A/N: I don't own the wrestlers! I do own Pixie and Will. As always, it's meant in fun.

The Mizard Of Odd

Chapter 17: Miz Is Insulted

By the time Will finished up in the dining room, Orton was thoughtfully licking blood off his own lip and Matt was whimpering in the corner. "Oh, good lord!" Will said. "Now what happened?"

"Someone called Matt Drew," Orton said.

"Rawr!" Matt yelled.

"JJ!" Will said.

"It wasn't me this time!" JJ protested. "Beth did it!"

"Now you're going to blame Randy?" Will said. "Really, JJ, that's not like you."

"It was Orton," Punk said. "And then he and Matthew got into a fight."

Will sighed. "So far, Miz, your anger management skills aren't working."

"I think Orton's got more anger than a troupe of anger management specialists could manage," Miz said.

"But I feel strangely happy now," Orton said. "See? It's working." He smiled. "Drew, Drew, Drew, Drew!"

"Argh!" said Matt, tackling Randy and trying to bite the Viper.

"What's Matt doing?" Christian asked.

"Trying to bite Orton," Miz said.

Christian frowned. "Really?" He slid his glasses on. "Oh, wow. Is that what you look like, Miz?"

Miz frowned. "Yes?"

"Just checking. What's with the hair?"

"Like you should talk," Miz said. "Your hair looks like bleach threw up in it."

"It does?" Christian blinked.

"Yeah, and your eyes look like fish in a fishbowl in those glasses."

"I know about the eyes," Christian said. "Why do you think I hate my glasses? But my hair looks bad?"

"So bad," Punk agreed.

Christian turned to JJ. "Does my hair look bad?"

"It looks fine, Rey," said JJ with a frown. He glared at Miz and Punk. "Think about who you're talking to. Hornswoggle's hair looks like it hasn't been washed in weeks and Undertaker's hair… Well, just look at it! It looks like that."

"Hey!" Miz said. "Not cool, JJ."

"Hmm, good point, JJ," said Christian with a smile.

"Yep," said JJ with a nod. "Exactly. Good point, Undertaker. On top of your head."

"I like my hair," Miz said, patting the ridge in the middle gently. "It's awesome."

"Yeah, and I totally wash my hair!" Punk said.

"Oh, you do not!" said Miz. "I'm your roommate, and I have yet to see you go into the bathroom for a shower."

"Well," Punk said, "aside from the fact that it's weird that you're keeping track… I am Jesus. Dirt won't stick to me because I'm holy and all." He nodded. "So I don't need to take showers. So there." He stuck his tongue out at the three of them. "And besides, I take a bath in Pepsi at least once a week whether I need one or not!"

Miz gave Punk a blank look. "A bath in Pepsi?"

"Well, that explains a lot," Christian said. "Thanks, Punk."

"For what?" Punk asked.

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get any weirder. Clearly, I was wrong. Thanks for proving that to me."

Will managed to separate Orton and Matt finally. "Go to your rooms!" he said. "All of you."

"What did we do?" Punk asked.

"It's more what you didn't do, Punk," said Will. "Now, Randy, don't bite me! It's not my fault that you need to be sedated again. Don't bite Matt, either!"

"Rar!" Matt said.

"Sorry. Godzilla. I meant to say don't bite Godzilla."

"Rr," Matt rumbled contentedly.

"But he bit me first," Randy said, pouting. "It's only fair that I get to bite him back!"

"In that case, would any of you like to bite Mr. Orton, since he's bitten everyone here first?" Will asked the group.

"No," Punk said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Ew."

"Go ahead and bring it," Orton growled. "I'll sneak into your rooms and bite you all while you sleep, then laugh as you curl up and die from the deadly poisons…"

"Randy," Miz sighed. "How many times do we have to go over this? You are not a deadly snake, okay?" Orton managed a shrug, despite the fact that he was being held down by Will and two other staffers. "Please stop biting people for now."

Randy went back to pouting. "Fine. But I get to bite someone later!"

"We'll see," Miz said. He turned to Will. "See? I'm good at anger management."

"Sure," Will said sarcastically. "Except that you just told Randy he could probably bite someone later." He eased up on Orton as the Viper was finally sedated and the drugs kicked in.

Punk shook his head. "You really should go straightedge, Randy," he said. "You'll be much happier."

"Can I bite Punk later?" Randy asked dreamily.

Will sighed. "Maybe," Miz said. "If he won't stop with the straightedge crap."

"Hey!" Punk said.

"Yay," said a sedated Randy quietly.

"Roor," Matt muttered.

Mark sighed and looked around the room. "You guys are no fun anymore. I'm going to Memphis to play the blues because you all suck."

"Rooms," Will said. "Now. And I don't want to hear a peep out of any of you for the rest of the morning."

"This is so wrong," Miz sighed as he and the others headed to their rooms.

"I know," said Punk. "It's like Will's blaming us. What did WE do?"

"Not that," Miz said. "He doesn't want to hear a peep out of us? What's wrong with him, anyway? I keep telling you guys, they aren't Peeps, they're Miz mallows!"