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Ch. 5 I'm Not Always on His Mind
(OWEN)
"I'm going out with Clare and a couple of friends tonight, I'll be home by curfew," I tell my parents as I get ready to leave.
"Be safe honey and say hi to Clare for us," Mom says as I'm going through the door.
I call that I will and lock the door, as I get in my car and start driving it occurs to me that my parents are going to be kind of disappointed when I tell them Clare went back to Drew. They've grown quite fond of her but we'll stay friends, assuming Drew doesn't kill me for the whole fake dating thing. Lucas, Mia and Clare are all coming together so I'll see them at the restaurant. We're meeting at Terroni, it's Clare's favorite and she's the pregnant one.
"Hey Owen do you remember Mia?" Lucas asks when we I get to the table.
"Yeah of course, hard to forget the DeGrassi student that became a model," I reply shaking her hand, "good to see you."
"You too, I've been hearing a lot about you from Lucas and Clare," Mia says. A waiter comes; we order drinks and look at the menu. "Everything on the menu is like 1000 calories," Mia complains after looking at the menu a minute.
"You can afford them," Lucas chides.
"Not with my job I can't, I think I'll just get the roasted vegetable salad with dressing on the side. What are you getting Lucas?" She asks him.
"Lasagna and big thing of garlic bread," he replies.
"I think I'll get the tortellini with pesto and salad, how about you Clare?" I question.
"Breadsticks," she sighs taking a crunchy breadstick from the basket on the table.
"That's not dinner," I scold her.
"I'm just not that hungry," she sighs.
"At least get some vegetable soup or something, you and the baby cannot survive on breadsticks," I persist.
"Fine a cup," she gives in.
The waiter comes over and gets our order then I talk to Mia a little about Paris and being a model. When our food does come we eat mostly in silence, only making a little small talk. Clare does eat her whole cup of soup and a few breadsticks, even a few bites of my tortellini when I offer it to her.
"Why don't we go to the Break Room and shoot some pool?" Mia suggests when we're done eating.
"Yeah sounds good," I nod.
"Yeah I haven't played pool in a while," Clare says.
"You want to ride with me?" I offer to Clare and she nods.
We all bundle up to go outside again since it's minus 23 outside. I unlock the doors and Clare gets in the passenger seat. I follow Lucas and Mia to the Break Room and Clare is silent the whole way. We park and get out; we're walking in when Clare starts to slip on the ice. I run over and catch her before she hits the ground, I help her to straighten and walk in holding her arm so she doesn't fall again. There isn't a free table right now so we order drinks and dessert then sit down.
"So Owen Clare told me that you're not really dating and the whole thing is a ploy to try and get her boyfriend to step up and be the dad," Mia remarks she doesn't sound mad or anything but there's an edge of something in her voice that makes me nervous.
"Uh yeah but I'm not taking advantage of her or anything, we hardly touch at all, just a c…"
"Owen relax," Mia smiles cutting me off, "that's not what this is about. I get why you're doing it and hopefully Drew will come around but what if he doesn't? Have you thought about that? Being around for Clare right now is great but what if Drew doesn't come around? What if he never takes responsibility? Are you prepared to? A baby is a huge responsibility and it's not going to do Clare any good if you're here for her now and not after the baby is born," Mia tells me.
Honestly I never really thought about what would happen if Drew didn't step up and take responsibility. I just always assumed he would, or at least would be made too, even though I know Clare doesn't want him to be forced into it.
"Well I mean I'm not going to marry her or anything, Clare's great but we're just friends I don't even think of her that way, but I'm also not going to abandon her. I'll always be there for her, that means now and after the baby whether Drew steps up or not," I assure all of them.
"Good that's all I wanted to hear," Mia smiles and Clare leans over kissing my cheek.
"Of course Clare won't be able to hide the pregnancy forever, eventually Adam and the others will find out. When Audra finds out she's going to force Drew to be involved," I comment.
"Yeah I know but I don't want him to be forced, if Drew gets forced then he's just going to hate me. Hate me more than he does now, and resent me and the baby," Clare laments.
"Why don't you worry about that when and if it happens," Mia tells her and Clare nods.
A table opens up and we grab it, we play pool about two hours and then Clare starts getting tired so we call it a night.
"Mia and Izzy are leaving tomorrow night, my mom's making a goodbye dinner for them you should come," Lucas tells me when we get ready to leave.
"Yeah sure, see you guys tomorrow," I smile hugging Clare and Mia then shaking hands with Lucas.
With the roads and traffic it takes me over half an hour to get home, Tris and his friends are watching a movie in the living room when I get in.
"You're home early," Tris says with a shocked tone like he can't believe I'm home before midnight, not that I can blame him.
"Is Clare okay?" Maya asks.
"Huh? Oh yeah she's fine she was just tired I'm going over for dinner tomorrow night. I'll be in my room," I comment and head to my room.
I watch TV for a long time but I'm not really paying attention, everything Mia said today is on my mind. Honestly I expected Drew to step up by now, of course he's been sent away and won't be back for six more weeks, hopefully he'll be ready by then but what if he's not? I'm not in love with Clare, not sure that I could ever be, to me she'll probably always be Drew's girl. I'm just not sure I could ever see her as anything but my best friend's girl. So what if he doesn't come around? I'm certain that Clare won't be alone; she'll have Lucas and his mom. When Adam and his parents find out she'll have them too and at the very least they'll help her financially and all, and she'll have me, as a friend but I'm not ready for a kid and I couldn't raise Drew's kid.
It all keeps me awake late into the night and I finally asleep around 4am, then I wake up a little after noon the next day. My family is gone so I make lunch and just watch TV until Clare calls and tells me dinner is at five which is an hour from now, so I take a shower and get ready to leave. Tris already told my parents I was going over for dinner so they aren't surprised when I wave to them as I'm going through the door. It's a quick drive to Luca's place and I park out front.
"Hey," Clare smiles opening the door after I knock. She steps aside so that I can come in and closes the door behind me. I hear everyone else in the kitchen and I start to go that way but Clare grabs my arm, "Sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to ambush you. It was Mia's idea but I should have warned you. I never expected you to be the dad if Drew never comes round and I kn…" she starts to ramble anxiously so I put my fingers on her lips to stop her.
"You talk too much. It's fine Clare, I mean the whole fake relationship deal to make Drew jealous was my idea. I proposed it without really thinking it through but it doesn't change anything. You know I'll be around and here for you and the baby, if you keep it," I tell her.
"I know, she smiles, "come on they're all in the kitchen." She tells me and I take off my jacket hanging it by the door then follow Clare into the kitchen. "Izzy this is my friend Owen," Clare says to a little girl that looks strikingly like Mia.
"Hi," Izzy smiles.
"Hi Izzy," I grin.
I greet Evelyn, Lucas and Mia then we all sit down. Izzy spends a while telling me about her weekend and how much she misses her dad at which point Lucas looks a little sheepish and very regretful. Clare stops eating about a ¼ of the way through her very small plate and I look at her.
"Not feeling so hot," she says pushing her plate away and leaning back in her chair.
"Are you getting sick?" Lucas asks.
"It's probably just morning sickness," Mia disagrees.
"It's not morning," Lucas points out.
"They just call it morning sickness because it happens most often in the morning Lucas, it can come on at any time of day," Evelyn tells him.
"Excuse me," Clare says getting up and running upstairs.
"Guess it was morning sickness, I hope it stops soon she isn't eating much and what she does eat seems to come back up," I comment.
"It usually stops by the second trimester, it did for me. The second trimester is the best in terms of how she'll feel probably, more energy and able to eat. She'll also get umm…" Mia pauses looking at Izzy.
"There will be a lot of hormones raging around," Evelyn says and both Lucas and I pinch our eyebrows together in confusion.
"She'll have certain carnal needs," Mia explains.
"Oh," I nod and then it sinks in that she just said Clare will be horny! "Oh, yeah uh…let's hope Drew's come around by then." I remark nervously, don't get me wrong I'd be more than happy to get her off but like I said she's always going to be Drew's girl and that might get a little weird.
"The third trimester will be pretty hard probably, especially as she starts getting bigger. For me nights were the worst, I could barely sleep and it was hard to get comfortable. I had to pee every five minutes, constantly had heart burn and sometime I'd start to fall asleep and Izzy would wake up and start moving around and doing summersaults. My mom waited up with me a lot of nights and a neighbor stayed with me," Mia informs us.
"I work most nights I can't stay up with her and Mom has to leave for work so early," Lucas remarks.
"No one has to stay up with me, I'll be okay," Clare says coming back in the kitchen.
"Yeah they do and if Drew hasn't stepped up by then I'll stay over," I assert in a firm voice so that no one tries to argue. Of course Clare's as stubborn as they come.
"That's sweet Owen but you ca…"
"Yes I can and I will and don't argue with me again," I tell her firmly and Izzy giggles.
Clare sits with us and doesn't throw up a gain and even eats a little dessert, a very little. She does start to look a little nauseas again though but she doesn't run from the table again.
"We better get going, we've got an early flight," Mia says after dinner. "It was nice to see you again Owen and being there for Clare is important."
"It was nice to see you again too, and to meet you Izzy," I smile and she smiles back at me.
"I'll be calling and e-mail me any time you need to," Mia tells Clare.
"I will thanks Mia," Clare smiles hugging her.
Everyone else says their goodbyes and then Lucas walks Mia and Izzy out to their car. I thank Evelyn for dinner, tell Clare I'll see her at school tomorrow and wave to Lucas as he's coming back in, then I drive home.
(CLARE)
"So what are we doing for your birthday?" Adam asks when he gets to his locker.
"When's your birthday?" Owen questions, he's leaning against the locker next to mine doing his best to appear like my boyfriend.
"Thursday," Adam tells him and looks back at me, "so what are we doing?"
"I don't know Adam, I don't really feel much like doing anything," I tell him.
"Come on Clare, I know you broke up with Drew but that doesn't mean you don't celebrate your birthday, right Owen?" Adam says.
"Huh?" Owen asks not really paying attention.
"You're the new boyfriend aren't you going to help her celebrate?" Adam questions.
"Yeah of course we'll have a party," Owen says and I give him a look, "a small one at my house. We can have it Saturday, the three of us and Eli I guess. You don't really have any girlfriends do you?" Owen asks.
"Just Bianca since Alli got sent to boarding school and Jenna moved away, and with Mia's back in Paris," I reply.
"Well they aren't girls but there's K.C. and Connor, Liam maybe," Adam adds.
"Dallas and Luke, maybe Becky, plus Tris and his friends and Lucas, Adam and I can plan it you just be at my house on Saturday," Owen tells me.
"Fine just don't let it get out of hand," I request.
"Hey you can trust me," Owen says with just a slightly evil grin.
"Yeah sure," I laugh taking off my coat stash it in my locker.
"What happened to your arm?!" Adam exclaims and Owen looks over.
I look at my forearm, where Adam was looking just a second ago, to see a large bruise from hitting it last night. "I got up to use the washroom last night and I tripped hitting my arm on the washroom sink," I explain as Owen looks at my arm gives me a concerned look.
"I have to get books come with me Clare," Owen says putting an arm around my shoulders to indicate that I have no choice.
"See you in class Adam," I tell him and he nods.
We go around the corner but instead of going to Owen's locker we go into the memorial garden. Tori is in there with Zig but Owen fixes this by telling them to leave and they rush out.
"Tripped or passed out?" Owen asks when we're alone.
"Passed out after throwing up," I confess.
"Maybe I should start sleeping over now," he comments.
"What? Owen no my body is making another life there's just a lot going on. Anyway I have my appointment at lunch," I remind him.
"Yeah which I'm taking you to and if the doctor doesn't think this is normal then I'm sleeping over," Owen asserts.
"Fine but I have to get to class now," I remark as the bell rings.
Owen walks me to class and says he'll see me next period; I sit at my desk and get out my book.
"Drew called last night," Adam tells me.
Drew has now been at Horizon for three and half weeks. He calls home about once a week and writes to Adam two or three times a week. He hasn't called or written to me at all, but I guess I am the reason he's there.
"How is he?" I question while opening my book.
"He sounded pretty good, he says he likes the rock climbing and they play football. He likes the hikes and camping the best," Adam tells me.
"Camping? In this weather?"
"Yeah Drew always loved camping, even when we were little," Adam smiles probably remembering some family camping trip from days past.
I want to ask if Drew asked about me but I know if he had Adam would have said something. Mrs. Dawes calls the class to attention and I do my best to put Drew out of my mind. After class Adam and I go to our lockers and sit on the steps until it's time to go to parenting class. We don't do much in class other than discuss family lifestyles and the decision to have kids. When the bell rings it's lunch, I say goodbye to Adam, follow Owen out to his car and he drives the couple of blocks to the clinic where I have my first prenatal appointment. I had no idea how to choose an OB/GYN so I just made an appointment at the Riverdale Medical Clinic. I'm given some papers to fill out and I sit in the waiting area next to Owen to fill them out.
"It's asking for the father's health history and family history," I tell Owen after filling out the mother's history.
"You could call Adam," Owen says.
"Then he'd want to know why I was asking," I point out.
"So just leave it blank," Owen tells me.
I fill out as much information as I can and give the forms to the nurse. She puts it in a folder with my name and gets up. "Come with me," she says walking down the hall so I wave to Owen, he grabs my purse and follows me back. "Put on the gown and the doctor will be with you shortly," the nurse says and then closes the door as she leaves.
Owen turns around looking at the wall but when he turns around to see a close up poster of a uterus with a fetus inside he goes red in the cheeks. He shuts his eyes tight, covers them and sits in a chair. I smile at the fact that he's being a gentleman and start undressing, I leave my bra on but everything else comes off.
"You can look now," I tell Owen after putting on the gown.
He uncovers his eyes and looks at me as I get on the exam table, we're silent for a few minutes and then Owen gets up. He starts pacing the room and looking in the cabinets, "What are these?" He inquires looking at the metal stirrups at the end of the exam table.
"Those are stirrups, I put my feet in them and they spread my legs so the doctor can see into m…"
"Ok got it," Owen says quickly as he cheeks go a little red again.
When there's a knock at the door Owen opens it and a male doctor comes in! I hadn't given any thought to the fact that my doctor might be male, he seems fairly young too. I bite my lip and suddenly feel very self-conscious and embarrassed.
"Hello I'm doctor Burns," the doctor says shaking Owen's hand and then mine.
"Hi," Owen and I say at the same time.
"You must be Clare but I don't see any information on the father," Dr. Burns comments looking at my file.
"Owen isn't the father; Owen is just a very good friend. The father isn't involved…yet but I'm hoping he will be," I explain.
"Oh I see, well lots of women raise children on their own," the doctor remarks but he does it in slightly condescending tone. I'm certain he thinks I'm some slut or I got pregnant at some drunken party, I see Owen tense up just a little when the doctor says this. "First I'm going to draw some blood," the doctor tells us getting a tray with two vials and a needle on it.
"Why?" Owen queries as the doctor starts preparing me to have my blood drawn.
"We have to test for a number of things, HIV for example," he replies.
"I don't have HIV, I've only ever had sex with the father," I reply getting a little angry.
"None the less we need to test for it as well as varicella and a few other things and do a hemoglobin screening," he says inserting the needle and I look away. The doctor draws both vials and then takes off his gloves and starts putting on clean ones. "Alright Clare please lay back on the table and put your feet on the stirrups I need to do a pap smear, cervical exam and a cervical culture."
I lay back putting my heels in the stirrups and scooting down on the table. Owen's cheeks go red again and he turns around making me giggle. "Why don't you just stand by my head and look at the wall behind me," I advise him so he does.
I've always hated pelvic exams, even from my female gynecologist; I always found them embarrassing and an intrusion. The doctor is doing things between my legs but I can't see what. The next thing I feel is a speculum going into me and I cringe, when it gets opened I gasp and take Owen's hand. He squeezes my hand but doesn't look. It's not painful exactly just terribly uncomfortable, then I feel something scraping and I know he's getting the pap smear or the cervical culture. I cringe again, biting my lip, this is so uncomfortable and feels sort of violating, Owen squeezes my hand tighter. Then I feel something else go into me and more pressure as he gets another sample. I think that he's done but now his fingers go into me and I whimper.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Owen asks angrily.
"It's all part of the exam Owen, it's only uncomfortable for a moment," Doctor Burns replies. "Relax Clare you're too tense and I can't properly examine your cervix," he says to me.
"I'm tense because you have two fingers shoved all the way into me between the speculum and it's incredibly uncomfortable!" I think but force myself to release a breath and my muscles relax a little.
Finally the doctor removes his fingers and then the speculum and I finally relax releasing Owen's hand. Dr. Burns tells me everything is fine and then spends the next hour giving me instructions or recommendations on everything from dental visits and diet to environmental hazards and miscarriage precautions.
"Okay you can go now unless you have questions or concerns we need to address," Dr. Burns comments when he's done talking.
"Yeah she's been getting nauseas, throwing up and passing out a lot and I'm worried," Owen tells him.
"Not to worry son that's all perfectly normal especially for the first trimester, you have to understand her body is building a baby with nothing but cells. It takes a lot especially in the beginning. Her morning sickness should dissipate in a few weeks, usually by the second trimester. The fainting will stop soon and when the morning sickness stops she'll get her appetite back. The baby will take what it needs from the mother to survive," Dr. Burns tells Owen.
"Fine but what about Clare? If she's not eating and the baby is taking what it needs what happens to her?" Owen inquires.
"Just make sure she's eating as much as she can, anything else?" Dr. Burns questions and I shake my head. "Alright then make an appointment with the front desk and you can call the clinic if you have questions," he says and leaves.
"We need to find you another doctor I don't like him and I don't think he knows what he's doing," Owen comments when the doctor is out of the room.
"He just doesn't have a very good bedside manner, he seems young I think he's pretty new at this," I point out.
"Yeah like that makes me feel any better," Owen responds.
"It's a clinic Owen I see whatever doctor is here at the time," I tell him.
"Okay why don't you get dressed and I'll go make you an appointment and I'll make sure he's not on duty for your next one," Owen offers.
"Okay thanks Owen," I smile.
He grins back and leaves the room; I take off the gown and get dressed again then grab my purse. When I get out to the waiting room Owen is already outside so I go out to him and we get in his car.
"I made you an appointment for March 5th and Dr. Burns isn't on duty, it's a female doctor but I forget her name. The appointment's at three but it's a Saturday so I can go with you," Owen informs me as we start driving back to DeGrassi.
"Thanks Owen, that's just six days before Drew gets home," I sigh and Owen puts a hand on my shoulder.
We drive back to school in silence and barely make it before the bell for last period. I slip into my desk slightly out of breath because I was running down the hall.
"You and Owen sneak away for a nooner?" Dallas snickers when I sit down and I smack him in the back of the head.
Dallas opens his mouth but Mr. Perino starts his lecture and Dallas shuts his mouth. When the bell rings and I stand after sitting so long I get a shooting pain inside. Although considering everything that's been inserted and poked into me today it's not so surprising. Bending over to get my backpack hurts a little but when I straighten the pain gets even worse. I bite my lip trying to stifle the painful cry but I whimper and inadvertently grab Dallas' jacket since he's next to me.
"Clare?" He asks tuning and putting a hand on my back.
"I'm okay, it's just a cramp," I tell him trying to let go of his jacket but I'm in too much pain and my fingers won't uncurl.
"You don't look okay, Becky go find Owen," Dallas instructs and I hear Becky leaving as Dallas helps me sit on the desk.
I'm still uncomfortable but the pain has diminished and I release Dallas' jacket. "I'm okay really, I got a cramp that was all," I tell him exhaling a breath as the pain starts to dissipate.
"Must have been one painful cramp," Dallas comments just as I hear running and I know Owen's coming.
"What happened?" He asks coming over with Becky and Bianca following.
"I stood up and got a cramp, I'm okay now and I'm sure Lucas is waiting to take me home," I tell him.
"Shit I didn't feed you at lunch, you need to eat," Owen says helping me to stand.
"So what were you two doing at lunch?" Dallas questions with a smirk.
"None of your damn business," Owen snaps at him, "let's get you out to Lucas and I'm going to make sure he feeds you. I'll come over after practice to check on you."
"That's not necessary," I tell him as we start walking out of school, Owen is carrying my backpack, his and my coat.
"I'm still coming," he tells me stopping just before the door to put my coat on me.
"Don't try and argue Clare in fact I'm going with you, I'll hang out for a while," Bianca says and I feel Owen relax. Since everyone is around he kisses me when we reach Lucas' car and I get in. "Hey Lucas I'm going to follow you to your place," Bianca tells him as the Ice Hounds and Becky start walking away.
"Uh okay," Lucas shrugs.
After Lucas starts driving he asks if everything is okay and I tell him what happened. He tells me to lie down when I get home and he'll get me some food. The funny thing is I don't feel hungry. Bianca comes upstairs to my room when we get home and Lucas goes into the kitchen.
"You sure you're okay? You think something's wrong?" Bianca questions when we're alone in my room.
"I think I had my first prenatal today and I had a speculum in me, the doctors fingers, a pas smear and got my cervix scraped for a culture so now it hurts in there. The doctor wasn't exactly gentle and Owen got mad at him but he made sure my next appointment was with someone else," I tell Bianca.
"Well at least Owen took care of it, surprised he didn't punch the doctor though. Sounds like you just need to rest. I'm gonna use the washroom, be right back don't go anywhere," she says going out of the room.
I hear the washroom door close and then my cell rings; I grab my purse from the edge of the bed where I dropped it. I don't recognize the number on the display but it's an 807 area code.
"Hello?" I'm greeted by silence and light breathing. "Drew?" As soon as his name leaves my lips there's a dial tone.
Update next Tuesday with Clare's birthday and her party.