Hey guys!
To koralina and pallada THANK YOU so much for your reviews. You are the only reason I posted another chapter.
I am really disappointed that I only got 2 reviews so I was asking myself to continue or not. Here is the new chapter. I hope you will like it.
Chapter 5 - Truth
"So how do you want me to call you? Lieutenant Casey, Lieutenant, Mister Casey?", the psychologist asked.
"Matt would be just fine."
"Great. So Matt why did I get a call to see if you are alright?"
"I think you already now that."
"No I'm sorry. I'm not interested in all this medical stuff and I like to get the people to know on my own. The only thing I know is that you where brought in yesterday, that you are a Lieutenant of Chicago Fire Department and that it has to be something serious because you are at ICU."
"I was trapped in an elevator yesterday, power went off due to a fire, no emergency generator kicked in so I was trapped in complete darkness."
"Scary."
"You tell me."
"And then you got injured or went out of oxygen?" Robert asked pointing at the oxygen Matt was still hocked at.
"Kind of yeah. I got a panic attack - pretty bad one."
"Uh. Serious trouble. Your first one?"
"First one for years yeah."
"How old where you when the first one happened and how old with the last one?"
"I don't know. It's long ago."
"I see. So what is it that got to you? The darkness or being trapped inside an elevator with a fire raging and nothing you can do against it?"
"I hate when I am not in control but that was not my problem."
"You are a Lieutenant, you are in control and you got a lot of weight to carry on your shoulders because you are responsible to make decisions. Wow that's really tough. I don't know if I could stand things like that."
"You get used to it and it's way better to be in control on your own."
"Yeah you don't get pushed around but you can't blame anyone if things go south."
"I don't need anyone to blame if I make a mistake it's all mine."
"You are an honest man Matt."
"My problem yesterday was the combination of all. Trapped in a dark elevator without any control."
"Have you been alone inside?"
"No. Gabby, my co-worker, she is a paramedic, she was with me."
"Puh, must have been scary for her too."
"Yeah I think so.
" You know even if I am a psychologist I never use elevators on my own. I hate this little boxes."
"Most of the time I can't use elevators because the building is on fire."
"Good one." Robert chuckled before facing Casey again.
"You need to stay in here long?"
"Don't know. Don't think so."
"You got some time off or you have to got back to work immediately. "
"I will get back to work of course."
"I know people which would love to stay at home for a while after being in a hospital and going through things like that."
"I like being at work."
"You are a Lieutenant of course you like being at work. Otherwise you wouldn't be in this position in your age."
"Right."
"Let's think about something, will you join me Matt?"
"Depends."
"I want you to tell me how your first day back is going, what your routine is."
"Okay."
"So you are getting up and have breakfast or are you eating at the firehouse?"
"Depends. Sometimes I eat at home, sometimes I catch something on the way, sometimes I eat at the firehouse."
"What will you do when you get back on your first day?"
"Grab something on my way."
"Okay and then you arrive at the fire house. Who is already there?"
"Nobody. Maybe the Chief or Severide."
"You are always in early."
"Yeah." "
Where do you go?"
"Straight to my office, then to the dressing room and afterwards to the kitchen to say hi to the rest and to talk to them."
"How will they react when you are back?"
"Worried."
"Worried about you not being able to work again?"
"Worried because it was my own team that got me out of the elevator. I am pretty sure that they will have a really close eye on me for the first days."
"Is Gabriela there as well?"
"Of course."
"How will she react?"
"Worried as well and motherly together with Shay." Matt had to smile a little at the thought. He could remember when Hermann was back on duty on his first day after the accident. Shay was all mother hen around him and Matt was sure that she and Gabby would pretty much be the same when he got back.
"It's a good thought to have someone that cares right?"
"Yeah."
"A motherly person." Matt just nodded.
"And then the alarm blasts off and you get called to a building where people are trapped inside an elevator. What are you going to do?"
"We will get them out."
"Who is going down to the elevator? Who are you going to send down?"
"I am going down on my own."
"And then the power goes off."
"I have a flashlight it's not a problem at all and I am secured to a harness."
"You are sure that nothing can happen to you?"
"You can't be a hundred percent sure of that but with my man up there securing me I am pretty sure yes."
"No sick feeling in your gut."
"No."
"What could have happened as you where trapped inside the elevator with Gabby. Why haven't you tried to get out, you know how all of this works."
"It was different."
"Why?"
"Because I don't like the combination of being trapped without having orientation or the opportunity to get out as soon as I want to."
"When did something like that happen before?"
"You really want to know that because I know perfectly fine where it all comes from."
"Then give it away Matt. I can use some extra time for another patient."
"As I was a boy I locked myself into the closet under the steps at my parents. My parents where fighting as usual and I heard a shot. It was my mother. She had shot my father. I was trapped for nearly the whole night because nobody was looking for my inside this little closet. Since this time I am not a big fan of being trapped in small spaces with complete darkness surrounding me."
"Wow. Matt I am really sorry to hear that." Robert said while Matt looked him straight into his eyes.
"I really got everything under control it was just a bad bad combination of things."
"Okay even if I get to a point now where you are going to get angry, and I am pretty sure you will, I don't think you worked up all this stuff that happened to you. You hate to be at home, you need people surrounding you, you became a Lieutenant because you can't stand the fact that somebody else is in control over you, over your life. You are looking forward to Gabriela being motherly to you because your mother was ripped away from you a long long time ago and you need someone to care about you, even if you don't see it right now. You can't pick a member of your team to go down the elevator to get this people out because you want to face your fear on your own. You trust your man with your life and you want them to think that you are fearless, that's why you are marching in first when there is a building on fire, that's why you go down that elevator shaft to get this people out." Robert pointed out while Matt was just staring at the opposite wall. His heart rate was giving away that he tried his best to keep in control.
"As a psychologist I can only give you the advice to find a shrink and get a therapy but you can only do this if YOU want it."
"Are you done?"
"Indeed I am. What do you think about the things I just told you?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Impressive. I would be really angry if somebody who knew me for 20 minutes would tell me things like that."
"You are just doing your job."
"Alright. I will clear you for duty and I will tell your doctor what I would assume."
"Yeah thanks."
"If you get to the point where you are ready to talk to a shrink, you can give me a call I can give you some numbers." Robert said handing Matt a card.
"I hope to hear from you."
"Yeah." Matt just said while letting his head sink back into the pillows after Robert left the room. He was angry about the things he had said even if he knew deep down in his heard and his mind that Robert was right. Only 20 minutes and he knew more about him than anyone else. He was damn good in his job.
Matt got into a sitting position and freed himself from the oxygen before getting the patches from his bare breast. He inhaled deeply as the alarm went off, Haley was in his room just seconds after.
"Matt what are you doing?" she asked getting off the horrible alarm.
"I talked to the psychologist and I feel good. I am fine and I want to go home." Matt said while getting to his feet.
"You can't just go home Matt. Your body is still weak you need to rest." Haley said while Matt got his hands onto the IV pole.
"Matt. Alirght. Just STOP!" Haley shouted getting Matt to look back at her.
"You have to trust me Matt. You are in no condition to be released."
"I'm fine."
"No you are not. I can promise you that you won't make it out of this hospital on your own. Your blood pressure will get all roller coaster on you and I am sure you will collapse before you get to the front door." "I want to sign my release papers Haley."
"Fine!" Haley snapped while Matt sank back to his bed as soon as Haley had left the room. He was shaky and he felt miserable but he wouldn't stay in this damn hospital any longer.
"Kelly! Oh thank god. You have to talk to Matt." Haley said as soon as she spotted Severide entering the ICU again.
"Why? What's going on?"
"He wants to fill out his release papers. He will not make it out of here without collapsing."
"I get it." Severide said before heading to Matt's room watching as Matt tried to get his trousers back on.
"What's your plan?" Severide asked watching his struggling and so damn stubborn friend.
"I am going out of here." "Haley told me that you are in no condition to even think about walking out of here."
"Yeah whatever."
"Do I need to point out that you are not even capable of dressing yourself?" Severide asked pointing at the trousers Matt was still trying to get on.
"You could give me a hand."
"And then what? Give you company on your suicide mission? No way man. I held your lifeless body in my arms once this week and I don't want to ever have this feeling again, did I make my point clear?"
"I get it but I am fine and I need to get out of here."
"You can as soon as you are in the condition to leave."
"Severide please. You know that I won't ask if it wasn't urgent."
"Why is it urgent?"
"You know that I hate hospitals. I would help you to get out."
"Oh come on Casey you won't and you know that!"
"Yeah maybe but I know that you will."
"Damn it. I will call Dawson and let her know what your plan is. If she is sure that you will survive this we will talk again."
"Good."
"Good." Severide said before walking out of Matt's room Haley already waiting for him.
"Haley I need to know if something life threatening can happen to him."
"No. He can and properly will collapse but nothing life threatening."
"I think I can't stop him."
"I know."
"I will give Dawson a call. She's a paramedic. Maybe I can leave Casey with her so she can take care of him."
"Oh I'm pretty sure she will take good care of him." Haley snapped causing Severide to rise his hands in defeat.
"None of my business." He pointed out before heading out to call Dawson.
….to be continued!
Hope to get some more reviews...