Chapter 11:
*"It's the human urge to light up the dark corners for answers in other people…but at the end of the day, there are no answers there. Just more lives as sad and singular as our own." - Ben Blakely
Season 4, Episode 10: Chinese Box*
*Midday*
Ignoring the buzz of his mobile as it vibrated violently against the dashboard of his father's old jeep, Ian looked from the address on the back of Donna's small business card to the property across the road and back again. He had assumed she wanted to meet at some downtown apartment, not a clinic for veterans and was surprised at just how apprehensive that made him feel. Had it not been for Robin's sake, Ian might have been tempted to leave but that would be the cowardly thing to do and Ian would be admitting to being scared. Agent Ian Edgerton never got scared, or at least he never used to…the Child Snatcher had changed a lot that day…had changed him and now Ian didn't know if it was fear or disgust that was making his stomach churn more. He just knew he wasn't in control and Ian hated not being in control and right now he was sorely missing the invisibility of the diner's grungy low lit booths.
Damn it, he cursed silently as he watched his mobile still and flash the arrival of yet another voicemail. Whatever Colby wanted it was probably important but his mission right now took precedence. He'd seen the fear in Robin's eyes when she'd brought up Donna's article and yet she'd told him to let Donna have it anyway because she would rather that than have Ian compromise himself. Ian had no qualms about telling Donna the truth; he'd realized last night that she deserved to know the truth about what happened to her brother. He could give her that, but he wouldn't let her have Robin.
Grabbing his phone, Ian switched it off before climbing out of the jeep and crossed the road. Colby could wait; Ian didn't want what Colby might have to say weighing on his mind whilst he tried his damnedest to keep his game face on. The look of blind faith on Robin's face as she thanked him whilst slowly drifting off to sleep was already pressure enough and Ian wasn't about to fuck this up like he did the Snatcher case.
Taking a deep breath and pulling back on the heavy glass door, Ian walked in to find Donna hovering just inside, waiting for him. "Huh, I didn't think you'd actually show," Donna smiled as she repeated Ian's greeting from the night before. There was the slightest hesitation in her smile, which told Ian that unlike last night when he had known for certain that she wouldn't be able to resist the invitation; she had really thought he wouldn't come.
"I gave you my word I'd be here," Ian frowned as he looked around the small reception area filled with men and women with varying degrees of injuries. "That actually means something to me."
"Well I'm glad you came," She smiled again as she gently rubbed his upper arm as if she could feel his discomfort and was trying to soothe him.
"Yes," Ian admitted reluctantly as he stepped back away from her touch, "I'm glad I did too. Why meet here though? How is this better than the diner?"
"You mean despite the cleanliness?" She laughed as she nervously raked her finders through her long blond curls. "There is no ulterior motive here Ian. I left last night because it was late and I had an early start here at the clinic and I still had to sort my notes out. I've been interviewing veterans all morning. Some of the stories they tell…are truly remarkable….what? What are you pulling that face for?"
"It's nothing," Ian grinned as Donna crossed her arms and frowned at him just as she had when she was in college. "I'm just impressed is all, you're really invested in this article and I know that James would be proud of you for that."
"I'm not too sure about that," Donna admitted reluctantly as she used her crossed arms to hug herself as her chin sunk into her raised cleavage. "The last time I saw him, I barely recognised him."
"I know what you mean…the last time I saw him, I barely recognised him either," Ian whispered sympathetically as he stepped forward again and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Let's go somewhere private and I'll tell you all about it."
"Ok," She sniffed sadly trying her hardest not to cry and breaking Ian's heart in the process. Though he had been reluctant to admit it to Elliott the night Ian had seen the two together, Ian had once thought of Donna like a sister and the guilt from scaring her last night was still a little fresh. Despite what El might think, he wasn't a monster. He might not show the pain he was feeling, but that didn't mean he wasn't feeling it. He'd just been so angry at Donna, because she was a visual reminder of Afghanistan, of his life in the army and his past mistakes…but he wasn't angry anymore, or at least not at her because all of that was before the child Snatcher had crawled inside his head and taken up residence and now consumed his every waking and non-waking thought. "I have a makeshift office of sorts on the second floor, we can talk there. Follow me." Donna smiled sadly, her own thoughts too consumed with her brother to see the war of emotions' behind Ian's carefully composed mask.
"Of course, lead the way." Ian nodded as Donna took him to a stairwell at the back of the small waiting room and together climbed in silence to the second floor.
*Break*
Ignoring the constant chatter back and forth between her mother and Don, Robin closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the window's thick plane of glass. Between them they must have covered every possible inane and pointless topic of conversation possible, or at least that was how it felt to Robin and her throbbing headache. She didn't want to chuck them out, but she had thought that they might have taken her silence as a sign to leave eventually. At this point Robin wouldn't have minded if it was only for ten minutes whilst they went for coffee or to pee, she would at least have gotten some peace and quiet in the last few hours! But neither had moved all morning and Robin was about ready to bang her head against the glass to knock herself out.
"Robin, darling, get your head off the glass. God only knows the last time it was cleaned!" Gloria chastised Robin in her most scandalized tone.
"Excuse me," A gruff voice cut in before Gloria could continue, making Robin jump. It was the first new voice she had heard in hours and it belonged to a tall, well defined man who was dressed in a navy long sleeved t-shirt and khakis and was leaning dependently upon a camouflaged cane. He had short cropped hair with a five o'clock shadow covering his strong jaw and neck. But what struck Robin most about the surprising visitor was his dark penetrating eyes that were trained on Robin as if she was the only one in the room. "Are you Robin Brooks?"
"Who's asking?" Don replied grumpily as he stood up and stepped between Robin and the stranger, obstructing her view.
"My name is Marc," Marc answered Don's question but addressing Robin as he shuffled further into the room. "I'm an ATF agent, Ian brought me in on your case. We need to talk."
"Where is Ian?" Robin asked uncertainly as she peered around Don for a better look.
"I don't know. I expected him to be here with you," Marc admitted confused as he shifted his weight uncomfortably as he leaned against his cane for support. He looked like he was in a lot of pain.
"He's been gone for a couple hours now," Robin replied worriedly, she knew he was seeing that reporter but she hadn't expected it to take so long. "He didn't say when he'd be back.
"Perhaps you should come back when Ian returns?" Don suggested moodily as he folded his arms and puffed his chest out, back rigid.
"I'm needed at the crime lab in a bit. Don't worry, it's not necessary for Ian to be here for what I've come to say," Marc informed Don impassively
"Don, would you take mother to go and get a coffee please?" Robin asked Don after a moment, unsure what to make of Marc as he and Don adjusted their stances as if they were squaring off. Don looked like a child throwing a tantrum; whist Ian's mysterious friend looked amused and quietly confident. It was a look of knowing that told Robin that Marc knew he could take Don down if necessary, cane or no cane. It was a look Robin had seen Ian use when interrogating suspects.
"It's ok," Marc smiled wryly as he gazed past Don at Robin. "He can stay for the first bit, but Ma'am," Marc turned his focus on Gloria Brooks who was dressed sharply in a pressed suit. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Not going to happen sugar," Gloria shook her head amused as she stood and moved to Don's side, blocking Robin's view completely. Her mother was exuding confidence and power, it took a strong person not to back down and judging by the look of determination Robin had spied on Marc's face before Gloria had blocked her view, the ATF Agent was nowhere close to backing down. Enough was enough though, someone had to put a stop to the Mexican standoff in her small hospital room and it looked like Robin was the one who was going to have to put her foot down and kick them out after all.
"Mom, just go please," Robin asked her mother exasperated as she and Don continued to patronize and baby Robin as they had all morning. "Don…you too."
"But he said I could stay," Don replied stunned as he turned to stare at Robin with confusion and hurt clouding his misty eyes.
"He did, and now I'm asking you to leave," Robin cut further protests off with the wave of her hand. "Please, I need a break."
"Chris and Ollie are outside, they'll fill you in Agent Eppes," Marc informed Don, acting close to something like sympathy as both Don and Gloria exchanged unhappy looks before eventually shuffling sullenly from the room.
*Meanwhile*
"Sorry, excuse the mess," Donna told Ian sheepishly as she rushed over to her make shift desk and attempted to clear away some of the papers on the surrounding chairs so Ian could sit. "As you can see, I've had a really good response from the veterans here. They tell me all sorts of stories of their time in Afghanistan and Iraq, the bad times and some good ones. I think it's really cathartic for them to put it out there and just voice some of their feelings aloud…"
"You know, just putting it out there myself…I think you have the making of a really good book than article," Ian told Donna honestly as he helped scoop up several files labelled meticulously with the service personnel's name, rank and photo.
"I've thought about it…" Donna admitted reluctantly as she took the files off of Ian and placed them into separate piles based on which branch of the armed forces the veteran served in. Each pile was coordinated by colour and most likely stacked in rank order, Ian knew how anal Donna had been about her notes in the past but even back then it wasn't organized to quite this extent. Ian had gotten the sense over their recent conversations that the article was really important to her but now he could finally see just how much. "I mean I have more here than could fit into a single article, so I considered maybe making it like a weekly column…but my editor wasn't that thrilled…or interested to be honest."
"Then he's a fool. You were a journalist for years working the front lines of Afghanistan. You have plenty of your own stories, bad and good that you could use to flesh out the rest of a book. Add in some of your news articles and the progress, setbacks and recoveries of the people in those files and you'd have something really great," Ian smiled sadly as he took a seat and watched as Donna hesitated on a file with her brother's service photo on the front. "You could even start with your brother's story…so the reader could really understand the importance of the rest of the book…you could help so many veterans that haven't sought help yet to go and see someone. You could even help the families of the ones that didn't return…"
"You really think so?" She whispered quietly as her fingers stroked the front of her brother's file.
"I've always believed in you…even when I was angry…I truly am sorry about DC," Ian frowned as he looked down in his lap at his hands that were scrunched tightly into white fists. "And for what happened with your brother..."
"You were hurting. Speaking to the people here...I think I'm beginning to understand the stages of grief a little better. I get why you were angry and I understand why you pushed me away in DC," Donna whispered quietly as she sat down opposite Ian, close enough that their knees where practically touching.
"Donna…it was me. I was the one who shot James."
"I know."
"You do?"
"I figured it out last night. What I want to know is…why?"
"He turned Donna. I know it's not what you want to hear and I hate that I didn't see it sooner so I could have helped him before it got to that point. But I didn't want to be back there in the first place and I was pissed because the man I loved was marrying another woman because he thought I chose that mission over him…I've racked and racked my brain looking for signs of when we lost your brother to the insurgents…but I don't think it's a clear cut as that. I don't know what the official report says…or how much they would tell you?"
"He was undercover…that's pretty much all they would tell me. That and the fact that my brother is a traitor…I don't believe that for a second…but I'm also not naive enough to not notice that the man I've been visiting isn't the same brother we both knew and loved," Donna replied sadly, her voice hitching on the word traitor making a lump form in Ian's throat as guilt pooled and settled in the pit of his stomach.
"James didn't just go undercover…he went deep undercover. He was working as a double agent for well over a year and the thing about going deep…is that you lose a little piece of yourself in the process. After a while the lines begin to blur and you start seeing your enemies as your friends…that's when you know you've gone too far…their mission becomes your mission and it's just not so clear cut anymore. James only gave me half of the intel that day…I'd like to believe that the intel changed last minute and he was just unable to get word to me…but I know it isn't true because there were two snipers that day and James was one of them," Ian explained carefully, trying to smother the anger that was rising in his chest. He had loved James, hell James had been Ian's first boyfriend, it was why the betrayal cut so deeply. But Donna needed the truth and Ian needed to put his own feelings of betrayal aside so that he could help her with hers.
"I got that much from what I did see from the trial when they sentenced him," Donna replied bitterly, not in the least sympathetic to the turmoil of emotion rattling around inside Ian's chest. "But surely that was just him maintaining his cover?"
"Perhaps…but he shot several of our guys…including me. I was the only one he shot that didn't die because as fate would have it I moved position for a better vantage point. I chose to break visibility to find the second sniper and it ended up being what saved me."
"Your wound," Donna replied quietly as tears silently leaked from her eyes, stinging her cold cheeks.
"Yes…your brother's handy work. I gave him a similar wound…he's also fortunate. If I wasn't bleeding I might have killed him, though I recon he'd probably prefer that to the hole our government has thrown him into."
"I'm sorry Ian," Donna hiccupped surprising Ian as she leant forward and gave his knee a comforting squeeze. "It can't have been easy having to make that shot. I know what James meant to you. I get now why ambushing you in DC was stupid."
"I know he's not really, but I still think of him as family…you too. I behaved badly in DC…now I'm just trying to put it all behind me." Ian replied honestly as he placed a large calloused hand on top of hers. "I was ready to quit. I handed in my letter of resignation but I managed to make peace with it somehow. I'm telling you this because I'm hoping it'll give you closure…that it will give you the same peace…not just because I really don't want you writing that article about my friend."
"Don't worry, I won't print a thing and I might actually steal your book idea."
"Thank you," Ian smiled as he stood and gave Donna a quick hug. "I have to admit you're taking it very well…I expected you to be angry…"
"I am, just not at you," Donna reassured Ian as she squeezed him tightly before stepping back and breaking the hug as someone pounded loudly on the small room's not so solid looking wooden door.
"Ian?" Grahame 'Bandit' Green asked through the closed door before twisting the nob and sticking his head in. "Phone call for you." He added as he held out a cordless phone for Ian to take.
"Did you tell someone you were coming here?" Donna asked confused as Ian took the phone.
"No," Ian replied honestly as he held the receiver to his ear.
"Ian?" Colby asked worriedly from the other end of the line.
"Col? How did you know where to find me? Is it Robin?"
"Robin is fine," Colby sighed a long breath of relief making Ian feel relieved and then guilty about purposely ignoring Colby's calls. "I had Matt ping your last mobile position and then out of all the businesses on the block assumed you had to be at the clinic."
"It was a good assumption. What's up?" Ian smiled as he looked at his watch and was surprised to see it had been a couple hours since he had left Robin and turned his phone off.
"There is another bomb and we think a Lieutenant-Colonel Atwater has been threatened into helping to create a new bomb." Colby replied hurriedly as he rushed to explain and get Ian up to date. "He went missing a couple days ago along with a lot of explosives. Agent Denam thinks an anti-government militia outside LA is responsible, we're putting them under surveillance but we need your help."
"Did you say Lieutenant-Colonel Atwater?" Ian asked quickly, cutting across Colby's babbling.
"Yes…why? Do you know him?"
"No, but I might know someone who does. I'll call you back," Hanging up and passing the phone back to Bandit, Ian turned on Donna who was looking confusedly from Ian to Bandit and back again. "Lieutenant-Colonel Atwater…know him?"
"I might have interviewed him…there has been so many…"
"I'm sure I saw a file with his name on it. If you do can I have it?"
"What's this about?"
"Off the record?"
"Off the record."
"We think he was kidnapped to build a new bomb and we need to know more about him so we can help him and prevent another explosion."
"You search those piles, I'll search these," Donna nodded overwhelmed, her hands slightly shaking as Ian joined her by her files and together started sorting through them.
"Here!" Donna practically shouted as she pushed a file across the table to Ian.
"Thanks," Ian grinned as he gave her a quick hug goodbye before rushing from the room. Pulling his phone from of his pocket, Ian switched it back on to see he had five more missed calls from Colby. "Shit," Ian frowned at his phone as he pressed to call Colby back. "Hey," He greeted quickly when Colby picked up. "I've got a file on him that might be useful. I'm heading to headquarters now."
"Negative," Colby replied excitedly across the phone as Ian hurried down the two flights of stairs, through the small waiting room and out onto the street where a traffic-cop was giving him a ticket. "We need you at the compound to help with surveillance. We can go over the folder when you get here. I'll text you the address."
"Ok," Ian replied as he hung up and made his was across the street to his car. "FBI, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the car and rip up that ticket."
"Yeah right and I'm the Queen of England," The cop replied disbelievingly as he ignored Ian's flash of badge as he ripped the ticket from his book and handed it over to Ian before sauntering off down the street. Unbelievable, Ian vented furiously as he unlocked the jeep and got in as his phone pinged the compound's address. Chucking the file and the ticket onto the passenger seat, Ian pulled on his seatbelt before sticking the jeep in gear and tearing off down the road.
*Back at the Hospital*
"Thank you," Robin smiled as soon as the door clicked shut behind her mother and Don. "By the look of you you're not bringing glad tidings of comfort and joy but I really needed a break so I'll take it."
"You're welcome?" Marc smiled warily as he leaned both arms on his cane in front of him and shifted the large bulk of his weight to his left leg.
"Here," Robin patted the space next to her on the small window seat as she shifted her bum over to make extra room. "Why don't you sit? Unless the news is that bad you would rather stand?"
"No news is that bad to me these days," Marc smiled sadly as he patted his right leg before making a laboured effort to cross the room and lower himself into a sliding sitting position next to her. He was even larger closer up and Robin had to admit the agent was sort of intimidating, though it was tinged with something Robin couldn't quite put her finger on. She almost felt protected next to the Agent's hard edges and there was a level of familiarity in the way he acted and moved that reminded her of Ian which was comforting in a confusing sort of way.
"What about to me?" Robin asked nervously, unable to meet the steely Agent's dark brooding eyes. There was an emptiness there that was also a little too familiar to Robin that she found hard to face.
"I feel a bit stupid now," Marc told her quietly and Robin realised that it wasn't just her; Marc seemed to be finding it just as hard to meet her eyes. "You probably would have preferred a friend here instead of a stranger…I didn't really think about that when I insisted on coming here."
"Why did you insist?"
"Because I feel that I am in a unique position to understand where you're coming from…I think I can understand how you're feeling right now better than anyone," Marc replied slowly as he swivelled in the seat to face her.
"I don't understand…" Robin whispered back confused, "Who are you?"
"My name is Agent Marcus Denam, I'm an ATF Agent and one year ago I saved the British consulate from blowing up by localizing the bomb to the basement."
"I think I heard about that," Robin replied shocked. "They had to dig people out."
"Not people, just me," Marc looked away sharply, a shadow passing over his face as his jaw muscles clenched in silent anger. "I made sure they had evacuated everyone before the bomb went off."
"That's right," Robin shook her head amazed. "One guy stayed behind to control the explosion…that was you? Wow…wow."
"There wasn't time to get the bomb out clean so I took it to the basement to contain the explosion. The floor of the offices above caved in but otherwise the damage was minimal. The main thing was that the building remained structurally sound."
"Is that why you use the cane?" Robin asked Marc unsure of how to react and still a little confused as to what made him think he had some sort of unique perspective on how she was feeling.
"I use the cane because a piece of shrapnel from the bomb is lodged in my leg…I was lucky to avoid amputation."
"That's horrible," Robin sympathised as she rested a hand on the agent's solid shoulder. "But doesn't explain why you think you know how I'm feeling and I'm not entirely sure what this has to do with the bad news you came to tell me…"
"I understand because of this…" Marc whispered as he pulled up the sleeve on his right arm making Robin gasp in surprise at the long scars that stretched from his fingertips to where the material was bunching around his large bicep, otherwise they probably would have stretched further. "I have scars from second and third degree burns on fifty percent of my body…I wear the long sleeves for the same reason you chose that turtle neck…as for the 'bad news'…"
"It's not over…is it?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because there are two agents guarding my hospital room door…you think I could be a target, which means I remembered right. The man didn't want to hurt us…so there is another bomber out there," Robin replied quietly, her voice small as she whispered the next thought barely above her breath, "Which means that there is most likely another bomb out there too…"
"We believe so yes," Marc whispered back just as quietly as he took Robin's hands in his scarred ones and stroked her palms with his thumbs.
"Are you certain I could be the target?" Robin asked scared, her breathing quick and shallow.
"It's a possibility, but personally I think it's unlikely. I think it's more likely that he has bigger plans…he could target you but I think that it doesn't fit the statement he's trying to make. He wants to take the government down not one federal lawyer who no offence was only collateral damage anyway."
"Collateral damage…wow…"
"Sorry, I'm told that I have a bad way of putting things. I don't mean to be insensitive…"
"I'm a big girl…I can handle it. So you think he's targeting a higher profile building than the courthouse?"
"Yeah, but it needs to be a governmental building like in the previous bombings, but bigger too. After the Courthouse didn't make quite the spectacle he originally intended…he's more likely to escalate the target and the possible risk to fit in with his grand delusions. Why? Can you think of one?"
"If it was me? I couldn't think of anywhere bigger than City Hall," Robin replied thoughtfully as she regained her breath by turning her fear to anger.
"Makes sense I suppose…" Marc replied doubtfully. "I'll tell Nikki and Liz to add it to the list of likely targets. Meanwhile I need you to rest and get better and if you ever need to talk about…well if you ever need to talk…here's my number." Marc smiled sadly as he handed over a small business card before using his cane to help lever him into a standing position.
"Thank you Agent Denam," Robin smiled sadly as she took the card.
"Oh and Robin," Marc turned and added as his hand hesitated on the door handle. "I know that man out there isn't who you think you can lean on right now…just don't shut the door on him and completely push him away. You'll regret it if you do. I'm not saying you shouldn't lean on Ian, just that you should throw Agent Eppes a bone every now and again, or he really won't be there when you're ready to open that door again. I know, deep down as angry and afraid you are you don't want that."
"Marc…"
"Yes?" Marc replied sadly as he opened the door a crack.
"I'm glad it was you…thank you for insisting…"
"You're welcome," Marc smiled softly as he waved a quick goodbye before shuffling out of the room leaving Robin propped against the glass, cold and alone, wishing Ian was there to make her feel safe again.
*Hours Later,
Just Outside of Town*
Looking out at the inky blackness surrounding him, Colby sighed before looking down at his watch impatiently, as he wondered how much longer he'd have to wait for Edgerton to get back from surveying the enemy militia's compound. The sun had dipped well below the tree line hours ago and along with the drop in temperature, Colby was starting to worry that the world renowned tracker had gotten himself lost in the forest. Which was also naturally the moment Ian chose to rap his knuckles on the window of the passenger door making Colby let out a girly squeal of shock.
"Christ!" Colby cursed as he clutched at his thudding chest before flicking the switch to unlock the door for Ian.
"You ok?" Ian asked alarmed as he squinted concernedly at Colby in the dimly lit car before shutting the door and sending them both back into blinking blindness.
"Always," Colby nodded, though Edgerton couldn't see his nod, before slowly letting go of his tight grip on his chest as his shallow breathing returned to normal. "How did your recon of the camp go?"
"Well you were right," Ian told Colby resignedly as he pulled the little lever to push his seat back and give his long legs some extra breathing room. "They may not be a real army but their weapons definitely are. M16's, full ammo…these guys aren't armatures. As for their compound, the fortifications tell me they are more focused on defence but their offence is nothing to be sniffed at or underestimated. They've also got at least seven visible jeeps which means they're pretty mobile. As for men, so far I've counted at least forty guys, including the ones guarding the perimeter and a small building towards the centre of the compound. I managed to get several photos before it got dark; I've sent them all on to Matt who's going to run them through the database later with CSI Wilkes, see what pops up. If they're holding our Lieutenant-Colonel anywhere it's in the guarded building to the centre, though I haven't clocked eyes on him for sure yet. What about you? What have you been able to gather about him from the file?"
"Your friend Donna really did her homework! There is a full background check here along with notes about his service history and stories spanning from his time in Afghanistan to stories about his family life once he returned home," Colby sighed sadly as he handed the file over to Ian to have a look at.
"How about you give me the cliff-note version?" Ian replied wryly as he pulled out a small red filtered light and began to skim the contents of the thick folder.
"Ok," Colby smiled as he turned in his seat to look at the soft red glow of Edgerton's profile as he flicked quickly through the folder's pages. "He's currently stationed here in LA building smarter, nastier bombs for the army. In his long service history he's been stationed all over the country and on occasion has been stationed overseas. Most recently he was stationed in Helmond Province where he trained several of our men over there how to build and dismantle IED's. Some of his stories are well…I thought my time there was bad. Anyway there was one he felt particularly guilty about. Apparently one Christmas he was stationed in Kabul where he sent one of his teams out to clear a mine field for a Special Forces team, but their map of the minefield was off and Atwater's team blew to smithereens. Apparently the explosion was so big it left-"
"-A crater so deep you had to climb the sides a little just to get back out…" Ian finished the sentence, surprising Colby.
"Oh, are you looking at that report now?"
"No, I wrote the report," Ian replied sadly as he quickly skipped past the accompanying newspaper article Donna had interviewed him and his team for.
"So you do know LTC Atwater?" Colby asked confused as Ian slammed the file shut and flicked the small torch off, hiding his face in shadow once more.
"Inadvertently it would seem," Ian sighed as he tossed the file onto the black Ford's large dash and sunk a little lower in the chair. "I only ever dealt with the team, never the man who assigned them. Hell, I don't even know any of their names. All we'd been given were code names, it was a top secret mission and it was just safer that way. What other stories did he tell? You mentioned his family?"
"Yeah," Colby replied quietly, accepting Ian's need to change the topic. Colby had seen the accompanying photo's, if Ian had seen that first hand…well Colby had seen enough shit too to know he didn't exactly want to be reminded about half of it, so he wasn't going to force Ian to either. "Sounds like he and his wife were having relationship troubles. Atwater was at your friend's clinic to be treated for PTSD, sounds like it was putting a strain on the relationship. Atwater goes on to tell your friend that he moved out after he woke up from a PTSD fuelled nightmare and found he was pointing his gun at their youngest son. Sounds messed up."
"Has anyone spoken to Mrs Atwater about her husband's disappearance?" Ian asked sadly as he drummed his fingers on his leg, lost in thought.
"We pulled up the reports of his disappearance and El went around to talk to her before heading to the bar," Colby replied anxiously as he stared out at the murky blackness engulfing his car. It was so dark now he couldn't even make out the hood of his car. "Apparently after the incident with her son, Mrs Atwater hadn't really spoken to her husband except for the odd phone call. She only knew he was missing because the military police came around looking for him."
"Speaking of, I bet they weren't exactly forth coming with the report?" Ian smiled wolfishly, his teeth a flash of white in the palest of moon light to hit the side of Colby's car.
"For the FBI? No. But for your ATF friend they were. Turns out he knew a guy and called in a favour. There are a lot of explosives out there unaccounted for Ian…Nikki and Liz are tossing his motel room but at this point it's not important whether he's with them or being coerced so long as we find him and stop the next attack."
"Well there is no clean way into that compound. They've got it shut down tight, which tells me they're still building the bomb and making their plans. The only way to learn more is to get a guy in on the inside and the best chance of that is by making a friend at the bar and getting drafted. Do we have anyone on the bar at the moment?" Ian crossed his arms frustrated as Colby mulled over Ian's words. Sending someone in undercover was risky, and there were only a select few who could realistically go in. Question was whether Nick would allow it after how fucked up the Snatcher case got.
"El went straight there from the briefing; he's been staking the place out all evening. Marc is probably with him by now. He said something about heading out there after meeting up with Robin and Sam."
"Perhaps I should head over there too," Ian stated quietly clearly apprehensive about the daunting task still ahead of them.
"Marc and El have it covered. They're only staking the place at the moment. You might as well go home…I know you must be tired. You've been a big help to Robin…but you've got to rest too," Colby replied awkwardly. They both knew that if anyone was going undercover it was most likely Ian and neither was exactly happy about the prospect.
"You're right." Ian sighed frustrated, nothing had been decided for definite but Ian certainly had a bad feeling of foreboding about the coming days. "Call me tomorrow when you have more news." Ian added quickly before opening his door and slipping back out into the night. Colby was sorry to see Ian go, he still had a long night of stake out ahead of him and the company would have been nice. But Colby also knew Ian had some thinking to do. He needed his head in the game and there was nothing stopping Colby from calling someone else to come and join him. Before he could talk himself out of it, Colby pulled his phone out and dialled the familiar number for the morgue.
"Hello?" Claudia's voice came tiredly across the line to him, making him smile. "Hello?" She asked again when he didn't immediately reply. "Is anyone there?" Realising he was being stupid, Colby hung up quickly and switched his phone off to stop her from calling him back. Embarrassed, Colby reached behind him and grabbed his thick coat from the back seat before climbing out of the car and putting it on. Pulling the night goggles from the large pocket, Colby made his way through the thick forest until he was able to see the Militia's compound. Ian was right, they were locked up tight and there was definitely no clean way in, save for putting a man on the inside. Whilst Ian sprang to mind as the most obvious candidate for the role, Colby was unfortunately also in the running for unluckiest bastard and the thought occupied most of Colby's thoughts for the coming hours of mind numbing boredom.
*Meanwhile,
Back at the Hospital*
"Chris and Ollie filled me in," Don whispered as he opened the door a crack and popped his head through. "Do you want company? I promise to stay quiet and leave your mother outside!" Don laughed uncertainly making Robin's heart pinch with guilt, Agent Denam's words still rolling around in her troubled head.
"I'd love some," She smiled as she patted the window seat again, this time for the man she loved and she did love him, so why was she finding it so hard to let herself lean on him? Either way, Don didn't need telling twice. Slipping into the room Don strode over to the seat and sat down, leaving a respectful distance between them. Crossing that distance and taking his hand in hers, Robin leaned her head against Don's shoulder as she whispered "Hold me," in a small and vulnerable tone.
"Don't worry it's all going to be ok," Don whispered back as he snaked his arms around her and pulled her close, careful to not knock her shoulder in the process. "I'm going to make sure you're safe."
Snuggling in against his soft woollen jumper, Robin breathed in the familiar scent of Don and did her best to believe his words. He probably would keep her safe…but as for her shoulder…she failed to see how she was ever going to be 'ok' with it. "Just don't leave me…no matter what happens…please don't leave," She whispered as she buried her face in his chest to hide the tears.
"Never," Don whispered back against the hair on the top of her head as he stroked her back comfortingly. "I promise."
*Break*
"Did you stop by the hospital on your way home?" Charlie asked around a mouth of toothpaste as he called through the en-suite's open door to Ian who was changing in the bedroom.
"Yes," Ian called back distractedly as he slowly worked the small buttons on his grass stained shirt. He hadn't expected to be romping through the forest when he had dressed that morning, though the impractical clothes were almost worth it to see the comical expression on Charlie's face when he had answered the door.
"Well?" Charlie called out as he rinsed his spit in the sink and dropped his toothbrush back in its holder. "How was she?"
"How was who?" Ian looked up confused as Charlie came back into the room and gave him a hard look.
"How was Robin when you stopped by?" Charlie asked again exasperated as he took in Ian's vacant stare and lost expression.
"She was a little shaken up," Ian waved the question away as he pulled the shirt off and threw it in a ball at a pile of Charlie's clothes in the corner. "Don had her covered though."
"It's nice to hear that for Don's sanity as much as my own, I've missed you," Charlie admitted distractedly as Ian pulled on an old t-shirt he had taken to leaving at Charlie's for when he slept over, before dropping trou and stripping off to his boxers.
"Yeah…nice," Ian agreed quietly as he moved around to his side of the bed and crawled in under the soft sheets.
"Ok, what's up?" Charlie asked worriedly as he crossed the room and climbed on top of the bed so that he sat cross legged facing Ian, their bodies separated by a few inches of thick duvet.
"What do you mean?" Ian replied genuinely confused as he rolled onto his side to face Charlie, his head rested on his hand for support.
"You're here, but you're not here…your head's been somewhere else since you arrived," Charlie whispered gently, not wanting to start a fight but also determined to get some real answers too. "So, what's up? And don't just say nothing…I know it's not nothing."
"You've been brought up to speed on the case?" Ian asked and waited for Charlie to nod before continuing, "Well Colby and I looked over the compound tonight and it's not good. These guys aren't armatures and they aren't playing about. There is no clean way to get in, disable the bomb and get the Lieutenant-Colonel out without leaving bodies on the ground."
"So someone has to go in undercover…" Charlie nodded slowly. As a maths prodigy, it didn't take Charlie long to put two and two together and come up with Ian. "Oh…"
"Yeah…oh," Ian sighed as he reached a hand out and gave Charlie's hand a gentle squeeze. "There's a chance they might send Colby in, but really he and I are the only ones with the expertise to pull off infiltrating the compound."
"What if I asked you not to?" Charlie whispered roughly as he looked away and pulled his hand back from under Ian's.
"Would you?"
"You know I wouldn't," Charlie frowned before turning his body away so that he sat on the edge of the bed with his legs dangling freely.
"And I love you for that," Ian whispered back as he threw the duvet away and climbed so the he was sitting behind Charlie before pulling Charlie back against his solid chest. "But a small part of me wishes you would…" Ian admitted quietly as he arms snaked around Charlie's torso, holding him tightly in his warm embrace.
"Is it because of the snatcher case?" Charlie asked quietly, reluctant to move from Ian's arms or break the hug.
"Yes," Ian replied honestly making Charlie sit up surprised and swivel to look Ian in the eyes.
"How long have you been feeling this way?"
"Since that night," Ian bowed his head sadly, unable to meet Charlie's gaze as he made the hardest confession of his life. "I'm afraid Charlie…"
"Tell me about it," Charlie whispered huskily as he lifted Ian's chin and smiled a watery smile as his hand reached up to stroke gently at the long purple/red scar that etched its way down the side of Ian's face.
"I dread falling asleep Charlie. Because when I do I'm back there in that room."
"I have the same nightmare sometimes," Charlie admitted sadly as he moved so that he was kneeling between Ian's legs.
"Not that room Charlie. Yes that room has featured in some of my nightmares but it's not the room that tortures me."
"It's ok; you don't have to tell me if you're not ready…" Charlie told Ian comfortingly, offering him an out before Ian could go too far and regret it and before Charlie could regret pushing for more.
"No. Let me get this out before I lose the nerve," Ian smiled appreciatively as he rested his palms against Charlie's chest for support before continuing, "I haven't admitted this aloud before… it's not just Brian's death that keeps me up at night. It's that room…I've never felt so hopeless or alone. It's like she crawled inside my head in that room and never left. As much as I try to shut her out I can still hear that voice taunting me. Reminding me that I'm weak and it scares me Charlie. I've never lost control like this before. It's like I'm at war with myself and sometimes I can't help but wake up sweating and holding my gun. I never want to hurt you, you know I never would intentionally…but I'm worried that if I don't get a handle on this I might end up doing just that. And that's what scares me the most."
"Ian," Charlie whispered roughly as he crushed a kiss against Ian's lips before pulling back and looking worriedly at Ian's tortured gaze. "We're going to be ok, ok?"
"But what if I have…a problem undercover?" Ian asked upset as he held fistfuls of Charlie's t-shirt in his tight gasp.
"You won't because I'm asking ok, don't go undercover. Go to Nick and fill him in on what's really going on. You know you also need to talk to someone about this…right?"
"Yes," Ian nodded sadly as he leaned forward until his and Charlie's foreheads were touching. "And I will get help Charlie because I'm done being afraid…and because I love you and I can't wait for this case to be over so that we can finally get our lives back to normal and just be together without the weight of all this dragging us down."
"I'm looking forward to it too," Charlie grinned as Ian kissed him hard before softening the kiss and eventually pulling back.
"Do something for me?" Ian asked Charlie, with the hint of a smile, his burdens seemingly forgotten, at least temporarily.
"What?" Charlie beamed as Ian scooted back on the bed before reaching under Charlie's pillow and pulling out the gun he'd asked Charlie to keep there.
"Put this somewhere else for me?" Ian whispered hoarsely as he held the barrel in his shaking hand out to Charlie, offering the gun butt first.
"You sure?" Charlie smiled, happy to be finally rid of the thing.
"I'm sure," Ian nodded as he watched Charlie cross the room, hide the gun in his sock draw and then come racing back. "Now," Ian whispered throatily as he grabbed to fistfuls of Charlie's shirt and pulled him close. "How about you show me how much you've really missed me." So Charlie did. Twice.