Guest reviewers, particularly Sthoners, Hannah, Robert & SimGirl, I will answer your reviews by Thursday it's been a long few days.
Ch.16 My Fears and Nightmares
(DREW)
I've been watching Clare lie asleep in my arms for a couple of hours now. Every few minutes I'll look at the monitors, not that I can read them but there's something strangely comforting about it. Adam hasn't left us but Owen left a short time ago to pick up Stacey. The TV is on with the volume low but neither of us is really watching, we're too worried about Clare and the baby, losing either would be devastating for both of us. Suddenly she bolts awake with a gasp, looks at me, looks around the room and bursts into tears.
"Clare what's wrong?" I ask holding her tightly.
She only shakes her head and grips my shirt; Adam gets up coming over and perching on the edge of the bed softly rubbing Clare's back.
"It was just a dream Clare, you're okay and so is the baby," Adam assures her and I feel kind of dumb for not realizing she had a nightmare.
When we first started dating it was kind of weird dating my younger brother's best friend, and it still can be sometimes because they know each other so well and can pretty much read each other's thoughts. Sometimes it's weird and inconvenient but most of the time it's great, times like this where I'm not sure what's going on but Adam knows right away.
"We lost the baby, she was born to soon and there was all this blood," Clare sobs against my chest, her words barely audible between her crying, heavy breaths and being muffled by my body.
"It was a nightmare, just a nightmare you're okay, our baby is okay we didn't lose the baby it was just a bad dream," I remind her and kiss her forehead.
"Owen will be here soon with Stacey, and Fitz and Meghan probably too. Plus I'm sure other people will come by now that schools out," Adam points out and Clare sniffles in the rest of her tears wiping them on my shirt.
"Are you sure the baby's okay?" She questions looking up at me with tear filled eyes.
"No alarms have gone off and the nurse has come in every hour to check on you, our daughter is fine Clare. How are you?" I ask kissing her hand because she's shaking a little and I can't tell if it's because she's been crying, the medicine or something else.
"Tired, scared, mostly scared," she says lying on her back again and putting her hand on her belly.
"I know me too but we'll get through this together," I assure her giving her a soft kiss as I hear the door open.
"You must be Drew," says a scary looking guy as he comes in.
"Hey Jay," Adam nods.
"You can't kill him you promised," Clare says to Jay.
"Hey Adam," Jay nods to my brother and then looks at me, "I only promised not to kill him while you were in the hospital."
I look at the guy and swallow hard, if Owen is intimidating this guy is downright bone chilling and he's glaring at me like he expects my head to explode!
"Uh hi I'm Drew," I say nervously extended my hand.
"No your name is dead meat," Jay replies but does shake my hand.
"Jason stop, I don't know what Lucas told you but I need Drew, we're in love and I need him more than ever right now because I'm very scared," Clare pleads and Jay softens suddenly not looking so terrifying.
"Has he been good to you?" Jay inquires.
"Yes he's been amazing since coming back, don't be mad at him Jay he really is in love with me," Clare asserts.
"I am very much and I will never do anything like that again," I affirm.
"We're still going to need to have a talk later," Jay tells me then looks at Clare. "How do you feel?"
"Tired and scared mostly," she responds.
"I'll go so you can rest, are you being released tomorrow?" Jay asks.
"Yes I think so but we'll call Lucas and he can tell you when we know for sure," she responds.
"Good, take care Baby Edwards I'll see you tomorrow," he tells her kissing her cheek.
"I will but don't call me Baby Edwards," Clare gripes and Jay laughs.
"Good to see you again Adam and to meet you Drew, just remember we still need to have a talk," Jay tells me.
"Yeah I won't forget," I nod. Jay says goodbye and leaves and I look at Clare, "So who was that?"
She starts explaining who Jay is and what he was like in high school but stops when we hear the door open again.
"I'm glad you're okay and you got to the hospital in time, how do you feel?" Stacey questions coming in with Owen.
"This medication makes me feel like I'm on crack, I feel weak and tired and scared," Clare replies but with a soft smile for her friends.
"Well at least you're only in the hospital for a night and you got here in time," Stacey smiles.
"Thanks to Owen's insistence," Clare grins.
"That's because you know better than to say no to me," Owen smirks.
"I say no to you all the time," Stacey teases and Owen grimaces before tickling her.
Clare laughs a little and then looks at the door when it opens again, Fitz and Meghan walk in holding a big vase of flowers. Meghan sets the flowers on a table and they come over to hug her.
"We're glad you're okay, we told our pastor and he's going to have everyone at church pray for you," Meghan tells us.
"Thanks," Clare says quietly and something flashes in her eyes that I can't quite read.
"What did the doctor say?" Fitz asks.
Adam repeats it all to save Clare from it, despite her two hour nap Clare seems so tired. Although she is in the hospital which is kind of exhausting in itself, and she was told she nearly gave birth to our daughter way too soon, all of which is hanging heavy in our minds and mentally exhausting. Still I'm keeping a close eye on her, they said she might need a second dose of medication and she has other health problems so I'm not taking chances.
"You look tired we should let you rest," Meghan comments after Adam has explained it all and everyone but me and Clare has been talking.
"We can come see you when you get home tomorrow," Fitz agrees.
"Yeah thanks for coming," Clare says smiling at them but she squeezes my hand. Meghan, Fitz and Stacey don't seem to notice but Owen and Adam do, I guess because they know her so well now.
"Hey can you guys take Stacey home?" Owen requests and then looks at Stacey, "If you don't mind I want to stick around."
"No Owen go with your girlfriend," Clare argues.
"No of course I don't mind, you need your closest friends Clare, especially without your family," Stacey insists to Clare and Clare smiles at her. "Call me later," Stacey says to Owen before giving him a gentle kiss.
"Actually I was thinking more like coming over to stay the night," Owen grins mischievously.
"Or that," Stacey laughs.
Stacey, Fitz and Meghan all say goodbye to Clare and as soon as their out of the room the three of us look at Clare.
"What's wrong?" We ask at the same time.
"Palpitations," she tells us curling into me again and Adam presses the button for the doctor. We expect it to be Dr. Cooper to come in but I'm relieved to see Dr. Davis, Dr. Cooper was great and all but Dr. Davis knows us and Clare's history since she's been our doctor since Clare and I got back together.
"Hi Clare, Drew, good to see you Adam," Dr. Davis smiles and looks at Owen
"This is our best friend Owen," I tell her.
"Nice to meet you Owen, okay so your little girl is quite anxious to get out and meet everybody but it's too soon. I spoke with Dr. Cooper I think we're going to have to do a second dose because you're still having contractions close enough and strong enough that they could induce labor," Dr. Davis informs us.
"The medication makes me feel like I'm high though, super jumpy and out of it," Clare complains.
"She's also complaining of palpitations," I tell Dr. Davis.
"Yes with your mitro-valve prolapse we knew the palpitations would be a risk," the doc says looking at Clare's heart monitor. "I'll have a cardiologist come down for an EKG and then we'll get you on a different medication to stop the contractions. I'll be back in a few moments and if you need anything else just press the call button," she tells us, we nod and she leaves the room.
"Are you sure you're okay? Is it just palpitations? You're not in pain or anything are you?" I inquire when the doctor is gone.
"Just palpitations but I think the medication is making it worse," she replies nuzzling into my chest and I hold her tighter.
"The doctor will be in soon don't worry Clare," Adam assures her as Owen's phone rings.
"Hey…she's getting another dose and complaining of palpitations…I don't think so…yeah will do," Owen says and hangs up. "That was Jake some of the kids from school wanted to come see you if you were up for it but I told them it probably wasn't a good idea. I told Jake I'd call the others later to let them know how you were doing. Glen's still coming by with dinner when he gets off work and Jake might come with him," Owen informs us.
The door opens again and a male doctor comes in with a smile, it's the same smile I see on most of the doctors faces here. That sympathetic I'm sorry you're in the hospital smile.
"Hello I'm Dr. Gray I know you're Clare and I'm guessing you're the dad-to-be," the doctor says to me.
"Yeah and this is my brother Adam and our best friend Owen."
"Nice to meet you all dad-to-be I need you to let go of Clare so I can I get a look at her heart," he tells me and I reluctantly let go of Clare getting off the bed. I stand by my brother and watch everything that the doctor does, she already had a heart monitor on but he turns it off and pulls off the wires and an orderly brings in another machine. The doctor puts more wires on Clare, turns on the new machine and watches it for a minute. "Your heart mummer is reacting to the medicine; I'm going to consult with Dr. Davis so we can take care of your palpitations and stop the contractions," Dr. Gray tells us.
"Thanks Doc," I nod as he and the orderly gather the machine up again and get Clare hooked back up to the first heart monitor.
He and the orderly leave and I get back on the bed wrapping Clare in my arms once more. It feels like a long time before Dr. Davis comes in again, she is followed by a nurse holding two IV bags.
"Okay Clare this second dose should take care of the contractions without too many awful side effects but you still might feel a little jumpy. We also have some medicine to help with the palpitations. We'll be coming to check on you frequently and if you feel any pain or anything feels off, or if you guys sense anything press the call button," Dr. Davis tells us as Clare gets hooked up to the IV. "We're also giving you something to sleep Clare because the best thing for your body is sleep. Someone will be in every half hour to check on you and take not of your vitals."
Dr. Davis leaves the room and Clare turns on her side, away from me but pulls me at me to spoon with her and hold her. Which I do happily embracing her tightly as much as I can without disturbing any tubes or wires. Adam and Owen are talking quietly about getting her home tomorrow and after a few minutes Clare falls asleep.
(JAKE)
"Have you heard from Drew or Clare?" Dad asks me when he gets in. He came home early so we could go to the hospital and see Clare.
"I called Owen he said she needed a second dose of medicine and was complaining of palpitations. Others wanted to see her after school again but she wasn't up for it," I tell my dad.
"We won't stay very long but I still want to stop by and bring them dinner, although Clare might not want to eat but Drew should eat. We'll stop at the market and get a roast chicken, salad and some sides," Dad says.
"Owen is probably still there and I'm sure Adam is," I inform Dad.
"We'll get enough for everyone that might be there, including Audra, Omar and Dallas if they don't eat it all they can take it home so Audra doesn't have to cook for a few days. I'm just going upstairs to change real quick and then we'll leave," Dad tells me and runs upstairs.
I go back to my homework for a few minutes and then the phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see that it's an international number. I don't recognize the number but the only person that usually calls from and international line is Darcy.
"Hello?"
"Hey Jake it's Darcy how are things at home?" She asks.
"Not so good Clare's in the hospital for the night because she was having contractions and…"
"What are you talking about?! Contractions?! ARE YOU TELLING ME CLARE IS PREGNANT?!" Darcy yells into the phone.
"Your mom didn't tell you any of this did she?" I question.
"No the last thing I heard from Mom was that Clare was spending a semester abroad," Darcy informs me.
"Of course she did," I sigh. "Clare's here, she's pregnant, Drew's the father and it's not going well. She's in the hospital overnight because she was having contractions and she was having other complications, bad ones. Dad and I are about to leave to go see her in the hospital I'll e-mail you later with the whole story," I tell Darcy.
"I can't believe Mom lied to me and didn't tell me any of this, actually yes I can. Tell Clare that I love her and please e-mail everything, keep me up to date will you I'll try and come home as soon as I can," Darcy requests.
"Yeah I will," I tell her; we say goodbye and hang up just as Dad comes back downstairs.
"Who was that?" Dad asks.
"Darcy, I told her I'd e-mail her the whole story later considering she knew none of it and Helen told her that Clare was doing a semester abroad," I inform Dad.
"She's so worried about what people will think she hasn't even told Darcy what's going on with her sister," Dad says shaking his head.
"She should be coming with us to the hospital," I comment.
"I tried to tell her we were visiting Clare but Helen's totally disavowed her, in Helen's mind Clare just doesn't exist anymore but we're not giving up on her," Dad assures me as we get in his truck and start driving.
We stop by the market getting two roast chickens, mashed potatoes, steamed corn, salad, roast carrots and corn bread. We also grab plates, napkins and plastic cutlery because we don't know what the hospital has. Then we head to the hospital, it's just before five and when we get to Clare's room we find her sleeping but Drew, Adam, Owen, the Torres parents, Dallas and Bianca are all here.
"How is she?" Dad asks as we start taking out the food.
"She's been sleeping mostly but they gave her something to sleep. The first round of medication made her jumpy and was giving her palpitations. The second round has completely stopped the contractions and doesn't seem to be upsetting her heart mummer. At least the doctor and nurses haven't said anything when they've come in to check on her," Adam tells us.
"Sleep is the best thing for Clare right now anyway. It'll make the time here go faster. We brought dinner for everyone and we won't stay very long we just wanted to see her," Dad comments.
"Thanks," Drew says gently taking his arms from Clare and sitting up a little, "I didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled the food but I haven't eaten since breakfast."
Drew carefully gets off Clare's bed and makes himself a plate then sits back at the food of the bed. He doesn't say much and he eats mostly watching Clare, hardly taking his eyes from her. I can tell how deeply Drew loves her by the way he watches her and it makes me happy, now if only her mother could be happy for them.
"Darcy called; Helen told her that Clare was doing a semester abroad so she knew nothing. I promised to send her a detailed e-mail tonight," I enlighten the others.
"I hope Darcy isn't like her mom," Owen grumbles.
"She is a little but I think she'll be there for Clare," I reply.
Everyone starts talking at once, the adults discussing Helen and the rest of us talking about Darcy. Then Clare begins to stir and we all go quiet, she shifts in the bed and then her eyes open. I'm standing with Adam and Owen and she sees us first, we smile at her and she gives a tiny smile back. She rolls to her back to scoot up a little and looks for Drew, relaxing and grinning when she sees him.
"You want to eat something Jewel of My Life?" Drew asks her.
He freaked out when he found she was pregnant and left her but he's making up for it now. He's caring, protective and worships her, he treats her like a queen and Helen cares about none of it.
"I'm not hungry," she shakes her head and rubs her eyes, "when did everyone get here?"
"Dad and I just came to bring dinner," I tell her.
Clare sits back and looks at her hands resting on her belly, looking at her pregnant belly, probably imaging the baby girl in it. Drew finishes his food setting down the plate and gets back on the bed with her wrapping her in his arms again.
"We should get home, call us if you need anything Clare," Dad says when we're done eating.
"I'll come by tomorrow after school," I tell her kissing her cheek before we leave.
We say goodbye to everyone and get back in Dad's truck to drive home. Helen's home when we get home and we see the light on in the kitchen.
"Well where were you two? I came home to an empty house, no notes or phone calls about where you'd gone. I expect you both to have the decency and respect to tell me when you won't be home for a family dinner," Helen snaps at us as soon as we walk in the door.
"We went to the hospital to see Clare! She went into labor and they had to stop the contractions! She's been having complications and if she'd gone into labor she'd have lost the baby and could have died! She's your daughter and you're so worried about what people will think about you that you've stopped caring about your own daughter and lied to your other one about her! You're a sick person Helen and Clare's better off without you!" I bark at Helen and then march up to my room to write a very long e-mail to Darcy.
(CLARE)
Adam parks at home and Drew hops out running around to my side to open the door for me. He helps me out of the car and then picks me up; I gasp and put my arms around his neck.
"Drew I can walk to the house," I tell him.
"I know but the less you do the better," he retorts.
"Drew I'm going to have to stay in bed for months the least I can do is walk to the house," I argue when we're already about half way to the basement door.
He stops walking and looks at me, then the house and back at me before setting me on the ground gently.
"Okay you're right just be careful," he tells me.
I would be annoyed that he's being so worried and overprotective but I know where it's coming from. I know how scared I was when I found out I was in labor, how scared I still am and so I understand Drew's fears. So I don't snap at him for being worried but merely kiss his cheek and begin walking to the house on his arm.
"Oh my look at our apartment," I exclaim when we go in through the sliding glass door and see that there are flowers and get well cards on the counter. The sofa has been set up like a second bed so that I'll be comfortable when I'm resting there during the day. There are pregnancy books stacked on the coffee table and books of baby names which I'm guessing is a hint from Audra.
"We wanted to be sure that you'd be comfortable, the flowers and cards are mostly from kids at school," Adam explains.
"Most of whom I expect will be by after school," Audra says to me as she brings in my bag from the hospital. "Clare you get comfortable on the sofa and I'll start some lunch. I know you may not be hungry but you need to eat," Mom insists, she sets down my bag in our bedroom and then goes upstairs.
"I guess I'll change into my pajamas," I remark letting go of Drew but he follows me back to the bedroom.
"Are you okay?" Drew questions when our door is closed.
"Honestly I don't know," I reply sinking down on the bed and Drew freezes before he kneels down in front of me and his face is pale with fear. "No I'm okay physically, I mean I don't feel sick, or contractions or palpitations or anything," I assure Drew and he lets out a relieved breath sitting on the bed next to me and putting an arm around me.
"Then what's wrong My Shining Jewel?" Drew questions.
I let my head fall on Drew's shoulder and take his hand in mine. "I just can't stop thinking about her Drew, our daughter, she could have born and she wouldn't have made it. I just keep picturing this tiny little thing we see in the ultrasound pictures being born too soon. Every time I close my eyes it's all I can see. This pregnancy has been such a struggle from the start, I thought when you came back to me and I wasn't so stressed that things would be better. I don't think my body was made for sustaining a baby and I don't understand why we're being put through all this!"
Drew seems like he doesn't know what to say at first as he simply puts his hand on my belly and gives me a tender but ardent kiss.
"Listen to me Clare our daughter is going to be just fine I promise you. She has to be because she's going to be just as stubborn as you," Drew tells me and I chuckle lightly.
"I don't know why this is happening Clare, or why it's getting more difficult and not easier. What I do know is that I love you deeply and I love our daughter. I know that I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you if I can help it. I know that no matter what happens I will never leave your side again and we will get through all of it together," Drew assures me.
"I love you Drew," I tell him looking up and smiling at him.
"I love you, more than anything Clare," he replies and softly cupping my chin captures my chin for an amorous kiss.
"Uh guys you have visitors," Adam calls to us breaking us from our kiss.
"Be right out," Drew calls back.
He helps me stand up and I get out my silver satin pajama bottoms and matching short sleeve button up top. I keep my bra on for the day though, when I have my pajamas on we go out to the living room. Lucas is sitting on the sofa and I go over to hug him.
"Hey how do you feel?" Lucas questions.
I sit on the chaise part of the sofa and lean back against all the soft cushions that have been set up for me.
"Better, that medication was awful though I'm still kind of jittery," I tell him.
"Well I was at the Dot before I came over and brought you another visitor I thought might help," Lucas tells me.
"Who?" I question and then feeling a kiss on my cheek look to the pair of lips seeing a mop of big blond hair. "Peter!" I exclaim putting my arms around the older boy's neck.
"Hey Baby Edwards," Peter smiles hopping onto the sofa next to me, "so Lucas said you would explain to me how you got knocked up and living at your boyfriends house?"
"Yes I'll explain everything," I nod just as the basement door opens and Jay comes in.
"Hey Jay," Lucas nods.
"Hi Jay," Peter says.
"Hey I came to see how you were doing," Jay comments coming over to kiss my cheek.
"Better," I smile.
"Good, Drew let's go outside for a conversation," Jay says to Drew putting a hand on his shoulder and pulling Drew outside meaning Drew has no choice.
"Uh okay," Drew says nervously as they go outside.
"Lucas can you go make sure that Jay doesn't kill Drew while I tell Peter everything?" I request.
"Yeah I'm on it," Lucas replies leaping over the back of the sofa and following them outside.
"Alright Baby Edwards spill," Peter insists as Adam joins us on the sofa.
"Better get comfortable it's a long story," I tell Peter getting ready to fill him in on everything he's missed.
Update next Tuesday probably picking up with Jay chatting with Drew. And including visits from Clare's friends and maybe another surprise visitor or two.
Thanks to Christlove88 for the help.