A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 8: Miz Wants To Be Somewhere Else

"Are you all right, JJ?" Miz asked. "Christian said you weren't feeling very well."

"I'm fine," JJ said, wincing as Orton let out a howl of anger and renewed his effort to break away from the staff. "Just a headache. Maybe we should go in to the dining room."

"Right. Um, did you see the cat…?"

"I saw her, all right," JJ grumbled. "She's a little troublemaker."

Miz shook his head and followed JJ into the dining room. JJ slid into the seat next to Christian and indicated that Miz should take the seat next to Punk. Glancing around, Miz saw that Matt was by himself at a smaller table. "Huh. Why's Matt over there?"

Punk glanced at Matt. "He and JJ don't sit at the same table, and since JJ is usually helping Christian…"

"Ah." Miz frowned. "Um, does anyone else hear something?"

"No?" Punk said.

Miz sighed. "Christian, do you have a box of Mizmallows in your pocket?"

Christian squinted at Miz. "No…?"

"Are you sure?"

"First of all, they're called Peeps," Christian said. "And the staff thinks it's funny to give them to me. And second of all, why would I lie about having them in my pocket?"

"I have no idea," Miz said. "But if you do have some, don't eat them because if you do, you'll have their blood on your hands."

"Wouldn't it technically be on my teeth?" Christian asked.

JJ frowned. "You've been strangely confrontational the past two days, Rey."

"Yeah, well," Christian said, "your name is stupid, JJ. So there." He stuck his tongue out.

Mark Henry strolled into the room. "Hi! I'm a twelve year old stamp collector from Brazil and my name is Ellis Edmore."

"That is so weird," Christian said, standing up. "I'm also a twelve year old stamp collector from Brazil named Ellis Edmore!"

"You are?" Mark said, blinking.

"Yes!"

"Well, hello!" Mark threw his arms around Christian and hugged him. "I think maybe we are twins that were separated at birth!"

"Definitely! We look just alike and everything."

Miz sighed. "I have got to get out of this place."

"Tell me about it," Punk said. "It's been a very long year."

"I know a way out." The voice came from under the table. Miz frowned and looked down to see Pixie sitting by his feet. "It's going to be dangerous, though."

Miz asked, "More dangerous than this place?"

"Who are you talking to now?" Christian asked, leaning toward Miz.

"The cat," Miz said.

"Pixie?" Punk asked with a frown. "The nurses must have let her out again." He peered under the table. "Here, Pix."

Pixie stared at Miz. "Unfortunately, you're going to need help from the others."

Miz gave Punk a worried look. "Did you hear the cat talk?"

Punk's expression was bemused. "I heard something."

"Now you're hearing talking cats?" Christian said. "They must be giving you some seriously strong meds."

"No," Punk said, "I heard it too, I think."

"Well, that's just peachy," Christian said. "Next thing you know, we'll all be hearing voices."

"I hear voices," said a very sedated Randy. Miz lifted his head and blinked at the Viper.

"When did he get here?"

"Who?" Christian asked, peering towards the entrance expectantly.

"Orton." Punk said.

"Orton's here?" Christian squinted at Punk. "Nice to see you, Randy."

"That's Hornswoggle," JJ said. "Beth is on the other side of me."

"I didn't see him come in," Miz said.

"You were too busy talking to the cat again," Randy said thoughtfully. "Which irritates me, but the voices aren't telling me to kill you… yet."

"Well, that's a relief, anyway," Miz said.

"It won't last long," Orton said, in a detached way.

"He's right," Pixie said. "He must have twenty epic meltdowns a day. It's fun to watch, so long as it's not directed at you."

"But you're just a tiny kitten," Miz said. "Why would he direct it at you?"

"Is the cat still talking?" Christian asked. "What is she saying?"

"She's saying…" Miz began, but Punk interrupted.

"She's saying to drink more Pepsi."

"Great," Matt said, "we get a talking cat, and it has commercial interruptions."

"She didn't say to drink more Pepsi," Miz said, irritated. "She said Orton has about twenty meltdowns a day."

"Only twenty?" Orton said. "That seems low, somehow."

Mark interjected, "It's more like a million. No, a billion!"

Miz rolled his eyes. The cat said, "Do you want out or not?"

"I don't know," Miz said. "What if I am crazy?"

"What if?" Christian said with a chuckle. "You're talking to the cat. I think 'what if' flew away on the happy train, Miz."

"You're not crazy," Pixie said. "True, your judgment is clouded, which is why you need them."

"What, all of them?" Miz asked.

"The cat wants to steal your souls," Punk said, "but I won't let it."

"Yes," said Pixie.

"That's not what she's saying at all, Punk," Miz said, frowning. "You're not making this any easier."

"How come you're the only one who gets to know what she's saying?" Punk asked. "You're crazy. You don't know anything. I'm Jesus, and I say that if the talking cat is going to talk to anyone, it's me."

"But she's not going to steal your souls," Miz protested.

"How do you know?" Christian asked. "Maybe she is."

"That would explain the evil look she was giving you this morning," Punk said. "And anyway, I've known her longer. She likes me. What makes you think she isn't talking to me?"

"You're not hearing what I hear," Miz said.

"Great song," Matt muttered.

Miz eyed Matt, then turned back to Punk. "How do you know?" Punk asked. "Besides, I happen to be fluent in cat. Are you fluent in cat, Miz?"

"No, I'm not," Miz said, "and neither are you."

"I'm fluent in shut the hell up before I kill you," Randy said dreamily. "Would you like to see?"

"What are you so angry about, anyway, Orton?" Miz asked.

Randy shrugged. "The lack of world peace. It really boils my blood how we as a species treat one another."

"Is he joking?" Miz asked.

"Of course I am," Randy said.

"Randy Orton is known worldwide for his wonderful sense of humor," Mark Henry said with a smile. "And I am a hummingbird. Zip!" He got up and ran around the room, making "Zip!" sounds.

"Someone make it stop," Miz moaned.

"I will," Pixie said, "if you're finally willing to listen."

"Are you going to eat those pancakes?" Matt asked Miz. "Because that syrup is going to waste."

Miz sighed. "Talk away, Pixie. I'm listening."