Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters.
Supposedly, Eren should have been back at home, doing work. But for one reason or another, he found himself driving towards the cemetery before he could even realize it. The cemetery where Mikasa had been buried.
As soon as he had arrived, Eren immediately walked towards where Mikasa was buried, staring down at her gravestone quietly, before kneeling down as he started to have a conversation. "Hey… Mikasa." He spoke out quietly, "It's been a while… I miss you so much." He mumbled softly. "Sorry that I haven't visited you in quite a while... everybody has been quite busy and… I was just… scared to come here all by myself."
Eren hadn't exactly visited Mikasa too often, well, at least not alone. Because, whenever he would look at the grave, he felt nothing but sorrow, regret and guilt. At least with some company, Eren wouldn't be as vulnerable as he was right now. "I know that's a stupid reason for not visiting you… but I can't help it. You know, you could've still been here if I …if I had just noticed more." Eren mumbled out, tears already starting to fog up his emerald orbs.
"Is it my fault, Mikasa? Why didn't you tell me anything?" Eren mumbled, biting his lip as he felt his heart beginning to ache. "I don't understand… if you felt that something was wrong, why didn't you tell me? I don't get it! Mikasa… why?"
At this point, the brunette was already shedding tears, which were now streaming down his cheeks. The fact he didn't have the ability to understand Mikasa's actions had pained him a lot. He wanted the answers, he wanted her reasoning so badly. He wanted her back, so desperately.
"… Our daughter, Sachiko… am I raising her right?"
There was silence for quite a while. Eren wanted a response so badly from Mikasa. He didn't care if it was something good or bad. He just wanted to hear her voice again, he wanted her to be there. Even though he had been doing this all alone for six years, he wasn't sure if he could continue doing so all alone. It wasn't easy, it may look like so, but truly it wasn't.
Although those six years with Sachiko was something he would never trade for anything, he still worried if he was doing something wrong in raising her, he worried that he wasn't good enough to be her father, and that one day he would just mess up badly. He wanted the best for Sachiko, but how much longer can he provide her the best? He also had worried that one day he could no longer give her the best. Was he even giving her the best? Was he enough for her? Was just a father enough for her?
"Mikasa… can't you come back?" The brunette had pleaded in a desperate tone, as if he had expected a response back, which he did, but not from her.
"Unfortunately, she can't." A voice spoke out, that was unfortunately not Mikasa's, but another Ackerman.
Turning around, the brunette saw Levi, standing a few feet away from him. "So, you finally had some guts to come here all by yourself?" Levi had spoken out. In response, the brunette just wiped his tears away, before facing back at the shorter male, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to act. "Is there anything you want to say?" The raven had asked, raising a brow.
"How long have you been standing there…?" The brunette finally managed to question. "Long enough to see how much of a mess you are." Levi stated bluntly, causing the brunette to flinch slightly, and then looking away. "Sorry, was that too far?" Levi sighed, before approaching Mikasa's grave, kneeling down and murmured some wishes for her before his attention went back to the brunette as he stood up.
"She can't come back, you should know that..." Levi repeated, though this time in a more gentle tone. After all, his intention wasn't to break the brunette, it was far from that. "And even though you do spoil Sachiko at most times, she's still a well-behaved girl, you've brought her up well and—"
"Levi…" Eren mumbled, causing the raven to pause at his words. Even though his words didn't seem that of words of comfort, Eren knew that Levi was just trying to console him, but he knew that that wasn't going to change anything. He had heard all sorts of comforts from all of his friends, and yet nothing changed, he still saw himself at fault for Mikasa's death. He was barely staying afloat in his flood of sorrow, and the only thing keeping him afloat currently was Sachiko, his beloved daughter.
"Thank you but… you know as well as I do that words like that aren't able to get me out of this shitty state. It hadn't for six years, what's the difference now?" Eren scoffed slightly.
"I'm just stating facts." Levi responded, before continuing, "Mikasa… wouldn't want you to blame yourself for whatever happened. Nobody, not even her, would ever think what happened was your fault—"
"Then tell me, Levi, why didn't she tell me anything?" Eren snapped slightly, cutting the raven off. "You speak of her like you know her so damn well… then tell me… tell me why she didn't even bother telling me that she knew she wasn't going to be alright when delivering Sachiko?!"
The raven remained silent, knowing the brunette had more to say, and he was right. "It's my fault, right?! I noticed her behaviour changed because of that, and I did nothing! I should've pestered her more, then maybe she'd have told me the problem… instead of carrying all that burden onto herself! Then maybe… maybe we could've brought her to the doctors to check, and then she could've lived! She could've lived with me and Sachiko!"
Levi's eyes had widened a little at noticing the tears that once again flowed down, except, unlike his earlier tears that were filled with sorrow, the ones now were filled with frustration, anger and most of all, pain. He couldn't blame the brunette for acting this way, he understood his feelings. The feelings of loss. Throughout Levi's life, he had experienced that feeling so much, but even with having experienced that feeling of loss several times, he had never grown used to it, he wasn't numb to it. In fact, the loss of Mikasa who was family, who he saw as family, had affected him a lot. But, as obvious as it was, it had affected the brunette a lot more, especially since he had a child to raise all by himself. Levi had hoped that with due time, Eren would learn that Mikasa's death wasn't his fault. Though, judging by his words and expression, that wasn't the case.
"Mikasa… Mikasa could've lived. It was my fault that she didn't even tell me right? She was probably afraid of my response… maybe I said something that caused her to remain silent about it and—"
"Enough with the rumbling already, Eren." Levi sighed, cutting him off. If Eren wasn't going to recognize that it wasn't his fault by himself, the least he could do was try to make him see things, from a clearer and different perspective. "Listen, Mikasa has her own reasons why she remained silent about it. I don't think she was afraid of your response. I mean, if I were in her shoes, I'd prefer my last days to be spent normally, being treated normally that is. Moreover, she saw it in a dream, didn't she? She was probably in denial as well. But, all in all, knowing Mikasa, she wouldn't want you to be worried for her, especially with her due date being near. And knowing Mikasa, she would want to be treated normally on her last few days rather than have someone looking at her with eyes filled with constant worry and guilt, right?"
At Levi's reasoning, the brunette remained quiet. His points did make a little sense. If she had told Eren, Eren would in no doubt feel guilty for getting her pregnant and placing her in a situation like that. He would've been worried, worried that the baby probably wouldn't have made it too, worried that Mikasa would've died sooner than when he baby would be delivered. Such emotions like that, he knew were inevitable.
"But... the doctors...they could've—"
"If those doctors couldn't have detected any issues with Mikasa days before her due date, I doubt they'd have found something wrong with her." Levi sighed, as he continued, "And also, knowing Mikasa, she would never blame you for it, for anything…on another note, aren't you also keeping her final wish?"
At that, there was the silence that filled the air once more as the brunette attempted in collecting his thoughts, but the raven was quick to continue, his tone a more serious one now.
"The offer still stands. If you don't think you can raise Sachiko anymore, Hanji and I will. But if you do choose that then—"
"No, I will raise her." Eren responded quickly. Even before the raven could've completed his sentence, he had known what he was already going to say, which was that if they raised them, Mikasa's wish wouldn't have been fulfilled. But it wasn't only that, that made him not want to give Sachiko up. Even if it was difficult, even if he still struggled with the emotions that was due to the loss of Mikasa, it was all worth it, because at the end of the day, he would get to see Sachiko's smile that brought him life, even if it did painfully remind him of Mikasa, he was just happy, he was able to give his daughter happiness. Not only that, but Sachiko was all what Eren had left ever since Mikasa's death. Sure, the brunette may have friends like Armin and such, but Sachiko was different, Sachiko was his and Mikasa's daughter.
"Are you only saying that because that's Mikasa's last wish? If you honestly see it as a chore, I—"
"I said I will raise her." Eren repeated, this time his tone was firmer. "She's my daughter, that's why, not yours."
Hearing Eren's tone grow determine again, only caused Levi to scoff slightly, "Will you have any doubts about that again?"
"No. Although… I'm still new with parenting, I may make mistakes on the way…" Eren mumbled the last few bits quietly.
"Just make a choice with no regrets, got it?" Levi lectured, which the brunette gave a small nod at.
Again, there was silence that filled the air for a few moments as the two males stared quietly at Mikasa's grave that was until the brunette broke it. "Do you miss her..?"
"Of course I do." Levi responded with no hesitance. "Even though we were cousins, she was like a little sister to me."
"Then how… are you able to look so... okay?"
"Different people deal with their sorrows and emotions differently, don't you think?" He sighed quietly, "Even Sachiko."
At hearing his daughter's name, Eren immediately turned towards Levi, with a confused look. What did he mean by that? Though, before he could ask, Levi continued, "That girl is smarter and sharper than you think. Ever since my recent visits, to me, she seems like she's bottling something up… haven't you noticed too?"
"I…"
"It may be too early, but the truth about her mother should be told—" Before Levi could continue, he noticed the brunette looking troubled, heaving another sigh he continued, "But that's for you to decide… I'm not her father after all, and I'm not the one who spent six complete years with her."
"Yeah…I'll think about it." Eren responded. He had been wrong, about the fact that he had assumed Sachiko wasn't bothered by the absence of a mother, of her mother. But, he was unwilling to think about that now, about the fact that maybe Sachiko had noticed his sorrow, and that was why she supposedly had something bottled up, as stated by Levi.
"Like I said earlier... it wasn't your fault. Nobody could've done anything to save her. Even if she told you, it all comes down to whether the doctors could've done anything, which they couldn't, they weren't even able to detect anything wrong. Her death was nobody's fault, she wouldn't want it to be anybody's anyway…" And just as Levi was about to continue on with his lecture, the brunette had cut him off, "I know that now... thank you."
Giving Mikasa's grave one last gaze, he bent down and whispered her a soft goodbye, before standing up, turning his back to leave. But before he could, Levi had stopped him in his tracks again. "Just a question out of curiosity." He started, before continuing, "Do you think you'll ever move on from Mikasa? Find someone else?"
Hearing that question had made the brunette scoffed at how silly that question sounded, considering his answer was rather obvious. Turning around, facing Levi slightly, he spoke, "I wouldn't be able to. There's no one else that I could fall for as deeply as her, it wouldn't be the same." And with that, the brunette left.
Levi only scoffed slightly at his response, "As expected of that brat…" He murmured quietly, before looking towards Mikasa's grave. "Rest assured, Mikasa, that brat will do just fine, so will your daughter." After murmuring his last wishes for Mikasa, the other Ackerman left, with a small tear that escaped his exhausted eyes.
Back at home, Eren looked through his closet, finding something comfortable to change into before he would start on his work. He still had a few more hours before he had to pick up Sachiko anyway. Though, halfway as he looked through the closet, he felt a soft fabric, familiar to touch, and had a familiar scent. Pulling it out, he found it to be Mikasa's red scarf.
He didn't really wear it often, the majority of the reason being that he didn't want to risk his daughter questioning why the scarf seemed rather important to him, since she was a sharp little girl after all. That was something the brunette found hard to lie about, the scarf held too much significance for the brunette to just bury it with lies. Not only that, but the scent of Mikasa that seemed to have been permanently imprinted on the scarf would often bother him, in terms that he wouldn't be able to focus with his work, but instead, drown himself in youthful memories.
Sighing softly, he wrapped the scarf around his neck, already distracted. "Mikasa…" He murmured out quietly, as he closed his eyes, and was about to drift off into the memories, until his phone rang.
Quickly picking it up, he spoke "Hello?"
"Hello? This is Mr Jaeger, right? Your daughter seems to be feeling unwell, do you mind picking her u—"
Without a moment of hesitance, the brunette ended the call, grabbed his car keys and rushed off to Sachiko's school. And even though by the school's staff's tone, that made it seem Sachiko wasn't that hurt or ill, the brunette couldn't help but worry as he rushed over to her school.
After a few moments, Eren had finally arrived at her school, rushing off to the infirmary to see Sachiko sitting down on the resting bed quietly. As compared to the morning, she wasn't exactly bubbly anymore, and that was what concerned the brunette deeply.
"Ah, Mr Jaeger, right? Your daughter vomited during class. You see, they were—" Before the nurse could even explain the circumstances to the brunette, he had already y rushed over to her side, before dismissing the nurse, who left, not wanting to bother them.
"Sachiko! Are you alright? Do you have a fever?" Eren asked, in a rather concerned tone as he placed his hand on her forehead to check.
While he checked, Sachiko only remained quiet. Her eyes seemed a little dulled as compared to before. "Papa…" She muttered before embracing him tightly suddenly. She was so relieved and happy he was here now, back in class, the stares had been too much for the little girl. Not only that, but she started to hear some whispers from the students who started to come up with theories on what she meant by she didn't have a mother. And to be frank, they weren't nice. Even her teacher was pulled aside by her co-form teacher who had Sachiko as a student for quite a year or two before, and had been more familiar with her family circumstances.
"Didn't the principal tell you?Her mom's—"
And that was more or less all she could recall, before she vomited. The whispers, the stares and the comments made, had caused the little girl to feel sick to the stomach, anxious. It was too much for her, she had never been placed in such a tensed atmosphere, where she felt like such an outcast. And in result of that, she puked. And now, she was in the infirmary, and now, her father's loving arms, in which she sought solace to.
Eren didn't question her sudden embrace, he only hugged her back. "Let's go home okay…? You need rest." Eren spoke quietly, in a worrisome way. She didn't have a fever, but that just made the brunette more concerned. If it wasn't an illness that made her eyes look so exhausted, what could it be? The brunette didn't know, he was more focused on bringing her home for her to rest.
"Papa…" Sachiko called out again. "Yes? Is there something wr—"
And just before the brunette could complete is sentence, Sachiko's next few words that caused the brunette's words to be cut off, had now left him speechless, loss of words, and his eyes now widened as he struggled to find suitable words to say, to give her a proper answer. But no words could come out.
"Papa… why don't I have a Mama?" The little girl questioned, as she looked up at her father, with the same look he had worn at Mikasa's grave.
A look, so desperate for an answer.
Author's Notes : Hello! I hope this chapter is okay, it was very hard to write this : / i hope i didn't went too out of character, if i did, please leave a review on what to correct. On another note, i would also like to thank the recent reviews! Anyway, Leave a review haha!