ASTONISHING AVENGERS #16
By: Stephen Kelley
the execution of their assault plan had went perfectly in the Avengers favor as they had managed to separately infiltrate and destroy three ships around the mothership before the kal'thraky even knew what hit them, "what is this" the Queen demanded "how did your scanners not pick them up" "I do not know my Queen they just appeared out of nowhere, something must" the Queen then sliced the underlings head completely off "and no one else wants to end up like him right, than kill the Avengers" she shrieked.
thanks to the number codes they had collected from an all too confident kal'thraky convoy that tried to disguise itself as a regular delivery truck they were able to acquire tech that could make their Quinn jet's appear as if they were supply ships coming back, "so let me get this straight they were starting a ground invasion by posing as delivery trucks" Eric stated scrathing his head" "part of their ways of the enslaving the populace" Steve said "truth be told I'm amazed Chris knew what to look for", "wasn't that hard I remember seeing the designs it's the same design that they used in all other dimensions, same company too guess they figured if no dimension was left standing or have the inability to travel so they would be unable to warn" Chris shrugged flying overhead dodging laser fire.
"or it could be that they got overconfident after a few victories" Steve said flinging his shield down a corridor ricocheting off kal'thraky soldiers and walls before boomeranging back to him, "Tony any chance you can turn those cannons to our favor" "well it would be nice if I had Darkhawk's skeleton key feature, but my crude methods can work too" Tony smiled under his armor as all of a sudden one of the kal'thraky ships started wildly and blindly firing randomly at scout ships leader ships and even a couple blasts hitting the upper levels of the mothership badly damaging the command center, "what's wrong why is ship 05581 firing on it's own comrades" and one of the screens flashed on Ironman who was waving in the control room "hi there your cannons were a little off track so I "calibrated" them to be a little more efficient for our needs, but don't go anywhere", all of a sudden one of the mothership's thrusters had exploded "or if I'm reading this correctly you'll barely be able to go anywhere".
"you Avengers think you're so great, what make's your dimension any greater than all the others that have fell before us" the Queen venomously said "because lady we don't give up and unlike the other ones we have an edge you let too many victories cloud your tactics and we're about to show you that, was a grave error on your part" Steve confidently said as he brought his shield up absorbing laser blast fire and slamming shield first into a small group of kal'thraky troops bowling them over.
"by the sound of that "old man" it appears you gotta strike" Tony jested "sorry Tony I have minimal time for jokes and neither do you if we're gonna win this we're gonna win this hard" than a teleporting phone booth appeared "nah he said hard, wwwwoooooppppsss wrong comic" Deadpool said stepping back into the teleporting phone booth leaving Steve and the kal'thraky troops staring in confusion for a moment, "was that?" Tony said "Deadpool" "okay I don't even know how to begin to try to describe how weird that was" Melissa said "and teleporting in a phone booth" "I think he just did" Sam said flying overhead "knowing Deadpool he's probably doing something he ain't supposed too" "wait a minute" Chris said isn't he on that X-Force team that's suppose to be traveling through time or something" "how do you know that" Steve cocked an eyebrow.
"I whoa" Darkhawk paused a moment and almost got his head taken off, "I don't know it's like somebody planted the idea in my head... weird, anyway no time to think about what's going on we can deal with that after the fact" "Right" Melissa said doubtful "when it comes to Deadpool nothing ever made sense, and I have no clue what this thing is supposed to be but am going to use it" Eric said picking up what look like an alien screwdriver and almost blasted his face off, "dude this thing fires lasers it's awesome" "I am Noot" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Eric screamed wetting the front of his suit alittle, Deadpool appears in teleporting phone booth again "wwwwoooooppppsss sorry about that forgot I left him here you know cause the space-time continuum and not wanting time why me wishy-washy stuff that happened" looks at the writer "you're really gonna blatantly throw these references in here aren't you" cuts to a shirtless Stephen Kelley nodding his head sadistically then cuts back to Deadpool in a doctors outfit "oh come on, you know what I'm going back to my own comic or story or whatever" Wade angrily stomped into the phone booth and teleports back to his X-Force comic while Eric is left blinking in a hallway.
"what the f*() was that" "that would be Deadpool" Sam said trying not to laugh "but where did he get that doctors outfit from" "better yet what's a Deadpool" Skaar said, "somebody Skaar I don't think you would want to meet cause you wouldn't beable to kill him" cap stated in an annoyed tone Deadpool pops up one last time in the teleporting phone booth hopped up on caffeine "OKHERE'STHEPLANSTOKILL/STOPTHEINVASIONAND SAVEEARTH612BUTTHEREWON'TBEANYHAPPYENDINGSGOODBYE" shoving a command chip in Steve's mouth almost forcing him to swallow it while Deadpool jumped back into the phone booth yelling something inaudible in a different language.
"Avengers after this mission is over we are, well I don't know what were going to do but it certainly won't be finding Deadpool if he shows up near me you have my permission to disintegrate him" Steve angrily stated "but he gave me this chip I don't know what it does, he was talking too fast but something tells me he gave me this for reason", "what's it look like cap" Darkhawk said Cap used his Avengers ID cards surveillance cam feature that Tony had recently installed before their outing to regather the team, and Powell nearly flipped his lid "that's... that's I think the shut off chip we just have to get it to the motherboard on the main ship" "the mothership is controlling all these other ships" Steve said "yeah I know shut down one then all the rest go it's kinda stupid" "didn't that happen in a movie once" Steve said with a puzzled and perplexed look on his face trying to remember which movie it was "I think it involved a nuclear weapon too" Tony said "and the main character almost dying if remember correctly, it was a stupid plot device" Eric said shaking his head "and then what happens after they take care the alien threat no rebuilding the town no nothing, no they just go and next scene it's a diner of all of them laughing and chuckling and eating" Eric said throwing a wrench down the hallway which was then proceeded by kal'thraky troops starting to fire at him "AH, don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me" Eric chanted as he turned small and ran for his life and then ran into a metal looking ant that partly hissed at him I'm so glad I'm wearing Starks dry briefs that he made for my outfit" dry briefs?" Skaar said "none of us got dry briefs" "it is for laundry purposes" Vision stated.
it took Skaar a moment but when he finally realized what Vision was hinting at the son of the Hulk about almost wet himself laughing, however in her chambers on the mothership the Queen of the kal'thraky decided it was time to unleash them "let us see how the Avengers can smile or laugh when I unleash my most elite hordes and scientific monsters upon them" "scientific monsters?" "you have your people make those monsters for you, you can'tcall dibs on something you didn't make" "what the" the Queen turned around to the most horrifying sight she had ever seen in her entire life a pantsless Deadpool with a shower-cap back scrubber, and a rubber ducky with blue bunny slippers still wearing his mask.
"guards seize this what ever he supposed to be" "why did you even destroy versions of me" "versions of you I don't even know who you are" which then led to Deadpool making an angry face under his mask "dude you have destroyed multiple dimensions and you didn't even destroy any versions of me" Uatu then appears "Deadpool you are messing up this fanfic's timeline, get back to your own story" "ah I suppose you're right four times is a bit overkill isn't it" cuts once more to shirtless Stephen Kelley weighing his options "yeah I suppose having you four times in the story is a bit overkill" Uatu and Deadpool stared at Stephen, Stephen rolls eyes "whatever you two I'm having fun, besides I'm writing and filling my quota" cuts to swami-towel wearing Grant Morrison "and having breakthroughs" "what the" "okay that's quite enough of that" Wade said getting in the way "look kids issue 17 is where the magic is gonna happen and this long boring arc that seems like it's NEVER ENDING is finally getting done, and it's gonna be lame, stupid, and is gonna totally be hilarious" Wade said striking a double thumbs-up pose as kal'thraky troops started firing at him, shirtless Stephen Kelley, and Grant Morrison, "quick to the phone booth" and they all ran and teleported out.