A/N: I don't own any of the wrestlers. I do own Will. Once again, it's all in good fun, folks. This chapter lays out the rest of the "cast", as it were.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 4: Miz Meets His Fellow Inmates

"But," Miz said, perplexed, "I see some of these guys every day. How are they here and not with the WWE right now? How are they not on Raw? They can't be two places at once too, can they?"

"Of course not," Punk sniffed. "They aren't Jesus, like me."

"Well then, how do you explain it?"

"Magic." Punk looked out into the room, his eyes narrowed. "They're evil sorcerers, bent on destroying the world. Or maybe they're aliens. I still haven't decided yet."

Miz surveyed the room. "Wait a minute. There's Orton. I bet he knows what's going on around here. Punk, let's go over there."

"We'd better not," Punk said, lowering his voice. "I think he's possessed by the devil."

"Oh, come on," Miz said, rolling his eyes. "He's not so bad…"

Just as the words left his mouth, Orton let out a roar of rage, his face nearly purple. He flung a game board across the room, bellowing, "Cheater! I'll kill you!" He lunged at his opponent, which appeared to be a stuffed monkey. Hospital staff members who had been standing nearby swarmed Orton and took him down.

"Still think so?" Punk asked with a smile.

"Maybe not." Miz sighed and went back to looking around the room. "What about Matt Hardy?"

"Matt or Matthew?" Punk asked. "Because if you get Matt, sure. But if it's Matthew, forget it."

"What? Oh, you mean that stupid YouTube thing he's been doing."

"No," Punk said, "I don't. He's got split personality disorder and depending on which personality's in control, you can have a very pleasant conversation or a very bad one."

"Okay then," Miz said. "Uh. Hm. Mark Henry?"

Punk chuckled. "Sure. He's always pleasant to talk to."

"A little bland, if you ask me," Miz said.

"Oh, I doubt that'll be a problem," Punk said, as he wheeled the chair up to the table where Mark Henry was sitting with Christian and someone else Miz didn't recognize. The third man looked familiar, though. "Gentlemen, I've brought you the Miz."

"Oh, good," Christian said, squinting at Punk. "Thank you, Orton."

"It's Punk," Punk said. "You really should wear your glasses, Christian. I'll leave you four alone."

"I hate my glasses," Christian grumbled. He squinted at the Miz. "What are you in for, Miz?"

"Apparently, I'm crazy," Miz said. "You?"

Christian sighed. "I'm as blind as a bat. I'm a danger to myself and others."

"I see. And what about you, Henry?"

Mark Henry blinked and said, "I'm a fluffy little kitten. Mew." He held up one large hand and pretended to bat a piece of paper across the table. "Meow."

"Uh," Miz said. "Sure." He looked at the third man at the table. "Hi. I don't believe I know you. I'm the Miz and you're…?"

"Awesome?" the man asked, chuckling.

Miz grinned. "Nope, that's me, too. Seriously, though."

"I'm not so good with names, actually." He nudged Christian. "Rey can tell you about it."

"Rey…?" Miz asked.

Christian cleared his throat. "Uh, he means me."

"But you're Christian…?" Miz said, clearly confused.

"Yeah. Well, here's the thing, Miz." He glanced nervously at the other man, squinting. "Uh, did you want me to tell him, JJ?"

"Please," said the man.

"JJ here is kind of… scrambled when it comes to names. He gets pretty much everything else right, but he can never quite seem to get anyone's name. It's… um, it has to do with some kind of brain surgery he had done a while back. So yeah, that's why he's here. It takes some getting used to, but once he knows who you are, you can always count on him calling you by the same name. It's just not your name." He turned to JJ. "What's your name, JJ?"

JJ sighed. "Kane. And you're Rey Mysterio."

Christian turned back to Miz. "I'm always Rey Mysterio, and he's always Kane. So what's Miz's name, JJ?"

JJ said, "Undertaker."

Christian raised his eyebrows at that. "Huh. Okay, you heard the man, you're the Undertaker."

"Great," Miz muttered. "What do I have to do?"

"Nothing. Just be aware that when JJ says Undertaker, he means you."

"This is so messed up," Miz said. "I get why you guys are here, but I have no idea why I'm here."

"Because you're crazy," Christian said with a shrug. "You said so yourself."

"But I'm not actually crazy," Miz said. "I mean, I don't think I'm a cat, I don't have multiple personalities, and I'm certainly not psychotic like Orton over there."

"Did you just point at me?" the recently sedated Orton bellowed. "I'll kill you!" He lunged out of his chair, falling to the ground and twitching uncontrollably.

"Uh, you may not want to point at Beth Phoenix," JJ muttered to Miz. "He doesn't like it. It makes him angry."

"Wait," Miz said. "So Orton's… Beth Phoenix?" JJ nodded and Miz tried to hold in his snickering. Orton renewed his bellowing and managed to crawl across the floor to the four of them. He bared his teeth and reared back, biting Miz just above the ankle. "Ow! Hey!" Miz said.

"Aww cheeh choo wa ame, unk" Orton said, around a mouthful of flesh.

"What?" Christian asked, as Miz kicked at Orton.

Miz managed to get his leg away from Orton, and the Viper snarled, "I said that'll teach you to laugh at me, Punk."

Punk walked up behind the Viper as he was speaking. "But I wasn't laughing at you."

"He was talking to Undertaker, Hornswoggle," JJ said.

Miz shook his head. "I'm going to have to get this disinfected." He paused. "You're Hornswoggle?"

Punk glared at him. "No, I'm Jesus. And if you'll just hold still, I can bless your leg and heal it right up."

"That's okay, I think I'd rather have disinfectant."

"It won't take but a minute," Punk said.

"No, seriously, Punk," Miz said, "I… Ow! Why would you do that?" They both stared down at Miz's Pepsi-covered leg. "You poured Pepsi in my wound!"

"It's blessed," Punk said with a shrug.

Orton cackled and rubbed his hands together. "Even now, the poison from the Viper is making its way through your system. You'll start to wither and die."

"I poured holy Pepsi on it, though," Punk said. "So he won't."

Miz stared at the two of them. "Uh, Randy, you do know you're not really a poisonous snake, right?" Orton shrugged and leaned against the wall, smirking. "And Punk… seriously, it's a freaking Pepsi."

"A blessed freaking Pepsi." Punk leaned over to examine the wound- a tiny little abrasion made by one of Randy's incisors. "See, it's healing up nicely already."

Miz groaned. "I've got to get out of this place."

"But we're having Chicken Pot Pie tonight," Mark Henry said. "Meow."

Just then, Will arrived. "Medication time, guys. Line up."

"Finally," Christian muttered. "These guys are a whole lot calmer once they're medicated. You'll see." He reached for JJ's arm and let the other man guide him past Miz and the others. "You may want to get that wound looked at, just in case, Miz. And by the way, welcome to D Ward."

A/N: JJ's condition causes him to scramble names, as mentioned above. I've got a running list of who's who that will probably show up at the end of the chapters as needed. I'll try to limit JJ's references to other people by name as much as possible, as it could potentially get confusing. So far:

Miz = Undertaker

Christian = Rey Mysterio

Randy Orton = Beth Phoenix

C.M. Punk = Hornswoggle

JJ = Kane