A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Will. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 16: Miz Gets Scolded

"I wish I knew why you guys are so messy," Will said, as he cleaned eggs off the wall.

"The bacon and eggs were all Mark," Punk said.

"Of course they were." He stepped back, frowning. "What the heck? I just stepped in gum!"

"That was Jeff," Punk added.

"Who gave Jeff gum?" Will asked.

"I did," Miz said.

Will sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We don't give Jeff gum. Ever. He's not to be trusted with it."

"Sorry," Miz said. "I didn't know. It won't happen again."

"Please see to it that it doesn't," Will said.

"Mew!" Pixie leapt out from under one of the chairs suddenly, attacking Christian's foot.

"Ah! The devil has me!" Christian shouted, clapping his hand against his chest.

"Punk," Will said, "will you please capture the cat and take her back to the nurse's station?"

"I'll grab her," Miz said.

"She doesn't really like strangers much," Will said. He frowned when Miz knelt down and scooped up the tiny hairball. "Weird. I've never seen her take to anyone put Punk."

Miz shrugged. "I have a way with chicks, both human and feline." He walked to the door and held the cat out to Punk. When Punk took her, Miz said, very softly, "She wants you to steal Agnes' key."

Punk nodded. "Okay." He patted the cat and turned to go. Pixie winked at Miz before the door closed between them.

"Why is breakfast on the floor?" Matt asked. "And why does my mouth taste so weird?"

"Oh, Matt's back," Orton said, glancing at Miz. "Should I hit him?"

Will stared at the Viper. "You know you're not allowed to hit anyone, Randy. And why are you asking Miz, anyway?"

Randy shrugged. "He's helping me work on my anger issues."

"He is?" Will asked, frowning.

"Yes," Orton said. "Maybe."

Will looked at Miz. "You're helping Randy with his anger issues?"

"Trying to," Miz agreed.

"Great. When he asks you if he should hit anyone, say no."

"How is that helping?" Randy asked. "I have to be angry sometimes, and that means hitting. Or possibly biting." He paused, then turned to Miz. "Should I bite Matt?"

"Maybe later," Miz said.

"Don't tell him that!" Will said. "You'll just get his hopes up."

Punk returned, minus the cat. "I gave Pixie to Agnes," he said to Will.

"Good," Will said. He scraped the gum off his shoe into the trash can.

"Hello?" Christian said. "I just got attacked by the devil and no one cares!"

"I care," Punk said. "Let me get a can of Pepsi and I'll be right with you."

"Uh," Christian said. "You know, on second thought, eternal damnation doesn't sound so bad right now…"

"Nonsense!" Punk said. "Back in a minute, and then we can exorcise your demons."

Will eyed Punk. "No. No exorcisms. We talked about this."

Punk sighed. "I can't help it if saving souls is messy work, Will. Christian needs our help right now, and if you won't let me get the demons out of him, you're really doing him a disservice."

"You know, I think they left on their own," Christian said. "Vacated the premises."

"Probably because they know what's good for them," Punk said with a satisfied nod.

Christian frowned. "Yes, no doubt. I no longer feel their icy claws gripping at my pants leg."

"It was the cat," Will said, scrubbing at a particularly nasty smear of egg on the wall. "And she's no longer in the room."

"The cat is possessed?" Christian asked. "Um, Miz, if that's true…"

"She isn't," Miz said quickly. "Maybe we should all go into the sunroom and let Will work?" He shot a glance at Punk.

"That sounds nice," Punk agreed, taking Christian's free arm. "Maybe we can play Monopoly again."

"No!" Will said. "I do not want to have to clean up a second mess this morning. No more Monopoly. Go watch TV."

Punk sighed. "TV is evil and rots your brain. Unless Smackdown is on. Then it's good, provided they're letting me speak."

"Oh!" Matt said. "I like ladder matches!"

"Will you go get my glasses, Matt?" Christian asked.

"Yay!" Matt said, running from the room.

"Why'd you send him to do that?" Miz asked, as the rest of them filed into the sunroom.

Christian said, "That boy has the attention span of a gnat. And it's worse when he's Jeff."

"It's fine when he's Matthew, though," Punk observed. "Maybe we should let Orton RKO him again and see what happens this time?"

"We got Jeff last time," Miz said. "Maybe JJ could call him Drew. That usually gets us either Matthew or Godzilla."

"No one wants to watch TV with him roaring all the time," Punk said. "When he does that, you can't hear me speaking on TV."

"Which means it's the perfect time to do it," said Christian.

"Here's your glasses, Christian!" Matt said, bouncing back into the room happily and handing Christian the glasses. "What are you talking about, anyway?"

Orton smiled. Miz felt his stomach drop. "Nothing at all, Drew," said Orton sweetly.

"I am NOT Drew!" Matt snarled. "I should kill you where you stand for even saying that name to me."

Orton rubbed his hands together. "Bring it," he said. "I bet I can kill you first."

"Oh yay," JJ muttered, "another death match between these two idiots."

"Another?" Miz said.

"They seem to happen once a week, if not more," said Christian. "Matthew's the only one here who is as demented as Randy. Gives him someone to pound on."

Miz frowned. "Okay. But that leaves me with a question."

"What?"

"Who do you root for?"

"Orton mostly," Christian admitted. "But only because he's the greater of two evils. Matthew always disappears eventually, but Orton never does."

"Oh," Miz said. "Good point. Um, go Orton?"

"Yay!" Mark said, clapping. "I'm watching ponies dance!"

As Matthew and Randy circled one another, spitting out insults and preparing to fight, Punk pulled Miz aside. "I got it."

"You got what?" Miz asked.

"The holy grail, duh," said Punk, rolling his eyes. "The key, you idiot. You asked me to swipe it, and I did."

"Oh, right. Good work, Punk."

"That's it?" Punk said, frowning. "Good work, Punk?"

"Yes?"

"I go against my moral code and steal for you, and all you can say is good work, Punk?"

"Nice job?"

"Really, Miz?" Punk asked. "I mean, where are your manners? What do you SAY when someone steals for you?"

"Thank you?"

Punk smirked. "That's better. You're welcome."