He has a refill of his drink when he returns to the table, and his absence doesn't seem to have worried his friends. He surprises himself by referring to Sam as a friend, but he figures any friend of Steve's has got to be a good person.
The night gets later, and Bucky gets antsier. He excuses himself when his nervous grip creates hairline fractures in his glass. He ditches it on the counter, grabs a can of soda, and heads back to the table. To his relief, Steve is standing and shrugging on his jacket.
"Ready to head out, Bucky?" Steve asks with a smile.
"Yeah," Bucky replies, trying not to sound too relieved.
When they get home, Bucky warmly says good night, and is rewarded with a huge smile from Steve. He goes to his bedroom and dresses for the night, waiting quietly until he estimates that Steve will be asleep. He slips out the window, pausing on the fire escape to remember which way the bar is.
"What are you doing, Bucky," Steve asks mournfully, and Bucky cringes, turning to meet sad blue eyes through Steve's open bedroom window.
"I have to," Bucky mutters.
"Have to what?" Steve asks. His face falls as things begin to click in his mind. "Bucky, you're not," he hesitates, swallowing hard, "you're not the one taking out Hydra agents, are you?"
"You make it sound like it's a bad thing," Bucky snaps. "Why would you defend them?"
"I'm not defending them, Bucky. They're awful people, but there need to be rules. Nick Fury and his team are working on it."
"Well I'm working faster," Bucky yells, face contorted in anger. "They made me do awful things, Steve, and I relive it every night. I'm not their puppet anymore, but they do awful things without me, and they'll keep doing awful things until the day they die. I'm bringing that day a little sooner. I'm bringing an end to all this."
"Bucky, you can't do this on your own," Steve mutters softly.
"Can't I?" Bucky replies through his clenched jaw. He turns and hoists himself up onto the railing of the fire escape. "Don't follow me, Steve," he mutters before he disappears.
Steve doesn't follow him, but when Bucky returns, he's perched on the edge of his bed.
"What are you doing in here?" Bucky asks, shuffling his feet by the window.
"We need to talk about this, Buck."
"I don't want to. Just let me do this."
Steve frowns. "If you insist on doing this," he takes a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the floor, "at least let me go with you."
Bucky groans. "No, Steve."
"But—" Steve begins, but he's interrupted by Bucky whirling around and punching a hole in the wall.
"No, Steve! I have to do this and I have to do this alone. You're a good guy. This isn't the kind of thing you do. I won't drag you down with me."
Steve stands and pulls on Bucky's shoulder to spin him around. Their eyes lock, and a silent war rages until Steve breaks the silence. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line, pal," he whispers.
"You can't come with me here," Bucky mutters back.
"Maybe we could team up with the remnant of SHIELD."
"Steve," he says, and the tone in his voice is an echo from the past. It sounds like the apology he had to make when he left for the military without Steve.
"Don't," Steve replies. "I'm not a scrawny little boy anymore. Remember the Howling Commandos? Remember our missions? I can handle it. You don't need to protect me, Buck." He's supposed to be convincing Bucky, but the tone in his voice is more of a plea.
'I'm not protecting you from them," Bucky snarls, "I'm protecting you from me. You live with Bucky, but at night, I'm the Winter Soldier. I don't want you to see me like that." With the last sentence, his face falls, and his eyes drop to the floor.
"Bucky, I want to help you," Steve insists, trying to lean into his field of view.
"Then please let me do this," Bucky says, his voice a sad whimper.
Steve takes a deep breath and crushes Bucky to his chest. Bucky leans into the hug, though his arms hang at his sides. "It's your choice, Buck. I'm not going to try to stop you."
"Thank you," Bucky mumbles against Steve's chest.
"You want to go watch a movie?" Steve offers as he pulls back, but Bucky slumps and Steve has to catch him before he hits the floor. He's asleep, and Steve is concerned that he's out taking down Hydra by himself while he's so exhausted. He scoops up his sleeping best friend and lays him on the bed. He needs to get Catherine to distract Bucky for a few nights. Bucky came back from Catherine's rested. Steve closes Bucky's door softly, making a mental note to call Catherine in the morning.