Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters
Raising Sachiko, despite it being alone, wasn't actually as bad as Eren had assumed it would've been. In fact, he was thankful he made the choice to raise her. He wouldn't know what he would be doing right now if the joy and happiness of his current life had never entered his life—that was Sachiko.
Six years raising her, Six years he had been with her. Those were six years that he would never trade for anything. And now, he was just lying in bed, smiling like an idiot as he reminisced on past events.
Honestly, during the years of raising Sachiko, Eren had to thank Armin especially. If he hadn't offered a helping hand, Eren would've definitely struggled more with the basics of parenting a new-born. Annie was to be thanked as well, considering on the occasions that she would tag along, she would easily manage to comfort and soothe Sachiko whenever she would cry non-stop, it often left both the blonde's and brunette's jaw opened and dropped.
After all, Annie had made calming a wailing kid look so easy, and then there was the other blonde and the brunette, who sometimes struggled on making her crying stop. There were just some things a mother would know better than any father. At first, Eren felt discouraged on the fact he couldn't even make his own daughter happy, or make her daughter's crying come to a halt. Though, Annie and Armin reassured him it was nothing to worry about, considering Eren hadn't had any experience with kids before, it was just normal for him to struggle this much.
"Don't worry so much, it's just a process." Armin had sighed, which Annie gave a nod too. "Even we still struggle sometimes." Annie had added before she glanced over at Sachiko who was in her cradle, taking a nap. "She will grow up strong, she has that beast's blood after all." Annie scoffed slightly which Armin gave her a nudge in response, a warning to not say anything offensive.
Annie and Mikasa had some sort of rivalry that grew from middle school to high school, though even despite having graduated from there, it had continued, until the tragedy happened, that is.
Eren had noticed Armin's nudge, though he proceeded to reassure Armin that he didn't find it hurtful or anything. "I wouldn't call her a beast, or monster… just someone strong." Eren had sighed quietly, before his eyes rested on Sachiko who slept ever so peacefully. "But like you said, I'm sure she'll grow up strong like her mother… and inherit her other qualities like her kindness, her—"
"We get it, Eren." Annie had interrupted, followed by a sigh which escaped her lips. She knew if Eren had went on any further, he would probably become well, emotional again. It had only been a few months since Mikasa's passing, and as it was obvious to everyone, Eren hadn't fully recovered from it yet. Even though his eyes seemed more lively nowadays thanks to Sachiko and others, if one looked closer, looked deeper, they'd have noticed that there was just something in his emerald orbs that strongly hinted his sorrow. "I'll admit it, Mikasa does have her good qualities." Annie spoke genuinely, which both Armin and Eren reacted with a brief surprised expression. It was rare for the crystal-eyed blonde to ever compliment Mikasa, it was more of a once in a blue moon thing. Then again, both of them knew Annie wasn't that cold.
Smiling a little, Eren gave a nod. "Thank you, you guys."
Annie and Armin remained quiet for a moment. Eren smiled. Eren smiled genuinely. Ever since Mikasa's death, it was rare to see such a sight. The two blondes smiled back in response, relieved to see that there was at least some sort of sign of recovery from Eren. "No problem, we should go." Armin spoke as Annie nodded in agreement, both parents wishing to quickly go home to see to their own kids who were currently being taken care of by Sasha and Connie, goodness, they hoped that their house won't be a mess like last time.
"And it looks like she's waking up from her nap." Annie spoke, as she heard soft squeaks coming out from a certain little one's lips. "And it seems someone made a mess." Annie spoke, before pinching her nose, having smelt the 'mess' Sachiko had made.
Armin laughed lightly, "I hope you know how to change her diapers properly now." Armin joked, remembering that it took quite some effort for the brunette to remember the steps of diaper changing. Eren only scoffed slightly at his joke in response. "See you soon." Armin spoke, both blondes then giving Eren a wave, which he returned, before they left.
Sighing, Eren looked over to Sachiko, "Can't you poop a little less smelly?" He groaned, though it was followed with a chuckle as he noticed Sachiko smiling at the sight of her father. "Mm… I can never stay mad or annoyed at you…" Eren murmured.
Now, six years after that, there was no need of changing her diapers of course—something that Eren had looked forward to when she started to grow up and out of it. Although a part of him wished her growing up would be a little slower. That was because, every parent knew that once their little kid grew up, they would soon lead a life of their own that didn't necessary needed them by his or her side.
Before the brunette could go deeper in thought, a certain lovely voice rang through, and brought him back to reality.
"Papa!" Sachiko exclaimed with joy, the six year old running into his room. "We're going to be late for school!"
Eren looked over, before sitting up. "Ah… sorry." Eren chuckled a little softly as he scratched the back of his head. And without hesitance, Sachiko grabbed his hand and the little girl attempted to drag him out. "C'mon! My hair isn't even tied yet!" she whined. Chuckling softly again, Eren stood up and went along with her act, letting her pull him into the living room. Though he had to admit, her strength was definitely much stronger than an average six year old, something that constantly reminded him of Mikasa. But for now, his mind was elsewhere, focusing on the little one who then let go of Eren's hand, sitting on a stool as she waited for him to help tie her hair.
"Alright, alright!" Eren laughed a little before he went to grab a rubber band, followed by a brush as he started to brush Sachiko's hair, and then tying it into a simple pony tail. "Thank you!" Sachiko smiled as she turned and hugged Eren ever-so tightly. That hug of hers never ceased to make Eren's heart melt. "You're welcome…" Eren spoke softly as he gave her a hug back, before pulling away reluctantly. "Let's get you to school now." Eren smiled, grabbing her hand gently as he helped her carry her bag, as they walked out together, towards the driveway where his car parked.
While driving to school, Sachiko was just bouncing excitedly in her seat. Eren couldn't help but find it rather cute, and was relieved that her days at school didn't seem too bad, and she had seemed to fit in. "How's school?" Eren asked softly, his eyes glancing at the bouncy little girl before focusing back on the road. "It's super fun! The teacher said we're going to draw something special today during class!"
Listening to her cheerful tone, Eren couldn't help but let out another small smile, "Can I see it when you're done with it?" Eren queried, which Sachiko gave a nod at. "Of course!" She had exclaimed.
Sachiko was indeed a bubbly kid, he often wondered where she got that personality from. She barely cried growing up, and was rather a positive kid, and Eren didn't really have any disagreements or arguments with her. If he did, it wasn't really anything big. Thinking about it now, her smile was also so similar to Mikasa's. Almost everything about her was so similar to Mikasa. He couldn't decide if it was a curse or a blessing sometimes.
Sure, he loved Sachiko with all his heart, but given the fact he hadn't exactly recovered from Mikasa's death, there were periods where he'd look at Sachiko and feel a little ache in his heart, especially when she would make an expression that clearly showed she was troubled, and had attempted to hide it yet to no avail. "You don't have to bottle up your emotions, Sachiko... you don't have to hide them from me either..." Eren had told her on several occasions. Even if it pained him to see his daughter in tears, he rather have that than have her bottling up her emotions. He often wondered if she hid her emotions because she knew.
Was that why she barely cried? At that thought, Eren gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, biting his lip slightly. Had she noticed his true sorrow? Glancing at the bubbly girl again, he shook his head. He was sure she didn't, after all she was just an innocent kid who probably wasn't that sharp to notice… right?
But of course, Eren held absolute no blame towards Sachiko for Mikasa's death. It wasn't her fault, not one bit. However, till today, Eren still felt that Mikasa's death was still somewhat of his fault, despite what everyone had said.
Shaking off his negative thoughts again, he glanced over Sachiko, who was still bouncing away in her seat happily. He felt a slight ache in his heart, but as usual, he shoved those pained emotions away. For the past six years, he had been shoving any sort of pained emotion under the rug or just bottled it up. He never wanted Sachiko to have a taste of his sorrow nor witness it. Though, he knew that one day she had to know the truth, another factor which Eren wasn't really looking forward to as she grew up.
Sachiko never really questioned about the absence of her mother, she had been more or less contented with her life. Though, Eren noticed sometimes she'd glance at families at the nearby park he would often bring her to. Families of which that had both a mother and father. However, Sachiko didn't question anything about it. But even if she didn't, for one reason or another Eren knew she was curious on why she only had a father. Why didn't Sachiko want to ask Eren about it? That was something the brunette didn't know. Maybe it was a child's intuition not to?
Regardless, Sachiko didn't really ask any questions relating to that matter, resulting in Eren's silence on it. If the brunette could, he would probably burn the truth away—but even he knew, the truth would probably come back and bite him if he had done that.
'I'll tell her when she's mature and old enough…' Eren thought quietly as he pulled over at the driveway. Though Eren had to admit, Sachiko was rather mature for her age though. Unlike most kids, she wouldn't really whine or cry when she couldn't get what she wanted. Normally, she would just give a small nod and a shrug.
Then again, Eren would normally let her get what she wanted, he often wondered if he had made her a 'spoilt brat' as quoted from Levi when the Ackerman saw how easily the brunette gave in. However that wasn't the case, even Levi said so, she wasn't that greedy despite being more or less spoilt by the brunette. There were moments she would stare at toys for a while, but once she saw the price tag she would look away and continued on her stroll with Eren. And when Eren would glance at the price tag, it was often numbers over fifty. In that aspect, she was like Mikasa. She was mature and considerate.
Sighing, Eren's mind became gloomy and foggy once again. The thought of telling her the truth was honestly bugging him a lot more than it should. She was only six years old, there was still a lot of time before the truth. But time was something that could fly away so fast, Eren would know. Time flew so fast for Mikasa, and he was there to painfully witness it.
"Papa?" Sachiko called out, her voice once again dragging Eren out of his negative thoughts. The little raven had a concerned and worried expression, after having noticed he spaced out for a while with a blank look. Eren was quick to reassure her, patting her head as he passed her school bag to her, before helping her out of the car. "Be a good girl in class okay?" Eren spoke softly as Sachiko nodded, followed by a comment regarding about earlier, "Are you sure you're okay? You're not sick are you?" Sachiko questioned softly. "I'm not, I'm not. Don't worry about me." Eren assured her again. Sachiko's worry about his health was quick to remind Eren of Mikasa, and then, he instinctively gave Sachiko an embrace. The little girl surprised at the sudden hug, but only embraced back in response. They remained like that for a while before Sachiko managed to pull away, "You were squishing me too much again!" Sachiko giggled slightly which Eren rolled his eyes a little at. "Sorry for that..." He spoke softly before planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'll pick you up later okay?" Eren spoke, which Sachiko gave a nod at, waving to Eren before she ran off the moment she heard the bell ring.
As the brunette which his child run off with her two little feet, he recalled her first steps. It was probably the most cutest and heart-warming thing. He was with Armin then, as the two tried to get her to walk. Though, the moment she was able to stand up and walk more or less without stumbling thanks to the guidance of Armin, she immediately ran into Eren's arms. Ah, it was something he loved to remember and recall, something positive. He then recalled her first words. 'Papa', it was. Eren did sometimes wonder if it would've been 'Mama' if Mikasa was still there.
Quickly brushing off his oncoming negative thoughts that were bound to arise again, he entered back into his car as he drove back home. Thankfully, the brunette managed to land a more or less stay home job, which he was grateful for. It just meant that he had more time for Sachiko, unless he was called to go to the office.
"Mikasa… am I raising her right?" Eren pondered on quietly.
Meanwhile, in class, and as usual, Sachiko listened attentively in class. She never made much of a ruckus during class or recess time, unlike Eren who always somehow manage to get himself in trouble ever since his school years started.
Soon enough, after the dreaded classes, it finally came the period where the teacher had said that they'd get to draw something special. Sachiko had hoped deeply that the theme given would be something related to family, she really wanted to draw something to impress her father.
Although she wasn't too far off from her guess of what the theme was, she still wore a confused and lost look when the teacher had told them what to draw.
"Mother's day is coming. I would like you all to draw something for your mother, or your mother herself! And next week, get your mothers to come and hand over the beautiful drawing to her as a gift!" The teacher's enthusiastic tone was enough to get the other students excited, as they scrambled to get their colour pencils and other drawing materials out.
All were excited, except one who stared blankly at the empty sheet of paper.
An odd feeling filled up Sachiko's stomach, she felt weird. She felt left out. Looking left and right, she saw her peers already drawing something. Some drew their mother's favourite things, others drew their mothers themselves. At this moment in time, she recalled the times she saw families, families that had mothers. She often wondered why she never had one, at first she had assumed it was normal not to have one. But as time passed, she began to notice that her peers and such had mothers. So why didn't she have one?
There was a time, where she was sitting on the swing, as her father pushed her high up, causing the little girl to shriek with excitement, "Higher! Higher!" She had called out. And from the view from the top, she saw families again, families that most people would call complete. Her shrieks oddly died down, and when Eren had noticed he stopped with the swinging. "Is everything alright?" The brunette had asked the little girl, and was about to continue to question if she had any injuries or whatsoever until he noticed what she was looking at. At that, she noticed his emerald orbs becoming a little foggy, it scared her a little. "Papa…" she mumbled out, but nothing else came out after. There was something telling her that she shouldn't ask what she was about to. "How about we go home?" Eren suggested softly, though the raven haired female shook her head, a smile which followed after. "I want to play with Papa a little longer!" She grinned, which Eren chuckled in response before he complied.
That day was imprinted deeply in her memory. Her father had worn such a sorrowful expression when noticing the family from afar, and when she realized that, she saw it as a sign to not question anything. Like Mikasa, she was sharp, too sharp for her age. Though, her father did regain his smile afterwards, but only when she did. Ever since noticing that, she barely cried, barely show her sadness, not wanting her father to be sad. It was hard for a child, to have such important questions bottled up, along with her emotions. Though, she wasn't sad that often, she was surrounded by love after all, but when she was, she would remain silent with no tears. At times, her father would catch her hiding her emotions, "I can tell you know." He would often say, though sometimes he didn't really question nor fully knew the root of the problem that caused her sorrow.
She didn't know how he had known about her sadness, even though she had assumed she managed to hide it so well, but he did anyway. Regardless, he would often attempt at comforting her by doing silly things, there was once he did some weird chicken dance which caused an outburst of laughter from the two.
But even with the laughter, Sachiko remained unsatisfied with only one thing that she always pondered on about, but was always too afraid to ask.
"Sachiko!" Her teacher called out, "Why aren't you drawing? If you have no idea what to draw, you can draw your mother!" she had encouraged.
"I don't have one." Sachiko blurted out, in a rather emotionless tone. Even with that tone, she received stares from her classmates soon after, her teacher included.
Upon noticing the stares around her, she immediately looked down. Was it wrong not to have one? Was it a bad thing? Why were they staring at her like that? –Like she was so different just because of that statement. The stares terrified her for some reason, her heart was palpitating now. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? "Papa…" She muttered out silently to herself, wanting Eren to desperately be there, wanting her father to hug her and get her out of this tensed and uncomfortable atmosphere.
"You don't have to bottle up your emotions, Sachiko... you don't have to hide them from me either..." Eren had told her before.
And for the first time since a long, long time ago, the little girl felt her eyes fogging up, tears then sliding down, one by one.
Author's note : I hope this was okay! Please leave a review!