A/N - My dear readers... Chapter 14 is has made it's arrival! Now, it's a little short, which I apologize for but I had to leave another cliffhanger. I'm pretty pleased with this chapter, it's got some drama ;) of course and it does have an excessive amount of cursing, which I apologize for but the words sort of just flowed out with the story. Well, I won't say anything else about it... ;)
Thanks Firework7, Majelicious, Lossie34 and JoshY95 for your reviews! And JoshY95- I'm glad you understand about Peeta now. I'm trying to stay as close to character personalities as Suzanne Collins wrote them, and Peeta would want nothing more then for Katniss to be happy. Meaning if it's without him... Which is sad! I'm a Team Peeta A-L-L the way. You might be surprised but in the actual trilogy... I hate Gale! xD I've never disliked a fictional character more... And yes, exams most likely is what's going on. I'm homeschooled... so I wouldn't know! ha! But yes... I have you:D (And my other wonderful readers/reviewers!)
*HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: I have a dear reader of my story who is going to be translating both, "Finding The Time" AND "No Sad Goodbye's" into Spanish! YAY! I'm so blessed to have her do this for me! Look for it this summer!
Well, That's my announcement so I guess that shall do it! Again, sorry this chapter is a bit short but... DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA is what to expect next. Chapter 15 should be up EITHER, Thursday or Friday. Most likely Friday, Thursdays are always busy for me. So, plan for it to be up Friday sometime. Thank you lovies! And again, reviews are always appreciated! Much, much love - Macayla (NO Chapter 15 preview)
*I unofficially name this chapter: "Safe"
UPDATE 5/31/13 - Chapter 15 will be up SATURDAY and not today, friday. Deep apologizes!
The one thing that finally makes that 'bomb' inside my head explode is when I drop the test, making a loud thump on the wooden floor.
No.
It has to be a mistake. I'm not pregnant. But…
I am.
And there's not one damn thing I can do about it. No matter how much I told myself through out my life that I'm not having a baby, never being a parent to a child, I can't undo what's already been done. There's no turning back, I'm pregnant. Tears are threatening to spell in my eyes.
"Honey? It will be alright." My mother says, stroking my back. "I'm assuming it wasn't planned?" She adds.
Is she crazy? Of course it wasn't. She should know me to well to think that. But she doesn't, I've been completely distant from her for the past five years, all my teenage years, when you start to make and decide on life plans. Her light laugh she gives from her question/comment is what pisses me off. I give her the dirtiest look I can and walk past her, towards the door. I slam it behind me, pulling my jacket on tighter and the chilly fall air hitting my bare legs. Where to? Where to?
Gale.
He is who I want. How in the hell am I supposed to tell him I'm carrying his baby inside of me, that I'm pregnant? I don't want Gale right to tell him that, I want him because I know I can cry to him. Gale has rarely seen me cry, only a few times over my father and on the day of our wedding, but Gale isn't one to judge. I want nothing more then his strong, protective arms around me. Arms that are gentle enough to set delicate snares or hold me against his chest in the night and arms that are strong. Strong enough to mine coal miles under the surface of earth and strong enough to lug a growing Posy deep in the woods for hours. But most importantly and my favorite part about his strong arms are that they are also,
Safe.
Gale is the only, true, one person that makes me feel completely safe. I walk up to the house, expecting to run into Gale's arms but I don't. I'm greeted with only Hazel in the kitchen still, cleaning up breakfast.
"Where's Gale?" I choke out through my held in sobs. Hazel turns around.
"He went to the Justice Building for some important meeting or gathering for the miners. What did your mother say dear?" She asks, walking towards me and seeing that I'm still in my small nightgown and jacket.
"The others?" I choke out again, ignoring her question.
"Well, I have to make a trip to the Justice Building as well to see the Mayor about getting a new home assigned, so Rory and Vick went to a friends house and I have a sweet old lady coming over to watch Posy so you can rest, honey. Pos is napping right now." She answers, smiling.
"Prim?" I ask.
"She told me to let you know she was going to a friends house as well and will be back at five." She answers again.
I hate this. It's one of Prim's 'new' things, not telling me where she's going until either the last minute or it's to late to stop her. I scowl at her words.
"Sweetheart, are you okay? You look a little pale." She asks, touching my cheek.
I stutter for a second. Should I tell Hazel? Besides Gale, she is the second most person I feel safe or who I can trust. She did after all have four children of her own and is practically a mother to myself. I've always talked to her about things I wouldn't dare go to my own mother about.
"I'm…" I stutter.
"Honey…" She starts, leading me by the hand to the couch in the living room, taking a seat beside me. "… You know that you can tell me anything. What's bothering you?" She asks, rubbing her hand gently on my arm.
"I…." I take a deep breath. "I'm…." Damn it Katniss say it! "It's nothing. I'm fine."
If I can't tell it to Hazel, how in the hell will I say it to my own Husband? I sigh in frustration and she see's it.
"Well, Katniss. I'm a mother…" So will I be, I think to myself. "… and I know, without a doubt when something is bothering, or on my own children's mind, and you've always been like a daughter to me. When you feel ready, I'll be here for you." She says, smiling and embracing me into a hug.
I shouldn't be lying to her like this. She treats me far to well for me not to tell her the truth. But she'll learn the truth soon, very soon. The knock at the door interrupts our hug. She smiles and runs to get the door, even though it's my own home.
"Grace!"
I hear Hazel says, greeting whoever knocked. I hear her greeting back and the door shutting. I decide, since it's my home that I should meet this guest. I slowly stand and walk into the kitchen where the front door is. Hazel stands in the doorway with an older lady, a darker skinned woman who looks to be well over eighty.
"Well hello there, you must be Katniss?" She says in a strong southern accent and extending her hand out to me. I shake it.
"Yes, this is Katniss. Katniss, this is Grace." Says Hazel. "Posy is sleeping now but she'll be up in a bit for lunch. Katniss here is requested to rest for the afternoon, please don't let Posy bother her." She says politely.
I would normally disagree to let this complete stranger (to me) walk into my house but since I don't have Gale right now, crawling into my bed and letting my tears bring me to slumber sounds good right about now.
"Oh of course! You just…" She replies, gently pushing Hazel to the door. "… be on your way."
"There's some lunch Katniss to warm up with you get hu-"
The woman slams the door before Hazel can finish her sentence, but I know what she was going to say. The woman, Grace looks at me. Her spiky, hair coming through under her straw hat and her brown eyes peering at me.
"You look weary child?" She says, tilting her head.
"I'm fine." I reply, barley.
"Well…" She starts, walking past me and into the kitchen more. "Why don't you head up those yonder stairs and I'll be bring'n you some fresh tea in a quick minute?" She asks, smiling and pulling out the herbs that are on the counter.
"No tea." I reply as I'm heading to the stairs.
Sleep. That's all I want. Sleep is where I can't think about the human life growing inside me and how I'm going to tell the human life outside of me, especially one person in particular. She nods in reply as I make the quick decent up the stairs and into the bedroom. I find the bed all neatly made, better then I make in the morning, or Gale when he's home on the weekends. I undo it anyways, and sling my jacket off of me, diving underneath the covers and pulling it up to my chin.
That's when I cry.
I should have expected this. I'm Katniss Everdeen-Hawthorn for Gods sake, nothing has ever gone as I planned it. I never planned on losing my father at eleven and having to practically raise a child, or I never planned on having to be a hunter, enter my name in the reaping more times for tessera. Or I certainly never planned on marrying, especially my best friend, my hunting partner. And I never, ever planned on having a damn baby! I let the sound of my sobs cradle me into a sleep full of dreams of my unborn baby.
XX
"Katniss? Wake up? Come on."
I hear a voice through my dream, it's not the father Gale I'm dreaming about, bouncing a little dark haired toddler on his leg, it's real Gale. I open my eyes to find his face, inches from mine. He brings his lips to mine. It's one of those kisses he faintly gives me after love making, or in the morning through my hazed sleep before he leaves for work. I wrap my arms around his neck, not for the sake of keeping his lips on mine, but because I need him. He doesn't see it this way though and see's it as 'more'. He rolls on top of me, pinning me to the bed with his lips and hands.
"Gale?" I say against his warm, tender lips, whimpering slightly. He brings his lips off of mine.
"What's wrong? What's on your mind?" He asks.
I can finally see his face more from the afternoon sunlight through the window. I may not be good at reading people's expression but from the years of hunting and being mentally close with Gale, and even the month of marriage, I can tell that I'm not the only one with something to tell the other. He wears a slight frown.
I sit up, making him move off of me. He sits next to me.
"I think the real question is…" I begin, taking one of his large hands into my small one, watching as our fingers interlace. "… what is on your mind?" I ask, finally meeting his gaze at my last word.
He looks at me, studying me. I've been crying, even through my sleep. My eyes are most likely puffy red and tear stains most likely marked across my cheeks.
"Katniss, you've been crying? What's wrong?" He asks again, ignoring my question and squeezing my hand.
I take a deep breath and stare on the wall. This is it. The moment that I tell Gale I'm pregnant, that's I'm carrying his… our baby inside of me. That's in nine months were be parents, together, to a child we didn't plan. A… God it sounds so horrible but true… a child we didn't want. But will we… I grow to love him or her? To be excited to wake up to my babies cries? To look forward to changing diapers and, once old enough, track through the woods with Gale and I? How will Prim take it? And Gale's brothers and Posy? Will it bring Gale and I closer together or tare us apart? All I know right now is that I have a pair of grey eyes trained on me, waiting for an answer. An answer that will change his life. An answer that will change my life and everyone around us.
Around us?
As if getting pregnant wasn't bad enough, now is definitely not the time considering we have a house full of people, mostly children filling every room… and bedroom.
"Katn-"
"Alright, we both having something we need to tell each other, I know you do Gale. You first." I say, using my stern voice.
If there's anything that I think Gale has learned about me more from marriage is that what I say goes. I don't mean to be controlling, but I guess I am in a way. He never complains though, which surprises me of somewhat. He looks at me, drawing in a long, rigid breath. He places his other hand on our interlocked hands, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb and clearers his throat.
"Katniss, District two is wanting to recruit new soldiers to fight against Airgusta. I signed my name up." He says, never blinking once.
"Why in the hell would you do that?" I shout, jumping up from the bed and standing, he joins me.
My question is true, why would Gale, knowing that I have a tremendous fear of thinking he's going to get killed and leave me as a widow, would do something so completely and utterly stupid? The Airgusta threats have only gotten worse. They've been sending more threats, and going through with more of them more and more lately. But I still can't believe Gale would be game for this.
"Katniss, you know the threats are only getting worse and more often. I know about what… whatever that guy's name is next door said! I could help them! Stop them before they kill every one of us like before!" He answers sternly, resting both hands on my shoulders. Tears spill from my eyes.
"Gale, you need to stay out of that." I say through gritted teeth. "It's the Capitol, they already know!"
"But I could help them. Help them fight these…" He stutters. "… monstrous people before they kill every damn one of us like before!"
"So what, Mr. 'all knowing Gale' is going to come in there and save the day? You'd want nothing more then to come out a 'hero'!" I say, gritted teeth. Anger. That's what is on both of our faces.
"No, Katniss! That's not that point-"
"Then what is the point, Gale? To leave me, leave me with your hurting family?!" I shout again. I can't believe he'd leave.
"It's not for good! It's only for six months!" He replies, gripping my shoulders tighter.
"It's six months that you could get your self killed, Gale!" I throw back.
"You don't understand."
"I do understand Gale!" I scream at him. "Damn it, I'm not going to be as stupid as to let you go get yourself killed!"
"No, you don't understand! Your just more selfish then me, you'd never take a risk like that!"
I'm not sure what come's first, the complete rage cursing through me or the slap I give Gale across the face. His words hurt, sting. My own husband calling me selfish. Who the hell does he think he is? He brings his hand to his cheek, starring at me blankly. The look on his face tells me he was expecting it. He should have been. I've slapped him before, but not since we've been married. We haven't fought like this. I step closer to him, pointing my finger-
"I don't care who you are, but no one calls me selfish. Not even you." I say, through gritted teeth again.
He looks at me, then brings his hands toward me. I stop back quickly though, avoiding him. Earlier I wanted nothing more then for Gale's embrace, now, he's the least person I want to see. Be even near. Strangely I want Prim, she always knows what to say to me when I'm worried.
"I'm sorry Katniss. I shouldn't have said what I said. I just didn't think you'd take the news like this, I guess." He says.
"How did you think I'd take the news, Gale?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"I… I don't know Kat. Not like that. I'm sor-"
"How do you think a wife should take the news about her husband being sent to some unknown war?!" I ask, tapping my foot in frustration. I feel like slapping his again.
"I was wrong, Katniss. But I'm sorry… I'm still going." He answers calmly. I'm beyond pissed and my sobs return.
"Gale, you can't do this to me! You'll die!" I scream at him.
During the dark days (the war leading to the Hunger Games), almost every rebel(District) solider was killed. Their not fighting the Capitol, no, but their fighting with someone much more dangerous to me. Considering what I know. I'm be damned if I let Gale go and walk into a war zone, even if it's not full on yet.
"It doesn't mean I'll be fighting! My goal is to work with the war officials, in planning future attacks! I don't want to fight, Katniss! I-"
"You don't get to choose Gale! You don't sign up for whatever fucking part you feel like!" I scream again. I walk closer to him again. "You say that I'm selfish? I'm not the one leaving my broken wife behind!"
"What? Broken? Since when have you been 'broken'? I thought you wanted this marriage, Katniss!?" He replies.
Immediately my tears stop and I look at his face. His face that his filled with anger and rage. The face that he gets when talking about how cruel and disgusting the Capitol is and how their unfair.
"I do, Gale! I love you, but right now your making me feel worthless to you. I thought I meant something to you?" I shoot back.
Never, in the time I've met and known Gale, has he ever talked to me in quite this manner. We've fought, plenty of times before, and said things we regretted, but nothing like this. Nothing as hurtful as the words he said. Now how I'm I supposed to tell in about the pregnancy? He'll definitely be mad then.
"You do. But I have to do what is right for this country. I'm sorry, so, so sorry but I do. I lov-"
"No, this isn't your business! Your not going, Gale!" I scream through my full out sobs.
"Katniss, I hav-"
"Gale you don't! Why would you do something like this to me? Your heatless!" I scream, gasping for air.
"I'm so sorry, I love you but I-"
"Your not going! I don't care what the hell you say, I'm not letting you walk out the door!" I say, gritted teeth yet again. I refuse this, not now.
"Katniss, why does this bother you this bad? Why is it so important that I don't go!?" He asks, slowly losing his temper again.
I scream my answer at him, loud enough most likely for the whole District to hear. The words come out before I can second guess-
"Damn it! I'm pregnant Gale!" . . . . . . .