"I know I haven't been exactly straightforward with what turned me to the dark side," Kylo Ren said. "But maybe I can show you. Luke taught you how to use the Force to influence minds, yes?"
"Yes."
"Has he taught you how to go inside another's mind?"
"Luke and I could telepathically communicate, but other than that, no."
"We should probably sit down for this."
She trembled when it registered about what he wanted to do. They sat down bow-legged across each other. He offered his hand she took it. He posed her fingers across his right temple and let go of it.
"Keep your eyes on me," he said, "You want to know why I turned to the dark side?"
"Yes," she said faintly. She didn't know if she was ready to dive into his mind willingly, but she didn't have time to second-guess now.
"Focus on that question, and don't stop looking until you find it. I'll lead you to the answer you want. It'll be easy."
"If you say so. Ready?"
"Yes."
She gingerly entered his mind, visualized as the metal hallways she had seen in his dreams. Immediately she felt his pull down the hallway and to ignore what was going on behind the walls. Out of curiosity she touched a wall, but her fingers went through it. Moments from what she guessed was his childhood flickered passed her. He was always well-dressed, always well fed, and almost always alone. The memories slowed down to one, where a teenaged Ben Solo ignored his mother calling him down because there was 'someone to see him.' He knew it was his father.
He jumped to his feet when his mother burst into his bedroom and demanded that he came down. In a huff he followed his mother to the living room lighted by the cylindrical chandelier. His father was already lounging in his favorite chair, his greasy boots on the coffee table. Leia looked sharply at Ben, feeling her son's bubbling irritation that Han was clearly oblivious too.
Rey was pushed away from the memory and pulled along the hallway again. She focused on her question again, and was bombarded with shattered fragments of memories of his parents, of training with Luke, of standing among but never with the fledging Jedi order. Her heart raced with his growing unease of his place within the Jedi as he struggled to control his flaring temper. She stopped and touched the door in front of her, and was overwhelmed with rage.
"Why didn't you tell me about Darth Vader?" Ben Solo shouted at Luke, his voice booming within the tall, cold metal halls of the new Jedi temple. "Why did you hide it from me?"
"Your mother and I thought it was best to wait until we thought you were ready."
Rey felt a cold shock run down her spine.
"Mother knew? Did my father know too?"
"Yes. But Ben, you must understand something about your grandfather—"
"You never told me. None of you told me until the whole galaxy found out."
The scene muddied and cleared in a busy cantina where Ben sulked in a dark corner with a thumb-sized green glowing drink. Of course no one told him about Darth Vader. They must have thought him too weak to absorb such a truth. But his mother…his mother had the same Force sensitivity that he had, and she didn't tell him. She didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth.
A black cloaked figured approached him, mumbling under his oversized hood. The hair on the back of Ben and Rey's necks stood up on edge. This was clearly a dark Force user, and Ben put a hand over his light saber hidden under his robes.
"You are Ben Solo, are you not?" the figure croaked.
Ben didn't say a word, but the figure chuckled as if his silence was affirmation.
"I was initially surprised to find a Jedi of your caliber in a Rancor pit such as this, but after I learned of your lineage, I can understand the need to drown one's shame."
"I'm not ashamed," Ben shot back, his neck feeling hot. "My grandfather sacrificed himself to save my uncle."
"True. But what is your grandfather remembered for? He was a terror during the Galactic Civil War. He was the very shadow of death, and one of the greatest warriors to use the dark side of the Force."
Ben squeezed his glass until he heard it crack, and the glowing drink dripped between his fingers. He knew he should ignore the man and just leave, but something held him back.
"If you think you can goad me into turning to the dark side, you've gravely underestimated your target."
The figure smiled. "I agree, young Jedi. You have the potential to be stronger than Darth Vader, but alas…you are chained by family obligations and content with standing in the shadow of Luke Skywalker."
Ben wanted to throw his glass down and bring out his light saber, but couldn't. His entire body was held in an invisible grip, and the old man had not even lifted a finger. Not even Luke could do that.
"I believe you are greater, Ben Solo," the old man whispered in his mind, "but you must be willing to allow yourself to break free in order to achieve your maximum potential. Your family knows this potential well. Why else would they hide your heritage from you?"
Her forehead pushed onto his, both of her hands clutching his face and scalp. She opened her eyes and backed away, stuttering apologies.
"No, it's fine. You just have to be more careful of losing yourself in the other person's mind. But do you understand the pull of the dark side?"
"Yes, but it's not just the dark side. It's Snoke. I've known men like him before. He's using you—"
He stood up a little too quickly as he told her flatly, "That's the end of the lesson today. We'll start meditation tomorrow."
Rey didn't argue with him, as she was still shaken by the experience. She understood much more clearly now that Snoke had taken his chance with Kylo Ren when he was vulnerable, and that chance paid off. Was Kylo Ren hoping to seduce her to the dark side in the same way?
She sat in her meditative pose and pulled away from everything, breathing deeply and evenly. She had asked Kylo Ren to show her his turn to the dark side, and he did so. If she kept her vigilance against the techniques that she saw Snoke use on Kylo Ren, she should be able to learn the ways of the dark side of the Force without bending a knee to it.
The next day they meditated on Rey's emotions. Kylo Ren would ask her questions to provoke a strong reaction out of her, and she had to sit with that emotion and feed it.
"We'll start off easy," he said with a smirk. "How do you feel about me?"
She knew he was expecting "hatred" or at the very least "angry," but she needed to be honest if she expected to advance in her training.
"I don't know," she said, trying to swallow down the flutter in her throat.
He blinked a few times before finally saying, "How do you not know?"
"It's…look, I'm not upset with you at the moment and it doesn't make sense for a student to be angry at their teacher anyway. Let's try something else."
They moved on to figuring out what made Rey angry and to sit on that. Rey tried, but her concentration was often interrupted by the shivering fear coming from Kylo Ren.
Over the next few days Kylo Ren did his best to explain what drove dark force users. Fear, anger, and hatred were preferred emotions to use because they were generally the easiest for those who just began learning. But other emotions could tap into the various powers of the dark side: greed, lust, passion. While light users abstained from mortal desires, dark users relished them. These desires gave dark users the strength, focus, and determination to use their unfathomable power.
What Kylo Ren didn't tell her, but she noticed just from knowing him, was how destructive this power could be. As she looked for the desire that would unlock her path into the dark side, she remained cautious and her attempts at using it were weak.
"You're afraid of failing, aren't you?" he asked her in the middle of one meditation session.
"Yes, of course I am."
"Sit with that. Imagine not finding your crystal. What would you do?"
"Make a synthetic one, I suppose."
Just saying that left a bitter taste in her mouth. Of course she couldn't just make a synthetic crystal after wasting all this time and energy and food in her search. If she did that, every time she would look at her lightsaber she would be reminded of her failure. Luke would be kind to her, but out of pity, and that would make her failure sting all the worse.
No, she cried to herself, No, I can't let that happen. Where are you? I need to find you, I can't fail!
Something broke in her chest, and frantic energy flooded out of her and washed over and through the cave walls. A small chime rang from deep within the caverns and struck her heart. She stumbled as she stood up, hands outstretched in search of that same chime again. Kylo Ren approached her, and she held on to him like an anchor.
"Rey," he said as he shook her shoulder.
"Hrmm," she grunted. He never told her how exhausting using the dark side would be.
For a moment she thought she was floating, but her brain put together that her legs gave out and Kylo Ren was carrying her to the tent. He laid her down and pulled the covered over her. She grabbed his wrist with weak fingers.
"I felt it." Her words slurred in her mouth. "My crystal. It's hidden, but I can find it now."
"We'll look for it after you've rested," he murmured.
His warm hand clasped her cold one, and it felt nice. She was glad she had saved him from the snow, glad that she hadn't told Poe about him, glad he was here to help her navigate these strange caves. She didn't want him to let go her hand, and maybe he could sense that too, because he didn't let go until she lost consciousness again.