Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters.
"You don't understand, Armin! You don't know what it's like losing someone you love so much. I… I can't raise a child all by myself! For fuck's sake, I'm Eren!" Eren yelled slightly, as his fist clenched before looking back down on the ground. After cooling down for a bit, he continued, in a sudden weak tone, "I can't raise her alone… I can't do this alone… She needs Mikasa… She needs a mothe—"
"You're wrong, Eren." Armin finally spoke, as he placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "She just needs someone to be there for her. And that was what Mikasa entrusted you, and only you to do. Nobody else."
After giving Mikasa a final farewell, the blonde offered the brunette a ride to Levi's and Hanji's place, to pick up his child, which Eren accepted gratefully.
Upon arriving at Levi's and Hanji's house, Armin had told Eren that he would wait at the driveway for him, seeming reluctant to go in with him. And without questioning why, Eren gave a small nod before exiting the house, dragging his feet towards the other Ackerman's house. Even without an explanation from the blonde as to why he didn't wish to follow, Eren had already guessed it. Levi and Hanji, especially Levi, probably had some form of lecture or words that they wish to say to him, and only him. Given the fact that Levi was Mikasa's relative, her cousin, and her only living family member currently excluding their daughter, he was sure that the stoic male had many things to say to him.
Regardless of whatever he had to say, he was sure that that the other Ackerman couldn't possibly understand his current situation. Despite the loss of a common loved one, Eren assumed he had it much worse, which wasn't that wrong in his opinion. After all, Levi's wife, Hanji, and their kid were doing fine, they are healthy and they are alive. Unlike Levi, Eren had just lost his wife, and although he didn't lose his child in the process, he was sure bits and pieces of him were scattered, getting lost every moment.
Letting out a small sigh, he rang the doorbell. Without having to wait for another second, the door was opened by Hanji, Eren giving a small nod in thanks before welcoming himself in whilst the pony-tailed brunette closed the door. "Where is she?" Eren asked quietly, seeming a little concern that he didn't see his daughter in the current room they were in. And that concern grew and grew, until Levi came in the room, saying, "She's upstairs sleeping in our brat's room. Good thing we kept that cradle." He scoffed, which Hanji gave a light chuckle at.
The atmosphere soon dimmed, silence filled the room. "I'll… get her and lea—"
"There's no need to rush, and I want to have a talk with you." Levi had cut in, and as if on cue, Hanji gave a small nod. She knew this wasn't a conversation for her to be in, as for now. Giving Eren a light pat on the back, followed by a comforting smile, she went upstairs.
Eren eyed the other brunette as she walked upstairs, he wished that could've been him, to just head upstairs to grab his daughter so he can leave and escape this chilling atmosphere. He wanted to go home, he was exhausted from everything. Though, he appreciated the gesture Hanji did, an attempt to comfort and cheer him. Though at this point of time, Eren wasn't sure if he felt that, or anything.
"What do you want to talk about?" Eren grumbled. He already knew what it was, he just wanted to delay it. He was just tired, tired of everything. He didn't want to be reminded of his misery. Then again, it was hard to avoid such an obvious fact, that Mikasa Ackerman is dead.
"You already know." Levi spoke, leaning against the wall. "I'm just going to get straight to the point. Do you think you can raise her properly?" Levi questioned in a serious manner, his arms crossed as he stared directly at the brunette. He wanted an honest answer. Though, the only answer he had gotten from the brunette was silence. Normally, Levi would've spoke in a sterner way to get an answer out, but even he knew Eren wasn't in the appropriate mental state, to tolerate any harsh remarks or whatsoever. But if needed, he would still remind him of the harsh truth of reality.
"She needs someone, you know?" Levi sighed, his eyes tracing elsewhere. "Someone who is capable, someone who is strong. If you can't provide that then—"
"It's just… It's just..." Eren stuttered out suddenly, Levi then raised a brow, awaiting for him to complete his statement, and when he did, Levi could only make a pitiful and pained expression as he heard the brunette say, "She's got my eyes… Mikasa's raven black hair… but when she cried… when she cried when she was first brought into this world… she looked exactly like Mikasa."
Biting his lip, Eren continued. "I… don't know how to explain it properly… It's just when she cries, she looks like Mikasa, in a pained way. And I can't help but think it's my fault, for everything. For everything that happened, it's my fault."
The brunette said it in such a pained way, that even the shorter male could've felt his pain. His voice, his tone, it showed all the sorrow, all the pain the brunette was going through. Eren remembered after Mikasa's sudden passing back in the hospital, when he took a glance at his wailing daughter, whose eyes were then wide open, he noticed that they were like emeralds, like his. Except now, hers looked livelier and less dull unlike Eren's. But despite that, the pain reflected in her emerald orbs reminded him of Mikasa's obsidian orbs, when she was hurt. It reminded him of the pained look Mikasa would give him whenever he said something harsh or stupid to her back in the day. He despised that look she gave him, only because he hated the fact that he was the one who caused it, and that just seeing Mikasa or any loved one in pain in general, pained him in a different unexplainable way.
Why was this bothering the brunette? Well, Eren was… fearful. Many questions flew into his head, on the struggles about being a single parent. But only a few caused him the most fear. What if he makes his only child cry? What if he was unable to make her happy?
He feared that he would hurt the only thing left of Mikasa, he feared that his heart would just shatter, over and over again if that look his daughter made would be more frequent. He feared that he didn't have the confidence or courage to raise her.
He feared the worst. Most of all, he feared losing her, whether it be physically or emotionally. In his head, he thought maybe leaving her in Levi's and Hanji's care wasn't so bad. Even if that decision to leave her in another person's arms may result in him losing connections with his daughter, at least he wouldn't experience the pain of losing her emotionally when no connections were established. Though, deep down, Eren knew that wasn't true, that if he did that, he'd just lose his daughter emotionally completely, and in no doubt he would be left feeling worse. Though, despite that option of leaving her in Levi's and Hanji's care was more or less open, something was telling him no to.
"She just needs someone to be there for her. And that was what Mikasa entrusted you, and only you to do. Nobody else."
Eren remembered Armin's words so clear, and those words only echoed in his head.
Why had Mikasa entrusted him..? Why? Was he really capable of doing this alone?
"Oi Eren." Levi called out two or three times, bringing the brunette back to the present. "So, tell me. Do you think you can raise her properly?" Levi questioned again, before continuing, "You know, Mikasa's precious to me too. She's family. And right now, the only thing I can do for her is to ensure that her daughter is in the right hands. If you have no faith or trust in yourself that you'll raise her right then… I believe it's better to leave her with me."
"I… I...—" And just before Eren could've completed his sentence, Hanji had interrupted their conversation.
"I hope I'm not interrupting something important but your daughter seems to be needing her father right now." Hanji spoke softly, and in her arms she carried her, Eren's daughter.
Without even having to ask, Eren quickly took her into his arms protectively, like how a father would. He seemed rather relieved to see that she was okay. And at first, he didn't know what Hanji meant, but the transition of her being in Hanji's then Eren's arms said a lot. In Hanji's arms, she looked… uncomfortable? Which was odd since Hanji seemed rather gentle with her. But in Eren's arms, in her father's arms, the uncomfortable expression of hers was quick to switch with a small smile, her head subconsciously shifting closer to Eren's chest.
Eren watched her quietly, he had nothing to say. He just watched her in awe.
And just before Levi could ask the brunette again about who the child should be raised with, Eren spoke in a calm manner, "I'll raise her, I'll do it. I'm her father."
Levi was about to question him again, and clarify things as well. But the look of decisiveness mixed with a determined look he had seen countless of times, that he had on right now, was enough of an explanation.
"Take good care of her… okay?" Levi asked, though it sounded more of an order despite the sudden gentleness in his tone whilst saying those words.
"Of course… and Levi, take care of yourself too." Although it was not mentioned nor brought up earlier in the conversation, it was clear that Levi was experiencing sorrow as well, due to Mikasa's death. It was clear in his eyes. And given the fact that Levi doesn't display his emotions too often, he knew he probably wouldn't have admitted it. "You too, Hanji… and of course, I wish your kid the best too."
"Tch, yeah… and remember this, Eren. This wasn't your fault, not in the slightest. And I sincerely hope you can live well and peacefully, even if she's no longer here." Levi added, in which Eren gave a hesitant nod at. Just as he was about to leave, Levi stopped him again.
"Oi brat, one last thing. You haven't told us her name." Levi spoke, followed by a scoff. He had been trying to refrain himself from calling him a brat throughout the conversation, though now that the atmosphere seemed less tensed, he thought, why not? For old times' sake.
At hearing that statement, Eren halted in his steps, as a vivid memory flashed in his head.
"Hey Mikasa… we should give the baby a Japanese name." Eren spoke softly, whilst caressing her belly in a gentle way. She was around one or two months close to her due date, if he remembered correctly.
"Hm? Why is that? I was actually thinking of a g—"
"I don't know… but I just want it to be one." Eren spoke softly, and with little persistence needed, Mikasa complied. After all, the look of love in the brunette's eyes was enough to sway her. "Do you have any suggestions…?" Eren asked softly.
"Well, if the baby is a boy, maybe… Kouki? And if the baby is girl then… Sachiko?" Mikasa suggested, and before she could give an explanation the brunette, with curious eyes, asked, "Why is that?"
"Because, if I'm not wrong, both of those names' meaning are along the lines of 'happiness', and I really, really and sincerely wish for the happiness of our baby, our child."
"Sachiko." Eren said simply, turning towards them for a moment. "Sachiko Jaeger, is her name."
With that, the brunette left their house, and back into Armin's car which soon exited their driveway.
"Do you think he'll be fine?" Hanji had asked, which Levi sighed softly at before responding, "After seeing some of his determination alive again, I'm sure he will."
While the blonde was driving, he didn't really question much about what happened. Although he seemed rather relieved seeing that Sachiko was in Eren's arms. Plus, Eren did give a quick summary, which wasn't that detailed, to the blonde, having assumed he was curious.
"So her name is Sachiko?" The blonde asked as Eren nodded. "If written in a way, it means… 'Happiness', am I wrong?" Armin continued, Eren responding with a, "Mikasa wished for our child to have a happy life, and so do I." Eren sighed lightly which the blonde nodded at.
Soon enough, they reached the brunette's house.
"Hey… you know, if you need help, I'm just a few blocks away." Armin spoke, offering his help.
"Thanks… but I think I can do it."
"Even changing diapers?" Armin joked lightly which the brunette rolled his eyes slightly. The blonde glanced over at Sachiko. "She really looks happy in your arms…" Armin spoke softly. And before Eren could respond. The blonde took out a box, which he opened to reveal a red scarf, Mikasa's red scarf.
"The doctor handed this to me, since he didn't want to interrupt you when… yeah." Armin sighed softly before taking out the scarf as he managed to wrap it around the brunette's neck since Eren's arms were busy ensuring Sachiko wouldn't get hurt. "Thanks." Eren spoke quietly.
Oh, how he wished he could wrap this precious red scarf around Mikasa once more.
"Thanks for everything, Armin." Eren spoke before he exited the car, only after Armin gave him a mini lecture on parenting, followed by a small lecture on that he should take care of his and Sachiko's health before a few more reminders that he could call him for help. And with that, the blonde drove off.
Entering his house felt different. After all, someone was missing… someone important.
Sighing quietly, he went upstairs, into his room where Sachiko's cradle was alongside his bed, Mikasa had wanted it there just in case of things. Gently, Eren placed her into the cradle before laying on the bed.
It felt different too, everything did. He missed Mikasa, He missed her presence. She wasn't there anymore, and she will never come back.
When that realization came in, Eren was about to drown into his sorrow, until his eyes laid on Sachiko.
'Not all of her is gone', he thought.
'There were still things worth fighting for', he thought.
There was still something, someone worth living for.
'I really hope… everything will turn out alright' the brunette thought silently as he managed to drift off to only he knew what struggles laid ahead, it would probably lead to him staying up till who know when.
Because deep down, despite his somewhat of a denial state of that particular subject, Eren knew that one day he would have to— he would be obligated to answer a question.
"Papa, why don't I have a Mama…?"
Author's note: Hello! I hope this chapter is okay. I may improve on the language in chapter 1 since it doesn't seem good :/ in the meantime, Please leave a review!