Chapter 16 – Comfort

Kairi found herself in a long, dimly lit hallway. Up ahead was a doorway, and she walked as if in a trance towards it. Her footsteps echoed in the silence, dread building and building within her the closer she got to the door. Taking a deep breath, she placed her hands on it and pushed it open.

A great tank loomed before her, filled with a swirling miasma of different colored gases. Inside the tank were Heartless, too, scratching at the glass and looking for a way out.

Her heart pounded, her pulse raced, her vision swam, and the room in the air suddenly seemed a lot thicker. Normally, being around Heartless made her feel uneasy, but this… this was something else.

I… I'm afraid. Why? Why am I so scared?

Within moments, she found herself inside of the tank. The Heartless swarmed around her and the room spun. A sickening sense of déjà vu swept over her as the Heartless clawed at her feet and legs.

"Someone, anyone, let me out of here!" She pounded on the glass, wishing she could remove the barrier, hoping to destroy it so she could be free. "Please—"

Something inside of her snapped. No. You've depended on other people for long enough. You're the only one who can defend yourself. Stand on your own two feet for once.

She cleared her head and called on the light deep within her heart. With a great flash, it obliterated all the Heartless inside the tank, and she collapsed to the ground.

When the light had faded and the swirling gases had cleared enough to see, a figure wearing a black coat and hood was slumped on the ground next to the tank. Its hands were pressed against the glass on the other side so hard its fingers shook.

Her Keyblade appeared in her hands, a defensive reflex that was practically second nature at this point.

"Who are you and what do you want from me?" she demanded.

The figure lifted its head as if it took a great deal of effort and staggered to its feet. Taking a step backwards to gather momentum, it lunged forward and struck the glass with such force that the walls of the tank shattered into a thousand pieces. Shards of glass flew through the air and landed on the ground like countless tiny bells ringing all at once. Kairi put up a barrier around herself just in time, sparing herself from death by a thousand cuts.

The figure wasn't so lucky. But it hardly seems to care that its hand was bleeding. It simply took a step closer to her and said, "Your heart."

His voice was familiar and yet not. It sounded awful, strained and low and hoarse, and she couldn't quite place it because it was nearly gone anyway.

Probably an enemy I've met before. Of course. It's never gonna end, is it? Someone'll be after me and my stupid heart full of light until the day I die.

"Sorry, it's already spoken for," she said. "I gave it to someone a long time ago." She ducked out of the way, her feet crunching on shards of broken glass, then steadied herself and charged.

He still hadn't summoned any sort of weapon, and when she swung hers at him, he simply used the darkness to teleport behind her.

"Who did you give it to?" he asked.

"None of your business. Someone like you wouldn't understand." A black coat meant he was probably an Organization member out to get her, and that made him an enemy.

She hit him with light magic that made him stagger backwards, and he cried out and clutched his chest.

"You're wrong," he said, his voice breaking. "I do understand. Kairi, it's me."

His hood fell back, and she couldn't believe her eyes.

"Sora?" She let her Keyblade disappear. "Is that really you?"

His voice was wrong and his appearance was blurred, like she was looking at him but couldn't quite see his face. And why was he wearing a black coat instead of his usual clothes? Why had the light hurt him?

None of this made any sense, but she couldn't deny what was right in front of her.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"I know," was all he said, covering his eyes with his hand.

"You know what?"

He was silent. Great. Even after all this time, he still wouldn't be honest and open with her. Hadn't he promised he would talk to her about what was bothering him? Then why wasn't he saying anything?

She felt like a broken record at this point. "Sora, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

"I'm here." His voice cracked as he said the words, as if they explained everything about his strange appearance here when really, they told her nothing at all.

She sighed. "Yes, you're here. What I'm wondering is, why—"

She started. His lower lip was trembling and his shoulders were shaking.

"Sora?" She took a step towards him.

He finally removed his hand and looked her in the eye, and his eyes were red and watery and so filled with sorrow that for a moment she thought something terrible must have happened.

She hated seeing him like this. Whatever it was that was making him hurt, she wanted to put an end to it.

"Kairi," he pleaded, holding his arms open wide. She didn't hesitate. She ran towards him.

As she did, the curious thought struck her that he needed this more than she did. This lab was from her nightmares, and yet Sora was here and begging her to come to him. Taking down each barrier, one by one, until nothing stood between the two of them.

Something about this place hurt him. Why? Why did it hurt him?

She was close, so very close to him now. But just before his arms could go around her and bring her into his embrace, the dream ended and her eyes flew open. She sat up, only to realize her heart was pounding and her breath was coming in short gasps.

"What… what was that all about?"

Her hand went to her heart. There was a throbbing ache there, and dream or not, the memory of her almost hug with Sora, of the denied touch and comfort, felt like a real, physical need. She was awake now, but she still wanted to hold him. She wanted to feel his arms around her, safe and warm and secure.

As she untangled herself from her quilt so she could do just that, her hand brushed against something hard and firm resting on the sheets near her pillow.

"My diary?"

"Aqua? Are you awake?"

"I am now." Aqua rolled over and opened one eye. "What is it, Ven?"

"I can't sleep." There were dark shadows under his eyes, and he was fully dressed.

She sat up and yawned. The strap of her black tank top slipped down her shoulder, and she sleepily readjusted it. "Nightmares again?"

"Yeah. I woke up, and I couldn't go back to sleep."

Aqua frowned as her brain tried to deal with this information. "How are you feeling now? Would a walk help?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe it'll get my mind off everything."

Her eyes flickered to the little cuckoo clock on the wall. 6:30 am. Well, it was early, but not so early she couldn't drag herself out of bed.

"Gimme a minute."

"Sure. I'll meet you outside."

Her usual hot shower could come later, after the walk. She stumbled into her clothes and ran a hand through her tangled hair. Her reflection in the old oak mirror stared back, blue eyes still bleary with sleep.

"About time for a haircut," she muttered as she pulled her hair back into the world's shortest ponytail. Maybe Kairi could lend her a hand. She made a mental note to ask her about it later.

Ven was waiting for her outside as promised. He fell into pace beside her, and they strolled along the empty streets of Radiant Garden. It was too early for even the food vendors to be out yet, but the scenery was nice all the same. Thatched houses lined the cobblestone streets, their dark roofs standing in stark contrast to the pink and purple of the sky.

"Big day tomorrow, huh?" Ven finally said.

"Is that why you couldn't sleep?" Aqua had had trouble falling asleep herself after the party. Tomorrow was the day they were going to rescue Terra. All sorts of thoughts had been going through her head in anticipation, to say nothing of the constant changes in her emotions.

"Partly. But there's something else, too." He clutched his chest, wrinkling the fabric over his heart. "Aqua, something's wrong. The nightmare I had earlier wasn't normal."

She paused. "What do you mean? How was it different from your other ones?"

Ven took a deep breath. "It was different because… because my heart felt like it was breaking all over again."

That was not what Aqua wanted to hear. Images of Ven with those horrible golden eyes flickered into her mind, followed by memories of his years of sleep, and she shoved them aside and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Ven—"

He looked up into her eyes, a pained look in his own. "I don't know why. I don't know why I'm hurting."

She hugged him. "It must be your memories of what happened, coming back to haunt you."

Even after they were free from Xehanort, he was still managing to torment them.

They continued on, eventually finding themselves by the Fountain Court, which had finally finished being rebuilt. They sprawled across the little footbridge and gazed into the water.

"Brings back memories, doesn't it?" Ven said softly. She studied him carefully in the early morning light. His hair still looked like a gust of wind had swept through it, fitting for his name. It framed his boyish features and contrasted nicely with his vibrant blue eyes. Despite the time that had passed, he hadn't aged much.

And yet, there was a world-weariness to him that betrayed what he'd been through. She supposed she was similar. No one spent as much time in the realm of darkness as she had without being affected, after all.

She turned her attention to her reflection in the water. A small voice in the back of her mind wondered what Terra would think. Would he notice the worry lines etched into her face and the crinkles around her eyes? What would he be like when they got him back? Would the years of her absence and Ven's long sleep be reflected in his face, too?

Her musings were interrupted by a splash of water to the face. She groaned and wiped water out of her eyes.

"Ven, please. It's too early for this."

"That wasn't me!" he protested. She turned to him in confusion. Sure enough, his face and hair were dripping water, too.

"Then who—"

A deep, throaty laugh was her reply. "Really, Aqua, who else would it be?"

No, it can't be. But it was. Terra was crouched low in the water nearby. His eyes were their natural color again, and they softened when he smiled at them. And his hair. His hair was no longer silver. It was back to its usual brown. The years that had passed were reflected in the crinkle lines around his eyes, but for Aqua that only made his face more beautiful.

She and Ven didn't hesitate. The three of them went sprawling, a tangle of arms and legs and overjoyed sobbing. No one cared that they were soaking wet. It didn't matter. In that moment, nothing else did except for the fact that Terra was here.

He welcomed them both into his embrace. She and Ven always used to tease him about how hugging him was like hugging a wooden board, solid and stiff and proper. But the years had changed him, either that or their long separation. He was the one who clung to them like his life depended on it now. Aqua melted in his arms, feeling safe and whole at long last. She let the tears flow freely. When she glanced at Ven, he was doing the same. And Terra, usually the stoic one, was the most emotional of them all.

When he finally let go, it was so he could look them in the eye. "Aqua, Ven, will you forgive me?"

Ven smiled up at him through his tears. "I think we already did, a long time ago."

"What you did while Xehanort had you wasn't your fault." Aqua didn't want him to blame himself, though she knew he would.

"Maybe so, but he still used me to do it. I have to atone for what I've done."

"Well, you can start by helping us defeat him then," Ven said. "Hang on, I've gotta go tell the others!" He sprung to his feet and took off, giving Aqua a knowing look.

It was just the two of them now. Aqua was very aware of this fact as their eyes met. Where had all the air gone? Her chest heaved and her mouth felt dry as she tried to get enough oxygen to her brain. Terra moved closer. She tried to steady the trembling in her hands, wondering if he could see how much she wanted to—

He pulled her close, and she pressed herself against him, glad she fit so perfectly in his arms. This hug was very different from the one they'd shared with Ven earlier, and Aqua could feel it in every place Terra's body came into contact with hers. She understood now why Sora and Kairi couldn't seem to go two seconds without hugging or holding hands or otherwise finding an excuse to shower each other with physical affection.

"I missed you so much," she whispered.

His grip around her tightened. "I missed you too."

She'd dreamed of this moment, over and over and over again, but nothing came close to the reality.

"Welcome back, Terra."

Terra's heart ached. Happy as he was to be reunited with Aqua and Ven, he knew the cost of his freedom, and he had to tell them. He had to tell her.

"Aqua, listen," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

She gave him a curious look, surprised by the sudden intensity of his gaze. "What is it?

"There's something I have to tell you."

Ven returned to them with Riku in tow before he could continue. Riku. He was a Keyblade Master now, doing what Terra himself had never been able to accomplish. Terra had never felt more proud in his life. He was about to tell him as much when he noticed the look on his face.

"Terra, um, welcome back," Riku said. "Have you seen Sora?"

Aqua knit her eyebrows together. "He's missing?"

"Yeah, we haven't been able to find him anywhere."

Terra, it wasn't your fault.

"It's my fault," Terra whispered, barely managing to suppress the rage welling up inside of him. He was furious at himself for his failure to protect Sora, horrified by what he knew must be happening to him right now, if it hadn't already.

"Terra?" Aqua asked. She tried to touch his arm, but he flinched away from her. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of this.

"He made a deal with Xehanort." His fists clenched at his sides. "I-I couldn't stop him. Xehanort threw me out."

Ven and Aqua simply looked at him in horror. Riku, on the other hand, was determined to get the whole story. He marched up to Terra and grabbed his shirt.

"What were the terms?" he asked, his voice low. Terra didn't answer. Riku repeated himself, dangerously calm for someone Terra knew was fuming on the inside.

"He – he traded places with me."

Riku released his grip. He closed his eyes, and his face scrunched up as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. "Sora, you idiot."

Aqua looked like she wanted to cry, and Ven's face was deathly pale. "I wish we'd never met him," he whispered. She wrapped her arms around him, and he buried his face in her shoulder. "We've brought him nothing but pain. Aqua, I was hurting because of him. My heart knew something was wrong, and I was just too stupid to see it. That wasn't my pain, it was his."

"Then we owe it to him to rescue him," Terra said. They all turned and looked at him. "I'm going to save him. Who's with me?"

Riku stepped forward. "I am." As his steady gaze met Terra's, Terra knew he couldn't have chosen a better successor. They were reunited at long last, ready to fulfill the oath they had sworn together so long ago.

In that moment, Terra thought that maybe, just maybe, they stood a fighting chance against Xehanort.

Dear Kairi,

By the time you get this letter, what I'm writing about has probably already happened. I went to Xehanort to make a deal with him. If I haven't come back, and Terra has, then that means Xehanort has agreed to my terms.

Before you say that there must have been another way, hear me out. Our plan wouldn't have worked. There's no way we could face the true Organization and save Terra without massive losses. And odds are good we would have just created the χ-blade instead.

I'm the one Xehanort's wanted all along. That was what he was talking about, when he said I could save Terra back at the Keyblade Graveyard. I know he won't be able to resist making the deal. Maybe he would be willing to trade you for Terra instead of me, but that's one sacrifice I can't make.

It's funny, but when it comes to my own heart, I have no problems putting it on the line. But just the thought of you getting hurt is unbearable.

Sorry I didn't tell you about my plan beforehand. I knew that if I did, you would've stopped me. It's why I pushed you away. You were right, and I hid what was wrong with me when you deserved to know the truth.

I know it's too late to apologize, but I want to anyway. Kairi, it hurt me to push you away. And I did a really bad job of it, which meant you got hurt even worse. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. My feelings are the same as ever, and you didn't do anything wrong.

The distance I tried to put between us was more for my sake than yours. I couldn't bear to be too close to you. I knew that if I allowed myself that, I wouldn't be able to leave you. But I couldn't… I couldn't stay away from you completely, either. So I settled for the most selfish option. I'm sorry.

I've got one last request to make. Please don't hold back if you have to fight me. It'll break my heart to fight you, and I really don't want you to come after me, but I know that's wishful thinking. Just… try to avoid the fight that will create the χ-blade. My heart and body are a small price to pay for everyone else's freedom and safety. I hope you understand.

If I have one regret, it's that our time together was never enough. I could spend entire lifetimes with you by my side and it still wouldn't be. You're my light, and without you, I'd be lost.

Right now, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my mind. But then I think of you, and I find the courage to move forward.

I'll treasure my memories of you till the day I die. Thank you, for everything.

Yours truly,

Sora

When Riku found Kairi, she was sitting on her bed and staring at the wall. Her head tilted to one side as he came in, but she didn't turn around to face him.

"That idiot promised he'd talk to me, and he thinks this," she said, lifting a small diary in the air, "counts as talking."

Riku's stomach churned. I can't believe you, Sora. Did you really think writing a letter would make up for what you just did?

"Oh, and don't get me started on the nightmares," she continued, her voice thick. "Because I had one last night, and he – he was in it."

Riku's heart sank. Ven had said he'd had nightmares, too, and so had Roxas and Xion. Didn't take a genius to put two and two together and figure out the common thread there.

"Really," Kairi paused and placed the diary back on her lap, "after all this time, he still doesn't trust me enough to tell me what's going on. Sheesh, who does he think I am? I'm not just some damsel in distress. I could have helped him. I could have stopped him from doing this."

"Kairi—"

"He's too much of a hero for his own good. Always putting other people before himself."

"Kairi..."

She laughed, her voice unnaturally high. "It's one of the things I love about him. But right now, I just— I want him here with me. I didn't want… I didn't want him to be brave. Is that selfish, Riku? Is it selfish to want him here with me?"

Her tears fell onto the diary, and they formed big wet splotches on its blank pages.

Riku had never felt more like punching Sora in his life than in that moment. He was furious at him for taking matters into his own hands again, ignoring all the careful plans they'd made.

Sora, I wish you could see Kairi right now. Then maybe you would've thought twice before running off and abandoning her like this.

But more than that, he was angry with himself for not seeing this coming.

How could I have missed all the warning signs? Some friend I am. I should have known something was wrong last night, and now it's too late. Now the darkness has you.

The thought of Sora in Xehanort's hands was still too much to bear.

I never wanted that for you. I never wanted you to go through what I went through.

But all the hoping and wishing in the worlds couldn't change what had happened, so he took a deep breath and focused on the one person he could help right now.

"Kairi."

She finally looked at him, face blotchy and cheeks streaked with tears. She wiped her nose on her arm, sniffing loudly as she tried to unclog her nose and throat.

"He's gone," she choked out.

"I know. Terra told us what happened."

This brought about a fresh round of crying. She cradled the little book in her arms and curled in on herself, her whole body wracked with sobs.

Riku couldn't take it anymore. He sat on the bed beside her and pulled her into his embrace. She sobbed into his shoulder, snot and tears mingling and spreading all over his shirt, but neither of them cared. He ran his hand across her back, whispering every comforting word he could think of into her ear.

Sora, this should be you comforting her, not me. No, she shouldn't have a reason to be crying in the first place, you idiot.

"He – he doesn't want us to come after him," she sniffed.

"Then he's stupider than I thought."

"No, he knows we will. But he told me to avoid the fight that'll make the χ-blade."

Riku scoffed. "The idiot just guaranteed it will be. You should have seen everyone when they heard the news. They'll fight to the death to save him, especially after all he's done for them."

"He knows that. But Riku, he begged us not to come. He said… he said he doesn't want to fight me. And I – I don't want to fight him, either," she sobbed. "But he told me… he told me not to hold back, and…" She trailed off, crying too hard to continue.

Riku sighed. What had possessed Sora to do something like this? He had a hero complex, to be sure, but this was a whole new level, even for him. It was going beyond heroics and somewhere into the realm of martyrdom. And while Sora had always had a sacrificial nature, this was less sacrifice and more recklessly throwing his life away.

Then it hit Riku. That was just it. They'd gone on and on about Sora saving everyone for so long that it must have finally gone to his head. His entire identity had become wrapped around his role of savior. Once that was complete, he saw himself as expendable, not even worthy of having his own life anymore. It was oddly self-centered, in a way. Riku only had to take one look at Kairi to see that.

"Don't think of it like that," Riku said. "We won't be fighting Sora. Not the real Sora, anyway. We'll be fighting Xehanort so we can rescue him."

"I – I want to save him," she whispered. "No, I will save him," she corrected, her voice growing stronger.

"That's the spirit. Come on, we have to go."

She nodded and wiped her nose. A fire had lit in her eyes. Riku didn't feel like smiling, but if anything could lift his spirits, it was Kairi's will. He'd always admired her dogged determination. No doubt it was one of the things Sora loved about her, too.

Sora, hang in there. We're coming.

A/N: A few comments about the development of last week's chapter. I was finishing up Dear Sora last August and was trying to figure out a way for Terra to be saved, since Aqua and Ven were insisting on it, when I got the idea for Sora handing himself over for Terra. I knew I had to write about it, but I also knew that Sora wouldn't do that unless Roxas and Xion were both saved, and by extension Naminé, too, so then I knew I wanted to write their rescues, too. And little by little this story came into being.

The Soranort theory is pretty popular with the fandom right now, which is great because I have found further inspiration from other fans. Special mention goes to didsomeonesayventus's oneshots Baptized by the Dark and Bitter Nectar, as well as chachacharlieco's art.

Kairi's experimentation isn't in the games, but it was hinted at in one of the KH novels and gettachristalready's post on tumblr about it provided the inspiration for including it in this story.

Just a quick warning that next week's chapter deals with dark themes and has some violent moments. More specific content warnings will be at the top of the chapter again like for Chapter 15. If you want to avoid spoilers, please skip them. As always, thank you for reading!