Hey everyone!

Thank you so much for all of your great reviews and for taking away my doubts...I am so glad you liked the chapter :o)

I would love to write a personal comment to all of you but I have so much going around right now that I spend all the time left writing to get you a (hopefully good) update. I am very sorry...I will get back to all of you as soon as I have some little time left...SORRY!

I have got a question (don't read if you haven't watched episode 1x19 and don't want to be spoilered): in the promo there was a scene where a gun was pointing at Casey and a shot fired...did I miss something in last night's episode? I haven't seen any of it in the episode?!

Nonetheless I really liked it. Severide was such an …. Did you recognize how depressed Casey was looking...how he risks his life talking to the dealers...damn...

I rewatched a few episodes from the beginning. We had a smiling, joking and laughing Casey...during the last episodes he was always so...dark...don't know how to explain it. Did you recognize this change too?

Before my thoughts keep going...here is the new chapter!

Chapter 15 – Going down

Severide had turned around after snapping at his weak friend like this. Now he was just sitting on Casey's chair staring at Casey while he seemed to be deeply in thoughts.

"How are you feeling?" Dawson asked several minutes later after controlling Casey's blood pressure again.

"Better."

"Are you sure all of this is because of you not eating and drinking well?"

"Yeah...why?" Casey asked recognizing the suspicious tone in Dawson's voice.

"Because the vitals are still pretty low. Casey what about getting you to the hospital to get you checked?"

"No!"

"Don't be a coward Casey!" Severide pointed out.

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Car accident." The alarm interrupted their conversation.

"I'm covering you. Just...head home, get some rest. You will need your energy tomorrow." Severide said while helping Dawson with the medical stuff she had brought for Casey.

"I'm fine!" Casey tried while sitting up slowly.

"Don't even think about arguing right now!" Severide screamed at him loudly getting Casey to look back at him but Severide was already heading towards the door. There was no room for discussions right now.

"Where the hell is Casey?" Boden asked looking at the medical equipment in Dawson's and Severide's hands.

"Chief Casey is sick and heading home. I will cover him up." Severide replied while taking Casey's position in the truck.

"Severide?" Hermann asked with a frown.

"Casey is sick." Severide answered quickly.

"His arm?"

"What is it with his arm?" Cruz interrupted.

"He was bleeding pretty badly." Hermann explained while Severide made a mental note to check on that. In all the panic nobody had even thought about that.

Casey still felt miserable as he got to his feet to head home. Even with the injection he had to hold onto the door frame for a second before he could walk the way to his truck. Casey knew that he was in no shape to drive but he also knew that he needed his truck tomorrow. The parole hearing. He defiantly needed to go home. He defiantly needed rest and he definitely needed to sort some major things out.

Casey tried his best to unlock the door with his trembling hands, holding onto the car for support.

"Lieutenant?' Mills asked concerned. He had watched Casey for several minutes. Even if he didn't know what was going on he could tell that something was wrong.

Casey turned around slowly, still holding onto his car while looking at the candidate.

"Are you alright?"

"Truck 81 is on call with Severide so what do you think?"

"I think that it's not a good idea to drive."

"Mills, go inside, clean up, do whatever you have to do, but leave me alone. Again this is none of your business."

"I'm sorry Lieutenant but I can't let you drive like this. Maybe I am just the candidate in this firehouse but I am also a paramedic and I know what can happen when people drive like this. I am pretty sure you don't want to have your team to cut you out of your truck which is wrapped around a..."

"I need my car tomorrow."

"No problem. I will get it to your house after night shift." Mills said stretching his hand out for the keys.

"Thanks." Casey said getting a shy smile from Mills.

"One more thing. This is the first and defiantly the last time you are ever telling me what to do."

"Of course Lieutenant."

Casey was relieved as the cab pulled into his driveway. He paid the driver and made his way to the dark house. He hated to be here alone. Casey opened his fridge and looked into the nearly completely empty space. Except a six pack beer there was nothing left.

He knew that there where some cornflakes but without milk they wouldn't be a joy. Casey sat down on his couch with the bowl of dry content and listened to the sounds in his house. The only thing he could hear was the crunching sound of the cornflakes in his mouth and the cold voice of his mother convincing that she had done it. That she had shot him.

Casey felt his stomach tighten again and smashed the bowl onto his table forcefully breaking it into pieces.

"Oh come on! I know right from the beginning that you were too weak and stupid for this. Damn your mother for convincing me that you can help me with construction."

"But Dad I can do it. Please Dad let me try. I am not to weak!" Casey could hear his childhood voice in his ears and he could imagine everything perfectly clear. How he had trembled under the way to heavy piece of wood. How he had been to stubborn to convince. How he hadn't dropped it until tears where streaming down his face. How his father had yelled at him to go and play with Christie's toys. How he had told him he was a failure and didn't deserve to be called a Casey

"I am not weak! I am not!" Casey heard himself yell but it was the pain that brought him back to reality to his dark and lonely house, to the shattered bowl, to the piece of the bowl in his hand that was cutting his way into his bare skin, to the blood that was seeking out of the fresh wound on his damaged arm. Casey screamed loudly. He screamed of pain. The pain he had suffered all those years ago, the pain he was suffering now.

The emotional pain, the physical pain.

Casey looked down at the fresh cut on his arm. He didn't move. He just watched how the blood made it's way down his arm, leaving a stream of red before finally dropping to the ground. Casey could still memorize the puddle of blood on the floor where his father had been bleeding to death. How was he supposed to be to be talking on that parole hearing?

"Hey Dawson, can I talk to you for a second?" Severide asked still dressed in his gear. Thankfully it had been a nearly quite night.

"Sure what's going on?"

"The parole hearing for Casey's mother, it's today."

"He is taking it pretty hard this time." Dawson said putting the little pieces of the puzzle together in her mind.

"I am heading to the court. Casey needs us Dawson. Maybe more than ever."

"Oh...Oh, no...I mean I..." Dawson exhaled deeply before continuing.

"I don't think he wants to see me there. You know it's a little complicated at the moment."

"I know but he needs you Dawson. He needs you as his friend. You have been there for him all the way after Dardens dead, so please?"

"What time?"

"10.30."

"I will be there."

Severide nodded with a smile still not knowing how much Casey would need Dawson today.

Casey had trouble to wake up in the morning, In the evening he hadn't been able to get upstairs to his bed and even after all the sleep he had got during the night he still felt miserable. He could feel his heart racing in his chest even if he was just lying on his couch. He had trouble catching his breath. He was cold but sweating at the same time. Deep down inside Casey knew for sure what was going on but he fought back the thoughts and slowly got up from his couch, just to crash into his table his vision playing tricks on him.

"Pull yourself together!"He said loudly.

Casey had no idea how he had manged the way to the court. He avoided to use the elevator but got into great trouble while using the stairs so he had to pause for a few seconds before he could continue.

"Severide!" Dawson said pointing towards the end of the hallway where Casey had just appeared. "Damn it!" Severide growled as he watched his stumbling friend.

Casey's appearance was more than miserable. He was pale as a ghost. Maybe he was even paler. Sweet was visible on his face and he seemed drunk.

"Are you drunk?" Severide pointed out directly.

"Severide? What...what are you doing here?" Casey asked looking from Severide to Dawson.

"We are here to have your back. God damn it, I can't believe you are showing drunk!" Severide said but got interrupted by Christie, who got over to them as well.

"Matt?" She asked with a frown slowly taking in the miserable image of his brother or what was left of her brother. She had been worried as she had accidentally meet him at their dad's grave. He was even skinner than she had imagined him. His eyes had no sparkles in it anymore, he was pale, his eyes had dark shadows and even without talking to him she had recognized the invisible weight on his shoulders. Now she wasn't just worried...

"Christie...hey...I..." Casey stumbled forward getting Severide to hold onto his arm.

"He is not drunk!" Dawson pointed stepping forward as well. She had watched Casey's miserable form silently.

"What do you mean? Casey what's going on?" Severide asked while Casey's body went completely limp right in front of him.

"Matt!" Christie screamed while Severide did his best to lower Matt to the ground as soft as possible.

"Dawson! What the hell is going on here?" Severide asked.

"Casey! Casey can you hear me?" Dawson asked slapping Casey's cheeks before rubbing his sternum.

"Damn it. His heart is racing!", Dawson pointed out after not getting any response.

"There...there is blood on your hand." A shocked Christie said pointing at Severide, who followed her eyes down to his hand with a puzzled look.

"That's not mine!" He said while Dawson, who had received a first aid kid from one of the officers touched Casey's arm, her own hand coming back with blood.7

"Severide all 911. Tell them they need to hurry. We have a patient with anemia going into shock." Dawson said while cutting through the thick fabric of Casey's jacket not prepared for what she fond. Dawson just looked onto the three deep and large cut's onto Casey's arm and inhaled deeply. There was not time to get emotional now, she needed to stop the bleeding. Severide turned around after ending the call stopping in his motion as he looked down at Casey's arm. "No." He whispered while looking at Christie who was starring back at him in shock. Matthew Casey had been falling apart right in front of them...

….to be continued!

I wish you all a great Easter time and hope to hear from you!