A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 7: Miz Meets Pixie

When he opened his eyes, Miz's first thought was that the room was way too bright. His second thought was that his chest felt weird. He flung the blanket back and stared down at his chest. "Uh."

Sitting dead center was a tabby kitten, so small it would fit into his cupped hand. "Meeew," it said, shivering. The cat's tiny eyes peered up at Miz.

"I see you've met Pixie," Punk said. He scooped the cat up, making Miz wince when tiny claws tried to take skin with them. "She's not supposed to be in here."

"Ow!" Miz said. "That really hurt."

"Sorry," Punk said. "Hold on, and I'll get some holy Pepsi and close that wound right up."

"No, that's all right," Miz said hastily. "I mean, it's fine. I think I'll just… um… yeah." He slid out of bed, taking a moment to steady himself. "See? I'm fine. Great, in fact. I've never been so great."

Punk shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'll be back in a bit. I'm going to take Pixie down to the nurses' station." The cat stared at Miz until the door closed between them. With a sigh, he grabbed his clothes and headed into the bathroom to shower and get dressed. When he came out, Punk was just returning to the room. "Sorry about that. She must have snuck past me this morning when I opened the door."

"Is that cat always loose in here?"

"No, she's usually shut up in the director's office or the staff area, but sometimes she gets out. She can be a slippery little thing. How she got on the bed, though, is another matter."

"You didn't put her up here?"

"Why would I do that?" Punk asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, I had no idea she was even in here. Maybe she jumped up." Punk shrugged. "Anyway, it's time for breakfast. You coming?"

"Sure," Miz said. "May as well."

"It's pancake day," Punk informed him. "Which means syrup. My advice to you is, avoid Matt if he starts eyeing your food. Pancake day is sometimes hard."

"Shouldn't they be checking him before he comes into the dining hall to see who he is?"

"Sometimes they don't catch JJ before he can say the name and Matt becomes Matthew in the blink of an eye."

"I'm more worried about him being Jeff." The two of them stepped into the hall.

"Jeff isn't too bad. At least you can usually distract him with something shiny or something sweet. Hi, Mark."

Mark Henry turned to look at Punk and Miz. "Shh. The world is about to end."

Miz frowned. "It is?"

"Yes."

"Again?" Punk asked. "You'd think dad would warn me about these things." He chuckled and pushed past Mark, into the sunroom.

"He's very confused, isn't he?"

"Who?"

"Mark."

"Oh." Punk looked thoughtful. "I don't think he's confused at all."

"He seems to have a lot of trouble telling what's real and what isn't."

Christian stumbled over to them. "Are you making Miz guess what's wrong with us?"

"Not everyone. Just Mark," Punk said.

Christian shook his head and turned to where he thought Miz was. He ended up facing a wall. "It's not that complicated. The man's a liar."

"Punk?" Miz asked.

"No, Mark. He knows that what he's saying isn't true, but he says it, anyway."

Miz frowned. "So when he said he was a race car driver last night and ran my wheelchair into the door, he was perfectly aware of what he was doing?"

"Sorry," Christian said. "But yes."

Punk pouted. "Why must you always ruin my fun, Christian?"

"Why do you think it's fun to make the new guy guess what's wrong with us?" Christian countered. "That's not very Jesus-like of you."

"I get so little in the way of entertainment around here, though," Punk said. "I may as well do something."

"Maybe you should use your powers for good instead of evil."

"Why does everyone always say that?" Punk grumbled. "I'm Jesus. I'm above evil."

"Oh boy! Paaancakes!" Matt rushed past the three of them, laughing. "I love pancake day!"

` "Is he Jeff now?" Miz asked Punk.

"Unfortunately," Punk said with a sigh, "that was pure Matt. Hey, Christian, where's JJ?"

"He's in our room," Christian said. "He wasn't feeling well this morning. Between you and me, I think they upped his meds again."

Punk winced. "That's never good."

"No," Christian said.

"Why isn't that good?" Miz asked.

"Because," Christian said, "usually when they up JJ's meds, the rest of us can expect some… problems. He seems to be the most sensitive to changes in his medication. They're probably already changing things for all of us."

"That seems… odd," Miz said.

"As I said, welcome to D ward," Christian said with a shrug. "They do things kinda weird around here, as often as not."

"We'd better go grab a seat," Punk said. "You do not want to leave Matt alone with the pancakes for very long or you won't get any syrup."

"Good point," Christian said. "Um, could one of you help me out?"

Punk sighed, taking Christian's arm. "You really should wear your glasses, Christian."

"But I hate my glasses."

Miz started to follow the two of them into the dining area. "Psst, hey, you. New guy." He paused, hearing the new voice.

"Who's that?"

"Who's what?" Christian asked.

"Man, not so loud!" said the voice. "Let them get out of the room first, new guy."

Miz sighed. "Uh, I'll just be a minute. I need to tie my shoes."

"You're wearing slippers," Punk pointed out.

"Yeah," Miz said, shrugging. "The kind that tie."

Punk rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever. C'mon, Christian."

"Great, now they think you're crazy," said the voice.

"I am crazy," Miz said, frowning, "or I wouldn't be here. Where are you?"

"Look under the big chair in the corner."

Miz crept over to the big chair and crouched down. The tabby kitten peered back at him. "It's that kitten again. What about it?"

"I'm more than just a kitten, pal," said the tabby. "I'm the guy who's going to get you out of here."

Miz stared at the kitten. "Okay, now the cat is talking to me."

"It's not the cat," someone said behind him, and Miz whirled to see Randy Orton. "You hear voices, like me. They're in your head."

"And they talk to you, yeah. We've all heard the theme music."

Randy sighed. "The voices are real."

"Don't listen to him," the tabby said. "He's crazy, clearly. But you're not. You're completely sane."

Miz snorted. "Right, completely sane and talking to a freaking cat in a hospital. Why do I think no one's going to buy that one?"

"I'm serious," the cat said with a growl. "There's nothing wrong with you that a long weekend away from this place wouldn't fix."

"Except for the fact that you're talking, of course."

"That has more to do with me than to do with you," the cat said. "Watch out!" It darted out from under the chair and streaked toward the dining room.

"Watch out for wh-" Miz started, but then Randy was on him, smacking him.

"I do too hear them!" Randy said. "They hate you!" The medical staff that seemed to swarm after Orton grabbed him and hauled him off of Miz. "I will kill you!" Orton screamed. "I will rip you apart!"

Miz stared up at the other man in horror while they sedated him. "If you guys are making the meds stronger, they obviously aren't working on him."

"They are, though," said JJ, who appeared in the doorway. "Beth normally starts screaming death threats immediately. This time, he managed to wait a whole five minutes."