So if it's true that every decision we make leads to an alternate reality and version of us then in one of those realities the DeGrassi writers made good decisions and I am very happy. This is not that reality, I was not happy after watching tonight's episode. I feel cheated! Anyway I hope you guys like this chapter.
Ch. 13 When I'm in Doubt
(DREW)
"I'm glad Owen found someone, he seems really excited about Stacey," Clare comments as we drive us to where we were meeting Owen and Stacey. They had their first date last night and Owen called us afterward, he was gushing on the phone with us about Stacey and the date for almost an hour last night. Tonight we were doubling with them, something Clare was excited about as she desperately wanted to get out of the house for something besides school or a doctor's appointment. "I'm grateful he was there for me when you were…having trouble," she says delicately, "he made a very good pseudo boyfriend but I am very happy to have you back. Owen is great but we're better as friends, I was made for you."
I smile and take her hand in mine kissing the back of it, "Just for me and I'm very lucky."
I park at the glow in the dark mini golf place we're meeting Owen and Stacey at. We had originally thought about bowling but decided it would be too much strain on Clare's body. Mini golf consisted of a small swing with a light club and a little bit of walking. I get out and run around to Clare's side opening Clare's door and helping her out. I put my arm around her and we walk inside, I see Owen's car so I know they're already here. We see them as soon as we walk in, sitting at a table near the gaming area.
"Hey you're here," Owen grins standing up to hug me and Clare. "Babe these are my best friends Clare and Drew. Guys this is Stacey," Owen introduces us.
Stacey stands up with a smile and shakes our hands; she has a nice smile and straight brown hair that comes past her shoulders.
"It's nice to meet you both, Owen's told me a lot about you," Stacey says.
"Yes you too, Owen went on and on about your date last night, it was quite sweet actually," Clare teases him, he scowls at her slightly and then puts his arm around Stacey's shoulders and kisses her head.
"Let's play before I get hungry," Owen comments.
He pays for him and Stacey, I pay for me and Clare and we walk to the course. We decide that Clare should go first since she's pregnant and she disagrees with our logic but still goes first. As we walk through the course we get to know Stacey a little, Owen already told us that she goes to Bardell and she's a senior like me and Owen. When we're done playing we're ready for dinner, even Clare, but I don't want to feed her the disgusting greasy pizza and hot dogs made of who-knows-what that they serve here. So we decide to drive to the Swiss Chalet that's close by.
"So when's your due date Clare?" Stacey asks after the waiter has taken our order.
"September 17th, which is only a few days after the baby's uncle's birthday," Clare tells her.
"Adam's birthday is in September?" Owen questions.
"You don't know my own brother's birthday?" I scold him.
"Hey it's not like I've ever been to Adam's birthday party before," Owen shoots back.
We talks some more over dinner and Clare gets along well with Stacey, I like her too, she's very nice and Owen is very into her which is cute. After we pay for dinner we decide to go to a movie and there's a theatre right down the street. When we get to the theatre we decide on a movie and pay to get in; we just came from dinner so we don't need to get snacks. We go into the theatre and get four seats in the middle of the back row.
"I want something chocolate," Clare says as soon as we've sat down and I sigh.
"Anything for you My Shining Jewel," I reply. Clare smiles and kisses me before I stand up.
"I'll go with you and get some water, we're bound to get thirsty," Owen says standing up. He kisses Stacey's cheek and we go out to the snack stand line. "So what do you think of Stacey?" Owen asks while we wait.
"I think you two were made for each other, she likes hockey and sports, she gets along with Clare, she's sweet and she puts up with you," I say the last part sarcastically and Owen twists his face at me. "And if you have your own girlfriend you won't be doing naughty things with mine anymore," I tease him.
"I wouldn't have had to at all if you hadn't freaked out and left her," he reminds me in a scolding tone.
"Yeah I know, I was just teasing, you know I'm really grateful you were there for her," I reply.
"Yeah I know. Have you two talked about getting married any more?" He asks.
"No not really, Clare just wants to be pregnant and have the baby before we talk anymore about that step," I respond.
We're at the front of the line now and I get some chocolate for Clare and two water bottles, Owen gets water bottles for himself and Stacey. We go back into the theatre and sit down by the girls again. Clare eats all of the chocolate, including the dinner she ate it's the most she's eaten in one day for weeks and I'm really glad. Now that we know what's going on and she recognizes the signs she's been doing a lot better, and I've been doing everything I can to keep her from being stressed or overworked.
"It was really good to meet you Stacey, you and Owen are really cute together," Clare says when the movie is over and we're back out at our cars.
"Thanks you guys are really sweet together, you're going to make great parents and it was really nice to meet the people Owen's always going on about," Stacey teases him.
"Yeah we'll have to double again sometime or just hang out, for now I should get Clare home," I speak up or Clare will stay here talking to Stacey more.
"Oh of course, well I had fun," Stacey smiles hugging Clare and then me.
We say goodnight to Owen and get in the car, Clare talks about what a cute couple they are for the whole drive home.
"You going to take your bath tonight?" I ask her when we get home.
"No I'm tired but will you rub my shoulders, sitting in the theatre gave me a sore neck," she requests.
"Of course, anything for you," I reply.
We get ready for bed and when we're in bed I rub her shoulders for a while, she gets more relaxed the longer I rub. When she yawns I know it's time to get to sleep so I kiss her and tell her I love her, pull the covers up then kiss her goodnight. We both sleep in but are woken up by Clare's phone ringing, I groan and look at the clock as Clare sits up and grabs her phone from the nightstand. It's after ten so it's really not that early but it feels early.
"Hello?" Clare asks into the phone with a yawn. "Hang on I'll ask Drew," she says and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Drew it's Fitz, the church he and Meghan go to is a having a picnic today and they're inviting us," she tells me.
"Do you want to go?" I question with a yawn and a stretch.
"It would be nice to get out in the sun for a while and I like Meghan," Clare responds.
"Then we'll go," I grin and Clare smiles. She tells Fitz that we'll be there, talks for another few seconds and then hangs up.
"He said it starts at noon and to come by any time between noon and one," she tells me.
"Then I guess we should get up and get some breakfast," I reply sitting up.
We both get out of bed I pull on a pair of jeans, Clare puts on her robe and we go upstairs. Mom and Dad are out, there's a note on the fridge that says they went to run errands and go grocery shopping and would be back this evening. Dallas is probably sleeping still because he had a date with Bianca last night, but my brother is awake and sitting on the sofa watching TV. We sit on the sofa with Adam, I eat two bowls of cereal but Clare only eats an apple, so she tells Adam about our double date last night when she's done eating. After eating she goes down to our washroom to shower and I talk to Adam a while longer. We get dressed and leave the house just after noon, arriving at the church ten minutes later. I park, we see the picnic in the church yard and walk over, Fitz sees us and waves.
"Hey guys," Fitz grins when we get to him.
"Hi it's good to see you again," Meghan smiles hugging us.
"You two," Clare says for us.
"We can sit at a table or on a blanket on the grass," Meghan tells us.
"A blanket on the grass sounds nice," Clare responds.
"I'll go get the blanket from the car, you guys find us a spot," Fitz says kissing Meghan on the cheek.
He walks toward the parking lot and the three of us look for somewhere to sit. We find a nice spot under a tree so we have a little bit of sun, Fitz finds us with the blanket and spreads it out.
"Why don't you keep our spot and I'll go get us some food," I tell Clare and kiss her gently.
"Keep Clare company Sunshine and I'll get us some food," Fitz says to Meghan.
"Of course Mark," Meghan smiles and gives him a quick chaste kiss.
Leaving the girls Fitz and I get in line, there's a ton of food lining three tables, Fitz and I grab plates.
"So how you doing?" Fitz asks as I put some potato salad on my plate.
"Good, I'm happy again which feels nice. I look back on it and feel really stupid about the whole thing. We were being careful you know, we used protection, neither of us wanted to be parents, it never even entered my mind. When she told me I just switched off, it was like I couldn't think. I just got really terrified at the thought of being a parent and was angry at myself and the situation and exploded."
"You were told shocking news and you freaked out, sounds pretty normal to me. Anyway the important thing is that you came to your senses and went back to her. She's happy now, you make her happy. She wasn't happy while you were gone, she wasn't happy with Owen," Fitz tells me.
"She wasn't really dating Owen," I reply.
"Yeah I heard but she still wasn't happy," he reiterates.
"She makes me happy, we fit together you know. Anyway you and Meghan seem pretty happy," I point out.
"Yeah we are she's great I think I'm falling for her. She knows all about my past and she doesn't care, she likes the person I am now," Fitz grins.
We both have two plated full of food that we're carefully balancing and we walk back to our blanket and the girls. The girls are talking about going to church, actually Clare seems to be talking about the fact that she hasn't been since her mom kicked her out. We leave the food with the girls and go to get drinks for the four of us. I get a soda for me but water for Clare and then we sit down again and start eating. We eat mostly in silence, making an occasional comment about the food or something equally mundane. Clare only eats about half of what's on her plate, she looks a little pale actually and I know she took her iron pill this morning.
"I have to use the washroom," she announces after eating.
"Straight through the front doors and to the left," Meghan tells her.
Clare smiles, stands up and then clutches her chest faltering, both Fitz and I hop up to catch her. I put my arms around her waist and Fitz braces her by the arm.
"I'm okay," she assures us.
"Are you dizzy? Was it palpitations?" I ask her.
"Yeah, they'll pass in a minute," she replies.
After a few seconds she straightens up smiling at Fitz and Meghan then kissing my cheek. She looks like she's not dizzy anymore and reminds me that she still has to go to the washroom. We let her go and she walks to the washroom, Fitz and I sit back down.
"Is she okay?" Meghan asks.
"Yeah she's got a mitro-valve prolapse; one of the valves on her heart doesn't sit quite right. The doctor said she'd probably had it for years and these things are often found when girls get pregnant. Sometimes it gives her palpitations and can make her dizzy. The doctor said it wasn't life threatening and she can live a perfectly long and active life with it. It can be fixed too but only by surgery and it's not something they can do while she's pregnant," I explain to them and then Clare returns to the blanket, she looks a bit paler actually and like she's in pain.
"Did you throw up?" I inquire. Her morning sickness has gotten a lot better but she still gets sick and throws up every so often.
"Are you okay Clare?" Fitz asks.
"I didn't throw up, but I think maybe we should go home sorry," she apologizes.
"Don't apologize go home and rest if you need to, it was nice to see you again," Meghan says.
"You guys too, we can hang out again when I have more energy. Owen has a new girlfriend maybe the six of us can do something," Clare remarks as we all stand up.
"Everyone can come over, we can have a BBQ at our place I'm sure Mom won't mind," I comment.
"Sounds great, feel better Clare," Meghan says hugging us.
Clare hugs Fitz and I shake his hand then I put my arm around Clare and we walk back to our car.
"Are you sure you're okay? I saw you take your iron pill this morning but you look pretty pale," I state when we're back in the car and on our way home.
"Yeah a little dizzy, the palpitations aren't going away and my stomach hurts a little," she replies.
"Should we go to the doctor?" I question.
"No I think it's okay, just indigestion or something, I just want to go home and rest," she says.
"And you will, for the rest of the day," I assert.
When we arrive home I run around and open her door and we go in through the basement entrance, she sits on the sofa and takes off her shoes. I sit with her and put my arm around her turning on the TV. She curls up on the sofa, laying on her side and using my lap as a pillow. I kiss her temple and she smiles taking my hand, she stays that way for quite a while and doesn't quite get her color back and I start to get worried.
"Are you sure we shouldn't go in? Are you still having palpitations? I know you don't want us to worry unnecessarily but if there is something to worry about then please tell me Clare," I plead.
"I guess going in would be a good idea, just to make sure that everything is okay," she finally gives in trying not to sound worried but I still hear it in her voice.
"Okay I'm going to get you some water and I'll call the clinic's nurses line so I know where to take you," I tell her lifting her head from my lap so I can get up. Getting out my phone I start walking upstairs, I saved the nurses line into my phone and I find it pressing call. Adam is on the sofa and looks over at me as I walk to the fridge. "Hi, my girlfriend is a patient of Dr. Davis and she's not feeling well," I say when the nurses line picks up. Now Adam looks over at me with a worried expression.
"Not feeling well how Sir?" The nurse asks.
"I'm not really sure, she has a mitro-valve prolapse and she was having palpitations, she might still be. She's pale and said her stomach was hurting," I respond getting the water bottle from the fridge. I turn going back downstairs and Adam is already on the sofa with Clare.
"Is she having cramps?" The nurse asks.
"I don't know," I reply getting agitated and worried.
"Okay Dr. Davis is on shift at the hospital, take her to emergency and tell them you're there to see Dr. Davis. They'll take you up to maternity," the nurse says.
I tell her thanks and hang up, "Dr. Davis is on shift at the hospital they said to just go to emergency."
"I'm going with you," Adam asserts but I already knew he would.
I get Clare and Adam runs upstairs to get his shoes on, then he drives to the hospital while I hold Clare in the backseat.
(CLARE)
I sat on the exam table in the maternity ward with Drew behind me, his arms around me and holding me tightly. He was trying not to show it but he was very worried. Adam sat in a chair watching us, he was worried too and I could sense how helpless they both felt. I turned my head to give Drew a soft kiss on his jaw, and then smiled at Adam. We'd only been here a few minutes, long enough for us to check in, be shown to an exam room and for me to change into a gown. So I expected us to have to wait a while longer before Dr. Davis came in but there was a knock at the door and Adam got up to open it.
"Hello Clare, Drew I hear you aren't feeling well Clare, and who is this?" Dr. Davis questions smiling at Adam and pulling my chart from the door.
"This is my brother Adam and Clare's best friend," Drew says.
"Nice to meet you Adam, so Clare are you still experiencing palpitations?" Dr. Davis asks.
"No they finally stopped," I reply.
"Okay you do look fairly pale, you've been taking your iron supplement?" She asks.
"Yes I make sure of it," Drew tells her.
"Good and the stomach pains you were having, were they more like indigestion pains or cramps?" Dr. Davis inquires.
"Cramps, like mild cramps," I reply.
"Okay, Dad I'm going to have you hop off the table so I can examine Clare," she says to Drew. He kisses my temple and gets down but stands by my side and holds my hand. I lie back and Dr. Davis pulls up my gown, it doesn't even bother me that Adam's here, he just stands by Drew and smiles at me. Dr. Davis starts by feeling my stomach and asking where I felt the cramps, and then she turns on the sonogram machine and puts the cold gel on my belly. She's quiet for a while as she moves the wand all over my lower belly. "You have placenta previa Clare, the placenta is sitting low and blocking the cervix entrance, you're at level three," Dr. Davis says after a while.
"What does that mean for Clare and the baby?" Drew questions swallowing hard and squeezing my hand.
"It's pretty rare especially with someone your age and with first time pregnancies, but not all together unheard of. What it means for mom and baby is that if it stays where it is you'll need to have a caesarian section to deliver. However in most cases the placenta will move up with the uterus as it grows so don't stress over it just yet. Given your age, the fact that this is your first pregnancy and you're not pregnant with multiples I'd say the placenta will move up as the uterus grows; we'll continue to check the progress with scans at your appointments. We'll keep an eye on it like with everything else we're keeping an eye on. You may still get cramps and there is a possibility that you'll have some bleeding, there are lots of reasons that you might have vaginal bleeding during pregnancy but if you do have any amount of bleeding I want you to come in. Everything else looks good, the baby is developing well. I want you to keep your appointment in two weeksand I'm going to send you up to cardiology for an EKG just to be safe and then you should be able to go home. Do you have any questions for me?" She asks making some notations in my chart.
"Will this affect what she can do? How much will she bleed?" Drew questions.
"Same precautions as before, you just need to listen to your body Clare and rest if you need to. You can still go to school, light exercise is good, and you will have to refrain from sexual activity. As I said there is still a good chance that the placenta will move up but until then no sex or penetration of any women don't bleed at all and others have heavy bleeding so there is no norm for bleeding with placenta previa. It's important to remember that there are several reasons pregnant women bleed and if you do start bleeding come in right away so we can determine the cause."
Dr. Davis asks if we have any more questions and we all shake our heads. I feel like I do have questions but I can't think of any just now. She says she'll send and orderly with a wheelchair, I can go ahead and get dressed again and that she'll see us at my appointment before she leaves.
"I'll wait outside while you're getting dressed," Adam says when Dr. Davis is gone.
I smile at him and Drew helps me down from the table, I take off my gown and he hand my clothes to me. I can see the fear in Drew's eyes, the anxiety, he's tense and worried and it's making me tense and worried so I loop my arms around his neck and place a soft kiss on his lip. He relaxes and gives me a grin.
"Sorry, I'm trying not to worry but a C-section and possibly bleeding just sounds so bad," he apologizes as I finish getting dressed.
"I know and it's okay to worry, I'm worried too but if we spend all our time worried that something's going to go wrong then something will go wrong. Let's just get me through the EKG so I can go home and rest again," I tell him.
He smiles and opens the door so Adam can come back in, Drew sits in a chair and I sit in his lap until the orderly comes in with a wheelchair. I'm taken up to cardiology for a quick EKG but they tell me everything looks fine, discharge me and we go home. The three of us go in through the basement and sit on the sofa, Drew puts on the TV again but none of us are really watching. Despite my assurances to Drew earlier I'm worried and not following my own advice. I can't stop thinking about it and the more I think about it the more worried I become. I'm sitting between Drew and Adam, Drew's arm around me and my head on his shoulder. As comforting as Drew's arms are the tears suddenly spill out. Even though I can't see them through the tears, and my hands covering my eyes, I know both Drew and Adam are looking at me.
"Clare what's wrong?" Adam asks first putting a hand on my arm.
"Clare talk to us," Drew pleads but the tears are coming to strong and I can't speak yet. I turn into Drew more, putting my arms around his neck and sobbing on his chest. He holds me tight and Adam rubs my back in gentle circles. "Clare what is it? Are you in pain should we go back to the hospital?" Drew asks with anxious agony in his voice.
I shake my head against his chest and take a couple deep breaths so I can speak. "No it's not that I just…" I bite my lip trying to put into words what I'm feeling, why I'm crying the way I am. "I feel like a bad mom," I finally say.
"Clare what do you mean? The baby isn't even born yet and you're going to be a great mom," Adam says in a reassuring voice.
"But my body is supposed to be sustaining it, my body is supposed to be a safe place for it and it's not, I'm not. Not well enough anyway, every time we go in there seems to be something else wrong. If I can't even support my child before it's born what kind of mother will I be after it's born? I'm defective," I bemoan.
"No you aren't," Drew says firmly, "you are Clare Edwards My Shining Jewel and you are a good mom, you'll be a great mom after the baby is born. This isn't all your fault Clare, if I hadn't reacted the way I had when I found out that you were pregnant then you wouldn't have spent the first several months of your pregnancy totally stressed out. Your body is supporting the baby Clare, you aren't having an easy pregnancy but the doctor said the baby was fine and developing good."
"She also said the baby was small," I remind him.
"So are you," he responds with a slightly teasing tone.
"Drew's right, you said yourself that the heart mummer was something you probably already had, and the anemia is common. You're young, still developing, pregnancy is hard on a body and you didn't have an easy time of it to begin with. Don't stress more than you have to, we already know that's not good for the baby or for you. If it had been serious, if your body was failing to support your baby you would have been kept in the hospital." Adam pauses for a second as he seems to considering if he should say what he's thinking. "Or you would have miscarried but don't freak out about that, I'm sure you won't miscarry," he adds quickly.
"No more tears okay? The baby is okay, you're okay we're going to be fine, all of us. You should eat again, you didn't eat much at the picnic," Drew says.
"I'll get us a snack and see who else is home so I can tell them that way you don't have to," Adam offers. I smile at my best friend; he grins back gets up and goes upstairs.
"Clare you're not defective, your body has been under a lot of stress and not just from the beginning of the pregnancy. Don't ever think of yourself that way again, you are beautiful, graceful, smart, generous, kind, slightly neurotic," Drew says and I laugh, "and the most amazing person I know and you are going to pass that all on to our child."
I pick my head up and lock eyes with Drew, he grins at me reassuringly while his eyes convey so much love for me. "I love you Andrew Torres," I whisper and join my lips with his.
I don't know what will happen, what our future will hold for us but I know that no matter what I'll have Drew with me.
Update next Tuesday starting with the BBQ.