Chapter 23 – Mending

Terra had thought long and hard about all the things he wanted to say. He'd even run it past Ven and Aqua to get their input. But standing at the door of Sora's house, in front of the very person who had sacrificed himself to save him, he was completely tongue-tied. All his carefully planned words fled his mind and left him speechless. Sora was similarly quiet, various emotions warring on his face.

"Aqua made you some chocolate chip cookies," Terra finally said, offering a small bag of them to Sora. "She took over Riku's kitchen for a couple hours to make them." He pulled one of the cookies out of the bag and began munching on it. "It's been ages since I've had her cooking. She's good. Here, try one."

Sora stared at the outstretched bag. "Tell her thanks, but I'm not really hungry." He started to close the door, but Terra stopped him, grabbing a hold of it and refusing to let go.

"Sora, wait. I need to talk to you."

Sora gripped his hand and tried to pry it off the door. He was stronger than he looked; not as strong as Terra, of course, but there was real strength behind his grip that belied his size.

"There's nothing you can say that will change what happened, Terra."

Maybe not, but there was something Terra could say that might change how Sora saw the whole thing.

"Thank you."

Sora's eyes went wide, his mouth dropping open. "What?"

"I said, thank you. Thank you for saving me."

"But I—"

"It's true, I was fighting back against Xehanort. And Aqua and Ven probably would have set me free, had they faced me the way you all had originally planned."

He and Eraqus had been counting on that for years. They both knew seeing Aqua and Ven at the same time would give Terra the last bit of strength he needed to break free. But things had never come to that, because Sora had intervened instead.

"So you're saying I made everything worse?" Sora's eyes flashed. "Thanks for telling me what I already knew." He started to close the door again, and Terra had to wedge his foot in it to stop him.

"I'm not finished. Hear me out. You were right to worry about the risk to the Guardians of Light. Even if Aqua and Ven had set me free, they probably would have gotten hurt or captured, or if not them, then your other friends. You didn't want that to happen, did you?"

Sora shook his head. It was just like Terra had suspected. He and Sora had more in common then he'd originally thought.

"To protect them, you took it all on yourself instead," Terra continued. "You broke me out of my imprisonment and bore the cost of my freedom alone."

Sora said nothing, and Terra knew what he had to do. Words alone weren't good enough. Lowering himself to his knees, he touched his head to the ground at Sora's feet. "Sora, thank you. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for protecting my friends."

When he glanced up, Sora's eyes were misting over. "Terra, I—"

But Terra wasn't finished yet. He straightened and looked Sora in the eye. "There's only one other person who's done something that brave and selfless for me." He paused to smile. "She sees a lot of herself in you, you know."

In a way, Terra supposed they all did. But Aqua's selflessness, her sacrifice, was something Terra aspired to, something that had been a part of Sora all along.

Sora's hands fell to his sides, his gaze lowering to the ground. "I don't deserve the comparison." His hands balled into fists. "She never would have let something like this happen."

"And I never wanted you to go through it," Terra said. "I wanted to spare you all that suffering. I… I tried to find Aqua and Ven and warn them." He put his head in his hands. "But I failed. I failed you. That's why I was angry, when you came for me. I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself."

Something flickered in Sora's eyes. He was still fragile, too fragile; on the verge of breaking all over again. But Terra knew he couldn't let him become an empty husk.

"You aren't a failure, Terra," Sora finally said. He offered his hand and pulled Terra up. The skin on his wrists and arms was covered in ugly-looking welts and bruises, and he winced at Terra's grip.

Why… why hasn't he healed himself yet? The injuries weren't serious. Even Terra, whose natural talents didn't really lie in magic, could heal something like this. Sora was a much better mage than he was. Not as good as Aqua, perhaps, but this was well within the range of his abilities.

But Terra knew better than to say something about it. If Sora hadn't healed himself yet, it was because he didn't want to, as sad as that thought was. So Terra settled for telling him something else instead.

"Neither are you. Whatever Xehanort told you, you aren't a failure."

Sora gave him a look. "You never hurt Aqua and Ven the way I hurt Riku and Kairi."

"You're wrong. I choked Aqua and fought her. Then Xehanort used me to bring untold suffering to countless worlds. I've got more blood on my hands than you ever will. You didn't even kill Riku and Kairi, and I'm responsible for the suffering of thousands, no, millions of people."

Sora's expression darkened. "That isn't true. That wasn't you. I've talked to Aqua and Ven enough to know you wouldn't do any of that."

And that's where Terra knew he had Sora. "Listen to yourself. You're willing to give me a pass for all of that, but you won't even forgive yourself for hurting Riku and Kairi when they already have."

Sora gave him a wry smile. "It's easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive myself."

"But the forgiveness you need the most right now is your own. Trust me, Sora, I know."

Aqua and Ven's forgiveness had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders, but it was still easy to slide back into his old patterns of self-loathing. He'd hated the darkness in his heart before, so hating himself for what it had led to came easily.

But a heart filled with hatred, even if it was directed inwardly, was not much of a heart at all. That much he knew. He couldn't let his heart become like that, let alone Sora's.

"Yeah." There was a long, awkward silence until Sora cleared his throat. "Look, my mom wouldn't want a guest to just stand around outside." He opened the door wide. "Come in, if you want. Just… don't forget to take off your shoes."

Terra did as he requested, leaving his shoes in the low entry area before stepping up into the rest of the house.

It was much smaller than the castle Terra had grown up in. He caught a glimpse of a narrow hallway with two closed doors, but Sora led him past a steep staircase and through the living room into the kitchen. It was cozy and comfortable, just enough room for the stove, sink, cabinets, and kitchen table. They sat at it, a simple but sturdy affair made from wood. The chairs were slightly too small for Terra, but he made do.

In the corner was a picture of Sora and who Terra assumed were his parents. The photo was from when Sora was a kid, but even so, he looked remarkably like his father – same hair color, some face shape, same smile. His mother's hair was dark, darker than his, the shape of her jaw and nose different, but her eyes – they were just like his. Blue as the sky, full of life, sparkling with energy and enthusiasm. Only now Sora's had lost their usual spark. Yet another casualty of Xehanort's ambition.

Terra's attention turned to a small diary on the table. A ballpoint pen was poised over its open pages, but nothing was written in it yet. Sora cleared his throat and closed the book before sitting across from Terra.

"Oh, do you want anything to drink?" he asked. "We've got water, milk, mango juice, paopu fruit tea—"

Terra shook his head and offered one of Aqua's cookies again. Sora took it this time and nibbled on it.

"Well? What do you think?"

"It's good," Sora said. "Tell her thank you for me, will you?"

"You could just thank her yourself," Terra pointed out.

Sora sat back in his chair, lowering the cookie back to the table. With his free hand he traced the wood grains.

"Terra, how… how did you face her? How did you face Ven? After everything that happened, I mean."

Terra knew that wasn't the question Sora really wanted to ask, but he answered it anyway. "Well, at first, I wasn't sure how I would. But as the years passed, I wanted to see them badly enough that my drive to return to them outweighed my guilt. Trust me, when you've been separated from your friends for long enough, you stop caring about any guilt you might feel. All that matters is seeing them again."

Sora's voice was soft when he spoke again. "That I can believe."

Riku was leaning against the paopu tree of the Play Island when Sora found him. But as glad as he was to see his friend, he knew better than to make a big deal about his arrival. So he didn't say anything, simply summoned his Keyblade and charged. Sora parried the attack, and with that one of their usual sparring matches had begun. Just like normal, as if the last time they had faced each other Sora hadn't hurt Riku so badly he'd fallen unconscious.

"C'mon, Sora," Riku said presently, a sheen of sweat building on his brow. "You can do better than that."

Sora said nothing, simply continued his usual pattern of attack, a smooth, elegant dance. Riku easily dodged and parried his attacks, managing to land his infamous jump kick on his friend. Sora winced and staggered backward, and Riku shook his head and sighed.

"You're holding back. Don't. You can't fight Xehanort like that. When you fight, you have to fight to win." Sora had never failed to rise to Riku's challenge before. But now, he was hesitating, restraining himself.

"I don't want to win," Sora said, plopping onto the ground and letting his Keyblade disappear. "Not against you. Not ever again."

"Because you're afraid of your own strength. You're afraid of your darkness. You're afraid you'll hurt me. But most of all, you're afraid of yourself."

Riku was speaking of Sora's fear, but it so closely mirrored his own, back when he'd struggled to come to terms with the darkness inside him, that it felt like the pep talks he'd had to give himself back then.

His words had gotten Sora riled up. "Well, so what if I am?!" Sora said. "If it weren't for Kairi, Riku, I could have killed you. Doesn't that scare you?"

Riku shook his head, and Sora gave him a disbelieving look. "You can't be serious."

"I am. And do you really think Xehanort would have let us die? He needs us for his plans. The only reason he made you hurt us was to mess with your head." Riku charged at Sora, and at the last second Sora summoned his Keyblade and retaliated. Darkness crashed into Riku, and he flipped backwards and gave Sora a satisfied grin. "There it is. It's the darkness you've been trying to hold back."

Sora looked from his outstretched hand to Riku and dropped his Keyblade. "No, no, I don't want it, I don't want this!" He clutched his head, his chest rapidly rising and falling as his eyes filled with fear.

"It's a part of you now. You can't fight it, Sora. You have to accept it and channel it into something good."

"It isn't good! I've seen what it can do!"

"It didn't really bother you when you used it before." Riku sighed and picked up Sora's Keyblade, watching as it disappeared and reappeared in Sora's grasp. Sora immediately made it disappear again, as if touching it was like touching a hot iron.

"Kairi asked me to talk to you about it a while ago," Riku continued. "I promised her I would, but then I let everything else get in the way. I should have made more time for you. I'm sorry, Sora. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't have—"

"Shut up! I know I messed up! I know my heart's corrupted!"

Riku was startled at his outburst. "Corrupted? Sora, what on earth makes you think that?" He frowned and leaned against the paopu tree, looking at his friend with a critical eye. "Does that mean you think my heart's corrupted, too? Ansem had a hold on me a lot longer than Xehanort had you."

Sora's eyes went wide. "That's not what I meant!"

"You're free from Xehanort now. Kairi and I made sure of that, and so did you." There would be aftereffects, of course, like his increased ability to tap into the darkness, but it was nothing Riku hadn't seen in his own recovery.

"If we did, then why do I still feel like this?" Sora demanded, clutching his chest. "Why do I still feel… still feel…"

"Still feel what?" Riku asked softly.

Sora finally slumped against the tree next to him. "Dirty." He closed his eyes and rested his hand against his forehead. "I feel dirty. Dirty and used. Like Xehanort's taken everything that made me me and stomped all over it."

Riku sighed. "I felt the same way. It's why I couldn't bring myself to see you until Kairi insisted. But unlike you, I chose to give into the darkness. You only gave into it so you could save Terra. Sora, Kairi and I know you never wanted to hurt us."

Riku knew Sora didn't believe it, but it didn't make it any less true. If only Sora believed it about himself.

"He used Kairi, Riku," Sora whispered. "He used her to break me." He dug the heel of his hand into his eye as if that could stop his emotions from overtaking him. "And before that, I felt everything. He – he used my heart to access your memories, and Aqua's and Ven's and Terra's and Roxas's and Xion's and Naminé's and Lea's – he found them all. I saw everyone's memories and felt their hurt, all at once."

Riku wasn't really sure he wanted to hear how Xehanort had broken his best friend. But morbid curiosity got the better of him.

"And you held it all at once?" he asked. "It wasn't till later… with the Kairi stuff…"

Sora looked Riku in the eye, his own eyes filled with pain. "That's why he kept doing it. He was fascinated by it, Riku. He wouldn't stop talking about it, even while I—while I wanted him to stop. He kept saying how impressed he was, and it made me feel…"

Riku waited. While he thought Kairi might be a better candidate for this level of gut spilling, he wasn't about to shut Sora down, even as uncomfortable as all this was making him.

"It made me feel… like I was his experiment. He even asked me if I was really human."

Sora choked on the last word. Much like when he'd watched Kairi cry, Riku couldn't take this anymore. He put a hand on Sora's shoulder, and Sora took that as permission. He threw his arms around Riku, and Riku awkwardly returned the hug and patted him on the back.

"Sora," he said at last, when the hug was over, "are you really going to listen to what the bad guy has to say about you? What about what I have to say? What about Roxas and Xion and Naminé and Lea, or Terra and Aqua and Ven? What about Mickey and Donald and Goofy? Why don't you ask them what they have to say?" He glanced at the dock, his face softening. "What about what Kairi has to say?"

Sora followed his gaze, inhaling sharply at the figure tying her little rowboat. He placed a hand on Riku's arm.

"I can't do this. I can't face her."

"Yes, you can." Riku straightened and stretched. "Come find me afterwards. We still need to practice controlling your darkness."

"Riku, wait!" Sora was looking at him with an almost pitiful expression.

"Don't be like me. Don't be a coward. Remember how you felt, when you searched for me everywhere but couldn't find me? That's how Kairi feels right now. Don't make her go through the same thing I made you go through. She deserves better."

Kairi must have seen them, but she said nothing. She didn't even look their way. Instead, she wandered over to the entrance of the Secret Place and crouched low so she could crawl through.

"See? She's waiting for you to come to her on your terms."

"Kairi…" There was an unmistakable look in Sora's eyes as his hand instinctively reached out to her. Riku gave him a playful shove in her direction.

"C'mon, Sora. It's obvious how much you want to see her. She wants to see you, too. Just go talk to her, idiot. What's the worst that could happen?"

Sora turned back to look at Riku, nodding to steel himself. "Okay, I will."

"There you go." Riku smiled at his friend's retreating figure as he returned to his rowboat. Sora might think he needed Riku's courage right now, but he had everything he already needed within him.

And if anyone could get him to see that, it was Kairi.

The Secret Place was as cool and damp as always, which was a nice relief from the tropical sun. It hadn't changed, but Sora had to crouch lower than ever to get through. Thankfully, it wasn't long before he made it through the little passage, straightening once more to his full height.

"This is where it all began," Kairi said, not even turning around to look at him. She was on her knees, and her hand rested on the chalky outlines of the paopu drawing. Sora had the urge to turn around and flee. Of all the conversations, this was about the last one he wanted to have right now.

Her hand lingered on the drawing of him, gently tracing the outlines of his hair and cheek. "We had no idea what was coming." Her head drooped, red hair flashing against the dull gray of the cavern walls.

"You did. You remembered your home," Sora said softly. "This world was your shelter from what you knew was coming, and Riku and I were too gung-ho about taking the raft and going on an adventure to even see it."

If only he'd paid closer attention to all the hints she'd dropped about how worried she was. Instead, he'd missed most of them and brushed the rest aside. Some friend he was.

Her hand lowered, finding its place in her lap. "Did you read my latest letter, too?"

"Yes." Sora remained frozen in place, unable to go to her. She, similarly, didn't move, still didn't even turn around to look at him.

"I meant every word," she said, her voice cracking.

"I know."

She touched the drawing again. "I still want to make this real. But I know… I know, right now, that's not really—"

Sora couldn't take it anymore. He closed the distance between them and swooped her up into a hug. She gasped, then hugged him back so hard it was like she was afraid he would disappear the moment she let go. Her slight frame shook in his arms as she began to sob, and he brought her closer, hugging her the way he'd longed to hug her, holding her the way he should have held her instead of throttling her till she passed out.

This was right and good and real, the first time Sora had felt like this since Xehanort's possession. How could he have let his shame come between them when she needed comforting as badly as he did? He held her as she cried, feeling like crying himself.

"I'm here," he whispered. That was the only comfort he could give her. But maybe it was just what she needed. This latest round of hurt had been caused by him, so he had to be the one to heal it. And so he offered himself, the only salve that might help.

"I was so worried about you," she sobbed.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Her words reminded him of all the things he'd seen when Xehanort had tormented him. Her trauma was personal and intimate, never meant to be shared; but he knew it now and what he'd seen made his heart ache.

"Kairi, I saw what he did to you. When you were a little girl back on Radiant Garden."

Kairi stiffened in his embrace, then moved away so she could search his eyes. Hers were red and puffy from crying. "What do you mean?"

"He—he kidnapped you from your home. He experimented on your heart to see if it really was made of light. And after that, he must have cast you into the stars so you would lead him to me and Riku."

Sora's voice trembled as he tried to keep himself under control. He wanted to be strong for Kairi. Breaking down in front of her again was the last thing she needed.

Her face had gone pale, her expression strained. "So my dream was about that. I – I never told anyone. I barely even remembered it myself. Just fleeting images and feelings. Xehanort showed you what he did to me, didn't he?"

Sora nodded and brought her back into his arms. "You were so scared. You kept calling for your grandma. You didn't understand why Xehanort was being so cruel. I – I wanted to make it stop. I called your name, but you couldn't hear me. I couldn't do anything to help. I was just sitting there helpless as I watched him torment you. I watched him torment all of you, and I couldn't make him stop. They were your memories, and I – I couldn't make them stop."

It was all coming back in a horrible rush. All the memories, all the pain, and Sora couldn't make any of it stop. He was crying now, and Kairi didn't say anything for a long time as he wept in her arms. She just held him tight. When she finally did speak, her voice was filled with compassion.

"That's how he broke you, isn't it? He used our hurt to make you suffer, too." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Sora, I'm so sorry. What we went through was bad enough. We never wanted you to go through it too."

Much like when Donald and Goofy had cried for him, Kairi's tears were also healing his heart. He'd set out to comfort her, but somehow she had ended up comforting him instead.

"Your arms," she said when the hug had ended again, sniffing. She grabbed one and examined the damage, the wounds that were slowly turning into scars. "Here, let me heal them."

He watched as one by one, she touched them and worked her magic. The green light was soothing, calming, and the bruised skin was repaired to rights under her gentle touch. When she was finished, only the faint outline of the injuries remained, and perhaps they, too, would fade with time.

"Thank you," he said, his voice thicker than he was expecting. He lifted his newly healed arm to cup her cheek with his hand. Never again would he let his body be used to hurt her, to harm her. It didn't matter who was controlling it. From now on, it would only be used to show care, to bring comfort, to protect, to heal. Whatever she might want or ask or need.

It was a promise, a new promise, unspoken but requiring no words to convey. She understood, and Sora did, too.

He would keep this promise with his life.

A/N: The bow Terra did in this chapter is called a dogeza in Japanese, and it's the same thing Sora did when he begged Saïx to take him to Kairi. Depending on the situation, it can be used to show deference, to apologize, or to ask for a favor. In this case... yeah, no way something like this wouldn't have moved Sora deeply, hence why Terra decided to use it.

Anyway, I was pretty excited to share this chapter with you all. I've been wanting Sora and Kairi to have a moment together where they just comfort each other after everything they've been through, so this was very therapeutic to write. So were the scenes with Sora and Terra and Sora and Riku. Sure, I do enjoy angst, but writing the reconciliation and healing that can happen afterwards? Even better.

As always, thank you for reading!