Ten chapters! Thanks to everyone who reads and especially those that take the time to review.
Ch.10 Darling Please Believe Me
(DREW)
"We'll make the laundry closet separate and put in a door here where Dallas' room currently is," Glen tells us. It was Saturday morning, Glen and Jake were here to go over the plans for the basement renovations and we were all sitting around the kitchen table. "That will become the nursery, which will attach by a door to your bedroom, Glen says looking at me and Clare. "To get to the laundry you and Drew will have to go through the nursery, we'll be installing hookups and a washer and dryer up here in the closet behind the kitchen. Now your room and the nursery will be fairly small but at least you'll have privacy while still maintaining the living room and kitchen area."
"It all sounds great, thank you Glen and thank you Jake," Clare smiles.
"We're happy to do it Clare," Glen smiles back.
Neither of them has said a word about Helen since arriving but that's probably for the better.
"We had better get started but Clare you are not allowed to help and you should not be around the loud noises and probably dust," Mom tells her.
"Which is why you're coming with me," Becky informs her and Clare looks a little scared.
"I'll see you later Beautiful," I tell her and take her chin kissing her gently.
"If I can survive a whole day with Becky Baker," she whispers to me before pulling from my embrace.
I kiss her cheek and she stands, after grabbing her purse and coat she says goodbye to everyone else and leaves with Becky. Aside from Glen, Jake, me, Adam, my parents and Dallas several others were here to help including Owen, Lucas, Tris, Luke, Bianca, K.C., Dave, Zig and Cam. We get started right away, first thing to do is get all of my stuff, and the stuff of Clare's that we have here, and get all of it downstairs and outside on the patio so my room is clear. Then we can move Dallas' stuff up to my room and start working on the basement. Glen assures me that with everyone we can get the rooms separated and our stuff moved in today. Jake, Owen, Dallas and I start putting up the wall to what was Dallas's room and will be the nursery.
"So has Helen said anything at all?" I ask Jake.
"No not really and every time we try and bring it up she refuses to talk about it. We kind of just gave up because trying to talk to her was making our lives miserable. Trust me Clare is better off without her mom right now, she could be making Clare's life miserable. You should tell her though that Darcy e-mailed last night and Helen wrote back. I'm not sure what Helen told Darcy, if anything but Clare should probably write to her sister and let her know what's going on from her side," Jake tells me.
"I'll tell her tonight, Darcy should probably know what's going on anyway," I remark.
We manage to get the wall up in about four hours with all of us working on it. It's not a real wall exactly, that is we didn't build bricks floor to ceiling or anything. The wall was fabricated with stud boards and sheets of particle board with sound proofing in between. Glen had put new doors on the laundry closet and better venting to the outside, he'd also set up the new laundry closet upstairs, for the rest of the family, with some help from Dad and Lucas. Everyone else had helped with cleaning or putting on the door between what will be mine and Clare's room and the nursery. We break for lunch and I call Clare to see if she's surviving Becky so far.
"Hey how's it going over there?" She asks.
"Great the nursery is set up, well it doesn't have furniture or anything but it's ready for furniture to go in. The door is up and everything and both laundry closets done, we just took a break to have lunch. Have you killed Becky yet?" I question.
"No, we've been having fun actually. She took me to a spa and we got facials and massages and we just stopped for lunch too. We're going to look at baby stuff after lunch and then go back to her house," she tells me.
"Have fun, I'll see you tonight, I love you," I tell her.
"I love you too," she replies and hangs up.
After lunch it's right back to work, we have one more wall to put up to completely wall off what will become mine and Clare's room. Plus we have to put a door in and get all of our stuff in. We do that first; Glen, Jake, Lucas and Dallas go to Helen's and get all of Clare's stuff out. Meanwhile me and everyone else gets my stuff in the room, the mattress first and then Dallas' dresser since we simply switched dressers. With the mattress in we move in everything else, Clare and I can put it all away later it simply needs to be in from outside right now. Clare and I just need a path to the bed for the moment. Jake and the others return and we get Clare's stuff in, with everything in we start on the final wall and by the time Clare returns we have the door on.
"Wow you guys were busy, our stuff is everywhere but I can tell this is going to be a great little apartment," Clare smiles.
"There's some more work to do, you two have to get all your stuff away and we have lots of finishing touches on but we have tomorrow for that," Glen comments.
"You're all sweaty," Becky complains and shrieks when her brother tries to give her a sweaty hug.
"I like you sweaty," Clare comments fisting my shirt, I grin as she pulls me to her and gives me a wanton kiss.
"It's late everyone get home and get something to eat, thank you all for helping," Mom says to everyone.
Since it's late dad orders some dinner but Clare falls asleep in our bed before dinner ever arrives. I'm sure she's tired from a long day with Becky so I let her sleep and we eat. She's still asleep when I'm done showering and go to bed, I lie on my side and put my arm around her, holding her close and kissing her cheek. She stirs a little but doesn't wake up and I soon fall asleep. I wake up when I feel Clare scramble from the bed, throwing open the door and rushing out to the washroom. I follow her in, brushing her hair back from her face and holding it back. She vomits several times and then flushes the toilet, she props herself against the wall and groans. I run out and get my water bottle from the night stand bringing it to her. She takes several sips and sets it down; she wipes her mouth and then tries to stand but falters doubling over. I grab onto her, putting my arms around her to keep her up and she grips onto me.
"Are you okay?" I ask her in worried voice and she straightens up, erasing all evidence of pain from her beautiful face instantly as if to ease my fears.
"I'm fine Drew, morning sickness that's all and I tried to stand up too fast. I haven't eaten since lunch and I just threw it all up, I got dizzy that's all," she assures me.
"Let's get you back to bed, I know you probably aren't hungry but you should get something in you. Juice or anything, tea and crackers or t…" I'm babbling and she cuts me off with a kiss.
"Let's start with some ginger ale and then if my stomach settles I'll try and eat something," she tells me.
I grin and pick her up in my arms taking her back to bed, I lay her down and tell her to stay then I go upstairs to the kitchen and start looking for ginger ale. But don't find any so I start digging through the pantry and all the cupboards.
"Dude what are you doing?" Dallas questions coming down to the kitchen with a yawn.
"Clare hasn't eaten since lunch and she just threw all of that up, she needs to have something in her and all she wants is ginger ale and I can't find any," I explain while still looking through the cupboards.
"Dude chill!" Dallas says grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the cupboards, "I'll run to the drug store and get some ginger ale for Clare go be with your girl."
"Okay thanks," I smile.
"No problem we'd have to get up soon anyway, tell Clare I just have to throw on some clothes and drive down there, it'll take me maybe fifteen minutes."
I nod and go back downstairs while Dallas goes upstairs to get dressed. "We have no ginger ale, Dallas is going to the store to get some," I tell Clare when I get back to our room.
"He didn't need to do that," she responds.
"You wanted ginger ale, you'll always have everything you want," I tell her lying next to her and putting my hand on her belly.
We stay that way a few minutes but then she moves. "We should probably get dressed and you should eat breakfast," she says kissing me and standing up.
We get dressed and I watch her very closely, Dallas returns and brings Clare down a bottle of ginger ale. She sips at it while the rest of us eat breakfast; she does eat a piece of toast after her ginger ale. People start gathering at the house not long after we've eaten. There are less people today but there is also less to do. Owen, Lucas, Bianca, Eli, Jake and Glen all come over still, and of course everyone who lives here. Mom and Dad have a new washer and dryer for upstairs; Glen and Jake install shelves on the walls in our room and the nursery. Owen and Adam help me and Clare put things away in our room, while everyone else helps to arrange the living room and move out the X-box and video games. The last thing to do is paint but Clare shouldn't be around the paint fumes so it's decided that she'll sleep in Adam's room for a couple of nights and completely avoid the basement until the paint fumes have passed. Adam will sleep on the living room sofa and I'll of course share a bed with Clare. I help Clare upstairs and get her settled with some food while Mom and Glen go to pick out paint colors. Since we don't know whether it will be a boy or a girl they get white and yellow for the nursery. Mom decides on powder blue and white for our room, which is fine with both me and Clare. We get everything painted that night, stopping to eat and when it's done we thank everyone many times for helping.
"You okay, you've been watching Clare closely all day?" Owen asks as we're cleaning up and gathering clothes and essentials for me and Clare.
"Yeah but she was throwing up again this morning, then she got dizzy. I should have been paying attention; I shouldn't have been so caught up in my anger and fears of what my family thought. I'm worried, I know I don't have much experience with pregnancy but this doesn't seem right. She keeps telling me it's normal but I'm worried," I confess to Owen.
"Yeah me too, you should see about getting her to a doctor sooner than her next appointment. I know you feel guilty for how you reacted and how you treated her when you first found out, and you should, but don't wallow in your guilt be there for her now. And if you need help I'm here, our relationship was fake and I always thought of her as your girl but I do care about her," Owen tells me.
"I know and thanks," I smile at my friend, "but I still owe you a punch or two."
Owen laughs and shoves me playfully, we finish gathering what Clare and I need then take it upstairs. Owen says goodnight to Clare and hugs her then me before leaving. Clare and I start getting ready for bed, we say goodnight to my family and Dallas then she goes into the washroom. I wait until she's out to go in and brush my teeth, when I go back to the bedroom Clare is sitting on the end of the bed, her hand to her chest and slightly hunched over.
"Clare?" I ask rushing to her side and kneeling before her.
"I'm alright Drew I just got a little dizzy," she tells me.
"You've been getting dizzy a lot," I tell her brushing a curl behind her ear.
"I'm okay Drew, let's just go to bed," she insists.
She smiles again, forcing it across her face and caressing mine, she's trying to ease my fears and distract me. I scrunch my face at her, I'm sure that something more is wrong but every time I bring it up she says it's stress. When I don't move for a minute she kisses me and I give in. I kiss her temple and turn out the lights, we get into Adam's bed and I wrap her in my arms, afraid to let her go.
(CLARE)
"Good luck tonight, we'll be cheering for you in the stands," I say to Owen before he gets on the bus to go to the arena for the championship game, and the last hockey game of the season.
Owen hugs me and gets on the bus then Drew takes my hand and we walk to his car. Everyone was coming to the game tonight since it was the last one; Adam and Becky were riding with us. Bianca was coming of course; even K.C. and Dave were going, along with Tris and Maya. Audra and Omar would be there, as well as Owen's parents Lydia and Ron, and most of the other parents. We had to get there early and then fight through the crowd to find out seats. Drew and I were in the same row as Adam, Becky and Bianca, Drew and I sit on the end, mostly so that I can get out to the washroom should I need to.
It feels like we sit there a very long time before the game actually begins but finally the music starts. The teams skate out, the national anthem plays and the game begins. Owen doesn't play at all in the first period but I enjoy watching Luke, Cam and Dallas none the less. Bianca and Adam go to get popcorn and drinks before second period begins, I'm not hungry but Adam gets me a Sprite and I sip at it. Owen doesn't play in the second period either but the Ice Hounds do get ahead by three points. Before the second period ends I go to use the washroom and Bianca comes with me. In the third period Bo…or Ingvar, I'm still not sure which is which, gets put in the penalty box and suspended from the rest of the game for excessive fighting, which seems like an oxymoron in hockey, and Owen takes his place.
"YAY! OWEN GO OWEN!" I cheer standing up and cheering for my friend.
He looks over at me and waves and I wave back, Drew is laughing as he pulls me back in my seat.
"You're still flirting," he says with a slightly admonishing tone.
"I wasn't flirting, I'm happy for my friend, I love you," I tell Drew.
He grins placing his fingers under my chin and pulling me to him for a soft kiss. "I know that and I love you too," Drew smiles.
I sit watching the game for a few minutes but then Owen scores a goal and I jump up cheering and screaming for him. At least until my heart feels like it's pounding hard and slow but racing all at once, like it's trying to beat through my chest and trying desperately to pump blood. I put my hand on my chest instinctually and sink back into my seat. Drew puts his arm around me and the others are looking at me with concern.
"I'm okay just got…woozy," I tell them, all though woozy seems like the wrong word but I don't think there is one for what I feel.
"Do you want to go home?" Drew asks taking my hand.
I take a deep breath and smile at the man I love, the father of my child, "No Owen is playing and I want to watch, I'm okay honestly I just need to not cheer so hard."
"I'll make sure you stay in your seat," Drew says and kisses my cheek.
Owen scores a second goal and I cheer but not as loud this time. The Ice Hounds win 10-9 and the Ice Hounds fans cheer, when the celebration is over at the arena we return to DeGrassi for even bigger celebration. Our school is decked out in black red and white, everyone is celebrating and the Ice Hounds, when they arrive, are treated like kings. I find Owen, hug him tightly and kiss his cheek, I also hug Dallas, Luke and Cam. Drew stays close to me and for a couple of hours I have a wonderful time talking, mingling and even eating a little. Then I start to feel weak, my heart starts pounding again, I get dizzy and leave Drew to go to the washroom. I hardly make it to the hall, gripping the wall just outside the door and sort of crumpling over.
"Clare?" Maya's voice makes me look up.
"Not feeling so good," I tell her.
"Cam get Drew and Owen now," Maya commands him, Maya helps ease me to the floor and then everything goes black.
"Clare," hearing my name from the lips of my true love brings me back to the world.
"What happened?" I question as Drew helps me to sit up.
"You fainted," Drew replies picking me up and I notice a crowd around us now.
"Where are we going?" I inquire as he starts walking.
"I'm taking you home," he tells me.
"But I…"
"Go home Clare you need to rest," Owen asserts.
People tell me to feel better and others are whispering. I can see Audra, Omar, Eli and Adam in my peripheral vision and assume they are all coming home with us. Along with Owen who is walking next to us wearing his coat and a very concerned look, he's also carrying my purse and coat. Drew gets me to his car, Adam unlocks the door and Drew sets me in.
"We'll see you at home," Adam says.
"Drew everyone doesn't need to come home," I tell him when he gets in the driver's seat.
"Everyone wants too," Drew replies.
We're silent on the way home but Drew won't let go of my hand, he doesn't let me walk into the basement, now our apartment, either. He insists on carrying me and he sets me on the sofa.
"Drew I'm okay, keep everyone from checking on me, I'll go to bed, get a good night's sleep an…"
"But you're not okay Clare," Drew cuts me off, "at least I don't think you are and neither does Owen. I know you keep insisting you are but you get dizzy a lot, you're still sick in the mornings and throughout the day, pretty much every day. You're often pale and you look like you're in pain a lot, like something isn't right. I see it in your eyes Clare, the fear that something isn't right. I want you to see a doctor, I'm sure that clinic is fine but I want you to see my mom's doctor. If all of this is normal, if it's all just because I stressed you out so much at the beginning that it's taking its toll on your body then we need to know so I can keep you from ever being stressed again. And if something is wrong," Drew says taking my hand, "then we need to know so that we can do something about it, I will do anything for you Clare, please we need to know if something is wrong, do this for me."
I look at Drew, his eyes are pleading, wet with tears but his love for me deep within them. I squeeze his hand and sigh, I have to admit that the thought something may be wrong crossed my mind as well. More than crossed my mind, I can feel it, in my bones, deep within me I feel it but I don't want to admit it and I've denied it, to myself, to everyone.
"Okay, I'll go to the doctor; we'll call and make me an appointment tomorrow. For now can you to tell everyone that I'm tired and we're going to bed, if you'll lie with me that is," I request.
"Anything Clare, can you get ready for bed or should I stay with you?" Drew asks.
"I can get ready for bed and if I need you I'll call you," I assure him.
Drew grins now and I smile, he kisses my lips very soft and tender, then he gets up to go upstairs and I start getting ready for bed. Drew comes back downstairs just when I'm getting into bed.
"Mom is going to call first thing in the morning. I'm just going to brush my teeth and then will come hold you all night," Drew tells me kissing my temple, then my nose, each of my cheeks and finally my lips.
I smile and he goes into the washroom, I lie on my side and put my hand on my belly. Drew is in bed with me just a couple minutes later and encircles me in his arms, embracing me close. He works his hands under mine on my belly and kisses my neck. As tired as I am it still takes me a long time to fall asleep because I'm worried about what might be wrong. Drew and I wake up late the next morning, guess neither of us slept very well. After we get dressed we go upstairs together, the rest of the family including Dallas and Eli, are at the table eating breakfast.
"Sit down Clare I'll get you something to eat, Drew turn the kettle on so I can make her some tea," Audra instructs. I sit down on the other side of Adam and he gives me a hug, Owen, Eli, Dallas and Omar all give me sympathetic looks like I'm dying. After turning on the kettle Drew gets breakfast for himself and then sits down on the other side of me. "I called Dr. Davis, my OB/GYN, and she's working at the hospital today. After telling her what you'd been going through she thought we'd better bring you down so after breakfast we can go," Audra tells me setting down my tea for me.
"Thank you Audra but would you mind if just Drew and I went down? I don't want everyone to sit there worrying with us it will probably just stress me out more," I point out.
"Yes of course Sweetie, that's probably best anyway," Audra smiles.
"Just keep us informed," Owen requests.
As soon as Drew is done with breakfast and I've eaten some toast and a little fruit Audra ushers us out the door. Drew drives us to Toronto Western and we tell the nurse that we're here to see Dr. Davis. Of course Audra called ahead and the nurse has been expecting us. We're taken up to maternity, given a room and the nurse hands me a hospital gown.
"Dr. Davis is on rounds so she'll only be able to see you as she has time but you should be comfortable in here and just let us know if you need anything," the nurse says before leaving.
I feel like I'm being checked into the hospital already but I change into the gown and get on the bed. Drew sits with me and now we wait, and wait and wait some more, finally after nearly an hour a woman with greying black hair and a kindly face enters the room.
"Hello I'm Caroline Davis, you must be Clare and you're Andrew of course. I helped bring you into this world," the doctor smiles shaking our hands. "Sorry for the terrible wait but I'm on duty and I felt you should come in right away so please tell me everything either of you have been concerned about," Dr. Davis says sitting down in a rolling chair near the exam table.
"She's always sick, like throwing up, every time she eats and even when she hasn't. She's getting dizzy a lot and she's passed out a bunch of times," Drew tells her before I can even open my mouth.
"You're 15 weeks along is that right Clare?" Dr. Davis asks and I nod. "Having entered your second trimester you shouldn't be having so much morning sickness. How often does it come and how severe is it?"
"Well it kind of comes always and it's…" I almost say not too bad but then I see Drew's face and I sigh. "It's pretty bad, I'm hardly keeping anything down and I don't usually want to eat anything other than maybe tea or toast."
Dr. Davis looks at my chart a minute and then has me get on the scale before continuing. "How often are you dizzy?" Dr. Davis asks.
"At least once a day it seems like," Drew replies.
"Not every day, some days I'm not dizzy at all and other days I get dizzy two or three times but I'm not eating much like I said," I remind her.
"Do you know how many times you've fainted?" Dr. Davis questions while guiding me to lie back on the table and beginning a physical exam.
"Not sure really, I wasn't really counting, five…maybe a little more," I reply.
"How about any pain in your abdomen?" Dr. Davis asks.
"No, no pain there," I shake my head.
"Pain anywhere else?" She questions.
"No not pain exactly, but sometimes my heart pumps really hard, so hard it shakes my ribs. Or feels like it's beating too fast, like a humming bird's wings, I usually get dizzy or kind of woozy then," I tell her.
"Okay Clare, I have to get back to rounds but I'm going to have a resident come in and draw some blood. Then you'll be taken to cardiology for a couple of tests and when you come back I'll bring in a tech for an ultrasound and sonogram," Dr. Davis tells us.
"Cardiology? You think something is wrong with my heart?" I inquire and Drew goes pale.
"What you're describing sounds like a heart mummer, it's not uncommon for heart mummers to occur or become more prevalent during pregnancy. A lot of women have very mild ones from birth but are entirely unaware until they become pregnant and their hearts have to pump extra blood to get it to the baby. I don't want you to worry unnecessarily though, I am calling for several tests just to be safe but it may come back that it's really just stress. I'll be back as soon as I can and if you need anything press the call button," Dr. Davis says and leaves the room.
"This is my fault, I abandoned you and yelled at you, I was so angry and your first two months were nothing but stress," Drew laments squeezing my hand tightly.
"Drew we don't know that it is stress or a combination of things. Anyway you weren't the only cause of stress for me but you're here now, let's not worry until there is something to worry about because that will stress me out," I tell him.
"I promise to do everything I can to keep you from ever getting stressed again," Drew tells me.
"I know you will," I smile just as a young doctor comes in to get my blood.
They take three vials of blood and then an orderly comes in with a wheelchair. He takes me to cardiology and Drew follows of course. I'm given an EKG and then they do a sonogram of my heart. When all that is done I'm sent back to the room I was in before and a technician comes in to do a sonogram of my belly. The technician doesn't say very much but does make some interesting faces and prints out at least a dozen pictures before leaving. The resident that came to draw my blood comes in to say that we can go get some lunch and Dr. Davis will call us later this afternoon to meet again. So we drive home and tell everyone else what happened and what little we know, Audra makes us lunch and we eat with everyone then we hang out in the basement with Dallas, Bianca, Owen, Eli and Adam until the hospital calls and says Dr. Davis would like to meet with us now so Drew and I drive back to the hospital.
"Thanks for coming back in, so I went over your tests and there are a couple things going on. First of all you're anemic, anemia is fairly common in pregnant women and it's an easy fix I'll prescribe you an iron supplement and just follow the instructions. We will probably be able to decrease the dosage after a few months but we'll start with a fairly high dose for now because your iron levels are dangerously low. Secondly you do have a pretty significant heart mummer caused by a mitro-valve prolapse," Dr. Davis tells me.
"What does that mean? Is she going to be okay?" Drew asks with painful anxiety in his voice.
"She'll be just fine Drew, it means that one of the valves on your heart doesn't sit quite right, it's slightly twisted and askew. I know that sounds terrible but you can live a perfectly healthy long life, however when your body is stressed and your body is working hard to pump blood it can put some strain on your heart. It's most likely something you've had for several years if not from birth but was only detected now, which as I said is quite common. Those feelings of your chest pounding or the rapid heartbeats like humming bird wings are actually palpitations. The prolapse can be resolved with minimally invasive surgery but not while you're pregnant it puts too much risk on the baby. Unfortunately I can't just prescribe you a pill for the mitro-valve prolapse but it's not life threatening and shouldn't affect your life very much you just have to be careful, especially while pregnant. Exercise is good and of course recommended but nothing too rigorous."
"Does that mean we can't have sex?" Drew questions and I shake my head because of course that was his first thought.
"Intercourse and other sexual activity is fine Drew just be cautious especially while pregnant. Listen to your body and if you start to feel weak then stop. The more rigorous the cardio the harder your heart has to pump and it's already working hard because of your valve and then doubly hard because you're pregnant."
"That's fine I don't mind doing all the work during sex," Drew grins and I have to hide my face in my hands as I blush a deep red.
"The nausea and morning sickness are I believe a combination of stresses on your body and emotional stresses that you suffered early in the pregnancy even if those have improved. The morning sickness should begin to dissipate but we'll keep an eye on it, given your age preeclampsia is a concern but you're blood pressure was actually quite low so I'm not worried about that just yet and you aren't carrying multiples. So here is a prescription for your iron supplement and the card for the clinic I work from, I'd like you to call on Monday and set up an appointment for two weeks so we can see how you're doing. Okay any questions?" Dr. Davis asks.
We ask her a couple of questions, Drew wants to know what preeclampsia is and I ask how much my activity is restricted. Dr. Davis also recommends that if I can't eat we get some nutritional shakes so that I'm at least getting protein and nutrients into in some form. We leave the hospital for Drew's car and I turn to him to remind him to stop at the drug store.
"So we can stop at the drug store down the street and ge…"
He grasps my face holding it gently and crushes his lips to mine; the kiss is tender but hard, filled with passion, love and…fear.
"I'm sorry Clare, I should have been there, this is my fault but I won't let anything happen to you," he says and kisses me again before I can answer.
"Drew this isn't your fault and stop sounding like I'm dying. You heard Dr. Davis both things are very common with pregnant women, she just wants to keep an eye on me. You were a large part of my stress but not anymore and you're making up for it, I know how hard you're trying. But I'm young and I'm pregnant and things are going to come up, you can't blame yourself for all of them. Let's go by the drug store to fill the prescription and pick up some shakes, then we can go home and tell everyone what the doctor said," I assert.
Drew brushes a strand of hair behind my ear and kisses my nose, "I know I left you but you are my light, my bright star in a dark night, the shining jewel amongst the other treasures of my life, if anything ever happened to you," Drew is saying and then puts one hand on my belly, "or our child it would kill me. I love you so much Clare."
I smile elatedly gripping the back of his neck and joining our lips for another kiss of passionate love.
Update next Tuesday probably starting with them getting home.