Author's Note: I forgot to mention something in the previous chapter (IMPORTANT): Margaret doesn't want Mordecai to tell that many people about her rape, which also explains why he is hesitant to talk to Skips about it.
Trying To Move On
MAY 12th, 2011
"Was raped…"
"By my boyfriend Repar."
Those words…kept echoing in my head. Never in my life have I felt so helpless, and that's saying something. Margaret told me to be strong for her, to forgive Repar. But how…how can you forgive that? Forgiving someone for theft, kind of easy, depending on the scale of course. Forgiving someone for rape, not so much. I wanted to talk to someone, but I promised her I'd keep it to myself. I wasn't going to tell Skips, Rigby, Benson, Shell, Jenny, or Adria. I just had to find some way to get past this, just like Margaret did. This whole thing is making me lose sleep and the fact that that dream actually foresaw something, still creeps me out.
One thing that also stayed in my mind was the fact that I told Margaret I loved her. I actually told her I loved. I mean technically I said, "I love you as a friend and someone so much more," but that pretty much speaks for itself. It makes me wonder if she felt the same way. I mean there were certain times when it seemed like she was flirting with m: Stroking her hand in my hair, both of us staring into each other's eyes, and one time in particular. The day before her campfire birthday party, was her actual birthday. She came into work in a very great mood. Rigby and I visited her to say happy birthday. Margaret gave Eileen, me, and Rigby a hug, but when Margaret went to the kitchen, she turned around and blew me a kiss. I didn't want to do the typical "grab a kiss". Instead, I pretended to kiss the kiss in midair and gave her a wink. I shocked myself when I did that, but Margaret made me feel better by smiling back. Telling her I loved her was a big thing for me.
I was planning on meeting Margaret at the Chinese restaurant for lunch. Then later on we'd go to her house to work on the project.
I did a pretty good job of pretending I was okay today; although Skips is still very suspicious. I should know that he can't easily be fooled; but as long as I keep my cool, the secret will be kept secret, as it should be.
Rigby and I had an easy work schedule; we just had to clean up the park which surprisingly wasn't as messy as usual. This whole day just seemed so peaceful despite the happenings of what I had discoverd a few days ago. I just hope nothing happens to upset the peace.
[xxxxxxxxxxxxx]
"Mordecai, over here!" Margaret called over. She was sitting in a booth, with chopsticks set in front of her.
"Hey Margaret," I said, sitting down in the both across from her.
"I've already started on the presentation. I just need your input on how it looks so far."
"Alright, sounds good…" I noticed that Margaret didn't have any food in front her. "Did you already eat?"
"No, actually Repar's getting the food right now."
...
I focused my attention to the ordering counter, where I recognized him by the back of his head. My arm twitched and I had to take a deep breath in order to calm myself.
Keep calm… Keep calm dammit!
I can't!
You must! Remember what Margaret told you.
Repar sat down next to Margaret with a platter of dumplings and rice.
"Hey Mordecai," he said.
Don't "Hey Mordecai" me!
"Hey," I said, surprisingly friendly. I had to keep up this act.
"Repar wanted to hang out with us while we work," Margaret said.
"Oh okay, that's fine," I lied. I felt so uncomfortable being this close to a guy I despise; my blood boiled and my heart raced, trying to keep my composure, all at the same time.
During a painful thirty minute lunch all we did was have small talk: Nothing that really mattered, just things about work. The one thing that happened during that talk though, was when Margaret mentioned how Repar can be playful at times. He demonstrated this by putting his mouth around her elbow, which surprised her.
I nearly fucking lost it.
Get your fucking mouth off her!
But Margaret laughed, which pretty much meant I should laugh so as to not make anything awkward.
Never before in my life did it hurt to laugh.
Margaret drove us to her house and led me to her room, where everything was set up: the laptop and papers. Repar was in the living room watching TV.
Her room was light green with cream colored carpeting. It was really well kept and spacious. Margaret sat on the bed while using the laptop, while I sat in an arm chair across the room.
"Do you need me to help you with something?" I asked.
"Not yet," she answered. "I need to add something on and then I'll call you over to see what you think. In the meantime, look around, stretch a little. You don't have to stay in that chair."
I agreed and got up to take a look at her room. I noticed to the corner my eye of what looked like a gun, except it had an orange tip.
"Is this an Air Soft gun?" I picked it up observing it.
She looked up from her laptop, "Oh yeah, my friends and I play with them sometimes. Try it yourself…" She got up from the bed and got some pellets. "Here you go." She helpe me load them into the gun. "Now just shot them out the window. I want to see if you're a good shot."
I was actually, not that I was targeting anything, but I was doing it. Margaret laughed with me in my enjoyment. For the moment, my anger had calmed. I felt…alright. Just like old times when Margaret and I hanged out.
That's until Repar came in to check on her. Me and him were both playing with Air Soft gun and I was trying to show that I was enjoying myself still. (Incredibly difficult) He accidently dropped an object out of the window and went outside to get it. I could see him from down below with the gun still pointed out the window. I decided to have a little fun.
"Hey Repar, I'm gonna get you!" I playfully said pointing the gun at his direction.
"You better not," he joked, seeing the gun pointed at him.
(In all honesty, I really, really, REALLY wanted to shot him that gun)
Margaret laughed at our little banter.
[xxxxxxxxxxxxx]
"Margaret, you're in serious trouble," I said in a fake Italian accent.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"You owe me money." I turned around in the chair with the gun pointed toward her. "And now you must pay." We both laughed.
'Cut it out Mordecai!" She said, still laughing. After that, she got back on her laptop. Repar was back in the living room. I was just me and Margaret now.
I broke the silence, "Hey Margaret?"
"Yeah?"
"Are there any nice girls in this city?"
"Of course, why do you ask?"
"Just hoping I'll find the right one someday," I said, bringing the topic back up.
"You will," she said compassionately. "You're a good guy; you're bound to find someone."
"Thanks."
"Oh here's the how the presentation looks so far. What do you think?"
I came over and looked at the screen.
My god, she smells lovely today.
"Nice. Do we have the assessment worked out?"
"Not quiet, but I have questions already set out."
"Good."
As time went by, I didn't feel so well. I had a headache and I felt sort of congested: Probably something with the weather. I felt this way ever since this morning but it seemed to get worse as the day progressed.
"I'm going to use the bathroom, be right back," Margaret said, leaving the room.
I got on my cell phone and called Skips. I wasn't feeling well, I had to home and I didn't want to bother Margaret with taking me home.
"Hey Skips?"
"Uh huh."
"If it's not too much trouble, could you pick me up? I'm not feeling so well."
"You at Margaret's?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, be right over."
Margaret came back from the bathroom.
"Hey Margaret I gotta be going soon, I'm not feeling too well."
"You okay?" She sounded worried.
"Yeah, just a little under the weather."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
She smiled at me, and this time gestured for a hug. I came over and hugged and she did the same, instead this time, it felt really…I don't know, heartfelt. It just felt right.
"Follow me, I'll make you some soup," She said leading me to the kitchen.
"Thanks Margaret." I said, eating my soup.
"No problem." She had a bowl set for Repar and her as well. "Repar, soup's ready."
"Coming," he answered.
Just as I was halfway done with my soup, I heard the cart horn; must be Skips.
"I think I have to go now. I'll help you clean up."
"Oh no, that's okay, you just go home and get some rest." She said kindly.
"You sure?"
"I'm sure."
"Alright, see you around Margaret. Contact me if you need anything."
"I will.
"See ya Repar."
"Later," he responded
I went outside to see Skips waiting in the cart. As I got in, I saw Margaret come out of the front door.
"Take care of him, okay?" Margaret shouted to Skips.
"Will do, " he chuckled.
So strange to hear him laugh.
He drove off, without a word, giving me time to think about what happened today.
Was I being too protective? It happened two years ago, but then again; how can I not be flustered by this? That's just like trying to make a cop befriend a murderer: It's bound to end in conflict.
Then I thought about it more. What if Amy (the cat) and Eileen know about the secret as well and are simply trying to be strong for Margaret. Revealing a secret like that is something you only tell to your closest friend, Eileen has to know.
Doesn't matter though, cause I'm still losing it over this. I needed to tell someone, but I promised Margaret. I just have to keep my cool…
Everything's gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine…
God, I hope so…
Things are getting intense and it's not going to get any smoother along the way: Has anyone noticed the dates at the beginning of each chapter so far?
It's almost summer…