A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 14: Miz Deals With Randy And Matt

Miz didn't remember drifting off to sleep. Before he knew it, Punk was shaking him awake. "Rise and shine! We have to go to breakfast! It's bacon and egg day."

"Why do all the days have themes?" Miz muttered. "And why are you waking me up to tell me what they are?"

"They don't all have themes," Punk protested. "Well, except for scary hat day. That one definitely has a theme."

"Don't tell me," Miz said. "The theme of scary hat day is scary hats."

Punk rolled his eyes. "Of course not. The theme of scary hat day is barbeque."

"How did I not know that?"

"Don't worry about it. You've never spent a scary hat day here."

"Is there one between now and two days from now?"

"No."

"Then God willing, I'll never spend one here."

"Are we going that soon?"

"I sure hope so."

Matt knocked on their door. "Hurry up! We can't have breakfast til you guys get in there."

"We can't?" Miz asked, looking at Punk, who shrugged.

"Mark says we can't," Matt clarified.

"Uh, Matt, you do know Mark's a liar, right?"

"Sure," Matt said. "But he's my friend and he wouldn't lie to me."

Punk and Miz exchanged a look. Punk sighed and put an arm around Matt. "One of these days, we're going to have to have a talk about how this lying thing works, Matt."

"Sure, sounds fun," Matt said, and Punk shook his head.

"Hopeless," Miz agreed. "Is everyone else at breakfast yet?"

"I think so. Christian and JJ were on their way when I came to get you guys, and Mark's already there, and I'm here…" Matt paused and counted off the guys on his fingers. "Who am I forgetting?"

"Orton," Miz said.

"Oh, right. He threatened to bite me the next time I woke him up." Matt wrung his hands. "You don't think he meant it, do you?"

"Knowing Randy?" Miz said. "He meant it."

"But we can't have breakfast without him. Mark said!"

Miz sighed. "I'll get Orton. You two go on ahead to breakfast."

"Really?" Matt said, smiling. "Thanks Miz! You're awesome!"

"That's what I keep telling people," Miz agreed.

Miz watched the two of them head down to breakfast before going to Orton's door. He knocked once, softly and was surprised when Orton pulled the door open, an irritated look on his face. "What?" He frowned. "Oh, it's you, Miz."

"Sorry," Miz said. "I told Matt I'd get you for breakfast."

The annoyed look came back with a vengeance. "I don't want breakfast this morning."

"Okay," Miz said. "Do you want to come down and hear about the cat's plan for getting out of here?"

"Are you going to tell me my part in it?"

"Er," Miz said. "Yes?"

"Then give me a minute. I'll get my lucky shirt."

"You have a lucky shirt?"

"It's covered in the blood of my enemies," Orton said proudly.

"Hmm," Miz said. "Maybe you ought to save it for when we're actually breaking out?"

"Oh." Randy frowned. "Good point."

Randy closed his door and the two of them headed for the sunroom. "So it's bacon and eggs day," Miz said.

"Is it?" Randy asked, smiling. The expression was disturbing on the Viper's face. It looked wrong.

"Yes?"

"I usually make someone cry on bacon and eggs day. I wonder why they told me it was oatmeal day?"

"I don't know. Punk said it was bacon and eggs day."

"Well, he would know, being Jesus and all."

"You seem more… mellow this morning."

"Do I?" Randy asked. "Maybe they've finally got my dosages right." He paused. "Hm, nope. The voices in my head are still there, and they're still suggesting that I RKO Matt and make him bleed."

"That seems kind of harsh."

"Well, they want me to wait til he's Matthew or Godzilla."

"Oh. Well, that's very… uh… considerate of them."

"I suppose it is," Randy agreed as they reached the sunroom.

"Yay, you're here!" Matt said, clapping his hands and running around Miz and Randy.

The Viper paused, smiling, and watched Matt. "Are you Matt right now?"

"I'm always Matt," Matt said.

Orton smiled and nodded, then RKO'd Matt. "Randy!" Miz shouted. "I thought you were only going to do that if he was Matthew or Godzilla."

"Ow ow ow!" Matt said, curling up in a ball.

"He was annoying me," said Randy with a shrug, the smile still firmly in place.

"Right," Miz muttered. He turned to look at the rest of the room. Mark was nowhere to be found. "Where's Mark?"

"He went into the dining room," JJ said.

"Uh oh," Punk muttered, and the rest of them followed him as he dashed through the door to the dining room.

Mark was happily eating everything. "Mark!" Matt said, tears in his eyes. "You said we had to wait!"

Punk sidled up to Miz. "He's sliding into Jeff again," he said. "Better get some candy or something from Christian."

Miz pulled a pack of gum out of his pocket. "Hey, Jeff, do you want some gum?"

Matt turned to stare at Miz. "Yes?" he asked with a sniffle.

"Okay," Miz said. "Come on. I'll give you the whole pack, but you have to promise to not stuff it in your mouth all at once."

"Even if he promises, he won't keep the promise," Christian said.

"I know," Miz muttered. "Jeff, I've got a special job for you in a couple days, but I have to know that you can chew this pack of gum slowly."

"I can!" Matt said, beaming. "I'm really good at chewing gum. Except when it loses its' flavor. Then it's gross." He wrinkled his nose up.

"Well, of course," Miz said. "No one blames you there, buddy." He held out the pack of gum to Matt. "It's yours if you want it."

"This isn't a trick, is it?" Matt asked. "Because sometimes people are mean to me!" He glared at Orton, who lunged at him, making Matt flinch and cry.

"Stop it, Randy," Miz said. "No, it's not a trick. I want us to be friends, Jeff. Here." He held out the gum.

Matt stared at the gum for a long moment, then looked up at Miz's face, his brow furrowed in thought. Then he smiled and said, "Okay!" and he snatched the gum from Miz's outstretched hand. When no retribution followed the move, Matt opened the pack of gum and began happily stuffing as much of it as he could into his mouth.

"I'd have hit him," Randy said.

"You did hit him," Miz muttered.

Randy shrugged. "True enough."

"That's great," Punk sighed, watching Matt stuff the gum into his mouth. "He's going to be on a major sugar high."

Miz grinned. "I doubt it," he said. "That's sugarless gum."

"Doesn't matter," Punk said. "Jeff is the eighth wonder of the world. He can get a sugar high off of sugarless gum. Unless it's full of tranqulizers, he'll be bouncing off the walls in a minute or less."

"It doesn't matter," Miz said. "I need a gum chewer, and I think Jeff is the right one for the job." He looked at Randy. "Does he go into Jeff mode whenever you attack him unprovoked like that every time?"

"I don't know," said the Viper thoughtfully. "Do you want me to experiment and find out?"

Miz sighed. "As mean as it sounds, yes. I need to know."