

"Do you know what is causing his anxiety?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly already having a horrible idea of what it could be.

"Well part of his agitation was from the fever and toxin, which helped cause confusion. However, I'm afraid that due to an underlying cause even when we reduce his fever and the toxin is completely out of his system his recovery will still be encumbered."

Knowing before she even opened her mouth that she would hate the answer Elizabeth asked "And the underlying cause?"

Carson paused for a moment clearly just as happy about answering her question as she was to hear the answer. "In his nightmares he believes ye blame him not only for the jumper crash, but the explosion as well. He believes that ye think he tried to commit suicide and kill Rodney in the process. He's convinced ye plan on removing him from command and having him taken to the brig."

Elizabeth winced at that. The thought of placing John in the brig made her sick to the stomach. She could never put John in the same place that she had placed wraith, and it hurt her that he didn't know that, especially when it was her fault he didn't realize it.

Carson continued, "The fact the one of the few times he was slightly lucid he was in restraints and a guard was watching him gave credence to his fears and now his nightmares are even more vivid." Carson's voice became quieter, "he keeps begging for you to believe him that he's not a threat to Atlantis."

"In other words, I'm the underlying cause" Elizabeth muttered as she felt tears prick her eyes. Her decision to react in anger at the crash was having devastating consequences and it was John who was suffering for it. She had yelled at him in anger and had not believed him at first about the crash despite the fact he had earned her trust over and over again. The fact that she now knew the crash had been caused by someone trying to kill him did nothing to relieve her guilt. It hurt for Elizabeth to know she had a starring role in John's nightmares and that she was affecting his health in a negative way. For crying out loud, he thought she wanted to have him hauled out to the brig!

Feeling lower than scum she quietly asked, "So, what can we do?"

"Well," with an apologetic look he said, "I'm planning on movin' him to the isolation room now that we won't need ta monitor him quite as closely. I'll make sure Rodney secretly sets up the room in such a way that we won't have to worry about anyone overhearing anything in there and then when John's awake I'll have Rodney explain ta him what has happened and what's goin' on. Rodney and I'll make sure that John knows you trust him and don' consider him ta be a security risk. However, I believe it'd be best if for the time being ye didn' come to visit him. I'm afraid it'd agitate him and he needs to be in the least stressful environment possible. Once I'm sure he's up ta it ye can come see him, but for the moment I'm afraid it'd be harmful to John's health for him to see ye."

Elizabeth nodded slowly. She knew that it was hard for Carson to tell her this. She found herself swallowing back bile as she contemplated how she could hinder John's recovery simply by being in the same room as him.

"Alright, Carson. I'll stay away, but—" her voice broke and she swallowed before continuing, "as soon as you think he can handle me visiting let me know—there are some things I need to say to him."

Carson nodded; his entire body screaming his sympathy. Elizabeth turned sharply away. She didn't deserve his sympathy. She didn't deserve anyone's.

John felt like he was wrapped in a large comforting warm blanket. It was strange. His mind told him that there was something wrong, something that had been hanging over him like a dark cloud, and that he should be worried about it now. However, he couldn't force himself to give the slightest inkling of care to whatever it was he was supposed to be anxious about.

Comfortable and incredibly lethargic, John gazed at the world around him without registering anything he saw. He felt like he had when he was a kid and had just gotten well from being sick. He'd lay on his parent's bed with his mom softly combing her fingers through his hair.

He hadn't thought about it in years, but now as his mind wandered from one thought to another like a piece of driftwood in a pond, the memory was as clear as if had happened days ago instead of decades.

Slowly, John became aware of a pleasant brogue that must have been speaking for some time.

"Hmmmmm."

"Ah, John, how are ye?"

"Mmmm…good."

"No pain, nausea, tenderness, dizziness?"

"No."

"Good. Now do ye think yer up ta drinking some water?"

John contemplated the question intensely for a moment and then nodded his head slowly. "Sure."

Carson helped John sit up slowly and then placed a straw in his mouth. The slightly cool liquid felt like sweet honey coating his throat and John suddenly frowned as he realized he had no clear idea why his throat was so sore in the first place.

"Carson, what happened? I'm a bit confused by everything right now."

"Aye, that's entirely understandable. Well, I can give ye some of what happened, but Rodney threatened me with making it so that every time my screensaver comes on, it will play the Canadian national anthem unless I get him as soon as yer lucid."

"Oh, okay."

"Basically ye had a bit of a setback and weren't all here," a gentle way of saying John had been completely out of his mind with hallucinations and delusions John knew, "however, yer on the proper way ta be being one hundred percent now, so there's nothing for ye ta worry about."

John nodded slowly as he tried to process everything and make sense of the jumbled memories he had of the past few days.

"I'll be back soon John. I'm just going ta get Rodney. Ye may want ta try and sleep before I come back with him. As ye know, ye'll need all yer strength ta deal with him."

John smiled slightly at that and watched as Carson left the room. However, John didn't try to sleep at all. His mind was too busy fitting all the random pieces of his memory together. He remembered clearly the jumper crash and the tension between Elizabeth and himself.

Then there was the explosion. However, John's memories of that were extremely fuzzy. He knew Rodney had been with him and since Carson was going to get him he had to be okay, but John also had clear memories of being told that Rodney was dead and that it was his fault.

His stomach clenched at the thought and he repeated over and over to himself that Rodney was fine. Those would have had to be hallucinations or nightmares. Rodney had to be fine. Carson was getting him. Right?

Trying to think of something besides Rodney being a charred corpse as the heart monitor made sure that if anyone came into the room they'd know immediately he was stressed, he really looked around the room for the first time.

It was the isolation room and John furrowed his brow at the fact he was in it now. Usually, whenever he woke up in the infirmary he was always in the main part, but here he was in isolation. It didn't make sense. Was he contagious? Was there something he was missing?

Suddenly, the heart monitor tripled in speed as John considered a reason for why he was in isolation. He had at first thought it was part of his nightmares, but now he wondered if it wasn't much more likely to be real. Elizabeth thought the explosion was his fault and had put him under guard. He was probably lucky to not already be in the brig. Elizabeth didn't trust him. He remembered that clearly from before the explosion.

Suddenly, John realized that he wasn't getting enough oxygen. He tried to suck in air, but his body simply wasn't cooperating. His chest was heaving, but nothing was coming in.

Just as John felt like he was going to pass out, he felt something pressed against his face and sweet air brushed against his lips. A voice commanded him to take a deep breath and John forced himself to obey.

A few minutes later, John finally felt like he wasn't suffocating to death and looked up at the worried face of Teyla.

"John you need to breathe. Everything is fine. Just calm down alright."

John simply nodded as he still had the mask over his face and there was no way he was going to remove his supply of oxygen. Teyla continued to talk quietly to John as his heart rate finally returned to normal and his breaths came in evenly and quietly. John glanced around the room and to his relief saw no one else in the there.

Not wanting to beat around the bush, John pushed the mask to the side and said, "Teyla…I'm not sure if it was a dream…or…if it was real, but…" John paused for a moment and took a breath before saying in a rush, "Does Elizabeth and everyone else think I purposely caused the explosion?"

Teyla answered carefully, "Why would you think that?"

"Because I remember being in restraints and having marines guarding me."

Teyla sighed, "It's complicated, John, but the short answer to your question the answer is no Elizabeth does not think you caused it."

"But other people do?"

"Yes, but it is only because we haven't told anyone the whole story."

"I can believe that. You haven't told me the whole story."

Teyla laughed quietly and John reveled in the musical sound. "I'm afraid I have strict orders from Rodney to let him tell you what happened, so he can revel you in his wonderful deductive reasoning. Just know that all of us, including Elizabeth, trust you and everything is going to be alright."

John nodded. Seriously. Who could disagree with Teyla? Not only was she the most truthful person he knew, she kicked butt with sticks.

Rodney entered the infirmary slowly. Carson had assured him that Sheppard was finally lucid, but that didn't completely remove Rodney's fear. He was willing to admit he was terrified at the idea of seeing John in the throes of one of the hallucinations Carson had told him John had had.

Rodney pushed the idea away though. John was fine! He was lucid. He was recovering. Carson had promised him that.

However, as Rodney entered the isolation room that Carson had moved John into for privacy and better security, his breath caught. John's eyes were closed and his skin seemed almost translucent. Rodney's eyes took in the bandages around his wrists were John had rubbed them raw against the restraints while trying to get away from the doctors trying to save his life. Rodney swallowed and he found himself overwhelmingly grateful that the restraints themselves were not there.

Cautiously Rodney stepped further into the room wondering if John had fallen asleep again since Carson had radioed him that John was awake.

"Hey" John said softly opening his eyes. 'I guess that answers that question' Rodney thought.

"It's…ummm…nice to see you…ummm…awake."

"Yeah."

There was silence for a moment and then John started to try and pull himself into a sitting position. His side however seemed to think that was one of John's more stupid ideas and he gave a grunt of pain.

"Here let me help you."

Before John could respond, Rodney was already reaching for the control of John's bed and raised it up and carefully plumped the pillow behind John's head. "There is that better?"

"Thanks, it is" replied John as they once again fell into an awkward silence. Rodney didn't know what to say to a weak John that couldn't even sit up without pain.

Breaking the silence, John asked, "So what's happening? Carson and Teyla have both explained some things too me, but I have to be honest I'm still a tad confused by everything right now."

"Yeah, that makes sense with the hallucinations and the…" clearing his throat as he realized he probably shouldn't have brought that up, Rodney continued, "so…a…yeah…ummm…well after you were getting better from the explosion we were talking and all of a sudden you started having difficulties in breathing. Everything just went down hill from there and the next thing I know Carson's saying—" Rodney swallowed before continuing, "—saying that you were dying."

John nodded obviously uncomfortable at the emotion Rodney was showing at the idea of John being dead.

Trying to get past the tension Rodney rushed on in his explanation. "Well I discovered through some truly amazing and outstanding searching that the explosion in the other room was set up to go off specifically when you activated the consol. In fact, it was set up so that only you could power it up, which of course made me suspicious. I mean I know your super gene is always activating things that no one else can get activated with an ease that is seriously just sickening, but on this, it really was just you that could activate and make it release the power that would cause the overload and therefore the explosion. I mean it was down to your DNA."

"My DNA? Seriously?!"

"Yeah, I almost missed it, but after I discovered that and knew what to look for, it wasn't too hard to figure out that the other 'accidents' weren't really accidents either and that someone on Atlantis must be…well…trying to kill you."

Rodney nervously studied John's face to make sure that the news wasn't causing John to lose it again or anything. Rodney wondered as he studied John's silent face if he should run and go get Carson. Yet, before he got up, John let out the breath he had been holding.

"Wow!" he said quietly. "So let me get this straight. The jumper crash, the explosion, and I'm guessing my sudden and unexplainable relapse were all because someone is trying to kill me?"

"Ah…yeah…pretty much."

"Okkkkaaaayyy? So what else do we know, like I don't know maybe whose trying to kill me and why?"

"Ummmm…we haven't quite figured either of those things out yet, which is the reason we are trying to have everyone think we're suspicious of you, so whoever it is doesn't simply disappear and then try to attack you later. However, I'm leaning on it being a scientist who's trying to kill you. I mean it took my superior intellect to find the evidence that revealed someone is after you, and it would take someone extremely talented to hide that information enough that I almost missed it, which means that the person has to be of a higher intellect than the average marine—" Rodney paused he took in John's raised eyebrow and quickly backtracked. "—Not that your marines are stupid or anything, I just mean that their not scientists; they don't specialize in higher brain power more like higher brawn power—" Rodney stopped as he realized he was just digging himself into a bigger and bigger hole.

"You think my soldiers aren't that smart?" John asked in a deceptively quiet voice.

"NO! I just think that they pay more attention to how strong they are for the most part. I mean you could have been MENSA and all, but most of your marines couldn't. Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing. There needs to be people to help protect those who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of science and knowledge for the benefit of all humanity instead of pursuing fighting skills."

Rodney then noticed the twinkle in John's eyes that belied the serious expression on his face. "Oh you knew exactly what I meant all along!" Rodney said in a disgruntled voice.

"True," John said with a slight smirk, "But it was a lot of fun hearing you explain what you meant. You're just lucky none of my 'lowly' marines heard you."

Swallowing at the idea of being stuck alone in the gym with one of Sheppard's larger marines, Rodney quickly sought to change the subject by getting back on track. "So…uhhhh…yeah we think it's a scientist who is trying to kill you as to why however that is anyone's guess. I mean there are tons of people not on Atlantis that have countless reasons to want to kill you, but on Atlantis there aren't as many reasons. I mean, I suppose someone could have cracked over the ridiculous movies you always choose for movie night, but I highly doubt even that would be enough to get someone to want to kill you, beat you over the head with a remote, yes; kill no."

"Hey, I pick great movies!" John said in the same disgruntled tone Rodney had used before.

"Sure you do," Rodney said in a patronizing voice. "Whatever you say."

John smiled back and Rodney felt like sighing in contentment. Despite the fact John was still stuck on his back in the infirmary with someone out to kill him, their bantering together let Rodney, for at least the moment, feel like everything was going to be alright.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………....

"So, Rodney explained why we have the soldiers guarding you, right?"

"Yep. He made sure I knew that all of you trust me, and that the soldiers are there to keep me safe and ensure that whoever is trying to kill me doesn't know that we're on to them yada yada ya. In fact, I also heard that speech from Carson and Teyla, so Ronon if you want to give me your own speech…"

"No, I think I'll pass," Ronon said with a grin as he grabbed the Jell-O from John's partially eaten tray.

"I appreciate that. So, how has the military been taking this?"

"Actually, there pretty much all behind you. It's only some of the new recruits who doubt you, but they don't dare to be loud about their suspicions as everybody else is ready to deck them if they do."

"Yeah, I knew there were some recruits who weren't too happy with me, and this certainly isn't helping my image."

"No, not really."

"How's Lorne doing? Is anyone giving him any problems?"

"No problems. Though, I can tell you he isn't happy about the fact he has to act like he doesn't trust you. It's bothering him a lot."

John nodded. Many people thought Ronon didn't notice how people felt about things, but the truth was he was extremely observant and knowing how someone felt about something could save your life someday.

"I know it would be too suspicious if you had Lorne come here to talk to me, but could you make sure he knows that he's doing the right thing, and I don't hold any ill will towards him."

"Sure."

They fell into a comfortable silence and soon John found himself drifting off to sleep with the reassurance that his team had his back no matter what.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

To be continued….

A/N: So…I know that some things in this chapter are a little off, but as I said if I waited until it all actually made sense I would never finish the story with everything else I'm doing, so please don't be too critical of it all…pretty please ;)

Okay, I know after neglecting you for so long I shouldn't push this, but I'm really asking for reviews for two reasons. A) Since it has been so long I'd like to know if anyone is still interested in the story and B) if I find that a lot of people are still interested it will definitely motivate me to push aside real life to write…so please guys review!