I don't own anything that Dick Wolf owns.

He realized he'd forgotten to ask her about Atlanta only when he got to the precinct. She was already there since he had to go to his place to change, and they couldn't get in together since no one knew about what was going on between them.

She was talking to Fin and he gritted them.

"Heard you found an Amanda look alike" Fin said to Nick, and she frowned at him. But Fin just smiled.

"I just got a call from the hospital" Olivia said when she stepped out of her office "the vic from last night is awake, Fin, Rollins, go talk to her".

Amanda and Fin left the station and drove to the hospital. Fin asked about her vacation and she said it was fine. She needed to see her mom because she was calling her a lot lately and Amanda wondered if something was going on. She was scared that she might find Kim there, but she wasn't there and her mom said she didn't know anything. Amanda wasn't sure whether she should believe her. She didn't want her sister to be locked in prison, but if she knew where she was hiding she'd had to report it. So she decided not knowing was the best thing.

When she got there it seemed like her mom only called her cause she was alone. So they spent sometime together, talked about not important things. And then Amanda left. A few hours early even.

She had a hard time being there. She loved her mother but she wasn't easy. She was a lot like Kim. Well, Kim was a lot like her. She loved attention, she loved drama, she was a hard person to please. And for a long time Amanda tried, since she was a kid. When she realized it was too much for her and tried to focus more on herself she didn't really know how to do that. And that was when she started gambling. It was simple at first, she loved sports so why not to gamble on a game or two.

But it was a game or two only at the beginning.

When they entered the room Jenny, their victim, was awake. They introduced themselves and asked if they could ask her some questions. She said yes but it was clear she had a hard time answering with Fin in the room. He left and Amanda could see Jenny felt better. She told her she was attacked on her way home from school. She was in a play and they had a rehearsal. It ended pretty late but she still decided to walk home. She felt bad about it but Amanda told her it was not her fault. She couldn't remember a lot about the attack. She said she didn't see the man and all she felt was pain, she didn't notice anything else. She apologized again and Amanda reassured her that it was fine. Amanda wrote everything down. Jenny looked tired and Amanda told her she should rest and left the room.

Fin was outside talking to her parents and he introduced her to them. They thanked her and entered Jenny's room.

"What did she say?"

"She said she was on her way home from school, she couldn't remember anything about the attacker though."

"The parents weren't much help either" Fin said "let's go back to the station."

They shared the little information they had with Nick an Olivia. They knew they had to wait for the rape kit, the doctor said they found fluids. And hopefully it will help them catch this guy.

Meanwhile Amanda's thoughts started drifting to the Jane Doe.

She went to the morgue and asked the coroner for that DNA test. She knew it was stupid but she had to do it anyway, he promised it would be discreet, no one would know about it and he will give the results only to her.

She still didn't feel at ease. And decided to pay a visit to detective Weiss. Nick told her he was the one who called them. They met a few times but she didn't know him very well.

He was at his desk when she arrived and he looked at her when she approached his desk.

"Detective Rollins" he got up to shake her hand "how are you doing, you gave us quite a scare last night."

"Well it wasn't me" she smiled.

"I know, we got lucky with her prints. Why don't you sit down" he gestured at the chair next to his desk "I'll fill you in."

Amanda sat down and he handed her the file. Ashley Rice. Amanda looked at the picture in the file. That woman looked so much like her in the morgue, but seeing her like this, without bruises, she could tell there were many differences, even thought she still resembled her a lot.

"Ms. Rice here has a record. And that's how we found her."

"What did she do?" Amanda asked.

"Well, we're not sure why yet, but she had some sort of a melt down on a plane. It wasn't too long ago. Here's the report" he handed her a piece of paper and she read it.

"It seemed like she tried to attack a passenger"

"Any suspects?"

"Not the guy from the plane, he lives in Texas and wasn't in New York lately. We're looking at her acquaintances but she doesn't have many. She moved here less than six months ago"

"Oh" Amanda said "well if I there's anything I can do let me know"

"Of course" Weiss smiled at her and then waved to someone behind her. It was his partner, Harris. He was older and Amanda figured he must be close to retirement.

Weiss introduced them to each other and asked how it went with the Ashley's friend

"Okay " Harris said "she told me Ashley lost her parents not long before the flight and she had a hard time coping"

Amanda thanked them for sharing and they promised to keep her in the loop.

Later that day Amanda and Nick were at her apartment. They already ate and Amanda told him about her visit to homicide.

"I hope they figure it out soon" she said and Nick nodded.

"So how was your vacation?" he asked, they didn't have anytime to talk about it and he really wanted to know. But from the look on her face he knew she wouldn't say much.

And he was right, all she said was "it was fine, I don't know" she really didn't want to talk about it.

She didn't want to talk at all. So she got closer to him and touched his chest gently, just looked at him and bit her lip a bit, he loved it when she did that and couldn't help but smile at her.

"Did you miss me?" she asked.

"I really missed you" he said and kissed her. It was meant to be a light kiss but once their lips touched he just couldn't let her go. He pulled her close and felt her melting in to him. They loved teasing each other sometimes but right now both wanted to be as close to the other as possible.

When he felt the need to breath he let her mouth go. He took a breath and then kissed her neck. She loved feeling his lips on her and she closed her eyes and let her hands wander all over his back. He got back to her mouth and pulled her up a bit so he could carry her to the bedroom.

Amanda woke up with a smile on her face. She loved waking up in Nick's arms. It made her feel like she was at the right place, like everything was alright. It was calming.

She loved that.

She realized she loved many things when it came to Nick. Sleeping with him, waking up with him, talking to him, looking at him, standing next to him. The thought made her smile. She felt like she was having some teenage crush. But it wasn't a crush. She had to admit to herself she loved Nick. Did he love her? She hoped he did. He didn't say it but she didn't say it to him either. But Nick wouldn't be there with her if he didn't feel something. And she felt like she could trust him.

It wasn't easy for her though. She had trust issues as it is and with everything she'd been through with her sister she really wanted to trust someone. But she already trusted the wrong people before.

After her sister disappeared she tried to move on, but it wasn't easy. Work didn't get easier, the cases were tough and she took it badly when one of the victims killed herself. She knew it wasn't her fault but she couldn't help it, she blamed herself.

And than she got shot.

And that was like nothing she'd ever felt before. The pain was sharp and seeing all that blood, knowing it came from her. She felt so tired and all she wanted was to fall asleep, but she wasn't sure if she could wake up.

She adopted Frannie after that, her thoughts scared her and she didn't want to be alone. She thought she was doing better. She held it together during the Lewis ordeal and even after that.

But it wasn't easy for her when they had the case with that music teacher. She couldn't explain it, but she believed him, it seemed like she was the only one and suddenly she felt so alone. And it upset her.

She was so angry at her coworkers, at herself.

She didn't know it then, but she was already on the edge.

And then Nick kissed her.

It was after the case with Amelia Albers, the Coast Guard officer. She felt bad for suggesting Nick to ask Maria for help because they were not supposed to use it. But they won the case and she felt better.

She was walking Frannie later that night and Nick spotted her.

"Rollins" he called and she looked at him as he approached her.

"Hey" she said "taking a walk?" she didn't know what else to say. She walked this route every day and this was the first time she saw Nick there.

"Yeah, well Maria and Zara just left and I didn't feel like going back home yet so I just let my feet carry me" He smiled.

"Nick, I'm sorry about the file"

"It's fine, none of us knew and it's not like it didn't help so…"

Amanda wasn't sure what to say, but Frannie was getting restless so she asked Nick if he wanted to walk with them for a while.

"So how are they doing in DC?" she asked him.

"Good I guess, Zara is happy to spend time with her mom but I miss her"

She knew Nick was a good dad, being far from his daughter wasn't easy for him. For a moment she thought about her dad, and how easy it was for him to be away from her. It's been so long but she still remembered how it felt to wait for him.

"I'm sure she misses you too. She's a great kid" Amanda smiled.

"Yeah" he sighed.

He really missed Zara. He didn't want to be away from her, but he couldn't leave New York. He tried to see her as much as he could, talked to her almost every night.

And she really was a great kid, she accepted Gil so easily into her life. She was just happy to have a brother. And Nick tried his hardest to be a good father to him. It wasn't easy, not because Gil was giving him a hard time, no, that kid was excited to find out he has a dad. It was hard on Nick, reminded him of his father. He didn't miss him at all, he hurt his mother too much to ever be forgiven, but the fact he did that to her and abandoned them hurt.

He didn't want to be like that, to abandon his child. But he felt like he did. And no reason was good enough.

Cynthia and he decided to leave the past behind for Gil's sake and it was easier for all of them. Maria wasn't thrilled but didn't say too much about it. His mom was glad, she always said she wanted many grandchildren. Nick was pretty sure he didn't have anymore kids out there.

The thought made him chuckle and Amanda gave him a curious look.

"What?" she asked but he shook his head.

They talked about something after that, just everyday things, he was happy not to talk about work. And it was easy to talk to her. She was smart and funny, and he couldn't deny she was beautiful.

After a while she said it was late and they should be heading home. He nodded but they both just stood there for a moment. And he felt like something he couldn't explain, a knot in his stomach, but it didn't feel bad, it felt good. He didn't realize what he was doing until he felt his lips on hers.

She was surprised. She did not expect him to kiss her. She wasn't blind, Nick was a very handsome man. But he was married and they were just friends, not even good friends at the beginning, like she was with Fin.

But here they were. Kissing.

And she didn't really want to think about anything else. Her lip parted and she felt his tongue, she welcomed it. It felt good.

But then something happened and Nick pulled away. She wanted to kiss him again and leaned in a bit, but then she saw the look on his face, he had a shameful look.

"I'm sorry" he said "I shouldn't have done that, it was a mistake"

She wanted to say it was okay but he looked almost scared, he apologized again and then left. Amanda just stared at him. Was kissing her that bad?

She went home feeling upset.

Nick felt upset too, he wasn't sure what came over him, kissing her like that. They worked together, she was a good detective. But he couldn't just kiss her. He could still feel her lips though. And the feeling lasted for a long time.

The next day he apologized again, but she told him to just forget about it. It was a mistake and they were cool.

But it wasn't true.

She didn't admit it, but it hurt. She felt rejected, and she was angry at herself for feeling that. A couple of days later she was at the meeting with Nate, and he was good to her, and it didn't even seem like a big deal to sleep with him.

And even though they both thought it wasn't a very good idea they didn't stop. Not until she found out the truth.

And that was it.

Sitting at the table, looking at the cards she felt the familiar rush. "Hit me" she said and she couldn't stop. She started losing, and she was lost.

Nick felt bad, but it wasn't about kissing her anymore, it was about how he handled it. He wished he could just go back in time and never pull away from her. But she didn't seem to care, she seemed distant.

That day in the bunks, she was so close to him, and all he wanted to do was to kiss her again. Instead he tried to warn her about Nate, but she got defensive so he just let it go, but he couldn't deny he was hurt by the things she said.

He didn't talk to her about it after that. She offered him an awkward apology in Cragen's office and he took it. But he could tell she wasn't the same.

He had to focus on himself after Lewis's trial. He shot a kid and felt like everything was crushing down on him. He promised himself that he will fix it and try to get his old life back, he will reconcile with Maria and everything would be back to the way it was. And while he was only making things worst with Maria, Amanda was making things worst for herself.

He could tell something was wrong, but it seemed no one else wanted to believe him. She didn't want his help, and he couldn't help her.

Amanda was sinking.

Sometimes she felt literally out of breath. She needed it, to place a bet, wait for the game to finish, for the card to appear. For the magic.

She knew they were suspicious so she tried harder to hide it. And she thought she did pretty well, Nick let everything go.

When that young girl, Avery, asked her if someone was willing to die for her she had to say no. She felt like there was no one who would do anything for her.

It was tough after that.

When Larry Jones came looking for her, she wanted so bad to help him. She was thankful to Nick for helping her out, even though she wasn't sure why he did that.

But she failed. Sure, the charges were dropped and they arrested the coach, but Cedric almost died and he couldn't play football anymore.

She drowned.

She didn't realize it yet, because she won some money and gave Nate back the money he lent her. She slept with him before she did it just to prove to him she didn't do it as a thank you, she wanted to blow off some steam.

But she was in deep water and she had no air.