A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Will. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 10: Miz And Pixie Debate Plans

"What do you mean, you don't have a plan?" Miz asked.

"I have a few ideas," Pixie said, "but nothing concrete yet. Why? Is that a problem?"

"Yes, it's a problem!" Miz said. "You said you were going to get me out of here!"

"Keep your voice down," the cat said with a hiss. "Do you want to bring everyone in here?"

"Is there a problem, Miz?" Will asked, poking his head through the doorway from the dining room.

"What?" Miz said. "Oh, no. No problem."

"I thought I heard shouting."

"I was practicing," Miz said. "Mark said we're doing a summer play."

Will shook his head. "Try to be more quiet, then," he said before withdrawing.

"Whew, that was close," Miz said. He turned to look at the cat, but the chair was empty. "Pixie?"

"I can't get caught out here again," the cat said, peering out from under the chair. "They'll lock me up and I won't be back for days. I'm lucky I got away twice today as it is. I have no doubt they'll be looking for me soon."

"Do you have somewhere to hide?"

"A few places," said the cat with a yawn. "But back to your situation. Gum."

"Gum?"

"Yes. You're going to need some. Maybe a lot."

"Okay. Why?"

The cat stared at him. "Don't question me, new guy. You want out, don't you?"

"Yes," Miz said.

"Then get some gum. That's the first step."

"And what's the second step?"

"You'll eventually have to chew it," Pixie said. "But first, the staff has to see everyone else chewing it."

"Ew! I'm not chewing used gum!"

The cat sighed. "No, you idiot. Each time you chew it, it should be a new piece. Okay? Geez, you'd think adults would know this. I'd understand if you were five, but you're what? Thirty?" She shook her head. "It's just common sense. I shouldn't have to explain it."

"Where am I going to get gum, though?" Miz asked.

"You're going to have to ask for it. Since most wrestlers seem to chew gum anyway, they probably won't think it's an odd request," Pixie said. "And since you can't really hurt yourself or anyone else with it, they probably won't say no. So get the gum, and chew a piece every day. You're going to need a lot of packs, so pretend like you're going through a lot of gum, all right?"

Miz shrugged. "Okay. What else?"

"There isn't anything else right now."

"Right," Miz said, frowning. "So your big plan thus far is for me to get some gum."

"A lot of gum," the cat reminded him.

"Fine, a lot of gum. And to chew gum every day, to make it look like I'm chewing a lot of it."

"Yes."

He sighed. "I don't know, Pixie. Forgive me, but this plan sounds kind of… stupid."

"I don't see you coming up with an alternative," the cat said, turning so she could groom over her shoulder. "In fact, you were practically begging me to tell you my plan."

"That's when I thought you had a plan," Miz said.

"I have the start of one," she retorted, "which is more than you have right now."

"How is 'chew gum' the start of a plan?"

The cat paused in her grooming, turning her green eyes on the man. "How is it not?" she countered.

"Oh, that's nice," he muttered. "I've always heard that cats don't give straight answers, and now I'm seeing it firsthand."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Alice in Wonderland?" he said. "The Last Unicorn?"

Pixie said, "Then maybe you've come into this with a prejudice against cats."

"I like cats just fine, thanks."

"And yet you expect us to be mysterious." She leapt down from the chair. "I'll see you tonight. I should have more ideas for you then."

"Where are you going in the meantime?" Miz asked.

"To take a nap," Pixie said, stretching. "What? You think these ideas are going to dream themselves up?"

%

"Why are you sitting out here all alone?" Punk asked, when he came into the sunroom ten minutes later.

"Honestly?" Miz asked, his eyes closed as he relaxed in the chair. "I couldn't take any more of it in there."

"Oh." Punk sat down in the chair Pixie had so recently vacated. "It can try the patience of a saint," he agreed. "Believe me; I know."

Miz sighed. "Sometimes I wish you were a mortal man, Punk. Just another schulb human like the rest of us."

"You'd want me to be like Matt or Randy?" Punk asked.

Miz opened his eyes and took in Punk's horrified face. He chuckled. "Maybe not. Maybe more normal than any of us here could ever dream to be. I'd like to have the voice of sanity speaking to me from someone other than the cat."

"She didn't seem all that sane to me."

"To me, either," Miz admitted, "but she's probably the closest thing we've got around here."

"Christian and JJ aren't totally bonkers."

"You have a point," Miz said. "I suppose I could ask them their opinions. I doubt either of them would steer me wrong." He frowned. "Sometimes you can be helpful. Thanks."

Punk shrugged. "Sometimes it happens without my knowing it. It's part of being Jesus."

Miz waved a hand. "Can we forget about you being Jesus for a few minutes?"

"I wish," Punk said with a sigh. "But it never really goes away, which means it's hard for me to move past it. Despite what my therapist thinks, I'd like to be wrong about being the second coming and the savior of all mankind. But I'm just not."

"Okay then," Miz said. "In that case, can you let me forget about it for a bit and just pretend you're a normal crazy like the rest of us?"

"Hmm, I don't know," Punk said. "Let me try it and see. Soup. Weather balloons. Toyota. How's that?"

Miz blinked. "I don't know. 'What's that?' might have been a better question."

"That's my version of acting insane. Naming off random items that are unrelated. Is it okay?"

"Uh, sure, we'll go with it."

"Oh, good," Punk said, "that means I don't suck at being crazy, then."

Miz smirked. "No, you're quite good at it, actually. You've got some amazing acting skills, Punk."

"Don't make fun of me, or I might show you my Orton impression," Punk threatened.

Miz held up his hands. "It was a compliment, honest. I swear. Don't bite me."

Punk shook his head. "Shows what you know. Biting is a last resort. Orton only uses it when he's exhausted all other avenues." He paused. "And I'd show you the bite he gave me in the dining room, but the holy Pepsi has closed it up and healed it nicely."

"Well, I'm glad to know it worked this time."

"What are you talking about? It works every time!"

Miz shrugged, not wanting to get into an argument. "So how bad is the fallout in there?"

"Christian apologized for insulting Pepsi, Matt's waiting out his return from Tokyo, and Mark made it to ballet practice on time. I'd say it's a happy ending—or at least as close as we can get to one in this place."

"I'm glad to hear it, then," Miz said with a smile.

"We should go back in soon," Punk said.

"In a minute," Miz agreed. "I just want a few more seconds of peace first, or it'll be hard to deal with."

"I've found that deep breaths help."

"Oh?" Miz said.

"Well, that and picturing myself killing whoever is annoying me," said Punk with a shrug.

Miz laughed. "Maybe I should stick with the deep breaths," he said.