Chapter 12 – Remembrance

Some days, having a heart brought Xion great joy, and other times, great sorrow. And some days, it did both.

Roxas… Roxas still cared about her. He left a shell by her bed every morning, just like he always used to. And Axel stole the two of them away every chance he got for ice cream. They chatted till they laughed, then laughed till they cried, and then laughed some more. Things were back to normal; no, better than normal. They were free from the Organization, free to live their own lives.

But something had changed. Roxas had moved on, and Xion had given him her blessing. It had been long enough since everything had happened that time had eased the pain, just like she'd told him. She was happy for him, happy that he and Naminé had found each other.

But it still kinda hurt. It hurt, and Xion didn't know what to do. Being around Roxas on his own was fine, and so was talking to Naminé one-on-one. In those moments she could pretend that everything was okay, that nothing had changed and that she had no reason to be sad because these people were her friends and she cared about them.

But seeing them together still proved to be too much. She spied the two of them taking a walk in the woods by the mansion, and she fled back towards the town to get away from it all for a little while. In her flight she didn't notice Kairi until the two of them had bumped into each other and crashed to the ground. Oranges went rolling everywhere.

Kairi rubbed her head and sat up. Her eyes narrowed, then went wide. "Xion? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Xion started picking up the oranges and putting them back in Kairi's bag.

Kairi paused, chewing her lip. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Xion replied, too quickly to actually be telling the truth.

"It's Roxas, isn't it?"

Xion froze. "How… how did you know?"

Was it really that noticeable?

Kairi put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, it's not super obvious or anything. You were in the Organization together, right? Lea told me as much, and the rest I put together myself."

Xion resumed her search for the rest of the oranges. "Don't tell anyone else, okay? Roxas and I have already talked about it. I don't… I don't want to drag anyone else into it."

Their hands both landed on the final orange. "Of course not," Kairi said. She smiled sadly at Xion. "If you ever want to talk about it, though, I'm here." She straightened, oranges in hand. "Thanks for helping me pick these up."

Xion watched Kairi as she talked. She was magnetic, her sparkling eyes and cheerful, lilting voice drawing Xion in.

I'm supposed to be you, as Sora remembers you. But I don't compare to the real thing.

No, that wasn't true. Maybe it had been, when Xion had first come into existence. But Xion was her own person now. She and Kairi were different. Day by day, she was figuring out what made her unique, creating new memories and experiences that Kairi didn't share. And what was the heart, if not a series of one memory after the other?

"Here, walk with me," Kairi said, handing her an orange.

"Thank you." Xion took it and tucked it into the pocket of the pants she'd borrowed from Kairi. That was one of the perks of being a former replica – she and Kairi and Naminé could all swap clothes, no problem. They strode back towards the mansion, the golden sunlight forming rippling patterns on the grass.

"Hey, Xion," Kairi said suddenly. "What's your favorite flower?"

"My favorite flower? Hmmmm, I don't know much about flowers. I don't know if I really have one."

"Well, we're going to have to fix that," Kairi said. "When we get back, we can go to the library and see what books they've got."

After Kairi delivered the oranges to Riku, who was hard at work training Naminé, she met up with Xion in the library and began perusing its tomes.

"This looks promising." She lifted a heavy volume and dragged it over to the table where Xion waited. Xion tilted her head to read the spine. It said The Language of Flowers, and Kairi flipped open the pages and smoothed them down.

"Did you know? There's a whole language of flowers, and each flower has a special meaning."

Xion studied the book before her. Brightly colored close-ups of each flower were printed on its pages, along with a brief description of what the flower meant and why. A few other notes about the flower's habitat and ideal growing conditions were included, too, with terms like perennials and annuals and other words Xion had never heard of.

There's so much I don't know. Whole worlds filled with information. I… I want to know more. She flipped through the pages in wonder, marveling at the fact that someone had taken the time to develop an entire means of communication based on flowers alone.

"What's your favorite flower, Kairi?" she asked presently.

"Oh, I have several." Kairi leafed through the pages and showed Xion her favorites. "Camellias can have all different meanings, depending on the color. Same with roses and chrysanthemums. I like those three, but my absolute favorite's probably daisies."

"What do they mean?"

"Faith," Kairi replied. "A long time ago, they were used in medicine, too, to bind people's wounds. I always thought that was cool."

Another flower on the page caught Xion's eye. "What's this one?"

"Oh, those are called asters. They mean remembrance."

Xion stared at the picture. The blooms had a golden center with pale purple petals, delicate and dainty and beautiful. She squinted and read the description.

In the language of flowers, asters mean remembrance. It is uncertain how this meaning came to be, but various historians have pointed to an etymological connection. They make ideal gifts to loved ones, as they carry the message "I won't forget you."

Xion touched the page. "This one. This one's my favorite."

Kairi's eyes softened. "I can see why. They suit you."

"Do any grow here? I'd like… I'd like to see them, in person." And maybe even pick a few.

"They might," Kairi said. "I haven't really gotten the chance to look. I do know they grow on Radiant Garden, where I'm from."

The two girls spent the next hour poring over the book. They decided forget-me-nots were best for Naminé, with their blue flowers that meant true love, and morning glories for Aqua (willful promises, and if anyone had made and kept a lot of those, it was her, according to Kairi).

"What about the boys?" Xion asked.

Kairi grinned. "Oh, I've thought about this a lot. At least for Sora and Riku. Sunflowers are best for Sora…"

"Are you sure he's not a lotus?" Xion teased.

"…very funny, Xion. Anyway, sunflowers mean respect, passionate love, and radiance..."

"Very fitting for him," Xion replied, nodding sagely.

"…and Riku's edelweiss. It means courage and power."

"Also very fitting."

Kairi closed the book and examined Xion . "You knew him before, didn't you?"

Xion brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I did. He and Naminé were the people I talked to. When everything was… falling apart, I mean."

"I see," Kairi replied, though what she saw, Xion couldn't say. And she wasn't sure if she should volunteer more information, anyway. Riku had sort of avoided her ever since she'd returned, even though she'd been meaning to talk to him about what had happened.

"Thank you, Kairi. I never knew flowers could have so many meanings. It's been fun, talking to you about this."

And it was nice to get her mind off of Roxas, at least for a little while. Kairi had noticed what was troubling her, and had tried to comfort her by sharing her hobby with her. Such kindness was rare, or at least it had been before. It was in an abundance now, but Xion still treasured every instance of it.

"Anytime," Kairi said. "It's nice to have someone who will finally listen. Sora and Riku always used to tease me about it, so I kinda stopped talking about it, after a while."

"Well, then they were a… a couple of… freesias, aren't they?" She grinned. She and Kairi had a whole new code of their own now. It was so much more satisfying than just saying Sora and Riku had behaved childishly.

Kairi laughed. "Yes, yes they were." She stood to return the book to the shelf. "You should have seen them right before this all started. They were so competitive. Everything turned into a contest, and they were obsessed with getting my attention."

Xion hadn't heard this before. Sora and Riku were so close now. She couldn't imagine a time when that had been different. "What changed?"

"Sora won."

"And Riku?"

"He… he accepted defeat with grace. Well, in the end." Kairi allowed herself a small smile. "He and Sora are closer than ever now, and we're friends again, but…"

"But what?"

Kairi rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't know. Sometimes, I wonder if what happened isn't at least partially my fault. I egged them on, and in my more selfish moments I even kind of enjoyed having them both fight over me."

"Sounds like they would have, anyway, even without your encouragement," Xion said, trying to cheer Kairi up.

"Maybe. I still feel like I toyed with Riku's feelings though."

"But you guys are friends again now, right? Even though you didn't choose him."

Kairi nodded.

"How… how did he move on?" Xion asked.

Kairi gave her a knowing look. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

Xion was beginning to think that she just might do that. Riku had always been willing to listen to her before. Maybe… maybe she should try talking to him again.

She said goodbye to Kairi and went looking for Axel. Today had been a good distraction from the hurt in her heart.

Axel. She'd just gotten him and Roxas back. She knew the battle that was ahead of them. She knew the stakes. Was she really ready to face the possibility that they might be taken away from her again?

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"

Xion groaned and opened her eyes. Roxas and Axel landed on her bed with a loud thud, and the mattress springs creaked in protest. The mansion had lived up to its name – it had plenty of spacious rooms, but they were also incredibly old. Dusty sheets had covered much of the furniture, and Xion's bed had been no exception. She and Kairi had spent most of yesterday afternoon cleaning the room so it would be suitable to sleep in.

"Stop that," she murmured. She pulled the soft blanket over her head, grinning in spite of herself.

"All right, Roxas. Time to get serious," Axel said. "On the count of three—"

"One—"

"Two—"

"Three!"

Roxas yanked the blanket off of her, and Axel picked her up and hoisted her over his shoulder.

"Okay, okay, I'm awake." She laughed and wacked Axel's back. "Put me down." Axel dutifully set her back on the bed, and she rubbed the sleep out of her eye. "What's all this about?" She yawned and stretched, tugging at Kairi's t-shirt to keep her belly button from showing. The last thing she wanted was a tickle fight, because Axel would win. He always did.

"It's a surprise!" Roxas's eyes were sparkling, and he placed something in her hand. Today's shell was a small spiral, its pearly surface gleaming in the warm sunlight streaming through the great window. She smiled and added it to the collection on the shelf above her bed.

With a pang, she thought about how much she didn't want this to be taken away from her again. As bittersweet as it was to see Roxas now, what she'd told him was true. They were still best friends, and she wanted him to always be a part of her life. What would she do if something happened to him?

She plastered on a smile and turned back to them. "C'mon, at least give me a hint!"

Roxas and Axel exchanged glances. "Nope!"

She sighed and shook her head, the corners of her mouth twitching. "You two are impossible." But they refused to budge, and in the end she kicked them out of the room so she could get dressed.

She'd been so long without a body of her own that it still felt kind of weird to have one. For the first few days, her limbs had been a tangle of weird sensations and reaching too far and not far enough. Now things were settling down, but it was still surprising to look in the ancient oak mirror and see her face staring back.

Another one of Kairi's shirts went on over her head, as well as a pair of Namine's sweatpants. Kairi and Naminé had promised to take her shopping, but they hadn't gotten the chance to yet. Now that Naminé had her Keyblade, Riku had been training her practically nonstop.

The entrance hall was the designated meeting place. But instead of Roxas and Axel, a walking, talking mouse and his two companions waited for her. The mouse noticed Xion and greeted her.

"Gosh, you must be Xion. It's nice to meetcha." He stuck his gloved hand out, and Xion shook it. "The name's Mickey."

"Nice to meet you too, Mickey."

"That's King Mickey to you," one of Mickey's companions said. He was a duck with a blue cap and matching clothes to match.

"I'm Goofy, and this here's Donald," Mickey's other companion said.

"Nice to meet you, Goofy, Donald." Xion shook their hands, and then they excused themselves to go find Sora. "Have you seen Roxas or Axel anywhere?" Xion said. "I was supposed to meet them here, but—"

Mickey rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually, I asked them to bring you here for me. Riku's trainin' Naminé, Aqua's trainin' Kairi, and Sora's trainin' Roxas, so we figured I should be the one to train you."

Xion's eyes went wide. "You're a Keyblade Master?" She hadn't expected… well, a mouse, of all people, to be a Keyblade master. He was so small, too, maybe coming up to her chest at most. But looks could be deceiving. Xion understood that better than most.

"Hard to believe, huh?" Mickey said. Xion couldn't say for sure, but she thought she noticed a playful glint in his eyes.

"N-no, it's just that—"

"Well, if you're feelin' up to it, I really can train ya."

"You'll… train me?"

Mickey nodded. "We're gonna need all the help we can get against Xehanort, and Roxas told me you can fight."

"About that," Xion said, shifting from one foot to the next. "I was only able to fight because I used Sora's Keyblade, and I don't have it anymore."

Mickey waved his hands. "Oh, that's easy. All I have to do is perform the bequeathing ceremony, and if your heart's ready and able, you'll be able to summon a Keyblade of your own. Then I can keep trainin' you from there."

"That's it?"

Xion couldn't believe it was that straightforward. But Mickey was true to his word. Roxas and Axel came for the ceremony, and after Mickey had finished speaking, there was a strange but not unpleasant tugging in her chest. She looked from Roxas to Axel's expectant faces, then held out her hand. The tugging grew stronger, and the area before her began to glow. A Keyblade appeared, weighty and solid and real in her grasp.

The design was similar to Sora's, but a seashell charm dangled off the chain, and the blade was twisted into a bouquet of violet flowers.

"It's perfect," she murmured. After thanking Mickey, she showed it to Roxas and Axel.

Axel ran his hand across the blade. "Kinda looks like a mix of Sora and Kairi's Keyblades."

"What kinds of flowers are those?" Roxas asked.

"Asters," Xion said. "Kairi told me about them."

"Do they have a special meaning for you?" Mickey said. "Usually, the way a Keyblade looks has somethin' to do with the wielder."

"Yes," Xion said. "In the language of flowers, they mean 'don't forget me.'"

She looked at Roxas and Axel and smiled. This Keyblade was a promise that the past would not be repeated, that never again would they forget what she meant to them, what the three of them meant to each other. If anything was worth fighting for, this was it.

All the same, she couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in her chest. She hadn't wanted to wake up to another fight. Fight she would, but if she lost Axel or Roxas again—

Well, no point in spoiling her newfound happiness. Even this time spent with them was a gift, and there was no guarantee there would be a tomorrow. There never had been. She'd known that for a long time now. It cast a shadow over everything, even her happiest moments. But it also reminded her to treasure every moment, to commit every second to memory. Then, even when the good times were long gone, the memories would live on.

Because memory, stored in the deepest depths of the heart, could be blurred and unchained and forgotten, but it was never really gone. It lingered on, whispering of times long past, of friends long gone. And in that sense, it was eternal in a way she and Roxas and Axel could never be on their own. So long as someone, anyone, remembered them, they, too, would live on forever in memory.

A/N: I had a lot of fun tying the language of flowers and hanakotoba (its Japanese equivalent) into this chapter. Since we saw Kairi give flowers to Aqua in BBS, I like to think maybe flower picking was a hobby she shared with her grandma and continued as she got older. Her Keyblade also has flower motifs in it, so I wanted to reference that.

Xion's name has the same pronunciation as the word shion in Japanese, which just so happens to mean aster. Asters and daisies are also related, hence why I chose daisies as Kairi's favorite flower. They really were used in medicine in Roman times, and as Kairi is quite the mage in this story, I thought it was fitting.

For Naminé, I liked the whole memory connection with forget-me-nots since asters also have a similar meaning. And Aqua's promises to Terra and Ven made morning glories a good fit for her.

Anyway, those are just a few notes about what I discovered during my research! Some of the flowers mentioned in this chapter have additional meanings that just might shed light on other parts of the story and characters, too... If you're interested in finding out more, I mainly used the language of flowers and hanakotoba pages on Wikipedia, as well as a Japanese website called hanakotoba dot com (non-link form, so FFN wouldn't eat it). Google will also turn up a lot of interesting results, too.

As always, thank you for reading!