Chapter 18
" You seem to be in a good mood."
" Yeah I am." Dean placed a case of beers next to the storage room door and went back for another one.
For the first time in a long time, Dean could say that he truly felt happy. It wasn't that he was sad or depressed the majority of the time but mostly he was just going through the motions But this evening as he and Drew pulled the drinks for the shift tonight, his mood felt light and cheerful. He even caught himself smiling a lot and tried to consciously stop it but he couldn't. He just felt damn good.
It had been a couple of days since he and Seth had slept together and he was still riding high from it. This morning as he was making coffee, he felt Seth's arms wrapping around his waist and soft kisses being pressed into his back. He knew that Seth had spent the night at Roman's but he pushed that out of his mind as he turned around to kiss him as the coffee machine started. Dean's back was pressed hard against the counter as he and Seth made out while the coffee brewed. All this time, he had never figured Seth to be the affectionate type but as he pulled Seth closer against him, he figured that he had a lot yet to learn about the man.
" I'm guessing that it has something to do with Seth?" Drew placed another case near the door.
" Yeah you could say that." Dean replied grinning to himself.
Drew hesitated a bit before he spoke. Part of him wanted to know the answer to the question that he had in mind but another part of him knew that he would be devastated if he found out the truth. " So did you and Seth, you know," he glanced at Dean who had his hands on another case. " Hook up?"
Dean smiled broadly and Drew's heart plummetted. He knew what he was getting into and what the expectations were. It was his own fault if he had expected any thing to change between them.
" You could say that." Dean chuckled and picked the case and dropped it next to the ones at the door.
Drew grabbed Dean's hand before he could walk away. " Just say it." He tried to downplay his frustration and tried to keep his voice calm. " You guys did it, didn't you?"
Dean looked down at Drew's hand that was holding his. His grip was a bit too strong. His touch a bit too needy. He should've seen this coming. " Yeah we did."
Drew released his hold on Dean's hand. " I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to say congratulations or something?" Drew turned his head away. Okay, that part did sound a bit bitter.
Dean felt his elation leaving him. He had never intended to hurt Drew, but it had been inevitable wasn't it? He reached out and placed his hand on Drew's shoulder. " Drew I …" He stopped. He didn't know what to say. Yes they had an agreement but he knew how much Drew wanted to be with him. There was never going to be an easy way to do this.
Drew turned around and Dean's hand fell off his shoulder. His long blond hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail and he could see his handsome features clearly. He was studying his face and hopefully Dean wished that he found that he could do much better than him.
" Is this what you want?" Drew finally asked.
Dean nodded. " Yeah, I want him."
" I can tell." Drew pursed his lips. " So what are you going to do about Roman?"
Dean shrugged. " It's so fucking messed up. It's like I want to be with Seth. He's a fucking pain in the ass but like, I don't know. There's just something about him that I just need to have." Drew just watched him and Dean wasn't sure if he understood him or not.
" Then there's Roman. He gives me something that Seth can't . I feel like I can free fall around him and not worry about it because he's always going to be there to make sure that I don't hit the ground." Dean screwed up his face. " Does that make any sense?"
Drew pulled Dean against him, keeping his arms around his waist. " Does it make any sense to you?"
Dean shook his head and grinned sheepishly. " Nope."
He then looked at Drew and tangled his fingers in the blond ponytail. " Then there's you."
" Me?" Drew looked genuinely surprised.
" Yeah you." Dean whispered against Drew's lips before he kissed him.
The kiss was slow and sensual. Their tongues intertwining at leisure. Bodies pressed hard against each other, neither of them giving away.
When they finally pulled apart Drew felt his nerves sparking through out his body. " Dean... I don't understand."
" You're a good guy Drew." Dean ran his hands down Drew's arms. " You deserve better than this mess that I'm involved in."
It suddenly clicked to Drew what Dean was doing. " Is this it? You're cutting me off just like that?"
The hurt on Drew's face was easy to see and it didn't make his next words any easier to say.
" I like you too much to put you through this." Dean was trying to be as honest as possible with him. " It's for the best Drew." He freed himself from Drew's embrace and took a step back.
" I don't get you Dean." Drew exhaled sharply trying to keep his emotions in check. " How can you kiss me like that and then tell me that you don't feel for me like you do for Seth and Roman?"
" It was just a kiss Drew." Dean shrugged his shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal and went to get a case of wine to put next to the beer.
" Just a kiss?" Drew's voice sounded hollow. Dean kept his back turned. He could hear the tears that Drew was fighting back. Drew held the doorknob in his grasp. " I know that you're trying to get rid of me Dean." He took a big gulp as a tear ran down his cheek. Fuck. He shouldn't let Dean see how torn up he was from his announcement but the man wouldn't even look at him. " But you didn't have to be such an ass about it."
Drew opened the door and left the storage room. Leaving Dean to hear his last words repeating in his head in the small room.
" Romie! Put me down."
Seth squealed out in delight as Roman swung him around above his head. " You're going to make me drop my cotton candy."
" I'll buy you a new one." He swung Seth around one more time before putting him back down on the pier.
Seth hooked his arm through Roman's and laughed. Tonight was his night off and he had suggested that they hang out by the famous Santa Monica Pier. He was having such a good time with Roman that he forgot all of the complications with his roommate.
He pulled a piece of the blue fluff away from the stick and popped it in his mouth. It wasn't that crowded on a week night and as they walked away from the huge ferris wheel that glowed against the night sky, Seth couldn't feel anymore at ease.
Roman helped himself to a piece of Seth's cotton candy and then made a face. " I don't know how you can eat that stuff. It's so sweet."
" Spoken like a true adult." Seth took a huge bite of the sugar cloud and smacked his lips together as it quickly dissolved in his mouth.
Roman smiled as his boyfriend ate the cotton candy with gumption. He unhooked his arm from Seth so that he could hold his hand with their fingers locking. The way how Seth always took pleasure in the small things in life that he had never noticed or had forgotten from his childhood delighted him. They walked off the pier onto the beach as Seth finished off his cotton candy. He dropped the stick into a nearby garbage can and then resumed his leisurely stroll with his boyfriend down the beach.
The night was clear and the wind whipped sharply across the shore from the ocean. Seth pulled his leather jacket closer around his body momentarily wishing that he had gone with a wool trench coat like Roman. Nights in L.A. were very cold recently as the rest of the country was in a cold snap. But his jacket was a brand new Prada jacket that he had bought months ago that he hadn't worn as yet and he wanted to before it was deemed too last season.
" Are you cold?" Roman didn't wait for an answer as he wrapped an arm around Seth's waist and pulled him to the inside away from the ocean. Roman was using his body as a shield from the bitter wind to protect him.
He kissed Roman on the cheek as their walk continued. He scuffed his Jordans through the sand by kicking at the tiny dunes on the beach. Finally they came to a stop and Roman wrapped his arms around Seth's waist and it was his turn to kiss Seth's cheek. Seth rested his head against Roman's shoulder watching the waves crash against the dark shoreline.
" What's on your mind baby?" Roman asked as his lips brushed against Seth's ear.
" You." Seth answered truthfully.
Roman held him tighter and kissed his temple. " What about me?"
" How amazing you are." Seth turned around and placed his arms around Roman's neck.
Their embrace was tight. As they looked at each other Seth felt as if there was no one else in the world but him and Roman and it suited him just fine. A nagging thought about Dean entered his mind but he pushed that away. He wouldn't let that ruin the moment that he was having right now with the man that he didn't think that he deserved.
" You're so good to me Romie." Seth buried his head in the crook of Roman's neck inhaling the fresh scent of his cologne. His fingers playing with the smooth bun at the base of his partner's neck.
" That's because you deserve it." Roman allowed one of his hands to wander underneath Seth's t-shirt to touch his smooth skin. His fingertips grazing over Seth's spine. He always enjoyed his time with Seth. For all of his bravado and cutting remarks, he really was quite tenderhearted and patient with him as he learned how to make love to a man.
Seth moved his head away from Roman's shoulder, his cheek brushing against his cheek, beard bristling against beard until the warmth of his lips touched his. He readily accepted his mouth covering his and positioned his head at a proper angle to receive the kiss. Roman's lips sucked the remnants of the spunned sugar off his lips and Seth moaned softly. He could never give this up. He was kissing Roman desperately now. He wanted him to know that no matter how much he strayed he would always come back to him. Even if pretending that he didn't have feelings for Dean is what it took, he couldn't bear the idea of losing him. In Seth's mind, Roman was his until the bitter end.
Their lips were grazing against each other as their hips remained pressed together feeling the other's arousal.
" I love you Romie."
Seth's words were softly whispered against Roman's lips but he heard them all the same. " Seth," was all that he said as he kissed Seth slowly and softly wanting to savour this moment for as long as possible.
Eventually Seth broke away from the kiss. " It's okay Romie. You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know."
Roman shook his head. He moved the hand that was underneath Seth's shirt, further up his back. " No that's not it Seth. Of course I love you. It's just that I didn't expect to hear you say it first."
Seth's entire face lit up. " You love me Romie?"
Roman chuckled lightly. " Of course I do."
Seth squealed and jumped up wrapping his legs around Roman's waist causing the man to stagger a bit before regaining his balance. He planted kisses all over his boyfriend's face much to his amusement and delight.
" Are you ready to go home Seth?" Roman asked as Seth's lips trailed down the side of his neck.
" Uh huh." Seth replied distractedly.
" Seth baby," Roman was getting more aroused and the car was a long way off. " You're going to have to get down and walk if you want to get to the car."
" No!" Seth squeezed his legs even tighter around around Roman's waist causing him to almost stumble. " I want you to carry me."
Roman laughed and carried Seth a few hundred yards before he collapsed with Seth on top of him in exhaustion. " Seth come on. Get up."
But Seth smiled impishly and grinded his hips against Roman's through his jeans. " Right here feels pretty good to me."
Eventually they made it home, after Roman convinced Seth that he wouldn't want any sand in his ass come morning. Now they were both naked on Roman's large California King bed with Seth on his back and Roman right above him.
Seth slid his hands down Roman's back, over his ass, squeezing the muscular cheeks when he got there. He then guided Roman's hips down to his, sighing when Roman's hard cock rubbed against his. Roman was giving him hot open mouthed kisses all over his neck, collarbone and nipples. Seth was moaning and writhing in pleasure in response. There was just a way that Roman made him feel that Dean couldn't touch. Roman was his security, his comfort, his lover.
When Roman's tongue lapped against Seth's entrance it brought him out of his reprieve. Roman pushed his thighs further apart to have better access to him. Roman had never done this to him before and as the sensations pulsed through him, he gripped the cotton sheets tightly almost ripping them. When Roman's tongue worked its way inside him, he thought that he was going to cum from the stimulation. Just the whole night had been perfect. The walk on the pier, the cotton candy, walking along the beach, telling Roman that he loved him and hearing the words back. Now he was lying in the bed of the man that he loved and watched as he covered his quite lengthy cock with lube. When Roman was finished, he scooped Seth up in his arms pulling him in for a kiss.
" I love you Seth Rollins." He kissed Seth's shoulder before putting him back on the bed. " You came into my life and fucked everything up." Seth looked up at him a bit confused and apprehensive. " And I love you for it." He kissed Seth deeply as his cock pushed into him. Seth gasped into the kiss as Roman filled him.
He deserved this. Seth kept on repeating to himself. It would be at this most unfortunate time that his head would be filled with thoughts of Dean. No matter how hard he tried to shake them, they kept on coming back. He slipped up once. He slept with Dean and now his mind was trying to tell him that he didn't deserve the good man who was making love to him. He had already messed up a good thing that he had going. But he could fix this he thought. He could never sleep with Dean again. He tried to convince his brain of this even though his heart knew that it was a lie. Romie deserved the best that he could give him.
" Baby, why are you crying?" Roman stopped thrusting into him and looked at him most disconcertingly. " Am I hurting you?"
Seth feverishly wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand. He didn't even feel them until Roman spoke. Everything was just overwhelming him right now. " No Romie. You could never hurt me."
Roman didn't look too convinced so Seth pulled his head down and kissed him. " I love you so much Romie." His brown eyes searched Roman's grey ones trying to make him understand. " Please don't leave me Romie."
Roman could see that something was bothering Seth but he didn't want to push it right now. " I'm not going anywhere." He assured him.
" Promise?" Seth's voice sounded almost childlike and desperate as if everything he had in life hinged on this one question.
Roman nodded. " I promise." He kissed Seth and then resumed pumping into him. Seth clunged to him, keeping their lips fused together. Eventually they came together with Seth's nails marking a bloody trail on Roman's back, his lashes tinged with tears. He would do whatever it took to stay with this man no matter what sacrifices he may have to make.
" You had a late night last night." Dean commented as Seth came out of his bedroom after ten o' clock the following morning.
" Yeah." Seth poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at breakfast bar smiling to himself.
Dean noticed the smile on Seth's face and instantly became worried. " Did something happen?"
Seth smiled broadly. " It was amazing Dean. We went on the pier and then for a walk on the beach. It was so romantic."
Dean felt fear building up in him and his entire body becoming tense dreading what was coming next. " That's good."
Seth looked at him with happiness all across his face. " Do you want to know what happened next?"
Not really. Dean thought to himself. " What?"
" I told Romie that I loved him." Dean felt that first blow right in his gut as if Seth had really punched him. " Then he said that he loved me too." He felt that second blow right on top of the first one. " Isn't it amazing?"
Dean took a step back and found himself leaning against the wall. His mind was trying to process everything that Seth had told him. He and Roman were in love. He was nothing more than a mindless fuck to either of them. Seth didn't even care enough about his feelings to spare him from it. He had deluded himself into thinking that there could be something more between the two of them.
" I need ..." Dean fumbled and picked up his car keys from the counter. " I need to get out of here."
" Is something wrong Dean?" Seth asked coming over to him placing his hand on Dean's shoulder. " You don't look so good."
Dean looked at him and wondered how he allowed himself to fall for some one so self centered and obtused. " Yeah I'll be fine." He grabbed his coat from the hook near the door and picked up his sneakers from the doormat. He went out the door quickly before he got anymore questions from Seth. He pushed his feet into the sneakers and didn't stop to tie them as he raced down to the car.
He gunned the engine and the Mustang roared out of the parking area and down the street. He wasn't sure where he was headed but he had to go anywhere but to remain at home with Seth. He had hurt Drew and now Seth had hurt him. Somehow he felt that karma was paying his ass back and that he deserved it.
A/N: Sorry for having this chapter so long overdue but you know how Christmas stuff gets in the way for this time of year. Anyway, I just want to thank you guys who take the time out to review my story. It really does mean a lot to me to know that you guys are enjoying my work.